I feel like screaming

I can't tell who to trust, I think my case worker is mad at me, she seems different, distant.... what did I do, what did I say, I don't know what to do.... maybe I should quite and not see her anymore.... I just wanna know what I did for her to be this way.... or maybe this is all in my head, I can't tell anymore I can ask her but what if she lies and says everything is okay? I can't take people lying to me.... this is to much stress for me, I wanna give up.... can anyone help me?

Copy your post and give it to your case worker. Talk it through and figure out a way to deal with. If you are already thinking your case worker will lie to you, you will never be able to establish a good working relationship.

You have not been able to get better on your own. You have to trust somebody.

Is this a recent change? If so perhaps she is distracted by a personal trouble in her own life.

Yes, it is recent.... I can see it in her face, she acts different and doesn't talk as much to me as before.... it has to be about me.

What is there about you that has changed if anything?

I don't know what has happened but I hate for you to feel badly about something that may not be your fault in any way.

How soon will you see her again? Clearly you and she need to talk.

I don't see how it would be in her interests to lie. If she did, you'd be off the hook; whatever was upsetting her would be officially her problem, not yours.

I know, some people do go, " Nothing's wrong! What ever made you think anything could be wrong? " -- but that does not count as good social work.

I suspect her distance is BECAUSE she really loves and cares for you.

Most likely, her own personal plate is overflowing and it's making her feel a little queasy i.e., deep concern for her own family and friends outside of "work." You are not her work, you are her pleasure. You are her pleasure because it makes her feel like she's got what it takes to make a difference in this world. It feels really good to have the ability to touch someone and make a positive difference in their world.

The very last thing she'd want to do is burden you with her own personal problems. She knows it would upset you because you'd want to fix her - you can't. It might also make her feel as if she is abandoning her own family/friends. It could cause her to give up on everyone.

I wouldn't push it with her - give her a little breathing space, and show her you care.....from a distance. It will prove to her she still has what it takes to care for tender hearts. It will make you both stronger.

We don't have to fix each other.....we just need to care about each other.

Now.....DO WHAT SHE SAYS....or else!

(((Jay))),
your case worker needs to be professional, but sometimes her emotions might slip through a little. She may be having problems outside of work or something made her in a bad mood that day. There may be some stressful things going on in her life. You're sensitive to peoples emotions and you can't tolerate people being upset with you.

There another possibility - that she might be slightly discouraged that you were doing well and now you're struggling - of course this isn't your fault. Since she's not in your personal life, she has no reason to lie to you. Her emotions are really irelevent because that would be unprofessional of her -right? If you like you could ask her. I think you're very respectful to her, so I don't think it's you Jay. I know you had problems with your mom abusing you, so I think you're ultra sensitive to women's emotions. You shouldn't quit Jay - it's her job to work with you. Hang in there, don't worry and keep trying - okay?

Nothing about me has changed.... It's her that has changed, and I see her next wed.

I hope she doesn't lie, but I can't tell if she likes me or not.

Sounds like you know what your talking about.... but you don't know me, I sense the smallest things wrong.... I can't take people being mad at me.

Hi Lynn You know me so well.... I won't quit okay, but I have to ask her what's going on.... I can see in her eyes and facial movements that something is wrong, I just hope it's not about me, I'm trying my best to get better..... Sometimes I wish you were my case worker, you're so nice and always give good advice.

It's pretty much inevitable that someone, somewhere will eventually get mad around you for whatever reason and direct it your way. When that happens, it'll be easier on you if you've already anticipated the possibility and worked a bit on dealing with it.

Trying carefully never to get anyone mad at you probably won't help much; some people even find that annoying.

The way I see it is, if someone's going to be mad at me no matter what I do, I'd rather know I did the right thing. It seems to bother me a lot less to have someone mad at me if they're unable to tell me what I could've done differently.

Hugs Jay

I have a lot to work at.... the way I am now stems from my rather painful childhood with my mother, I can't change the way I am.

Thank you Babysteps

If you are to grow, change is essential.

How did the meeting go, Jay?

Change.... change what? nothing is wrong with me.

I don't see her till the tenth.

JayS I get paranoid and start thinking in a delusional way when I am under too much stress (and for me, it takes very little stress to be "too much") or I am feeling to anxious or depressed.

I would tell her how you are feeling and explain that you do have this tendency to paranoid thinking, so that "you really need her help in being honest with you" if she has had any negative feelings towards you.

Usually now I can when it's me, when my thinking has gone haywire because this kind of conspiratorial or paranoid thinking will start building up in me as things go wrong, little stressors add up. Also there will be no real ACTIONS on the part of the other person I'm starting to feel uneasy about, it'll just be my perception and my feelings about them.

If I nip things in the bud by talking about it, and by doing all the things I can do - using all the coping techniques I know - to take care of myself and reduce any conscious or unscious stress or PTSD feelings I'm having, then I start feeling better and can discern what the truth is.

I have to get enough rest every day, eat well, take my meds as perscribed, get a bit of exercise, spend enough time alone to feel relaxed and calm, try to live in the present by taking things one day or one hour at a time. Likewise you need to do what ever it is that makes you feel healthy, relaxed and happy.

We all have to deal with stuff we don't like to every day. But when your paranoid or delusional thinking starts acting up, you need to really keep negative things to a minimum. Pamper yourself, treat yourself like you would a good friend who wa feeling the way you are. I hope you get this figured out and resolved soon.

Also, I don't mean to imply that it is you or your thinking that is FOR SURE the problem. It may well be something is going on in her life, and by talking honestly with her about your own feelings, she may open up a bit to you and let you know you are okay, that it's her problem. Though some therapist seem to go by the principle that they simply do NOT talk about their own personal lives or feelings. If she seems evavise, ask her if that is her policy. If so, knowing that my put you more at ease.

Just because someone is a pdoc or a therapist or social worker, does not mean they don't have their own issues. And like the rest of us they may not be aware of them or know how to deal any better than the rest of us do. They are human also.