positively smashing!

I'll add some disclaimers:

I'm writing from a positive place, about a positive place, and I am aiming for positivity overall.

*If you are unhappy with positive thinking (no kidding, some people seem to take offense), or you don't like how I write personally... then the "back button" is at the top of your screen Seriously, don't bring me down

* I am trying to promote, grow and nurture positive elements in myself and hopefully in others. I don't have all the answers, don't claim to... and I'm writing from my experiences and from what I see. I am open to sharing opinions, but please don't just criticize. State what you think in comparison, please don't pick what i say apart

* and above all else - join in, discuss, but work at framing what you say in a positive way...

OKs.. so, i don't talk about myself in very positive terms, not often anyways. i worry about sounding vain or bragging... i was married to a narcissist so i would never say a good word about myself. If i sound vain, forgive me... i am really just trying to say better things about myself and i don't quite have the knack yet

i'm writing this from my hospital bed. i just had major abdominal surgery to remove multiple tumors. i could be laying here focusing on the pain, the long recovery ahead, the fact that i have no income to speak of and there is more uncertainty than certainty in my near-future. But... where would that get me?

i want to focus on making this forced challenge be a launching pad into where i want to be. i am not focused on the crappy food ( ), i'm focused on the fact that i am fortunate enough to live in a place where i was able to get such excellent treatment.

something shifted in my mind recently... i don't know exactly how or why, i just have clues. One thing i know is that i began to turn my attention to living instead of existing. My T and i were discussing positives and how i needed to look for them. i got frustrated at first, positives... how could i see positives in the disaster that my life is? But... it isn't like i am pretending life is working out perfectly, i am not denying the hardship i am facing... no, instead i am facing it with a different attitude.

i began by examining my life for what i was doing that gave me even a smile... where was the joy? where was the peace? where was anything other than despair? What i saw made me cry. There was nothing, except my dogs and i was neglecting to even really soak up the love they so readily give. i was so caught in my worry that i was turning away from even that simple gift. So, think about it... by giving them love back, and by openly letting myself feel their love... how is it impacting my situation? No, it doesn't pay my rent, but it means that for a short time out of each day i can feel something other than misery. Sounded like a plan to me.

i have a complicated history, not as bad as some, worse than others, and i won't go into that here, it isn't the point. But, because of my history i don't have a good sense of what ***i*** enjoy, i have a lot of things other people have told me to do and a lot of confusion. So, job number 1 has been to try to assess what does in fact bring a smile. What do i like? What might i like? It's trial and error.

i started trying to teach myself harmonica... it's free bc i already owned one, and it's creative so it takes me out of my "chattering" verbal mind and i think i like it.

i began to look harder for things that were positive around me... like extra whipped cream on my hot chocolate (bonus!). ANYTHING that is positive and makes you feel good in any way. Now, that isn't the same as just being pleasure-seeking, and don't lie to yourself and say that taking street drugs is the same exercise... you ALL know it isn't. Look for real positives, things that aren't counterproductive, you know?

it can be simple like the harmonica... it can be as cheap as drawing cartoons on paper...

i thought hard about how much i like to cook and bake... and the joy it brings when i give that stuff to others. So, i began to bake. This time last year i had a job, a lot more money than now (even if it still wasn't enough) and i had far more "reason" to be happy... but i was eating a half a box of kraft dinner a day and i would never spend the money to buy enough butter to bake something nice. i was suffering terribly... soul suffering. This past week alone i baked two strudels... bought the butter, gave the strudels away and reaped the happiness of seeing people's faces light up. It was like some kind of salve for my poor heart.

i am advocating seeking out the things that give you a light in the darkness.

Dig down deep and think about yourself as a creature of light. No lie... inside you, despite whatever crap life has handed you, there are the seeds of a beautiful person. Again, no lie. You have the capacity for love, to be loved, to give and to be happy. For real.

i began to try to just think harder about what my strengths are. Now, i don't see myself as strong and i don't see myself as really having strengths. It feels wrong to say i have them... but screw that, it isn't helpful. Pretend you already believe you do, don't play that game with yourself. If you are smart enough to be able to read this then you are smart enough to know that every single human being has strengths... we just block ourselves, tie ourselves up and we get crap handed to us that makes us not believe in the strength. That's the truth of it, we have them, but we haven't been taught to see or use them well. So, pretend you are already there.

how are you wording things to yourself? are your statements of strength followed by negatives or yeah-but's? Are you building hurdles before building a foundation?

i have a tendency to try to build the whole future instead of looknig at what i can do right now, and then letting the rest unfold as i go. So, i can start with what seems like a positive, good idea and before i make a step i have shot myself down with all the potential problems. Sound familiar?

oh wow...

ok... i know this is incomplete... i have a lot i want to say... but, i am writing it from that hospital bed.... sudden wave of exhaustion.

i gotta go rest for a while...

but jump in ok?

Tell me one positive thing about your day or your world. One. Just one. If you love anyone then you have that one. Tell me about how you are working toward a better future.

take something, anything, about yourself and find a way to say it that brings you a positive feeling... now is not the time to be shy

be well

OK, something that I came to a long time ago, and was unable to hold onto it all the time: an understanding of what something means.

Freedom: the ability to do what has to be done.

Sounds contradictory? It's not, though...

(((((little rhino)))))

I'm very happy that your surgery and recovery has gone well so far. Best wishes for continued healing and safe return to your new positive life.

My positive thing is my family and also the fact that I planted flowers today with my husband and we did not get cross with each other all day .

Take care, slow

hi guys

that's awesome slow... can you go a step further? what you said is great, but maybe we can tweek it more... like saying "we did not get cross with each other" is good, but if you state it in the positive tense it could be even better. Like, if i say "i was not sad" that is good, but if i say "i was in a good mood" that is even better, you know? Think you can give it a shot?

i just spoke with my mother on the phone and she has a terrible habit of framing everything in a negative tense, and to an extreme... i joke with her and i tell her that if it was a nice day she would say "yes, lovely day but it's going to rain tomorrow."

maybe i am being naive, but i've just gotten the idea that if bad stuff is happening i can face it with a light or a heavy heart... feeling worse doesn't fix anything so why not try to feel as good as one can in a situation?

now.. i am reluctant here because i see people who misunderstand the positive principles and they "paint lipstick on a pig." They try to make bad things sound cheerful, which makes no sense to me. That is invalidating. No way in the world i am going to say that this surgery is in any way happy or any less painful than it is. But i can focus on the upsides that are real, and how i can manage it all.

pachyderm... can you elaborate? i have always loved your unique viewpoint... can you say more about what you mean?

i'm feeling so sexy in these disposable undies.

Freedom: the ability to do what has to be done.

That is, being able to act without being overwhelmed by fear, without trying to escape, even mentally, even internally, from what you know is right. Even in situations that are not "easy". To realize that you don't have to run away. That is a real feeling of freedom.

I wish I could do it all the time.

OK my sexy underwear wearing friend - today I planted flowers with my husband. It was a lovely day. The birds were singing, the temperature was just right, and he and I communicated in a positive way all day. This is a day that I will remember for quite a while.

Thank you for helping me to say that and to realize how I said it the first time. (I'm glad you have your sense of humor and it's nice to hear from you)

slow

little*rhino, I am happy you are happy.

heehee... yeah, i'm totally smokin' hot let me tell ya... i can barely resist myself. The undies are just the half of it

see the difference? yeah... the second time is a shift, right? i did it when i had a thought about worth... i was saying "maybe i wasn't worthless" but it became more powerful when i said "maybe i am worth something."

Powerful stuff that positive jazz.

i'd like to have a chat that was just about positive talk... i wonder what others do to seek happiness, peace, joy... i mean, we all want it, but what do we do each day to find it?

i want to live... actually live. SOmewhere i read an intersting quote - life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. Life has been happening around me without me really engaging it and i want that to stop. It's not even about being daring enough, or brave enough to take risks... i take all manner of risks, have tons of stories to tell... but i wasn't living.

now i want life... full and sweet

i want to be in love with life.

i see what you mean pach. i told my T that i want to walk with peace and grace.. i think this freedom you mention is part of that. Do you have things you do to help yourself achieve this freedom?

Im thankful for you (((little*rhino))) Thankful that you were born, thankful you came to PC, and thankful that you came through the other side of your surgery with such strength and grace (minus the absorbant underwear) Today I am thankful for you, and your willingness to gently nudge us through the next step of our journey called life!!!

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."-John Lennon

I have not been able to do much systematic to get to that point consistently. I could use suggestions.

awww, ruffy... how adorably sweet of you!! Thank you! you just made my morning And lay off my sexxy undies babe... get yer own!

i am trying to take this all as a lesson in gratitude. Last week i showered, peed and strolled around my apartment without a second thought. Today i showered and was humbled by how weak i am right now... and i am grateful to know that i will gain strength again. i am grateful for the gains i have made today over yesterday. (and if one more doc asks me about gas i will ask that they just pull my finger! )

haha, i'll nudge... gentle even.. because i am weak, as i said. But don't get too comfy, i'll shove sometimes too!

bless your fuzzy little heart for making me smile today - good start to another day of falling in love with life

i'm including your original definition so i can remember what the focus was... forgive me, the dilaudid makes me about as sharp as a marble

i wonder if you are using freedom as synonymous with courage... it's how i am reading the ability to do what has to be done. It took me most of my life to recognize that i was very brave. i mistakenly thought that being brave meant being fearless... but not true, being full of fear and acting anyway is courage.

i have found myself being more able to stand outside of that cold, overloading fear though... not that i've lost courage, more like i sometimes am graced with enough strength to move beyond it. Rare, but it has happened. When it does i find myself more focused on the larger picture and on gratitude... i find that last bit is so deeply important to me lately.

sometimes i think about whether a specific "crisis" will mean so much to me in a year, or two or ten....

and it sounds trite, and can be read as minimizing, which is not the intent, but i take some comfort in knowing that if it doesn't kill me, then i will handle it somehow.. even if i handle it badly. Every crisis feels like a crisis, but we survive it... how much we feel whole after each one is more in our grasp. We can't control how or when crisis comes, just what perspective we put it in.

if the people you love are alive and well, if you are going to survive the moment... then it isn't as bad as it feels. People can make it through a ton of stuff...

i read a book recently... a book i would hesitate to recommend because of his take on certain things... but he had a valid point(s). He said to focus on the positives and on love to move forward. It doesn't mean that those thiings will fix the concrete situation but they give you strength and maybe some of that freedom. He said we don't have the ability to dwell in both love and fear at the same time... which i mostly agree with... if we focus on how much we love someone or something we have less ability to be lost in fear of whatever crisis is at hand.

i think im babbling..... i should probably stop

i'll think on it pach... maybe others have suggestions as well... i think it's a noble thing to aim for... freedom

You are not babbling..
I love that and can't agree more. Now, to only apply it to my life so to guide me past my fears....

This thread is great. Thank you for presenting us some positive to ponder, and of course to learn to utilize.
I'd like to think that I'm an optimist, but I'm not sure, anymore because I'm so stuck in my fears...(Gawd...how I'd love to break free of them).

But anyway...I'm really not thinking all that clearly atm, so I'll omit from adding anything right now, though I will later.
I do have this link to add for now, as it reminds me so much of your thread...



Thanks for the positive energy...it's a wonderful thing that I do (usually) live by....

Shangrala

More like grace, I think.

funny that... i tell T i want a state of Grace. i'm not religous or especially spiritual, not in any traditional sense that i feel strongly connected to anyways. But i do believe in Grace.. that serenity that descends and transcends.

i strive towards it... and it became more important to me when i began trauma work. it's when i rephrased my statement about worth...

i think we all have it in us, and it puzzles me how we develop in such ways that so few remember their own state of grace, their own experience of their own divine being within. If it feels less scary it can be called a state of calm joy.

and ty shangrala... i wonder though, something you say reminds me of a trap i create for myself unwittingly. i often feel as though i am waiting to find a way to apply this or that and it will get me through... next time. i think this is a mistaken perspective on my own part. i think it isn't something we ever "get to" or master... it's not a destination, it's a practice, a viewpoint. i don't think we will someday be in a place from which it will just work better... maybe i am wrong, but i am beginning to believe that there is literally nothing that is between me and shifting my perspective now and every day forward. Everytime the need arises i think the challenge is basically to accept it or reject it... to attempt or to not attempt, rather than to succeed or fail. Attempting is doing, attempting is succeeding.

nah... i think i was right, i really am babbling

It's not the most common preoccupation in our society, to look for it. Lots of noise out there.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” ~Charles R. Swindoll

Wonderful quote Byzantine!!!---I am learning this the hard way.

Very difficult--but to survive, I must accept what is, right now.

Also to react with calmness, so I won't lose it all together. I use Mindfulness alot.

Great thread little *rhino!!!----thanks!---theo

That is so true. There is a lot of noise out there. Our culture doesn't allow us to take care of ourselves.

We can do it anyway!

Yes we can!!!