Long rant about how I am doing (could trigger)

I know many people have been wondering how I really am doing. That question is really a moment by moment question. I go from being fine to totally freaking out. I have been very stressed and am having a lot of issues dealing with everything. I am afraid to ask for support so this is the best go at it I have. I am going to go on for a bit about everything going on, please read only what you want. I will then take the parts and post them in the correct forum for a little added support.
Starting with ED (Eating Disorder)
It is going, some days I do really well dealing with it then other days I feel I can’t function. I have lost some more weight and am not eating very much, but I am trying hard. I have been very stressed out because of work and the stress had made me not want to eat anything so I haven’t and when I do I feel guilty about eating. I still get urges to purge but I have not acted upon these urges. But I have slid backward but I am still fighting hard to get out of this ED. I have a few friends in real life that have stepped up to help support me in recovery but they are not there a lot of the time but the try to be there as much as they can. I am convinced that I am fat and that I need to lose more weight. I also have BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) which makes me hate parts of my body no matter what I do. It is really acting up and I want to do more and more exercise to make those parts of me get to the size I see they need to be. I know that this is risking a lot, which is why I am saying it to everyone here. I am fighting it and am working with a T on all of this. But any suggestions would be grateful!
Anxiety
Due to stress my Anxiety has been very bad, I am getting bad panic attacks over lots of little things. I am also freaking out and sending self into a panic attack thinking that someone is in my Apt. when I know that I live alone and that there is no one else in the Apt, but it doesn’t help I still freak out a lot about that. Anxiety is also keeping me up at night because I can’t focus on anything else but whatever is making me have the panic attack. Anxiety is also leading to me feeling sick to my stomach. Any suggestions on this would be grateful.
Depression
I am in a low right now and am struggling to go out of my house. I go to work come home and then just hide out in my Apt. I used to love to dance and now I am scared to even go so I don’t. I am not hanging out with friends which I do miss but I just can’t get myself to go out at all. I wish I could, I just don’t know. I feel I am losing who I really am, I don’t know how to enjoy life anymore. Any ideas would be helpful.
Sleeping/Nightmares/Bad Dreams
With this I am not really sure what is going on. Like I have stated above I have been very stressed lately. But I am going from going days with only sleeping like 1-2 hours a night then there are nights that I will sleep and then all I want to do the rest of the day is sleep. The problem is even if I do get lots of sleep it isn’t really sleep, I wake up more tired then when I went to bed. I just am not really getting a good nights sleep. When I do manage to sleep I wake up because I am getting detailed versions of Nightmares from my past. I am also getting some really vivid Bad dreams, these usually include being abused but in ways I don’t remember being abused in my past. I haven’t been reading things like this so I don’t know where these ideas are coming from but they are vivid and they scare me enough I wake up in a full panic attack. I do suffer from insomnia at times. Any suggestions to any of this would be very helpful to me.
Switching
Many know and have met some of my alters, I have been hiding this for a long time, I was Dxed over a year ago and I have not wanted to accept this all. I am starting to realize that they are not going to go away. I am feeling very lonely even when my head is very loud. Things have been really bad for me right now with the sleeping issues and the stress. I am losing a lot of time and am not knowing how to deal with this. I am afraid of showing it in chat, if I start to freak out at all I leave and make my own room so no one has to see of has to deal with me or other parts of me.
I am not trying to complain but just have a lot on my mind, I have been wanting to write this all for a while and this is all just the highlights with things, there is still a lot more to each one of these. Thanks for listening/reading all of this.
I hope I have not caused too many issues, or been too annoying with this all. There is so much more I want to say but don’t want to ramble your ears off.
Thanks again for listening/reading. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas PLEASE let me know.
Doll

(((Doll)))
You certainly do have a lot going on there .
It must get very overwhelming for you to have all this going on at once. I am not a professional , nor am I good at giving advice.
I would work on one thing at a time . One thing could be causing
another , which it usually does . Do you see a therapist or P-doc?
That would be my suggestion . Sending many Hugs and Good Luck.
I'm sure there is someone wise enough here to get you on the
right track . Take Care and I'm glad you reached out.

Yes I have a T and we are working on some of it, I just felt I needed to tell people here also.

Thanks for caring

Doll, firstly i want to say im sooo proud of you for taking that step and posting like we spoke about lastnight you've done really well.
secondly i can also relate to many of things you have written an i only wished i could help u with it but im stuck in a similar position myself. As far as ur ED you have to look at the positive side an hey u got somewhere an at least stopped the temptation of purging. The anxiety,bad dreams an depression well thats where i wish i could help but im in the same place at the moment but just know im always here to support u no matter what.
The switching ive met some of ur alters and please dont be afraid to pm or whisper me in chat if this happens as the last thing i want u to feel is alone as ur not im always here for u,u just need to say the word..

please dont think ur annoying or going on as ur not ur trying to just get help an support on how ur feeling.
once again im proud u posted this an hope it didnt cause too much distress for u an i know u were worried, and i hope it did feel like a relief to actually get it all out finally. anytime u need to talk pm me im always here to listen an try an help.
hope this helps abit take care xoxo

You certainly do have a lot on your plate. Please take a little time to be very kind and gentle with yourself. Sending you support! (((porcelain doll)))

((((Porcelain_doll_2004)))) Sorry you are feeling so low. But be proud of youself for getting it out. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. We are all here for you. Hang in there and keep posting. Hugs for your day.

(((((((((((((( doll ))))))))))))))))))))))

With the depression and not wanting to go out, for me what has worked the best is to force myself to go somewhere even if it's just the library so that I am not hiding alone in my room. Remember some of the best steps you can take are small ones that you can handle.
It also sounds like you need to find a way to relax, since the added anxiety is probably making your other issues worse. My advice is to try to remember some healthy ways of relaxation that have helped you in the past, for me reading is very relaxing.
I hope you are feeling better soon.

Well Done for posting Doll, I know how hard it is for you to do that.

Your good friend

Paddy

Thanks for the support everyone, I am still just very lost with everything. I keep rereading everything that has been posted, I want to do as much as I can to help myself. Thanks again. I know this is a lot to deal with.

Again thanks, I will keep an eye on this post to get any other ideas people have.

((((((((((((((((((((((doll)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i am so sorry you are feeling bad, please dont seclude yourself - that only adds to the depression - i dont really have any advice - as has been said when depressed i force my self whne i can to go out - it does help.

As to the alters - that must have been scary for you - i can only offer you my support - i am here if you need me - I am gald you ahve a T to help you through this and i wanted you to know that i and many others are always happy when you turn up in chat.

take care P7

Hello, Porcelain_doll_2004!

Thank you for posting a link to this main posting – I'm arriving here from the Depression Forum.

Yes, you are dealing with a lot all at once. Despite that, you have been careful to describe your situation without a complaining voice. I would hope you feel free, however, to complain and rant if it would provide a release. The folks I know here at PC would on no account ignore or reject a plea for help framed as a complaint.

Personally, two issues jump out at me from your essay: work stress and unrefreshing sleep. Efforts at relief in these areas might pay off well in all the others. You can easily find general advice for both problems, though the best advice will come from friends or professionals who are fully acquainted with all the specifics of your complex situation.

You deserve only the best, and I wish that for you!

((((((((((DOLL)))))))))))

What comes to mind when you ask for advice is medication. Have you ever persued this?

A sleep aid, an anti-depressant, an anti-anxiety med...

I'm so sorry you are struggling with so much. Each issue would be more than too much. I hear your pain & desparation but I also hear your determination and hard work & that is so admirable. You are a truely special person.

I wish you Strength.

...

hi Doll
What you said here is thoughtful and very well said. So much to deal with. I dont have any new advice. But I did want to write here and tell you how I know you are strong even if you do not know it. And I know that does not help to stop the pain Doll.

You wrote , "I want to do as much as I can to help myself." I know you do. Best I can say is that you are not alone. Even when you feel like you are. Ask for help. Inside and outside. I know that it will not make things aye okay. But at least it will hopefully make things a bit better in the moment. Please notice all the responses you got here. Thats because so many people really and truely care........ In the very best way. You did a good job writing. and

Doll,

You are progressing opening to and seeking support.

You have supporters everywhere

By taking these healing steps some good has come.

...be gentle, and try not to isolate.

Sincerely,
Hunny

Hey Doll.... (if okay)

I am very sleepy so this won't be too long right now. I just wanted to say that you are such a brave person to face what you do, and to have the courage to be honest about your feelings with us shows your strength.

I know you suffer...and for that I am sorry, but sometimes I wonder if the reason so many of us suffer is to show us how strong we really are!!

Anyway...try not to judge your feelings right now. Regardless of whether you are feeling low or whatever, you have a right and a reason to feel these feelings.

Hope this wasn't too much of a ramble. I'm off work today (Tuesday) so I will be on line, probably mid to late afternoon.

Take care....