How to bring someone out of their shell?

I am an extremely outgoing person. I will pretty much do anything for a laugh and make an *** out of myself for others' amusement. So it kind of bugs me when people are so reserved and closed off. Or it seems like they don't really have a personality period. Like they take on others' personalities depending on who they're around. Does that make sense? Just really uptight and insecure about themselves. How do you bring someone out of their shell to make them comfortable in their own skin? Or is it too late once a person gets to a certain age? Is this a behavior they learn very early on so once they get to a certain point they will always be this way?

I'm pretty much the same...a social butterfly. Though not extrememly outgoing, but I don't shy away from confrontations, either. I, too find myself sometimes over-applying humor to most given situations, resulting in making some take a seeminly second glance...lol, which is perfectly fine with me.
When I encounter those who are non-responsive to "lightening up", then, so be it....I don't think twice about it as it's hard to know what they're like, how they deal with social situations, etc. For all I know, they're struggling inside seeking ways TO relax and interact with more ease. Still, it isn't anything I ponder upon after taking notice to.

I think, too, that it depends on how well you know the person, if the person wants help to come out of their shell, if they can come out of that shell, and if they've asked for that help. Outside of that, I'd think that, yeah, there's little to no chance of someone else showing them the way.

I don't think it's ever too late to strive for improvement/change, so long as there is that inner will TO acquire change, (so I don't think age is really the issue). However, imo, depending upon the individual, obtaining change can be very unlikely especially if they are suffering from any disorders which prevent them from feeling comfy with their own selves? I'm really not sure.

Sure, behavior is something we all Learn from early on and some of those behaviors we do carry into adulthood, again all depends upon the individual, if they suffer from any disorder, or not, and if the behaviors are something that they are happy with, or not. It's really hard to say.

What I've learned when encountering those "reserved" types (who wish to be reserved), is I just allow them to be who they are without giving it a second thought.... What more can you do?

Shangrala

Listen to the song Reach by a band called Lo-Pro on youtube... That's me. The only persons I am goofy around are my brothers and they don't live anywhere near me. Being a person suffering from bipolar disorder and going through ridicule from my peers as an emotionally unbalanced and extremely shy child (when I forst started talking I would only talk to my dog until I was about 4) has made me a bit reluctant to risk feeling all that again. I don't feel safe around others much and always have had a need to be taken seriously so people don't have grounds to called by something that will trigger childhood trauma. All this happens on a very subconscious level. I don't go into social situations thinking "I need to be cool so people won't mock me." I just do it. Hope this gives a little insight to some of us introverts.

One of my therapists told me I was a social retard. Perhaps that would make me a socially challenged introvert?

One thing I will not do is allow someone else to define who I am. People can say what they want about me. I will listen, but I do not have to agree. For sure, I will be not be another's lickspittle.

Just because someone is an introvert does not make them insecure. I know my personality could use some work. Even so, to suggest someone like me has no personality simply because I am not as outgoing as an extrovert is a bit much.

I wasn't trying to offend anybody and I'm sorry. This person has openly said that they know they are insecure and would like to change that. I'm not trying to go around making everyone just like me. Sorry if it came across the wrong way. This person has already said all these things to me and said that they wish they were different.

It sounds to me as though if they were to "come out of their shell", among the first things they could expect to encounter would be some reminders of why they'd chosen to withdraw into there in the first place.

How much support are you prepared to give them during the process? Could you hook them up with anyone else who could support them?

Lots of hugs (or implied ones) and reassurance and quiet encouragement are the things I think that will give someone more self-assurance so they can become more the way they would like to be.

I think there are many different types of introversion. There are those who are very content with being introverted and they enjoy their lives. I don't think they like being considered flawed or 'in a shell' and they don't want to change because they're happy with there lives. There are others who are unhappy and wish they could manage by learning behavioral techniques, that would modify their introverion and there are others, in between the two. I don't think it can ever be changed completely. Many performers are a mix of the two - social, outgoing on stage but introverted in their personal life.

I was very shy as a child until my early 20's but I wasn't happy being that shy. I wanted to improve my shyness so I learned to manage it well. I can be very social if necessary but I still consider myself an introvert though. I will share that, people like myself found/find it very painful when we were in social situations and it isn't our choice to be reserved. Even though we don't broadcast ourselves, we still have vivid personalities. I was very outgoing and colorful at home.

I think most people are born shy and introverted with some environmental factors involved. I think it all boils down to comfort - is the person happy with their personality - do they want to change or improve? If not, then people have to accept them the way they are and not think they need to be fixed. Introversion is not inferior to extroversion. I think perhaps some extroverted people might be judging out of fear - why doesn't this person respond or seem to like me?? They either don't care to be social because they're happy introverts or they can't because of fear.

I'm not much of a cook. All I can recommend is......

"If you crack the shell, be careful with what's inside.....and keep your hands off of the YOLK!" I've heard this is not a yoke, but they must have been kidding.

Good luck JULIE!

Give it your best shot!

Just be a good friend. As a person is more comfortable with a situation, they'll become more interactive. It isn't something you can do for them.

I can personally relate to this "task" of assisting someone who wishes to come out of their shell.
From my experience with the individual I'm helping to date is, it requires ALOT of MY invested patience, understanding, acceptance, dedication, loyalty, compassion and...time.
And what you can hope to antisipate from your friend mostly is trust, but that will come with time. The more he/she realizes they can trust you, the more they will respond, the more the progress made.

If you are sincere about helping this individual, please first ask yourself if you are capable of enduring a long haul of supporting him/her. This cannot be something that starts out with good intentions only to later discover that you cannot cope with the possible emotional demads from this individual, (of course, this depends on how severe this person is reserved and, primarily why).
Sometimes, what begins as our good intentions can only later end up hindering another. I'd hate for that to happen...for either of you.

You are a wonderful person for wanting to help. Your friend is very fortunate.
I wish the best of luck for the both of you....

Shangrala

Thanks everyone. I'm going to see this person later today and try to get them to at least come to karaoke night this Thursday. Even an hr out would be good.

The strange thing is that the one place, besides my living space (which is primarily my bedroom (I have made it way too easy to stay in here. I have a fridge and microwave in here even), is on stage, behind a mic and singing. One last note, when your friend does do something extroverted and silly try not to be too extreme in your response maybe. Not that you have in the past but affirm the behavior without being too demonstrative. I know IF I am silly around people and they laugh too much or hard I can flash back to being mocked, smile a little and enjoy the moment with your friend but try being gentle about it. It's a tactic I use with my shy daughter as well. She wouldn't sing for the longest time because people around her would make a big to do about it and then SHE became the focus instead of the singing and it scared her. So I smile and calmly affirm her and she is singing more for me now, which is great. I can share the gift my father gave me, music, with her.

Ascension - that's a really good point. I talked to them today and really got some opening up about reasons why they are introverted. My friends and I do a girl's night at this place that has karaoke every thursday and hopefully she will come. My friend and I always sing at least 2 songs together (mostly to make asses of ourselves). For example, last week we sang Spice Girls lol.

Since I am so outspoken and extroverted people tend to open up to me really easily. I think I do have the patience because she has been a really good friend to me. She has actually said "I wish I was more like you" because I am always in a good mood and goofy.

First step is to actually get her OUT on thursday. I didn't even think about giving too much demonstration that I enjoy something because that was a thing she talked about. That she used to be very emotional and comfortable and people would make fun of her for showing emotion. That's what I got out of the convo today. Hopefully things all go well.

I am glad to hear you are truly and gently helping your friend to be a little more comfortable with herself and that you two are working so good together. It sounds like your friend is in good hands.