[TinaThinks]

I have OCD. I'm pretty darn sure. It just is so hard because it manifests in a lot of ways. When I was little, if I tapped one side of my cheek, I'd have to tap the other, and stuff like that. When I got older it was and is still sometimes thoughts about me being gay even though I'm not. It's SO stupid. I'll be like "Her hair is pretty. Wait, am I gay? omg what if I'm gay..." but I am not sexually attracted to women. I just worry that I could be, or something. Every sexual fantasy I've had was about a guy.

That is bad because sometimes I'll be like "no I'm not" and "check" myself by finding something porn-y or something (nothing hardcore, but stuff that makes me feel guilty because it turns me on because OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT GAY... I've never had sex because I'm waiting for marriage but it sucks that I feel like I want to just to prove to myself I'm not gay. I don't want to give my virginity to a mental disorder.)

Sometimes I overthink stuff so much and people just respond so insensitively. I overthink EVERYTHING about emails, and re-read them like a billion times before sending them. I feel like an insane person, sometimes, simply because my thoughts overwhelm me. I will run myself in circles for an HOUR just wondering about how someone might respond to one single word in a letter.

And then I see people on the news who go and shoot up elementary schools and I think, surely I'm not like that guy, who's really CRAZY, but I feel like no one understands. I worry I'll never get married because no one will be able to deal with the "real" me, who worries a crapload about everything, and I just feel like no one gets me, especially not those people who are like "omg I'm so OCD" and I'm just like "no, no you're not."

I guess I just wanted to vent, and to see someone else who has this problem, and someone to tell me I'm not a crazy person.

[Miswimmy1]

you arent alone it does sound like some sort of anxiety disorder to me.

i used to think that i was all alone in this misery until i got help from a therapist. i think one of the best things i got out of seeing her was the knowledge that i wasn't alone. she was totally unfazed by all of the things i told her. she said she has heard it all. that made me feel like i wasn't alone. i think it might help you to seek professional help

[TinaThinks]

Thanks. That's on my to-do list once I get a "real" job lolol. I really can't afford it right now and figure as long as I'm not horribly depressed all the time, it can wait.

*sigh* Life.

Originally Posted by TinaThinks

Thanks. That's on my to-do list once I get a "real" job lolol. I really can't afford it right now and figure as long as I'm not horribly depressed all the time, it can wait.

*sigh* Life.

what kind of job are you after?

any ideas...?

[ZoeyAshman]

TinaThinks - you are scarily like me in that particular post.

I have that obsession and I am now 22, but that is mainly because my Mother is gay, and I hate the thought of being the same, alot of that is because I would worry about disowned.
I know for a fact I am not gay, but I react exactly the same way as you and feel the same way as you.
I think you and I would get on really well so if you need to chat, feel free to PM me. We can always exchange emails etc if you want to talk further.

I can't offer advice as I am struggling quite badly too with coping, and I am the same with the worrying, I worry if I am not worried if that makes sense!

Take Care x

[brokensoul1984]

OCD is really a horrible thing.. I feel sorry for you... Read some of my posts and see that it can be even worth like in my case. Hold on and believe in yourself. I'm actually not gay but I find women attractive in sexual way and it doesn't bother me despite I'm married now. About marriage: some guy will surely love you, cause you seem to be a nice person... And about re-reading e-mails I also do it

[sassymck]

I overthink everything too, and I found a man who loves me and doesn't think I'm crazy or a pain in the butt. My thoughts can feel very overwhelming at times. Lately I've searched out things that really interest me and keep me focused and distracted to immerse myself in. For me, it's math puzzles, word puzzles, and logic puzzles. It keeps my thoughts directed on constructive things and busy for hours. I wonder if you could find something that really interests your mind?? Something leisurely instead of something overwhelming. You are right that the insane people are the mad men out there shooting up malls, movie theatres, and schools. You are not insane. You just have a disorder like millions of others. Hell, every day people have them. Movie stars, bankers, teachers, etc. You may feel crazy, but you're not. You will find a guy who accepts and loves you for who you are as long as you accept you and love you for who you are.

[Seth412]

It's sort of funny, I could tell that even when writing this post, you were trying to reassure yourself and reassure us. OCD, for me, is a never ending quest to find reassurance and keep things in equilibrium.

Fear not. We do understand. And I understand the need to reassure oneself, but just know that no matter how ridiculous you feel your obsession is, you can spill it all out here. I can promise that most, if not all of us, will have had a similar obsession/compulsion. For example, I went through the gay one when I was in 7th grade. I also compulsively read over everything I post/send. I'm doing it right now. And I have had worries that maybe I was crazy enough to do something horrible. Obsessions can be as stupid and far fetched as your imagination will allow. But they're just that. Obsessions. Nothing more.

If you are in fact OCD, there are effective ways to treat it. You're not crazy. OCD is a well studied and documented condition, and those who suffer from it are not considered to be "disturbed" or "crazy". It's classified as an anxiety disorder, and nothing more. Hang in there. Psych Central has your back