[imamess65]

(45yr old, 2nd marriage, 10yrs together total) I get drunk (not often but 4-6 times a yr), black out and call him a pervert in front of everyone make a jerk of myself - even though he hasn't done anything perverse in years. (he has a past but not with me he just made the mistake of telling me about it) I have irrational fears that he will leave me. He treats me pretty darn good now (not so always in the past) and now it is ME being a giant Bleep. Help me please I have to get myself under control stop drinking and stop the jealous rages or I will loose a very good thing. Advice on controlling my mouth? - I say the meanest things sometimes and I'm very hurtful to him. I want to stop but I get so angry and hurt about stupid things. His family doesn't like me and now my own family is REALLY mad at me for this last drunken episode. (I've ruined the river trip with my sisters 4th of July 2 yrs in a row and had a scene with him at my nephews wedding) Can't blame them. How do I apologize for this latest failure and why do seem to sabotage my relationships? I've done this in the past and I am always sorry but don't seem to be able to behave. Constantly running my mouth - sober or drunk. I am like a cat on a hot tin roof - yet I'm lazy and my house is somewhat of a mess. I don't understand and I need to understand so that I can change this horrible personality trait. Thank you for ANY advice!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by imamess65

I have to get myself under control stop drinking and stop the jealous rages or I will loose a very good thing

Hi, I'm a. Think you know what you have to do; stop the drinking! It's a choice. I wouldn't trust myself drinking if it affects your life, especially this severely.

[Aunt Donna]

I agree with Perna and you need to stop the drinking. I have learned from personal experience to think before I speak. I had a tendency to hurt people's feelings in a heartbeat and I didn't and still don't drink. It was like I have been hurt and I want to hurt someone else. I had to realize I have an arguementative attitude and I have to keep in check. On the plus side, when my boss noticed how hard I was trying to correct myself and the change I had made, she commended me.

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. ~Author Unknown

[ECHOES]

Having the help of a therapist when you want to know yourself better and you want to make changes in your life is invaluable.

The drinking is a symptom of something more. I suspect drinking allows you to release anger that doesn't have a healthy outlet, and has a deep history. A psychotherapist can help so much.

[SheSabre]

Ima, I have to agree totally with Echoes and tell you that you need some psychotherapy really bad. Whatever is causing you to be this mean, even when you are drinking, is buried deep inside of you...then you take all your anger out on your husband. You need to go and let a professional help you to get to the very root of your problem, they will help you figure yourself out and eventually why you do this. I even believe that you drink to self-medicate and to avoid the truth about yourself, you might even already know what your issues are and they can even stem from your childhood... just sit down and think really hard, it might just pop in your head...who knows? First, before anything else, I would QUIT DRINKING!!! I don't see how you can enjoy drinking when it makes you so very mean and you ruin even family events, put it down and don't ever touch it again... or you really are going to lose your husband, everyone has a breaking point. Make some calls and find a psychotherapist with a good reputation, then make an appointment right away...they might even want you both to come in together. I believe the therapist will want to hear everything that your husband might have to say because it might enlighten them to what your problem is. All I know to tell you is to QUIT DRINKING NOW, go to a therapist, and if you can't say nice things to your husband...which also has must be the truth...then don't say anything at all, just bite your tongue until the ends falls off. I wish you GOOD LUCK, I hope your marriage can be saved, and you must be honest with yourself...especially if you are in denial about something...and GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!
Huggles,
She

[imamess65]

Originally Posted by SheSabre

Ima, I have to agree totally with Echoes and tell you that you need some psychotherapy really bad. Whatever is causing you to be this mean, even when you are drinking, is buried deep inside of you...then you take all your anger out on your husband. You need to go and let a professional help you to get to the very root of your problem, they will help you figure yourself out and eventually why you do this. I even believe that you drink to self-medicate and to avoid the truth about yourself, you might even already know what your issues are and they can even stem from your childhood... just sit down and think really hard, it might just pop in your head...who knows? First, before anything else, I would QUIT DRINKING!!! I don't see how you can enjoy drinking when it makes you so very mean and you ruin even family events, put it down and don't ever touch it again... or you really are going to lose your husband, everyone has a breaking point. Make some calls and find a psychotherapist with a good reputation, then make an appointment right away...they might even want you both to come in together. I believe the therapist will want to hear everything that your husband might have to say because it might enlighten them to what your problem is. All I know to tell you is to QUIT DRINKING NOW, go to a therapist, and if you can't say nice things to your husband...which also has must be the truth...then don't say anything at all, just bite your tongue until the ends falls off. I wish you GOOD LUCK, I hope your marriage can be saved, and you must be honest with yourself...especially if you are in denial about something...and GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!
Huggles,
She

Thanks so much! I know - I do not intend to drink again - EVER! (that will not be hard as I honestly do not drink that often) I knew that the other day writing this. Thankfully my husband has come home and has forgiven me. He even asked me to marry him again!!! Down on one knee and everything!!! He filled in quite a few of the blanks from that night too. I found out that everyone had a very nice time and yes, I did have a small spat with him but it wasn't has big as my sister's made it out to be. Whew ~ The worst part was that they kicked me out and left me locked up with no keys, money, or food for three days. I suppose I needed to be punished. I have plans to see the psychiatrist next week - hopefully we can get to the root of it. Biting my tongue seems to be one thing I'm not very good at - but I hope to through support and love be able to find inner peace and tranquility. I want to be a happy and peaceful person. This is truly the first step - right?! Admitting there's a problem, addressing it, and deeply wanting to change. I'm over those hurdles already! Let the healing begin!

Thank you everyone!!!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Take things one step and one day at a time and don't put pressure on yourself. Your husband loves you and that is a major hurdle already taken, you're seeing the psych thats another one coming up, when you have seen them, thats another and count every day that you don't drink starting from the day after the last drink you had.

There is a huge amount of support here and with all this and with the love of your husband you are a winner,

Breathe in Inner Peace and Contentment and breathe out Unconditional Love with every breath,

Rhian

imamess65, takes some gumption to face your demons. I commend you and wish you well.