Another day to struggle though, I'd appreciate any imput.

The OCD I am experiencing at the moment is stress related, I know this, I know the triggers, but I am finding it difficult to cope with. They are violent, sexual, scary and distressing suicide thoughts. The intrusive self harm thoughts are the worst because I just dont know if maybe secretly I do want to do it. I am not suicidal and I do not want to self harm, and actually am quite happy when not plagued by these thoughts and images.

Does anyone have any ideas? At the moment all that works is weed and benzos. I hate that nothing else is working to take away the distress.

I exercise, meditate, yoga, practice mindfulness, I imagine the thoughts floating right out of my mind, but it doesnt stop the depression and guilt after I've had the thought. I have tried reasoning with myself that I dont want these thoughts, but I cant seem to believe that I must want it a little bit or else I wouldnt be thinking of it. And I must be a terrible person for thinking these thoughts.

I can distract myself from the following depression but it sucks, and most of the time I just sit there thinking, "why should I have to suffer?" then turn to drugs because I know it will "fix" me for the day. And then the next day I end up doing the same thing.

When I am out with friends or working the thoughts are awful, it is so hard to be ordinary when I am having these thoughts so I am wanting to withdraw from seeing anyone. I havent let myself cancel any plans yet but I am close to it.

I am seeing my pdoc and T next week. I have brought this up many times, but its always brushed off as just something I should ignore. I have tried for a really long time but its not working. Can anyone help me?

[medicalfox]

I have a hard time dealing with intrusive suicidal/self harm thoughts too. I was told that dbt helps the most with those kind of thoughts and to practice mindfulness(which you do which is good). Maybe you can go to a dbt program?

Idk how to stop the intrusive thoughts from reoccurring though. I generally try my best to think of something else and move past it, but they increase my paranoia. I try to focus on something positive and do something I like such a knitting because it requires to be focused which doesn't leave my mind to wander off. Sometimes I take a nap since naps always make me feel better.

Raw sapphire is suppose to help with unwanted thoughts. I always carry a snowflake obsidian and a raw sapphire in my pocket because it's nice to believe in something that's good for you. I hope this helps

Thanks so much, I will do some more reading on raw sapphire.

I tried a DBT group, the pdocs supported but did not suggest it, but I found I couldnt relate to any of the examples they were using, so dropped out just over half way through. I'd love to find an online DBT handbook but havent had any luck yet. But that has reminded me to look back over my online groups and see if theres something I have forgotten, thanks

My mental health group told me to spot, discredit and actively ignore thoughts, I am having real difficulty doing that. I can spot them, but cannot believe I discredit them so they do not go ignored. Can anyone tell me how?

[BeaFlower]

I have intrusive thoughts too, although not of self-harm. We aren't responible of this thoughts, it's OCD that makes us have them, so you don't have to worry that you wouldn't have them if you didn't want. These aren't like other thoughts. At the beginning it's difficult to igore them, but it's possible...I tried and now I still have them sometimes, but I don't think anymore that it's my fault, and this make them to be less annoying. I suggest you to continue trying. I don't know if it's possible to completely stop having these thoughts (I'd like to know it), but the important thing is that we aren't distressed for them! I hope that you sugged in this. If you continue with your therapy and with the support group I believe that you can do it. If you want to talk I'm here!

Thanks. Im really struggling today. First thought image I had when I woke up this morning was me smashing my head against the way until my bed and head was covered in blood. I tried to go back to sleep but just dozed and had intrusive thoughts of doing horrible things to my partners penis (incredibly distressing). I got up again, "saw" myself pour the boiling water on my hands while trying to make my morning cup of tea, got online and had the urge to put something really inappropriate on my works FB page. By then I was crying, which turned into hysterical crying when I realise these thoughts are never ever going to leave me, "I just need to ignore them". The crying and memories of intrusive thoughts went on for 3 hours, I tried distraction and tension tamer tea. I didnt try any other techniques because I just couldnt think of them. My head was just screaming "help me". I've drugged myself now, I could not cope with it.

I see the pdoc tomorrow, I guess he will change meds, I have never found a med to stop them, but they have never been so frequent and I have never been so distressed by them.

Im not sure if it is stress related now. My partner says its hormones, we had been warned about mental illness getting worse as a side effect of the mirena. Im thinking its a combination of both.

I feel so much better now than I did this morning. Its scary how distressed and crazy I get. I feel like such an idiot once Im medicated and out of the episode.

[BeaFlower]

I'm sorry that you had such a bad time...maybe changing medicines can be a good idea. I think that these thoughts can go away, if not completely at least largely...expecially if you begin ignoring them. Really, I believe that you can do it. Mine really reduced since I learnt to ignore them a bit. Don't despair! Take your meds and continue trying to ignore these thoughts...I know that it's difficult...but the more you try the more it can become automatic. This is my advice. Write me again if you need to talk, also privately if you want. Lots of love

Went to the pdoc today. He said NOT to just ignore them. That ignoring them is a surefire way to make the thoughts worse... It is probably why I have got so obsessed to the point of being this upset by them, because I was trying so desperately to ignore them for so long.

He wants to start me on a new med. I am seeing my other pdoc/T in a few days and will discuss therapy options with her. Im really not keen to change meds but there doesnt seem to be much else I can do. I am holding out hope for the pdoc/T to have an easy therapy solution, but after so many years struggling with this I doubt it will be anything easy or effective quick enough for me to be functioning in time for work.

Tonight is going to be another night of searching for therapy options online to treat this, but every other time I have done that I've come up with nothing useful. At least I know now for sure that it definitely is OCD and is not a bipolar mood fluctuation.

[BeaFlower]

Really? I was sure that ignoring them was the best thing to do...but maybe not always...if he says it probably is because he knows better your situation. I'm sorry that the period is bad for you. I'd like to can help you more...but probably my particular situation is a bit different from yours. But don't lose your hope, I'm sure that there is the right treatment for you, also if maybe the right therapy isn't very easy. Hope that your next discussion with you therapist is helpful.

So the new meds didnt help, Im back on my old meds now after 2 hospital admissions.

Still struggling with intrusive thoughts but they are much worse at certain times of the month. Everything is intertwined. I wish I had never been put on meds in the first place. The long term use of antipsychotics has made life more difficult.

Cant cope with all this.

[BeaFlower]

I'm sorry Did you say to your doctor that your symptoms are worse in some periods, and that some effects of meds are so annoying for you? Try to talk with him about it, maybe it helps you.