[Can't Stop Crying]

This is kinda long...sorry about that.

Over the last year, it feels like everything has crumbled underneath me.
My husband lost his job last March, fortunately he found a new one rather quickly. His new job has a long commute, no benefits, and much lower salary.

In May, my 15 year old son was actively suicidal and needed to be hospitalized. He is so anxious and depressed still. The school reported him for truancy, because his depression was so paralyzing he was unable to get out of bed. The D.A. scheduled a Child in Need of Care hearing for him due to the truancy. Fortunately, the case was dropped because his doctor intervened. My son is now completely homebound, attending school online. He only leaves the house for therapy and med checks. He has no friends because he has completely isolated himself and the friends that he did have previously have all moved on with their lives.

My 11 year son is miserable because of all the stress in the house. He is also on meds, but I believe the pressure at home is escalating his depression.

I had a miserable, traumatic childhood that I spent years trying to overcome. I thought I had it until control, but now I am falling apart and all the things I thought I had dealt with have come flooding back like a tidal wave.

I took a month off of work to try to pull myself together. I'm scheduled to go back tomorrow and I'm not ready. Extending my leave is not an option because when my husband lost his job I became the primary breadwinner and if I jeopardize my job we will literally be homeless.

Negative coping tools and negative thoughts have re-surfaced. I see my T today, but am worried about stirring the pot. I'm already hanging on by a thread and I'm scared an intensive session will make that thread snap.

I am overwhelmed with trying to help 2 very sad children, running the household, keeping the family together, working a demanding job, and all this sh** from the past bombarding me. Help!

I guess I just needed to get that out, thanks for reading

[sugahorse1]

You have A LOT on your plate right now. It's only fair that you need time out to recharge your batteries.
Please try and open up to your T as much as possible. She can help you carry the load and teach you coping skills - but she has to know what's going on first. If you are going to span, rather let it happen in the caring environment of T. She'll look after you and get you back on your feet.

Regarding your job - try look at it as a priviledge - you are able to be productive and give something back to your family, you are an integral part of your community - your family.
You really do care for each and every member of your family, and are doing your best to keep it all together.
Are you on the best possible meds for yourself?
I really hope things work out soon for you. Thanks for sharing your story with us. We'll give you as much support as we can

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

This is kinda long...sorry about that.

Over the last year, it feels like everything has crumbled underneath me.
My husband lost his job last March, fortunately he found a new one rather quickly. His new job has a long commute, no benefits, and much lower salary.

In May, my 15 year old son was actively suicidal and needed to be hospitalized. He is so anxious and depressed still. The school reported him for truancy, because his depression was so paralyzing he was unable to get out of bed. The D.A. scheduled a Child in Need of Care hearing for him due to the truancy. Fortunately, the case was dropped because his doctor intervened. My son is now completely homebound, attending school online. He only leaves the house for therapy and med checks. He has no friends because he has completely isolated himself and the friends that he did have previously have all moved on with their lives.

My 11 year son is miserable because of all the stress in the house. He is also on meds, but I believe the pressure at home is escalating his depression.

I had a miserable, traumatic childhood that I spent years trying to overcome. I thought I had it until control, but now I am falling apart and all the things I thought I had dealt with have come flooding back like a tidal wave.

I took a month off of work to try to pull myself together. I'm scheduled to go back tomorrow and I'm not ready. Extending my leave is not an option because when my husband lost his job I became the primary breadwinner and if I jeopardize my job we will literally be homeless.

Negative coping tools and negative thoughts have re-surfaced. I see my T today, but am worried about stirring the pot. I'm already hanging on by a thread and I'm scared an intensive session will make that thread snap.

I am overwhelmed with trying to help 2 very sad children, running the household, keeping the family together, working a demanding job, and all this sh** from the past bombarding me. Help!

I guess I just needed to get that out, thanks for reading

Omg that is a lot of stress.Sorry you and your family is having so much of stress big huggs I hope things get better for you and your family.

I'm sorry you are going through so much stress right now. Sending you many hugs, and I hope things start to look better for you soon.

[purple_fins]

maybe the "intense" sessions need to be set aside for a bit and some coping sessions come to play...?...
at least, that's what has worked for me... when things get so HUGE that I feel i'm drowning-- that's when T. gets the coping tools out and helps me to pick some out and gives reminders of their use.

also-- it could be a good time to have your 15 and 11 year old son learn how they can help at home.(that is if they don't do much to help you presently) I never thought of this until T. kept bringing it up-- so... I finally decided to give it a try.... doubting it would matter. I was so amazed to see the self-esteem in my sons increase as I saw that they were actually feeling like they were a part of something-- making a difference in our home. It WORKED!! I couldn't believe it. I was not raised in a house where everyone worked together-- it was each one for her/him self.... I had underestimated the importance of feeling that-- team/belonging stuff.

well, not sure if any of this can help-- I do so wish you some relief.

keep posting-- we are here listening.

fins

[Can't Stop Crying]

thank you everyone for letting me get that out

[sanityseeker]

I hope you had a good session with your T today and that you and your boys are feeling better.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Bad session..did not say what I needed to. Feel worse than before. I need some strength to make it for the next hour, the next day, forever

I don't want to give up, but I've got nothing left

[sanityseeker]

I am so sorry your session didn't go well. Do you have to wait long for another appointment? Does your T know how pooring things are going for your right now?

It can be hard sometimes to open up especially when you are so overwhelmed you can hardly catch your breath. Next time will be better. Right?

What do you usually do to refuel your juices when you feel like this? Try to be kind to yourself hun. Everything else can wait a while or at least somethings can wait long enough for you to regain some strength. You are too important to too many people to be pushed beyond your limits.

"The next step to take is always clear in time to take it." Think on that for a while and see if it doesn't help you take the crisis label off a few things and trust things will work out in time. You will know what you need to do when you need to know.

((((((((((Can't Stop Crying)))))))))))--Hang in there, You sound like a very strong person--------------I am sooo sorry for your pain....I can feeel it coming through in your writing--I'm glad you let it out. Hugs and more hugs---theotheo

[wing]

How are you doing?

[sanityseeker]

((((((((can't stop crying)))))))))

Thinking of you and hoping your days are getting easier for you and your family. We are here for you.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

Bad session..did not say what I needed to. Feel worse than before. I need some strength to make it for the next hour, the next day, forever

I don't want to give up, but I've got nothing left

my T told me years ago i "owned" my therapy, not him. i find if i don't address my conflicts in session, its costs me money that i've wasted. i encourage you to be more active in resolving your concerns in therapy and i'm sure good coping skills will be discuessed.
imho, you've got lots left. your hubby and children. in perspective, some ppl have terminal cancer. that's having nothing much left.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Here I go again...

started back at work on wed night after leave, found out I will now be "sharing" my job because I am unreliable. because my job does not require 2 people on third shift, when my coworker is working on my duties, I will be doing a mindless, monotonous, physically demanding job. too much time to think at work leads to horrible thoughts

yesterday someone burglarized and set fire to my youngest sons elementary school, located 1/2 block from my house. makes me feel very unsafe and my son is pretty shaken up. school still determining if school is structurally safe for students to return on monday. back up plan is to send kids to other schools temporarily within the district. very, very overwhelming prospect for an eleven year old with anxiety

the company that let my husband go last year is the company that is doing the restoration on the school so my poor husband has to deal with his former co-workers driving back and forth in front of my house

Sorry - didn't mean to do that. Can anyone tell me when life will get a little easier? I just need a break!

Hi Can't Stop - Please hang on. I'm a big one to talk, but I do feel the need to say that in all of what you have written here you have forgotten to mention one very important fact. Through all of this your family is still in tact. I've suffered tremendously in life as you have and I can tell you this, without the loving support of family it has been twice as hard to stay motivated to continue to go on.

you have obviously got a loving husband LEAN ON HIM!! LEAN ON EACH OTHER!! Hug your children, please my dear - take the time to count your blessings. It sounds so cliche but in spite of all the emotional burdons that you may be carrying you all have one another and let me tell you that is going to get YOU through so much more than 10 sessions with a therapist.

Love and Peace
J