ups and downs

well here i am...guess im here to vent..i saw my pdoc this past weds...work didnt go well...he took me back out..he wanted me to be admitted..im not doing as well as i thought i had myself somewhat convinced,,i begged to let me spend easter with my daughter..so monday..i am to go to the hosp..to face the rage i have inside with 24 hr supervision..he says the rage feeds my depression..im not sure i understand...i few good days then..a few really bad days...what started out as not being able to eat with meds and being depressed has gotten away from me..my mind somehow now controls it..i know i need to go on monday...but i telling you,,i cant tell you how very scared i am..i dont know what to exspect....i dont know how people will think after...im afraid of the rage....but i do know i want to get better.....ive never been to the hosp..i cant somehow wonder and think,,can i beat this alone? second thought.s...third thoughts....all i know..im scared....i thought i was getting control back....so many questions...the problem is i know the answers to some of them i just cant get to them..does anyone understand this??

((((((((((((((SHERRY)))))))))))))

I can understand your fear. I offer hugs to comfort you. Think of this as a chance to concentrate on you. Please know that my warmesst thoughts and prayers are with you now.

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry that you need to go into the hospital. I certainly understand your fears. I have them too. I've never been in the hospital before either, so I'm certainly not in a position to help you with any answers. I'm sure someone will be able to help you out. I think it's partially the unknown that starts the fear and maybe our expectations are worse than it might actually be. Do you know how long you'll be in for? I'm sure you'll feel better about things when you're released, maybe some new coping skills. I'm glad that you'll be able to spend the weekend with your daughter first. Please let us know how you are when you're back out. Thinking of you!!!

(((((((((((( sherry ))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((( sherry ))))))))))))))))))))))) i'm sending you the best of thoughts. i will think of you every day. how long will you be there? i hope you can concentrate on working with staff and your drs to work thru some of this. i can only imagine your fears...several of them i'm sure.

be safe sweetie, and know you'll be in my thoughts.

kd

i'm glad you came here to vent. this is the place to let it all out. i know you're worried about the hospital and i used to work in a psych hospital and the staff was made up of a lot of good and caring people........goodluck, pat

((((((((((Sherry))))))))))

Well, first, I'm sorry that things have gotten so bad for you. But you MUST remember that you're doing what's best for you. You're willingly going to the hospital. Can we say herculean courage? I've been in a psych ward before and it's not pleasant when you're there against your will. But just remember that you're going voluntarily. Things will be different for you than they were for me. You will be treated as someone who wants help. Sweetie, I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of you for taking this HUGE but scarry step. All my heart, soul, prayers, and love are with you. Take care and enjoy the weekend with your little one. Bless you.

Ry

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Sherry ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I know how scarey it is to go to the hospital. I've been 5 times. The shortest stay I had was just last month and I only stayed 48 hours so I could calm down. And my longest stay was 3 months. I hate going in. Kind of feel like I've failed in someway. But it's not. Just remember you are strong and taking care of yourself. There will be a lot happening when you first get there. But they will explain everything to you. You'll have a "patients bill of rights", this is just your rights as a patient and kind of like the ground rules for your unit. Sometimes they will make a safety contract with you. This is just saying if you feel like harming yourself you will talk to a staff member and work through your feelings. You may have a roommate or you my not. But no other patients will be aloud in your room. This is just to help you feel safe. There are activities during the day. There isn't much free time. They keep you pretty busy. But there are some free times. Most places have a relaxation group before bed time to help you sleep. That is always something I enjoyed. Is a good away to calm down. I really don't want to overload you with too much information. Just It's ok. There will be very nice ppl there who can help you out. I hope it goes well and Take Care. Monty

((((((sherry))))))

Think of it like this...many ppl here support you and want you to be ok.

Many of the people you meet at the hospital will be very similar to the people here. You will see you will have a lot in common with some of the patients there I'm sure.

Probably even make some connections. The staff are supportive and understand how difficult it is for you.

Your sister works there and is upstairs from you.

You are definately doing the right thing for yourself. You're so curageous to do what it is your doing. If you think if your mom had to go through what it is your going through and she got help and got better. You wouldn't judge what she did you would just be thankful and proud of her that she did it as yours will be of you.

You're on my mind and I know you can do this. When you get through this I know you are going to feel relief from what it is your feeling now. Just hold on girl.

Lots of hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sherry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I understand. Please remember nothing is your fault.

nightdream

We haven't met before, but I can somewhat relate to what you are saying I think. I have had an experience with an RN that manulipated her way into taking care of my mother when she was discharged from the hospital after a serious stay in the hospital. I knew my mother wasn't going to live much longer & wanted to go home, but knew better however was put in a place where I was forced into accepting the help of the RN because I wasn't provided the information that my mother was being discharged until 4 hours before she was...oh yes, we just overlooked giving you that information(a hospital full of lies). Stupidly, I trusted the RN because she was a friend of my mothers boyfriend & his daughter. It's a long story, but I know anger toward someone that now makes me know how people feel homicidal. Since reporting her to the police, I have found out so much about her, but I kept finding out the things she was doing & stopped things at points where the police can't catch her (mad at myself also cause would love to see her in prison for the identity theft she did with my mothers name. The anger of all that has happened has made it so I can't eat & was in the medical hospital for 2 months keeping nutrition in via central line. I had a psychologist who I found out didn't understand anything about what I was going through, & the psychologist in the hospital along with my own & my GP insisted that I go to an eating disorder treatment center for a month. Found out from them that it was trauma causing the eating disorder, so then everyone insisted that I go to a PTSD treatment center. I dropped my psychologist because I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere & my Pdoc decided I should be admitted to just the psyc hospital since I couldn't find any treatment center that could help. My GP was going to put me into the hospital to treat the dehydration & nutrition problem then have the hospital's pdoc transfer me to a treatment hospital. I found out from that pdoc that he would not believe that I had anything wrong other that anorexia & wouldn't treat me any other way so I told my GP to take the hospitalization & forget it, & I wouldn't go to just the psyc ward for help because I have so many specific issues that need personal treatment. I, like you feel like I should be able to take care of myself but my husband was nice enough to find a T over the internet that he called. We talked over the phone & I let him know some of the things I have gone through & that I feel like I should be able to take care of myself but just can't seem to get there. I think he may be able to help because I told him that if he couldn't handle any of the issues that are filling me to the point of not wanting to go on that he should be honest enough upfront & tell me. Like you, must be going through alot that he reminded me that if I was dealing with pneumonia that it is necessary to get the help to get the illness under control, then our own bodies can then take over the helping get better.

In most cases, the psych hospital is a good place to get help when you are in a bad place & it is necessary to get the help started so that you can then take over & work on making yourself better.

Don't worry, I have been in the psych hospital so many times I have lost count & am still dealing with trying to figure out the right way to get help for what I am going through. Enjoy your Easter with your daughter, knowing that your blessing will be that you will be then getting the help you need to you can get on with your life that you want. I must say a good therapist & constant daily help is very necessary. When I was in the med hospital with the TPN, my GP had a psychologist come in every day & he got more out of me in the 2 months in the med hospital than my normal psychologist got out of me in over 6 years.

You will get better & the more you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Blessings on your future,
Debbie K