[wi_fighter]

So my brain is all over the place partly because of this court thing tomorrow, but my brain is always all over the place during work anyway.

I don't know if I can't stay focused on my job because:
1. I'm just burned out on it after 15 years?
2. I don't sleep as well as I'd like so I'm always kind of foggy in the morning but then too much caffeine makes me jittery so I don't want to sit still for long?
3. I might have adult ADD?
4. My depression is bugging me more than I realize and if I could get back on Celexa it would help me sleep so I wouldn't be scatter brained and the minor things wouldn't build up and feel like major things, so I could actually concentrate on the major things instead of feeling too overwhelmed by the minor things? Did that make ANY sense?

Then, not getting my work done in a timely fashion makes me a little depressed because it doesn't leave me with enough "me time" to do enjoyable things. I'm a contractor who works production and even when I work a normal work load, they're always asking for more. Shirrrrleeeeey, can you work a few hours extra tonight? Shirrrrleeeey, can you work this weekend?"

I feel like I'm on a motorized hamster wheel without an off switch, and part of it is my own doing. If I could just sit down for 7 good hours and work like a "normal" person I could have a life beyond the computer. As it is, I sit here from 8:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m. doing a report here and there, checking the boards, checking my mail, anything but work.

I doubt it's ADD, because it only involves my work. I think it's a combination of boredom and mild depression. But can anyone else relate?

i'm going to talk to you later. i am going to babysit my granddaughter now........

[jmo531]

I sure can relate. Before I went on my meds back in December, I had absolutly burned myself out on work. I was always the dependable one. The one that would chip in when needed. It seemed that they needed me all the time. I made it easy for them though. I never said no. Never. So after a series of personal issues it all became too much for me to handle. So I broke down. Literally. I had to make medical leave and thats when I started taking my meds. I'm better now but I realize in hind sight that my job is only a job. Its not my life. I do not offer to help now unless I really can. Which is never because I have enough work to keep me busy. My suggestion to you is to tell them NO. No. No. You have your own life and thats the way it is. I think you'll find once you move your job from # 1 priority, your whole additude will change. Towards your job and towards life in general.

[wi_fighter]

Yep, that was me. Any time they needed help I'd say yes because I was afraid of losing my job if I didn't. My position is getting sent offshore. They even hired a bunch of foreigners to take over for a bunch of U.S. workers and bumped the U.S. workers over to QA. I gave it 11 months and couldn't stand it. I was putting in 14 hour days and making less money than when I'd been working 8 hour days. Today they asked if I could help out and QA some and I said NO, I can't. I've got too much on my plate emotionally right now to deal with someone else's mistakes. I'm having a hard time not making my own mistakes.

I can function without Celexa, but with it things are just that much easier. I don't quite understand how it helps me focus, but it does.

[wi_fighter]

Ooops, didn't mean to forget you pat. I'll talk to you later when you have time.

[jmo531]

Im proud that you said NO. Keep that up. K?

[wi_fighter]

I'll try to keep saying no. What I really need to do is try and stop screwing off online and actually work. I just have no motivation regarding my job and haven't for about a year. You would think things like, oh, I don't know, BILLS would be motivation enough.

I don't even have the luxury of taking medical leave. Not to throw a pity party or anything. Luckily my job allows me to set my own hours. Just sometimes I take advantage of it too much and don't work as much as I need to to cover all the expenses. One of these days I'm going to be told to shape up or ship out.

[jmo531]

Its hard to buckle down when they have been draining you. For me it was depression that took over. I physically could not do my job. My heart was no longer in it. I dont want that to happen to you. Stay strong.

[wi_fighter]

Thanks Jen.

That's where I'm afraid I'm heading. I get up in the morning and sit at my computer and just can't move. There's just no joy in my job anymore, at least not in my present position. Maybe if I was back in clinic where I had interaction with the staff, but right now I'm just a number who's in Wisconsin and the office is in California. I just can't afford to take a huge pay cut to work at a clinic again. At least now I can work until the pay needs are met. Downside is that I'm not actually doing that anymore.

[wi_fighter]

OK, I HAVE to cut the cord, log off and do some real work for a while. It's 5:00 and I've only done 3 hours worth of work since 10:00 this morning. This is ridiculous.

Now my hands and legs are getting restless since I've been sitting here since 8:00 this morning. If I was "normal" I'd be done with my work and out enjoying the day by now.

[jmo531]

((((((((Wi Fighter)))))))))

I understand that. In todays economy there really isnt alot of choices and its us who is suffering. Try to realx a bit. When your away from work...stay away from work. Dont talk about it. Dont talk to anyone else about it. Dont think about it and if you do, forgive yourself and move on. Take some time out for you. Relaxing time. Take a walk. Sit out on your porch and read a magazine. Rent some movies. Draw. paint. Oragami (I did that). Anything that will help you take your mind away from work. Being withdrawn from your job is not uncommon. When you find yourself in that position, get up and walk away for a bit. Give youself sometime. I had a period of time today at work where I just felt like.....I didnt wanna do nothing. And, for 10 minutes I did nothing. Then after that was over I went back to work. It's ok to get side tracked. Be easy on yourself.
Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk further or we can post back and forth here. LOL. It's up to you. I will help ya, talk to ya, anything I can do. I know how upsetting this can be.