[SingDanceRunLife]

Before I started T, I didn't know that I had OCD. I mean, yeah, there were weird things that I did, that I had to do, but I didn't know it was OCD and it didn't really bother me much (my case is pretty mild)...But now that I'm in T and she wants to try and get rid of the OCD, I hate it!

T wanted to start with the biggest thing first, and for me, that's washing hands after doing the dishes. I have this thing with my hands being dirty after doing the dishes, especially since it includes touching sticky, slimy, or otherwise gross things, so, I wash my hands after doing them to make sure they're not contaminated or anything. However, I would wash them up to 3 times, and T wants me to eventually get down to just a rinse.

So...Each week or two, she gives me rules. At first, it was try to only wash twice. Then it moved to always only wash twice. Last time it was try and wash once at least one time and don't wash more than twice...And this week is that I have to wash only once two times this week, and I can't wash more than twice.

I hate it!

It's so hard for me to do this because my hands still don't feel clean. Like, now I'm comfortable with only washing twice, but beyond that, I'm not. If I wash less like I did one time last week, my hands still feel dirty and gross, and even if I use hand sanitizer as a half step, I still hate the anxious feeling and just...Ugh!

You guys probably know what I'm talking about and how terrible it is.

*Sigh*

I've been putting off doing the dishes tonight for so long. I'm going to wait until right before going to bed to do them and then do the wash once and use hand sanitizer so there won't be anything else for me to touch or anything and there will be less anxiety. Certainly not none, but less.

[BalishBun]

hey OCD will be a hard one to beat, but i beleive you can do it.

[Cyran0]

Sing, I hear ya. And I have to be honest, my case is mild enough that I've circumvented treatment by not talking about my mild rituals (and therefore, not stopping them). I only tackled big issues like needing to drive home to see if the door was locked. You can do it. But you have my sympathy.

Cyran0

[SingDanceRunLife]

Thanks.

It's just that I really hate it. Really, before T started and all, I just went about doing my stuff, and now I can't and it's weird for me.

[sunrise]

Sing, maybe just stay at your current level of washing for a while. You have made some progress. Maybe your brain needs more time to get used to only washing once, and pretty soon it will feel OK. I also think you have done great to reduce your washing and it seems to me you are within "normal" washing levels. Whatever that means! Maybe you have cut back enough and can move on to bigger fish to fry?

I had an instance in therapy recently where my T gave me an orange to eat. I peeled it and ate it and my hands got all sticky. I hate the feeling of sticky-orange hands, and if I were at home, I would have washed immediately. T also ate an orange and I used him as my "normal" model--he didn't seem to feel a strong need to get up and go wash his hands to get "unsticky" (or he hid it well!), so I controlled myself and just sat there for the rest of the session with sticky hands. I survived.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I would be fine with keeping my hand washing levels where they are. It's never really been a bother other than the dry hands...But T wants them way down so I don't know.

[mandazzle]

Omg I hate it too. The other day I was counting some money and I had $99 (all in singles) and all the bills have to be the same way, and facing up. Then I flipped out because I didn't have another dollar. I like everything to be even.

[scott88keys]

SingDance,

I can relate. I used to have a HUGE washing thing--my OCD has moved on to other obsessions and compulsions now. But I know how you feel when you say your hand don't feel clean. I wash in three's too. REally, what's the big deal? After you wash your dishes, you wash three times, right? Takes a few minutes, right? I don't see that as harmful or something that needs to be changed. Now if you take three hours to wash your hands after doing the dishes, then yes, that is interfering with your life.

I asked a former Pdoc what the 'right' number of washing your hands is and he said whatever feels right to me. I loved that. As long as it's not interfering with your life. So I stick with my three--soap, rinse; soap rinse; soap, rinse.

My concern for you is your T making this decision for you. On one hand I say you won't change until YOU feel like you need to change. Like I quit smoking for me, not for my wife or anyone else. On the other hand, if your T thinks you have some bigger things going on in your life that need changing, maybe your T is thinking, let's start with something simple like hand washing.

My two cents. . .

Scott

[SingDanceRunLife]

Well, one of my biggest problems is the dishes. They take me twice as long as they should because of the rituals that go along with them (where dishes go when they're put away, where they go when loading them, counting silverware)...And the hands. That's why there's so much focus on it right now.

[jurplesman]

Amazingly as it may sound, but OCD is often associated with a nutritional disorder that causes the body to produce excess adrenaline (the fear and worry hormone) due to an inner metabolic disorder.

Please read:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(OCD) and Nutrition

[SingDanceRunLife]

Huh. Interesting.

[SingDanceRunLife]

OK...OK....

Tonight is round #2 of only washing my hands once after doing the dishes. I don't know if I'll be able to do it or not. I *really* don't want to!