[lisasays]

What does that mean?how do u do it?how does it differ from and how do u avoid dwelling on things?im on a waiting list for a t. thanks in advance

[jerrymichele]

When I deal with things I need time to think about the best stragey. If someone upsets me then I remove my self from the situation until things are clam down where I can talk about it.

[lisasays]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

When I deal with things I need time to think about the best stragey. If someone upsets me then I remove my self from the situation until things are clam down where I can talk about it.

Thankyou :-) - thats good advice.what about things/events in the past?things uv ignored and now cant see the direct impact of but things u suspect are part of the reason ur not okay now?x

[jerrymichele]

Well I can give you some examples on how I do things, but I'm not to sure it will help you. Ok my mom passed when I was 15, and her side of the family has nerver been on good terms with me. One minute they like me, and the next they don't. I have learned how to take them for who they are. In the past they have really upset me bad. So now I just don't speak to them. When I deal with things from my past I need to heal from it. I haven't all the way. The only people we can change is ourselves. When you take a step back and see the situation for what it is, then you can really see where the problem is and work around it, or you can try again and work with it. Our past is our past. We can only learn from it, no matter how hard it is. When something makes pain for us then we need to reach inside ourselves and learn how to forgive, learn, and move on. When you learn how to take people for what they truly are, and forgive them with your heart then you can free yourself from the pain. Forgiving is one of the hardest things that anyone can do. Especially for ourselves. So even if something is very hard for us, then learning from it can be a true reward.

[lisasays]

Ty again.i dont know what is best to keep buried/keep ignoring.there are things i dont think i have in me to forgive.i dont know if its healthy to still be in a place where i think i could only feel better by revenge.

((lisa))) its best if you can imo not to keep things buried. I know with me ...I need to talk about them. Even if its to spirit or my friends. Your T will help you with this.
revenge never makes anyone feel better imo
I do understand anger thou...if you can work past that ..it helps so very much..
First you have to deal as the saying goes
step by step
and be kind to you in the process
hope this helped alittle

[lisasays]

Ty,yea i feel u are mayb right.thing is im still waiting for a t and i dont know how to do it myself but i dont want to waste more time which i feel im doin now x

[Seabirdanne]

Originally Posted by lisasays

Ty again.i dont know what is best to keep buried/keep ignoring.there are things i dont think i have in me to forgive.i dont know if its healthy to still be in a place where i think i could only feel better by revenge.

I don't think you should keep stuff buried. The best way to deal with a lot of that stuff is to have a creative outlet. Do you draw or paint or play guitar or write? Find something creative to do. Don't worry about if you do it well -- you only have to do it for yourself, not for other people to judge. If you learn to free your mind and just create what flows from your unconscious, you will deal with things you might not have even known were there -- and you'll do it in an enjoyable, natural manner. Don't start out with a specific goal in mind; just let your mind roam free -- you might be surprised to find joyful things in there, as well as the painful ones. Start a journal, start painting... something creative. It will help.

And, of course, there's always a C, T or P.

As for forgiveness, don't make more out of the word than it is. Forgiveness does not mean you have to feel all warm and fuzzy about the people who have done bad things to you. It just means you come to terms with what they did and how it affected you and you're moving on with no ill feelings toward them anymore. It doesn't mean that you welcome them back into your life (unless you want to) or that you are dismissing the hurt they've caused. It just means that you refuse to live with the hurt they inflicted anymore.

It helps to realize that most people who hurt others are unhappy themselves, and are working out their own unresolved, unconscious issues. If you look at your own life, you will probably see where you've done less than perfect things yourself. As you learn to see why you made your own mistakes, and you learn to forgive yourself and move on from your own mistakes, it will become easier to forgive others and move on from the hurt they have caused.

But to "deal with it" and then heal from it is not an overnight thing -- it takes time, but it can happen.

Originally Posted by lisasays

Ty,yea i feel u are mayb right.thing is im still waiting for a t and i dont know how to do it myself but i dont want to waste more time which i feel im doin now x

((lisa))) I think you are maybe starting to deal with.
waiting for a t would be hard. I did not mean you had too. As i agree it aounds like you need to now. I know when I stuff things its not good for me
wishing you all the best kind one

He who shouts loudest gets heard hun, go back to the Dr and let him/her know you need help NOW tell them you are in a bad way and really need to talk to a T about your issues, leave it a week and then go again saying the same things.

He/she will chase them up even if they tell you they cant believe me they can and do.

Holding things in will not help you even if you talk on here to somone (pm me if you feel you can talk to me) somone you feel you can talk to anyone who you feel able to.

Revenge is a nice feeling for a while but you will find it eats you up inside and there is no need for it you can let it go trust me with T you can !

Life can and will get better but its like all things it takes time you will have to learn paitence however its worth it.

[VickiesPath]

Hi Lisa,

This may sound really stupid and be totally useless, but it's a thought that came to me so I'm going to throw it out there for what it's worth.

First, let me say that I really like it when Seabirdanne talks about using creativity like artwork and music to give you an outlet to express yourself in the present. It may seem like a minor thing, but it actually is one of the things that therapists use all the time to get people in touch with themselves. It's also a very good way to spend the present and to relax.

Second, since you are in the process of waiting for a T, maybe you might try this. If you have a small box or tin or something, even an envelope, get some small pieces of paper and write down on each one, one thing you want to talk with the T about. Try to keep the sentences very specific. Then fold them up and put them in the box or envelope. This way, you will "put them away" for safekeeping until you can bring them out again when you meet your T, and it will clear your mind for relaxing a bit and doing some things in the present that might make you happy. I know it's easier said than done and I've done my own share of obsessing in the past, especially when you're hurting and confused. Believe me, I've been there.

I hope you get a T soon. Lots of hugs for you.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by lisasays

Ty again.i dont know what is best to keep buried/keep ignoring.there are things i dont think i have in me to forgive.i dont know if its healthy to still be in a place where i think i could only feel better by revenge.

You can only forgive when you are ready to. It's really not good to keep stuff in that hurts you either. When you heal from pain you have got to bring it to the surface, and accept it for what it is. I know that feeling so well with revenge. You need to remember that when you act on revenge all it will do in the long run is hurt you. Revenge lets someone else control you, and the energy will feed onto that person. When you forgive someone that doesn't mean that you need to like them. It just means that your letting yourself free from the hurt.

[lisasays]

thankyou all you guys, really. Im going to try bear in mind what you all have said. Also going to phone the doctors tomorrow and try get back in touch with my creative side, I did used to be into that kind of things. I used to be good at drawing but the past few years its like my mind wont let me, too frustrated or I dont know. Anyway I'm wanting to break these barriers down and am quite enthusiastic about doing so.

Thanks again, sincerely and sorry I dont do the responses justice, I find it hard to use the forums but I am glad I posted.