Fear of Chat

People will probably think this is ridiculous but to me it is something that I can't seem to get over.

I want to get into chat, but I am scared of it to the point I sometimes get teary. I don't know why I'm afraid of it, or why I hang around thinking "Ok do it now!" but I don't and then I say "Ok now!". It's like I am scared of something but I don't know what it is.

It's irrational, stupid, non-sensical, childish and a hundred other adjectives I could use to explain how it makes me feel but I can't get past it. I can't even go into chat when there is no one there, incase someone comes in. It may be related to agoraphobia but I'm not sure?

I just don't understand why I am so afraid of it; any ideas would be appreciated so that I can either try to talk myself into it or just leave it alone altogether,

Rhi

I'm the same way. I can write a mile long post in the forums and in PM's but for some reason the spontaneous nature of chat intimidates me. Once I accidentally clicked on chat because it's near the Q&A button. When I got back from Q&A I realized I was signed into chat lol.

I have anxiety & panic disorder along with the agoraphobia & claustrophpbia...I didn't stop to think that it could be those things. Strange how the problem grips with no indication of why

Chat scared the life out of me the first time I was in it... and then I took a breath and realized it was okay. Maybe even... fun?

Even if you never come on chat, there are and many beloved and valuable members who rarely or never brave the chat room.

Whatever you are comfortable with is perfectly fine.

I feel that way too, Rhi. Makes me nervous because in text, you can never tell if that person is meaning to be a smart mouth or what so i'm always afraid I'll say the wrong thing

((((((((thunderbear))))))))

Thanks for posting that; I don't like to think people are being a smartmouth but it does happen and I prefer to do without that kind of confrontation. My ex-husband was a mean confrontationalist and that is one of the reasons he is an ex...

Rhi

Hi Rhianonsmoon,
I m so glad that you've said this about chat. I don't want to appear hypocritical with what I'm about to say, (I don't know anyone here to try it), but is there anyone here that you feel comfortable/familiar with and possibly discuss the idea of arranging a time for you to meet in a specific room.
Bon

I don't think there is anything wrong with you because of what you feel about chat.

I don't chat because it scares and intimidates me. Sometimes I am so lonely, chat would be nice but I stay lonely to protect my fear. Besides, I only ever got into chat once or twice and then my computer decided it wasn't happening again!

((Rhiannonsmoon)) Im terrified of the chatrooms. Couldnt go into one if my life depended on it.

I am fearful of it too. I tried it years ago here and even then, though this place was much smaller, I still coudln't get the anxiety to stop.
I soon as I'm in there I start shaking, my heart beat increases and I feel kind of sick.... so ..... I leave. I've tried repeating this-- hoping I'd get used to it-- but I never did.

So, I havn't been back to chat since I renewed my membership here.....maybe someday I'll get brave and try it again

wanted you to know-- You are NOT alone in this fear.

fins

:triggers: ??

Thanks everyone for your responses, I feel less ridiculous knowing I'm not the only one

Bon I read your post and my stomach tightened my neck tightened my jaw tightened and my spine tightened; my temp shot up and I got a tension pounding in my temples (migrane will visit) and felt queesy. That shows me it is something to work on ...but not just yet...

Loving thoughts,

Rhi

You can always ask a Community Team Member to open a chat room for you and them only, to chat a little. With a password on it, no one else could come in and you might be able to work through a little of that anxiety.

But it's ok if you can't.

This is an interesting thread. I pretty much thought I was the only one intimidated in chat rooms. The odd thing is, I used to be a chatter bug. Wasn't afraid of chat rooms, in fact I loved them. Nothing bad has ever happened to me in chat so that isn't a reason I shy from visiting the chat rooms.

The first time here, I was pushing buttons and landed in Doc John's chat room. I almost peed my pants.. I could not find the exit button. Something was wrong with my keyboard because I could not even write in text to ask how to get out of the room. I was shaking so bad. lol... Had to pull the plug of the computer to get out of the room....... I have visited a few other times and just sat there because I could not think of anything to ask or even know why I even went in the room. lol

Guess I am not alone here with this anxious feeling when in chat rooms. I was a regular visitor at another "voice chat" place and had soooooooo much fun there. Now I just go in the rooms and can barely say hi to anyone... I don't even want to be noticed.. So unlike me... shrugs shoulders.... Have no idea why I've become this way....

I had never done chat rooms before & like all of you, it totally intimidated me the first time I got in there. I couldn't type anything & I couldn't even keep up with reading everything that was being typed. ugh, it was the most miserable experience I had ever had.

I kept going back in once in awhile I would find someone that I would end up chatting with just one on one sort of even though everything else was going on around me.

I had no idea what all the acronyms were that were being used & was just sooooo very completely lost.

I kept trying on & off but gave up on chat other than our social group's Bible study chat on Thursday nights....I was leading it to start with, then was able to take a back seat when the leader was able to take over when I was so overloaded. I have gone back to lead the chat a couple of time since then & it's so much easier with a small known group of people that we know each other very well.

I hadn't been in a community group chat for years & had really lost touch with it but when I was on the community team, there were several times when I had to visit several chats to deal with what was going on in there. Interesting how when we have to do something it usually comes through well.....but was very emotionally draining.

I really like sticking with my little social group chat room where I feel safe & relaxed & mostly know the people who come into the room. Its a very pleasant experience compared to the other chat experiences I have had.

There is just too much going on & too much being said by too many people & it does drive up the anxiety level especially if there is someone in there with a crisis. General chat is definitely not something I enjoy or go back into now that there is no need.

I have the opposite problem. I feel much safer in the chat room than I do posting on the site. I can't get it out of my head that I'm more exposed here, and that anything I write is available for all to see. Whereas in the chat, I can get immediate gratification and know exactly who will see what I write. I'm also kind of a perfectionist and my mind often doesn't string sentences together properly. So if I can't say exactly what I want to say in the forums, I often just don't post at all.

I remind myself people come here fore support. I reckon I am more open here because I trust people to understand why this Community was formed. I am surprised that I am able to be so open since I am such a shy, introverted, ambivalent fellow.

Be well.

((Eskielover)) I so want to join the bible study but Im terrified. Could I go on and just sit quietly?

I use chat rooms often and even run my own. I'm quite comfortable with them and just want to offer my help. If anyone ever wants to chat privately with me I'd be happy to listen. I can relate to having an anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with one about 8 years ago.

That sounds more like what you're bracing for someone else to call you. Then, after you finish dealing with their opinion of you, you might be able to get back to noticing how you feel.

Assuming that you eventually find you do want to try chatting, I'm sure there are going to be ways to make it easier on yourself to take the first step. Just the thought of it seems to bring up a lot of stuff for you, though, so maybe you'd rather work through some of that stuff in a safer, slower setting first. That wouldn't be irrational, childish, etc., as much as it would be good self-care.

FWIW, posting is more my speed. I've never even chatted here and I don't usually like trying to keep up with more than one person at a time. By the time I know what I want to say, I'm likely to be a good three steps behind the topic of conversation.

Is there something you'd like to prove to yourself by successfully chatting? If you were to try it and it didn't go the way you hoped, would that say bad things about you?

Hey there FZ,

Yes I think maybe a few coping strategies which could make things easier for me are a good idea.

My mum would give me those labels. For me it is one of those freeze up situations like in the morning my brain is thinking at a hundred miles an hour before I'm awake and the anxiety is in full flight before I can even start any relaxation techniques. Once the anxiety starts my eyes fly open and I just can't stay in bed...so I'm really tired most of the time...

I think I'd like to prove that I can get over the fear and join in a chat, and get over the fear of meeting new people. It's taken me 2 years to start posting regularly. I don't have a hope of how things would go; I'm just afraid and anxious about stepping out of my lounge room and into a chat room. If people are going to say bad or unkind things about me there's nothing I could do about that it's their perogative, though everyone here seems lovely.

Some things to think about though, thank you for that...

Cheers,

Rhian

i'll be sitting in chat for a couple more minutes. if you just wanted to come in for a minute or two just to get over the initial hurdle, i am happy to sit with you. i can't stay long, but it might just be a safe little step if you wanted it. there's just me and doll in chat at the moment and we're both pretty safe. if it's still too scary to come in, that's ok too.

I'm sorry dinosaurs I didn't get this message til just now. I think because we are abed when you're up and about the messages hang around for ages 'til I get up and get back here...

I am still nervous about it so I won't take you up on the offer just yet..hope you understand,

Rhian

Hi, Rhi,

I went into a chat room here for the first time yesterday. Boy, it was boring. Nobody really talked about anything. Somebody might ask a question and get ignored. Everybody says hello and goodbye when people come in and go out. Half the people listed as being in the room didn't say a word, they just lurked. You don't HAVE to say anything, you know. You can just go in and be there, watching. Nobody cares whether you say something or not. I haven't been to a moderated chat here. Maybe they say things worth reading then. But in the half hour I spent there it was like, just, nothing. And certainly nothing to fear. Just go watch for a while.

Take care.

One on one chat for someone in distress can be useful. I go to some of the scheduled chats to offer support.

**Trigger for people with bully issues**




Yes Byz, I think you are right...I realised today why I dislike chat, it's another weapon for people to use. I just have this aversion to being attacked and if I were to go into chat and one of the people who have attacked me are there then it leaves me wide open to their bullying which is something I will not tolerate so it's better to avoid the situation.... hmmm gives me something to work with...thank you Byz for jogging my brain...making me think deeper than the surface anxiety; I really appreciate that

Rhia