Members leaving.

i think i can safely say muffy is reading and knows we care...

Missing Muffy very much.

Can a decision like this be reversed? A change of heart is a part of life.

many members leave and return under other usernames. some even pm and get their old username reactivated. if muffy (or anyone else) wants to return, then i am sure it can happen.

(((((((((((((((( muffy )))))))))))))))))

babysteps and pegasus....seems i just glibly came into this discussion without knowing all the facts.... and I apologize for just jumping in without all the facts........and the facts are becoming clearer and clearer to me now......

there was much more to this than I knew...... and the issues behind this issue. but who can say more around here with the big red pencil always looming over our every post, ready to censor whatever is deemed inappropriate???

makes my trust issues just a bit harder to deal with, makes me glad I wear my prickly coat of skepticism, as uncomfortable as it can be, what I am, what I say, what I have experienced is valid, whether anyone here feels it is or not. that i am as erasable here as I am in my real life, my every day existence, is not a great revelation, nor a great disappointment.....just a sad sigh..... here is there, there is here, finding safety and sanctuary? the search goes on..... they can take my words, but they cannot take my hope.

Sometimes, it just feel awkward to me. I have seen muffy here since I started but never really interacted, much, so I feel embarassed saying I miss you and embarassed not saying I miss you, if you know what I mean.

I think loss of anyone or anything is a good time to turn inward and examine our grieving process, even here on PC. There is a grief forum and although she is alive and well it is about my/our grief and it might be an opportune time to express our emotions around losses. I find saying I miss someone can heap guilt on them and creates in me a kind of attachment that could possibly get out-of-hand. Having said that, what I will miss is the relationship I observed between Muffy and Knowheretorun in the videos section. They were extremely supportive to each other and that touched my heart greatly.

I would like to see more of us be able to express our losses from CSA to missing a new acquaintance but feel that b/c of North American culture it may be judged as making something bigger of it than it is, if I put it in the grief section.

I also feel pretty awkward that there are some really hurting people never get 'kudos' but it seems always the same ones, but that is just me. I hate people being left out. By the way, no I am not writing about myself here.

I don't think I've been edited but I have had one post removed because I misunderstood some rule.

By the way, when I first read that the rule was people aren't allowed to say the are leaving, I thought that meant they aren't allow to say they are 'doing themselves in', so until this post came up I add no idea that leaving meant only saying goodbye. I wondered why I never saw people though that I had first met when I came a year ago. You can only imagine how I thought they were doing...all just going due to sui? It has been quite a relief to know that they all haven't gone that route.

Remember this is coming from an INFP/J. So, it obviously was my intuition 'breaking down' to have thought this way.

My 2 cents worth.

I think people leave because they make friends and share so much personal information and then those friends maybe leave them first and that hurts....Personally....I have found it difficult to acknowledge that this is just a website and the people that I become attached to are not IRL people and when my issues become too much for them to deal with...well....they are just not there anymore.

Probably more healthy to realize the limitations of these "friendships"....jmo.

yes, i too have severe trust issues with people and do find it difficult to connect, i will usually always wait for someone else to contact me first, then i know i am being sought out and not rejected right from the get-go. These sites are difficult too..... how much can you really know about anyone. yes, people have been here for years, so they do develop attachments, I hear people actually meet and alot of phone calls are made daily. Yeah, someday I might get a cell phone, or be able to afford one, but now that severely limits me from getting to know anyone on a truly deeper basis here....sometimes a voice is needed, and I cannot avail myself of that...

what is strange here is you can't really discuss what happened to you, what was done to you or what your reality is... because it can be erased, so even if I say that going thru that experience here is so disturbing, so destructive at least to me personally, it could be erased again because .... just because..... and then why am I here? what I say, think, am, was, what i experience and think cannot be safely shared here because someone else has power to deem it "too raw" or too "triggering" or critical or not of any worth? Don't I already feel worthless enough? Am I not the most pathetic person on this planet? coming here for what? someone to listen because I have no one, not one human being on this planet who thinks I have worth to listen to?

Yet what I say here has no worth, because it can be expunged for any reason at all...... haven't we all been subject to critcism from society, from even our so called loved ones who just can't understand why we are so damaged? And to come here to be in effect quieted and keep the reality of mental health hidden, obscured, when all my life no one would listen?? How ironic?

Okay, here we are, this little corner of the cyber world is for you, but someone will judge if you have the right to say what you need to say. boggles my mind, how nutty is that? us nut cases caught in a further web of nuts too hard to crack, to impossible to open up to???

and round and round goes the merry go round of trying to make mental illness more understood, more acceptable, more informed.... and the information isn't getting out...and the merry go round just goes round and round and round and round...... and those of us who need to hear each other, be here for eachother, are kept from that elusive brass ring of commonality, sharing and healing together because what we experienced or needed to tell wasn't deemed "right" or allowable is to offer sanctuary in a cave where keeping the truth of what we are and what happened to us must remain in the dark and hidden...... and the merry go round of mental health acceptance, understanding and information just goes round and round and round....with eventually?????????? no body on it.

to add to this discussion, i do appreciate one of the moderators reaching out and explaining the growing pains this site is experiencing right now.... that was kind and generous of spirit that they are trying to set a frame of reference for all of this.

intellectually i have no problem understanding. i'm astute enough to grasp certain things.

emotionally it is a whole other ballgame with me....my lifelong history of abuse and being abused is so complicated. just who do I trust? just who can I trust? and in the past, when i have turned to the mental health community for help, I was deceived, lied to, stolen from and virtually ignored, by a whole network of people who are supposed to "do no harm" in a professional setting, a hospital for gawd's sake, where you would think there would be SOMEONE on the ball, aware and able to listen, see the facts, see the reality....i was accused of being suicidal, which I wasn't and never would be after seeing my father try and fail 3 times to kill himself, couple that with being well groomed (hello, don't know about any of you severely depressed people, but at my worst? I don't bathe, I don't...not for weeks, I have even gone months, there isn't an iota of personal hygiene anywhere in my existence), couple that with having a second interview (after months of unemployment, would you be inclined to kill yourself when you were on the brink of perhaps getting a job?)...nothing about my personal circumstances indicated I was a totally hopeless person intent on doing myself harm.....yet not one rational person would listen to me...and this is the mental health system I want help from? I think not. I have assiduously avoided all mental help since..... because I fear, so fear in the depths of my soul, people taking control of me and having no control at all over myself.....and that ain't good, because I do need help....

but to come to this website and again have someone make a decision about me, take out a huge huge passage of my posting..... take control of me......this has been almost traumatic.

i have slid downwards since, tried fighting it, but the old thinking patterns took over....

don't know who can be trusted here anymore...except this one person who has reached out, yes, this person i think can be trusted and has cared to reach out. that is encouraging....

losses are huge for us.... we live our lives under imminent threat of losing everything. our loved ones who can't understand us....yes, this has happened to me, lost everyone, because I am "mentally ill"..... loss of our self respect and self esteem, which so many of us have so little of to begin with, mentally ill people are butts of jokes, laughing stocks, seen as broken, unable to achieve, unable to contribute...we are just "whack jobs" the normal folks deride and look down on, we could lose our jobs we have fought to attain, should anyone know or find out.... how many times has someone's mental health history been used against them, from the highest of echelons and seats of power to the lowest skid row bum???? I seem to remember a vice presidential candidate who was destroyed over this, I remember other national politicians whose careers got derailed because their wife had sought therapy....I have seen actors who had great careers lose all credibility once it was known they had struggled with mental health issues. Now it is almost ALMOST acceptable to admit to depression..... many famous people have come forward and written of their struggles ...Mike Wallace, Carrie Fisher, **** Cavett, Brooke Shields and yes, today, people know Winston Churchill was severely hampered by depression and think even our greatest president ever, Abraham Lincoln, struggled with this. Yes, depression is just about as acceptable a mental illness that you can have.... but the other issues? OCD, Neurosis, Schizophrenia, Personality Disorders....we can't discuss it, let it be known.....we hide in plain sight, we try to remain silent, are trained to remain silent....

and we come here to speak the truth. our truth. our reality that is very often strangling us, torturing us in ways the normal cannot know..... and even here they want us to be silent and not protest certain things.

I don't know this person who left who has left such a huge void, I never knew her and am only hearing rumour and innuendo....and have heard from others who are as concerned as I about some issues here.....

but whether this person left for reasons that were to do with this site or not, i am here to say i too am struggling to stay here now, for reasons to do with this site. i do not want to be critical or say anything against anyone personally or anything against this site. We who are sick NEED to be here....we are desperate people, often alone, in great pain, in great turmoil with no where else to turn.... NO WHERE. i want to stay. i want to get help. but will i have to pay a very high personal price, forsake a deeply held personal conviction in order to remain here? I was a member of a 12 step group for years to learn how to live with an active alcoholic in my life, and it was always stressed.... PRINCIPLES above PERSONALITIES..... and that 12 step program had not only 12 steps, but 12 traditions and 12 concepts that the very serious of us would study and discuss weekly.....

I need to stay here. I do. But at what cost of a deeply held personal conviction? People have died for their principles, people have been tortured, oppressed and burned alive for sticking to their moral and ethical beliefs. At what point do I know how deeply it might harm me to stay.... at what point do I know how deeply it may harm me if I go? This is the fear.

An advocate for a better outcome in the world of mental illness!

You are like a refreshing drink of cold water. Thank you dpst, for speaking out. The hidden things will be brought into the light. Because abuse still exists today means no stand taken for better mental health can be disregarded.

Thanks to PC for doing the best they can, in this regard, and for keeping an open mind to the fact that nothing is so good that it can't be better. This post has made me think about my own situation, how if I stand around doing nothing to further the cause of mental health then I am part of the problem, rather than being part of the solution. Everyone pitching in can make a difference! Evan if what I do seems small or insignificant.

dspt, in the midst of your pain and suffering your voice reminds us of the injustices and how there can be an end to them and restitution and healing will come but we all must persevere!

Thanks again!

I guess i come late to this.. I thought i had posted before - but couldnt have pressed enter.. thats the sort of thing i forget about sometimes....

I dont know if ive had posts edited or received word about the rules here - i kow this is a heck of a lot better than the other web st ei was at before - who wouldnt let you post anything about any therapy or name a book or recommend somthing that worked for you - you werent even alowwed to say PM me if i can help (yes i got into trouble for that ) - that site is changing but is nowhere near as good as this one .

I guess I am very thankful for Doc John starting this site and for all the wonderful people that inhabit it - without them i may not have been here today..... oh there have been bad times - ive been triggered by posts and people and have spent days in tears - but i guess thats just life.

I ahve made some wonderful friends here and some are still here - bless them for putting up with me and some have left

For those that left in a blaze of happiness i am happy beyond measure that they achieved their goal.

For those that disappeared with no word i ..... i wonder how they are - i hope they are well... i hope they are safe..... and i miss them but try to carry them in my heart

For the recent losses to PC my heart breaks a little each time - I agree with pegasus that its ok to try to persuade them to stay and i have tried - to no avail unfortunately ...... I miss theses [people like i miss a part of me - because they have become a part of me - part of my journey - they made me laugh when i wanted to cry - sent hugs and imaginary cloaks to keep me warm and safe and their words warmed my heart.

i have lost some friends recently either because they left or they stopped being friends - i guess that happens - i guess thats life - i dont have to like it - i am trying to accept it - i wish they would come back.

adn dpsht i wish that mental illness wasnt seen badly by the world - my T tells me that its like having anything wrong with you - but there is stil that stigma jmo ok. i hope you situation and everyones improves soon

I wish us all luck and love on our journeys - I am trying hard to believe in those things myself

anyway ive rambled enough - i just wanted to add my voice...
take care

P7

i dont know how i missed this thread, i am sorry
as with pegasus lots of members do come and go some make an inpact other members lives, some sit in the shadows but still getting suport from being at pc, i too am a member that needed lots of input when i first joined but know its not so often but sometmes something crops up and its nice to be able to reach out and just hear some friendly replys, i dont read so much now so many new members so much to read and i still find it hard to read stuff without some triggers but on my good days i liked to play in games, and stuff

sometimes our pleas are not heard and hopefully in time these members will say i wasnt ready to up and leave and return, but untill then i wont forget anyone who made an inpact on me,

yes i know that a lot of ppl still read when they are not members anymore

thank you for starting this topic

Is anyone listening? I mean besides us peons? At least, it's hard (for me) not to think that way...

Did I understand you right ? Do posts get deleted on here ?

To answer your question Byrony, yes posts can be delted here, but it very rarely happens, when it does happen it is out of the saftey for the community, or because a fight has broken out in a thread, or the posts was nothing but an attack or harmful to others.. it takes a lot to have a post removed. Adminstration won't remove or delete a post unless it is necessary too, and it is all in keeping PC a safe and healthy enviroment for all of us to interact in.

Would it be bad of me to ask to stop this now? Because it is really upsetting. I'm sorry and I know I said about grieving and its ok to grieve but its all too confusing and I can't bear it any more. Does anyone feel the same? sorry Ophelia/Jinny

To me, it is a mysterious process the way relationships can develop in a two dimensional environment such as this. After a certain length of time, it does eventually happen that the two dimensional takes on a three dimensional quality and the relationship blossums into something very special.

I once said that I would rather be fiercely disagreed with than ignored. One of the things that makes PC valuable to me is that there are people here who respond to things I write. Not always, because some of my stuff is really silly and meaningless. But at least there are people out there who care about my thoughts at least when they have something of value to offer. I spent many years of my life being ignored. It's a horrible feeling.

Also, stigma is an issue close to my heart. This is why I have become involved with NAMI. I will be training to become a speaker for them, doing public speaking on what it's like to live with mental illness. If I can change peoples' minds one at a time, it will be worth it. I don't look like your typical "crazy" person (OK, nobody give me any flack about that) so hopefully it will be very effective and worthwhile.

Hugs

Personally, I am grateful for the opportunity and freedom for all of us to express ourselves in this thread. It is a painful subject for all concerned but much better out in the open.

I hope that some good comes from this discussion, that we understand that real relationships do form on the internet and when someone leaves this big PC family it really does effect us. I hope that we can look after each other more and avoid these ruptures.

being ignored sucks. It's a form of bullying if you ask me. I'm not in a good place today anyway. sorry .

I've never left a "leaving post" but did contact the mods when I felt someone was harassing me. I actually did change my name & give no info. on my bio due to this person being very aggressively angry & hostile towards me. I definitely am not around much due to that (you all may be doing a BIG sigh of relief that I am not posting so frequently; I know I do tend to be too "talkative").

I try to be supportive but if I don't express myself well, I don't mean any harm or disrespect, so I don't think I should be getting hostile PM's or have the person post sarcastic remarks to me...

Hey, if I had great people skills--I wouldn't need to be conversing to strangers in this manner!!!

Vickie: I do the "In Our Own Voice" talks--I think that is what you are writing about for NAMI.

It has been received very well. My town is small & people have the opinion that there are no mentally ill people here so when I spoke to the local Kiwaniis club--I told them I may be the ONE mentally ill in our town, but at the end people came up to me individually to speak about a sister, daughter, wife, etc. that is dealing w/mental illness but will not speak about it out loud. I told the people that the supposition is that there are no "mentally ill" in our town--but I stood up & said there is at least one & I am it!

Have also spoken at the univ. in the "abnormal psych" class---I guess I know I was the abnormal one, but they appreciated hearing from someone "living with it"--the good, bad, ugly, but coming out at the other end w/a good quality of life.

Also have spoken in the local jail (women) & halfway house...

But all I do is give them HOPE. I've suffered a long time & finally have been given a measure of success. So, I think YOU would be great as an IOOV speaker. Other programs available from NAMI--Peer-to-Peer class, Provider Education classes (presented to personnel at mental health facilities) & being a featured speaker at a Family-to-Family class.

Thanks for starting this thread pegasus. It's a very painful issue.. I've learnt much from reading this thread..

Yes, that's the one, T&C. I am hoping it will make a difference in at least a small way. Since Phoenix is big, it's not such an unknown subject but there are circles in which I'm sure simply talking about some of the issues will help.

Technically this is true... to an extent. It's not that just posts that are hateful, threatening or profane that are edited or removed - it's anything that goes against our Community Guidelines, specifically under the section of "Inappropriate Content". Just so people know. If you ever have any questions about a removed post or edited post of yours and haven't received a PM you can PM any one of us and we'll get you an answer.

I do really like the last sentence of your reply though Typo:


A lot of thought goes into editing or removing a post, it's not something done lightly. I know I've had posts edited in all my years here - and it doesn't exactly feel good, but it's not done to hurt your feelings when it happens I promise you. I don't like having my own feelings hurt, I'd rather not do that to someone else either!

Can I ask you why we are not told why a post is deleted anyway by pm ? We are never certain as to what mod removed the post so dont have a clue who to ask, and its only politeness that we are informed I feel.