Fear of being a pathological liar.

Does anyone else have this huge fear of being some sort of pathological liar when it comes to your mental illness (or other things, but only mental illness in my case)?

I'm incredibly worried about faking/exaggerating/lying about my symptoms. I mean, what if I'm actually delusional? What if I'm lying? What if I'm so good at lying I've managed to convince myself and the professionals that I have certain diagnoses when I'm actually "healthy"? What if I'm making everything up? What if I'm imagining everything? What if I'm making everything up to get attention? The fact that I, after years and years of handling everything on my own, finally get some attention and think that's a good thing really doesn't help with the anxiety. What if I want to feel this way? Is it possible to fake 10+ years of mental illness? What's the truth?

The weird thing is that I'm a very honest person. Ask my parents and they'll tell you I never, not once, broke one single rule while growing up and I still think rules (at least most of them) are to be followed. People often tell me I'm one of the most honest people they've ever met. Truth is very important to me.

The fear of being a pathological liar isn't as bad nowadays as it was about a year ago but it still plagues me. A year ago it was really bad. I'm not sure I can even explain how many hours/days/weeks/months I spent in my room going through conversations and memories in my head over and over and over again to make sure I had told no lies and that I hadn't been faking my symptoms. The whole thing gave me such anxiety I literally hit my head sometimes to try to make it go away. It's still like that (though not as much). I finally told my psychologist/therapist about it yesterday and he said it's my OCD that's forcing me to do these things (what if I don't have OCD? What if I'm just faking it?). Talking about it was the first time I felt like we were actually on to something in therapy. I think my therapist noticed how important it was too because he made another appointment for Thursday this week (two days after last seeing him) and said he wanted to talk more about all of this.

I'm worried. What if he misunderstood what I told him? What if he doesn't get it? What if he'll think I'm really weird/crazy/attention seeking when I tell him that I sometimes think attention is nice? What if I'm lying all the time? What if I'm exaggerating everything? What if I'm lying right now as well?

Can anyone relate to this?

Omg this is so me!!! Especially the "What if I'm faking it" part!!! What if I don't have OCD but I'm just showing symptoms because I've read about it a lot (but I spent so much time researching this and just thinking about this it has to be OCD right??? Right??? Right???) I also follow rules very strictly. I went for a diagnosis two weeks ago (third week of waiting now) and I'm just so afraid that they think I'm just imagining things or am just lying to them about how severe my symptoms are or they don't believe me and why haven't they replied yet? It's been 3 weeks!!! Are they deciding whether I'm lying or am telling the truth??? Why won't anyone believe that I might have OCD??? Is this really just me trying to get attention??? Am I actually consciously wanting to do this??? Or can I really not help doing all these things??? Am I really obsessively thinking about all these or do I consciously want to think these things??? Are they intrusive thoughts or not???

Yes, me-me-me. I totally get really paranoid that I'm somehow lying, and that I've managed to convince the doctors that I'm "not well". I get paranoid about just how bad I am. I sometimes wonder "What if I'm just lazy?" Haha. It's so stupid, I know, but I can't help but to feel that way. I feel like crap about getting government financial support, as well, because I "cannot" work, and I just get all paranoid that I'm lying, committing benefit fraud, and so on. I'm assuming all this is just part of OCD. But yeh, you're not alone. I also worry about whether I'm "attention seeking". I think I might mention this to my therapist, because it's a problem I've had for a long time, especially since I started coming out about it, and getting help. :\

Oh, that's something which has caused me a huge amount of anxiety. I don't know how to handle those thoughts. How are you supposed to know what's true and what's not?

Yeah, I mean I know it's all a bit stupid because how the heck does one fake years and years of mental illness (even before seeking help)? Anyway, I've suspected it might be something that has to do with my OCD before but yesterday was the first time someone really told me it is.

Can't stop worrying about tomorrow though. What if I see my therapist and he's forgotten what I've told him? Or what if he's misunderstood everything?

I have it, and I really think it is a part of OCD. It is obsessive thinking and intrusive, negative thoughts. I think once we get to a point that we are mentally ill, we start buying into stigmas (and it's not your fault! sometimes we don't even know we are doing it!) and doubt ourselves and think "wow. I've made this all up in my mind. I am a liar. I am awful. I am a fake." (that is how it goes for me, at least).

It's not stupid! I promise. These are hard illnesses to deal with, ESPECIALLY OCD the most misunderstood mental illness. It will be okay, I promise. (((hugs)))

Hahaha that's the problem, I don't know... So I just scrutinize my EVERY thought and action and ask: Why do I do/think that??? Is it really OCD??? Or am I just doing it cause I think I have OCD??? Am I just faking this action??? Why am I so ihwofjjueicijeuei???

But how are you supposed to know if you're actually lying?

I think part of why I doubt my OCD diagnosis is because my OCD seems so different in comparison to the "classic" OCD symptoms you can read about on the internet etc. Not sure why I'm doubting the other diagnoses. I'm sure I've got them but at the same time I don't know if I'm telling the truth or not.

I saw my therapist, today; I had session #2! Unfortunately, I completely neglected to mention about this whole palava with lying, because I forgot. ¬_¬ I knew there was something I needed to talk about, but 1 measly hour is not nearly enough to talk about all the crap that goes on in my skull - hopefully I'll remember, next time. I did brush on something like this, though. I believe my psychologist has confirmed that, at least for me, it's OCD. There's no denying that it is a trait of OCD, because it pretty much ties in with self-doubt, and the whole "what if" thing. Besides ruminating over it, do you have any other compulsions to help you with this fear of lying? Some things like the following:

1. Seeking reassurance - such as asking friends or family for confirmation that you're not lying, or seeking assurance that it is "just your OCD".
2. Ruminating - such as compulsively going over an obsession, or repeatedly recalling past conversations, events, etc.
3. Engaging in a physical action - touch, movement for "correct" vision, counting out-loud, organising, cleaning, etc.

There are plenty more ways in which we compulsively act-out, as we all know too well! xD The above are just a few typical ways, and also, ones that I personally experience, and on a fairly regular basis.

I saw my therapist today as well and what I thought was somewhat of a "breakthrough" in therapy last time really wasn't. We didn't even talk about it. He just kept talking about the same things as usual. I'm so frustrated I don't know what to do.

I ruminate a lot. I recall past events and conversations repeatedly. I do so to make sure I haven't faked or told any lies. I have a lot of compulsions but I'm not sure they're "connected" to the fear of faking/lying. I'm good at seeking assurance as well by researching things or writing things (I guess some could look at this thread as some sort of compulsion but I don't know if it is).

I think you should voice your frustrating to your therapist, about him focusing on a particularly subject. If you feel that this issue with lying, is very important to you, then it's worth speaking up. As far as I'm concerned, therapy is two-way. Was the breakthrough this lying thing? Regardless of whether it's a breakthrough or not, if it's a real problem for you, it should at least be considered a subject to talk about.

I think the best thing to do is understand that OCD is not one thing. I got stuck in thinking that I was just insane because everyone taught me OCD had to do with cleaning, fearing germs, etc. Which is true for a lot of people with OCD. But, OCD is a spectrum. For example; my OCD manifests it's self with intrusive thoughts + rituals to counter those thoughts. My brothers OCD involved skin scratching, so severe he had over three staph infections. OCD is like a finger print. It is different for everyone!

Yeah, I know you're right but as soon as I try to apply that thought on my own OCD I start doubting it anyway. My OCD, if I understand it correctly, is mostly about this fear about lying/faking/exaggerating and trying to prove that I've been telling the truth by ruminating and recalling past events. That comes and goes in episodes. I also have a lot of compulsions I carry out daily but I'm not sure they're "connected" to any specific intrusive thoughts. I put things in the "right" angles all the time (you should see my desk right now), count things (mostly steps), even things out by touching things until they feel "right", avoid stepping on things which makes me feel uneven etc. I also have a lot of problems when it comes to perfectionism, which makes me do certain things over and over again until it feels "right". Things like that.

Sounds like OCD, right? Well, all I do is keep thinking "what if I don't have it? What if I'm lying? What if I'm pretending that I have to carry out my compulsions? It's not like I get suuuuper anxious if I don't. It'll just feel wrong and like my world is a bit chaotic."

I know I'm going round in circles here.

Neutrino, it's OK, you clearly do have OCD, unless you really are lying, if I'm honest with you, I see the OCD pattern, here - I can see you shifting between "I know I have OCD" right back to "...but what if?" and then back for another loop. I do the same thing, although not exactly with the fear of lying (not especially, but yes, that is a problem for me) but with the fear I am [insert my worst fear] and so I'll think like this: "It's just my OCD" and then "...but what if?" and so it loops; this tells me you're either a on a mission to fool all of PC, or, more realistically, logically, and rationally, you simply have OCD. :P

^ Me too, Teen_Idle. :| Took me such a long time, before I finally discovered OCD was a lot, lot more than just checking, counting, and cleaning.

You have the same fear ?? Me too.
I wonder if my mind made everything up and probably I might be "healthy" and nothing could be wrong.
Probably I don't really need to see a psychiastrist..but still...I go back to the same thoughts and I go back to the idea that I need to see a psychiatrist.

What if this is all a dream and it can't be true??

Hi, Don'tKnow, and welcome to PC.

It's nice to know we're not alone with this. A lot of OCD thought-processes, can be attributed to the typical "what if" rumination. The moment I find myself thinking "what if", I take note that it's probably OCD, and try to distract myself from whatever I was thinking about.

Thank you for the welcome. I want to create a thread about me but I'm afraid the old thoughts can come back. I want to write how it all started but I'm afraid of old memories...
lol.
I'll see what I can do in the hours to come.

I'm definitely not on a mission to fool all of PC. I would never actually fake my symptoms. I'm "sure" I wouldn't lie but at the same time I can't stop wondering if I've got some sort of Münchhausen's or something. It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't see that there's pretty much no way I could be faking.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. It's quite draining, don't you think?

Sorry if this is a stupid question but how are you supposed to know which thoughts are caused by OCD and which thoughts aren't?

That is totally me. You're a great writer - you've put into words something I only have in my thoughts. I don't know how to deal with it either...

Thank you. And yes, it's really difficult to deal with, isn't it?

Welcome to PC, by the way! Hope you'll like it here. I've found it to be a great place for support and for finding people you can actually relate to.