how come??

Hope this is OK to write.

I've been wondering this again and thought I'd write it out....

Being that this culture is one that very much wishes to absolve most responsibilty for ones own actions.....

how is it that-- checking and rechecking a lock or turning on and off a light switch or touching a door 5 times before one leaves the house is a "compulsion"
but yet--
one using porn for hours or having mulitiple sex to alleviate ones anxiety is an "addiction"???
Isn't "behavior" in the category of compulsions or obsessions???
isn't sex a behavior-- resulting from a desire to lessen anxiety or depression or whatever the person is mentally experiencing?? why isn't it called a "sexual obssession" or "compulsion"?? (when OCD sufferers fulfill their obssession or complusion they get a release from their anxiety or depression... is that NOT the same??)
does the "pop culture" not like the sound of that as much as the word "addiction"? why would that be?...

I've heard of a study done on drug addicts that were threatened with being hit with a bat if they shot up and yet they shot up because the depletion of the chemical in their body was so overwhelming that they would risk getting hit with a bat just to stave off the shakes/jitters and such from the addiction...... but those that indulged in sex too much were able to NOT have sex as they didn't want to get hit with a bat.....
so.....
isn't sex then a behavior and NOT an addiction??

isn't it more the way the mind "thinks" instead of the body truly being dependant on some outside chemical? Seems overeating is MUCH closer to an addiction, as one IS getting something put into the body from outside -- something that the WHOLE body craves and uses just like a drug or alcohol...
how can the way a mind think be considered an addiction??
isn't it a compulsion or obssession or a case of narcissistic personality instead??....

or why not it being considered a "disorder" then-- like overeating or undereating is??? they are eating disorders.... or what about cutting-- I've never heard of professionals referring to that as being an addiction..... why not?? huh?

why is it a sexual "addiction"?

been wondering this .......

fins

Maybe because it's a real good excuse? I mean, for people who don't understand true addiction, it sounds really good. That way you can't just ask folk "why did you do that when you know that he/she was thirteen years old" or "when you promised me you wouldn't do it again"? the answer is simply "I couldn't help myself".

Another way to make life for people who have real additions OR compulsions very difficult.

IMO

An addiction comes from wanting pleasure from, whereas a compulsion is something that is done to make things feel safe.

If you have a compulsion to check the door, swich the light off or wash your hands non stop there is no pleasure in doing so. That comes from trying to make the anxiety feel safe.

An addiction to a substance comes from the pleasure that comes from the substance in the first place and then it's doubly difficult to stop.

Sexual addiction that would come from the pleasure aspect, just as in smoking or alcohol.

Over-eating would be an addiction if it was just over-eating but it becomes a disorder when it gets out of control and becomes anorexia or bulimia.

Not sure what you mean in saying that compulsion/obsession is due to a narcissistic personality???

Anyway, I hope this helps.

That is not how I see this culture. I see this culture as demanding responsibility (from others) without providing much in the way of support in upbringing so that people can accept responsibility naturally -- which is what I think people would do.

As for sexual "addiction", I have had for a long time what seems quite a different view of it. It signifies, as I see it, a deprivation, not an excess. People who are deprived in their own minds of the ability to recognize naturally-occurring sexual feelings and thoughts have to try to compensate for that by repeating sexual encounters over and over. And since the deprivation is in their minds, having sex over and over does not get at the root of the thought-censorship which is inside them, and it does not solve the problem. I see thought-censorship as a result of having learned as a child that sex is bad, and should not be thought about. So the thoughts, which at a certain age should find a straightforward outlet, have to find a hidden one.

In other words, I see sexual "addiction" as a sign of repression, not of excess sexuality. Too little sexual self-acceptance, not too much. That is why the "addiction" is compulsive: it never finds a true outlet and has to be repeated. It is not simple enjoyment, but frustration and suffering.

Thank you for your post lonegael-- I think you and I are of similar mindset.

Thank you pegasus for your post
I was wondering though-- I've heard over and over again, people state that their sex "addiction" isn't about the sex -- so I don't think it's about the pleasure of it but the escape from anxiety-- like a compulsion or obssession is.
for drug or alcohol addicts-- it may START out as pleasure but I can honestly say -- having lived with addicts-- that by the time it's a full blown addiction the pleasure goes and is replaced with strong and upsetting physical need by the body(eating, sleeping and other healthy body needs go by the way side)-- the body is truly addicted. even smokers can attest to the physical reactions of an addiction-- the chemical that is needed to be added to the body-- that the body craves.
I could understand it being labeled as a sex "disorder" rather than an "addiction". or a compulsion or obssession. I just have not been convinced where it is an "addiction".... yet.

respectfully,
fins

For me, an addiction is a more complex behavior with more triggers. A compulsion is just to those discreet activity (washing hands, flipping switches, etc.). But "porn" can be many different things to different people and accessed in different ways. People who give up smoking, for example, have to pay attention to when and where and with whom they normally indulged. A compulsion doesn't care about who, when, or where; that stays the same each time, is more single-minded in its pursuit.

Interesting-- your view of the culture. I appreciate your post.
I think I understand what your are saying-- that the culture should consider ones upbringing when considering a persons responsibility. But then one could use that their whole adult life and get away with abuse-- when would an adult ever be held responsible then? there are millions of people out there that have been, as children, abused/neglected and traumatized-- so the small percent that committ crimes -we should just absolve them ?

If it's like what you say-- a "deprivation"-- then it would seem it would be on a similar lines as the "abandonment" issues in borderline disorder-- and that is considered a "disorder". It's a-- running from/or to some feeling. I don't see where that is an addiction.

"I see thought-censorship as a result of having learned as a child that sex is bad, and should not be thought about. So the thoughts, which at a certain age should find a straightforward outlet, have to find a hidden one. " This may be the case in a small percentage, but I highly doubt-- what with the over sexed culture we have-- that most sex "addicts" are of this background. My view is that-(the majority) its more of the mind set of - "I want it so I'm going to have it" or "I can't help myself-- it was there and I just couldn't help myself".

"In other words, I see sexual "addiction" as a sign of repression, not of excess sexuality. Too little sexual self-acceptance, not too much. " I truly don't see-- since most sex addicts are men-- how the issue is repression. My god-- they are encouraged to be sexual in commercials, movies, TV shows by their peers-- the whole culture bends to men and their sexual desires/drive-- the main attraction of the Las Vegas mindset-- topless women and legal prostitution(I know it's not legal IN Vegas but is in the suburbs and that is an attraction for some men to go there) There are naked women dance clubs in almost EVERY town in the US... I don't see how men are repressed from their sexuality. I do think it's an overindulgence and a mindset of -- it's all for me and I'm going to have it.... regardless of what it does to my wife/girlfriend or my family.

I can truly see what you mean pachyderm about a few young males made to feel bad about their natural sexual drive-- and for them I can see where-- as young adults I could see where they could have some struggles.

respectfully,
fins

I forgot to address your question pegasus---

I didn't say that compulsion/obsession is due to narcissistic personality.
I said: "isn't it a compulsion or obssession or a case of narcissistic personality instead??".... I was referring to sexual "addiction".... asking if it could be a compulsion or obsession OR case of narcissistic personality.

peace to you

fins

Thanks for clarifying further, could you tell me how you think it could be narcissism in relation to having a sexual addiction then?

WHY is the culture "over sexed"? What I say it is because we have almost all been taught to deny our natural sexuality, so it comes out around the edges, so to speak; it is dammed up so bursts out in unnatural ways, not simple natural ones. So what I am saying is that things appear to be "over sexed" because they are under sexed! Normal sexuality denied. If it were not denied (inside the mind) it would not have to be splashed all over everywhere, as it is now. There would be simple acceptance of it.

I don't believe it is a sexual "addiction"-- more on the lines of a disorder(due to faulty thinking, anxiety, depression and the like), but with that said....
The way I understand it is that Narcissists do things from their own view point, their own feelings, with little to no regard of what that will do to others in their lives. -- which is how some with sexual disorder think. Also, from what I understand they(narcissists) have a huge sense of entitlement.--- which could be how some people struggling with sexual disorder think.

I struggle to understand how a behavior and/or dysfunctional thought is deemed an addiction... and not an obsession or compulsion.
I truly do not see how such can be considered an addiction.

do you know if "cutting" (self injury) is considered an addiction? that seems to be similar to the sexual disorder... they both are behaviors to stave off an uncomfortable feeling or to feel something that one isn't able to without it.

I guess I'm not clear on what you mean by "natural sexuality"........ how are we all denied that. ???

I see sex all over. (from the man's view of it, for his desires) MTV videos have all kinds of it. R rated movies are full of it. I just watched one tonight where a guy was getting his jollies from a strung out runaway girl.(I didn't know that scene was in the movie or I wouldn't have watched it). like I said, strip clubs are all around for the enjoyment of men's fantasies(women aren't supposed to have any such fantasies) There are all sorts of men's magazines that depict naked women for men's private "enjoyment" and millions of internet sites with sex ready to view at the tap of a key.

I truly don't understand where this culture is "under sexed". would you mind explaining that more-- I'm interested to understand this view.

have to run now,
fins

**Triggers for sexual addiction and purging**

Rhiannon knows a woman who is a sexual addict and it truly is an addiction. She is looking for some form of gratification, just as a gambler who plays a gamling machine is looking for the one big win that never comes but the addiction to that thought, to that hope keeps them playing because it could always be the next press which gives them their prize

In this womans situation she is looking for attention and love she has a need to be desired and wanted it is not the orgasm that she is chasing but the mini-love apex that she is constantly reaching for. With her addiction she attends places where there are women taking their clothes off because that arouses her and there are men readily availabl to fullfil her need her addiction to be desired and wanted

Her addiction stemmed from being rejected by her husband yet seeing him show interest in other women and even though that interest was not sexual, to her it was still a rejection. Being a young attractive woman she had to continue to show that she was young and beautiful, desirable, wanted. This also led her to become bulemic in the beginning it was just gorging on sweet things which gave her a similar reaction to desire, the sweets chocolates cakes etc gave her a from of sexual satisfaction but she was concerned about what they would do to her figure so she began to binge eat many sweet things and then purge. The fear of losing her figure became obsessive so she binged and purged regularly

What ever labels are attatched to peoples behaviours not everyone will be contented with but that is just how the world is built one mans house is another mans hovel and one childs joy is anothers contempt. When you study the behaviour which is classified as an addiction or an obsession, what ever is in your mind is how you will relate to it and there is no changing that

You seem concerned regarding a mans attitude to sexuality and pornography, and how he applies that to himself with no regard for his wife/partner or lover. And that it bothers you because you feel that calling that an addiction rather than a behaviour is negating his responsibility to his relationships. I shall just add here in closing that a sex addict can crave sex upto any number of times a day and night. The woman in the case above craved anywhere upto 14 or 15 times a day and night, that is not just a behaviour or obsession; obsession is usually focused on one thing or person and a sequence of things to ensure a paticular outcome like personal safety

Morgana

What I am saying, correct or not , is that suppression inside the mind, in thought and feeling, results in what appears to be an excessive preoccupation with sex as a compensation for its "mental" suppression. As an attempt to overcome the negatives we are taught about sex (and some other natural feelings). Like a stream that would naturally just flow easily but gets dammed up and finally bursts out in altered ways because it cannot find its natural expression.

If sex were (emotionally) easy for us, why would we need to be so preoccupied with it?

Greetings,

When it comes to any kind of serious addiction, professional medical help, positive support from loved ones/friends/etc., and most importantly, will power is the formula, I feel, would be best to treat it.

I have severe OCD and my treatment team told me it will be harder to overcome than my schizophrenia, mainly because it is so easy to trigger, not to mention, get out of control.

My medical treatment, such as my medication and therapy have done wonders for me in properly coping with OCD, though, according to my psychologist, my attitude is the most powerful medical treatment, to which can diminish such a tormenting illness. So far, she has been right. For, the more perseverance, and overall will power I put into overcoming my OCD, the less it feels as if it is an illness.

Yes, I know there is debate over the similiarities of OCD and other addictions, though, all the coping stratagies my psychologist has taught to me, she has also taught to many others who have various kinds of serious addictions, such as with substance abuse. After all, OCD and just plain addictions are both caused by a malfunctioning mind(so to speak).

Anyway, forcing one to stop his her addiction may work, though, the actual afflicted must truly want to in order to properly, not to mention, efficiently diminish the problem. For the more serious of cases, proper medical treatment is strongly recommended though, with or without it, the afflicted must positively take control of his/her own mind, find him/herself, keep the positive aspects of his/her life, get rid of the negative, and, most importantly, be patient/love him/herself the whole way through, and then on. Willpower and love for oneself are two very powerful potions, which work great for those who use them to positively change themselves. In my personal opinion, of course.

Have a good one.

I just don't understand where men are suppressed sexually. I understand it can happen as a child, at home-- but once out in the culture-- Wow-- it seem it's everywhere for men-- encouraging men to act through their desires and fulfill their sexual fantasies. I don't understand others asking "why" men would have a sexual disorder("addiction"-- as is pop culture speak)-- I ask why wouldn't they?

It's like if everywhere one went there was wine, wine commercials, movies about wine, magazines about wine, billboards of wine, wine stores with flashy signs all lit up-- then doesn't it seem understandable to think that some of the population are going to be obsessed with wine, being that it's difficult to go anywhere without seeing it?

I feel bad for any human that is "mentally" suppressed sexually-- most women know oh too well what that is like-- it's awful. I was not taught(at home) any negatives about sex... I was not taught much about anything.
It's been my experience(from family, neighbors and acquintances) that most boys are brought up to treasure their sexual drive/part -- to equate it to their manlieness. I'm sure though that there could be a small minority of boys raised to think like most girls-- that sex is bad(dirty) and your body is not to be touched by yourself- that makes you bad.

"If sex were (emotionally) easy for us, why would we need to be so preoccupied with it "........ I'm not so sure it has anything to do with the emotions of sex -- but the emotions of relationships. I wonder if that's where the struggle mostly lies-- within oneself and the thinking/comfort in relationships. Sex seems to be a way for some to detour around having to have emotions and/or be in a healthy relationship.(the "addiction" as pop culture likes to call it) I just wonder if it could be similar to cutting-- in that its a dysfunction in dealing with ones emotions??? maybe??

thanks pachy for conversing and explaining things-- I very much respect and appreciate your presence here.

fins

Thank you Princess Obsidian

All you say makes VERY much sense to me.

I wish you well in your fight to overcome OCD--
I think you are a true warrior.

fins

As with us here, suppression of feelings and thoughts happens as a child, and then -- that does not get reversed instantly, or without working hard on it. Because the problems with sex are inside (the person), things that happen outside ("being everywhere") do not automatically correct it.

This probably will seem like a strange comparison, but -- Hitler apparently had huge internal fears about Jews, Slovaks, the mentally ill, retarded people, practically anyone he saw as "weak". (There is evidence that he actually had a Jewish ancestor, and that he knew or suspected that.) He evidently feared that he shared in their weakness and could not stand that thought. He killed many people in an attempt to wipe out his fears of them, but as many people as he could kill, he could never kill his fears, because his fears were inside of him, not outside.

That is my interpretation, anyway.

Oh my gosh!! this all makes so much sense. Yes-suppression of feelings/thoughts as a child does not instantly reverse. it does take much hard work and much self examination. I so agree.

I don't think your comparison of Hitler is strange at all-- I think it's very insightful and very well expressed.
Alas, weakness and fear can sure wreak havoc on ones self and others

respectfully
fins

Rhiannonmoon, thank you so much for the posting abut your friend. I feel that people like her are among those hurt worst in the way that many people cavalierly use the term of sex addiction to excuse how they act; the number of those who call themselves sex addicts and expect exception to be made for themfar outnumbers those who probably clinically meet the definition, and are worlds away from the type of agony that your friend suffers every day of her life. you yourself say that her drive to find peace from the horrible pain that she feels puts her in harm's way many times a day. And picking up men at strip shows whom she doesn't know is putting oneself in harm's way. I also noticed how her case was completely bypassed in the discussion. Hmmmmm. It is a man focussed world, even when we don't want it to be. HUGGGSSSSS to you and very large ones to her, and hopes for healing.

Oh, yeah, Hitler projected like a catapult. No doubt about it. For an interesting read on what it was like to live in the Austrio Hungarian Empire during his growing up, try Ernst Pawel's Nightmare of Reason. It's actually a biography of Franz Kafka, but a real eye-opener of the crazyness of the times.

Slavs, not Slovaks!

Cutting releases chemicals, such as endorphins, which are what leads to the feeling or suppression of uncomfortable feeling...as the case may be. One can become addicted to those chemicals...much like a runner who gets addicted to the "runners high" (a much healthier addiction).

I really do not know, but I wonder if sexual addicts are actually addicted to the chemicals released? I do know that food addicts have a combination of emotional issues and chemical addiction...and that it is said that the chemicals released during sex are similar to those that are released when eating pleasurable foods (chocolate comes to mind).

Are chemicals released when people with OCD are "checking"? Again I do not know. Maybe this is the difference. Or, maybe there are chemicals released causing an addiction as well, and that would then make OCD an addiction instead of a behavior!

Maybe a new area of research to pursue. Right now I am focused on research...so everything becomes a new area, but this really seems a worthwhile and perhaps needed area!

my opinion? because its usually men with this problem and they would rather hide it than admit its something out of control.or maybe they think they have it under control, its society that puts the labels on things, when you say 'sex addict' first thing comes to mind is a rapists or child molester and since most porn loving men dont attack anybody, its kind of 'ok'...
is it an addiction, in my opinion, yes.
the drugs/booze thing is looked at like 'you did it to yourself' thing, a mental problem is a 'your born with it' thing, and a sexual addiction is blamed on media/internet. but usually the one that pays for this addiction is the wife that marries him.