The Breaking Point

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My youngest spent the biggest part of the day here a couple days ago, helping his dad with the new shower for this house. Never said one single word to me... of any kind... This is my "Beloved," my John, my baby...

I'm crying now... is this where it begins?? Am I going to be able to stop crying... or do I end up in the psych ward again??

Is it me that's crazy... or is it "them"???

THIS is what "stresses" me. THIS is what makes me question myself. MOVING does not "stress" me and makes me "say things." That was a JOY. This is HELL!


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((((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))))))
It sounds to me like your beloved John is holding a grudge. That's a real trigger for me when people I care about do that. I don't blame you one bit for being upset and crying.

I think you're probably the only one who can answer the question of whether this is the beginning of a breaking point. If you think it is, maybe there are some things you can do to stop it from happening.....the damage control thing Dexter was talking about or journaling as someone else mentioned.

For me, discussing the problems with the person helps the most but if they won't discuss things with us, we have to find another way to deal with the pain. I've tried lately to discuss my problems and had little success. My friends here have been a tremendous help and I know we're all going to be there for you too.

I've battled with the question of am I crazy or are they crazy and I really think we're all a little crazy.....just in different ways.

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This time it all took me by surprise, though, as the pressure came suddenly when I felt let down by those I trusted.

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Caroline, I really hear you about how bad it feels when someone you thought you could trust lets you down.

I still working on getting back my trust of others too. Maybe it will take us a while. Thanks for your reply.

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My breaking point is stress over things..
trying to fight for soimething I should not have to fight for.


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LadyDragus, that is exactly what stresses me out too....whether it be at work, at home or online. Standing up for what we believe in or fighting for our rights is really stressful and hard to do. It causes a lot of anxiety too.

I think we are brave to do this in spite of the pain that it causes us.

(((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))

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trying to fight for something I should not have to fight for.

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This isn't only crazy making but "relationship breaking." You think John is holding a grudge??? That's an understament!! He's also teaching his kids to manipulate through holding grudges!

I tried to discuss the issues with John, but he prefers "the silent treatment." He'd rather "play chess" with me, using his daughter as a pawn. He knows how to go for the heart, that's for sure!!

Having to fight for what others know you hold dear, like your boundaries and your integrity is a lonely place, let me tell you! I don't understand the lack of respect for these things.

I'm not at my breaking point yet. I've stopped crying and I'm getting interested in the work/play I need to do around my new house to make it the place I WANT. Yes, WANT... for once.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Isn't it great to know you have "a family" other than the one in 3D?

(((((((((((((((((((((ozzie)))))))))))))))))))))

I have been feeling that breaking point coming on with me this last week. Hard to sleep even with sleep meds, mind racing, emotions on my sleeve. With a court hearing with soon to be x, a counseling appointment with my son which I am hoping he continues to agree to, and heart cath in the same week, I said lets go for a root canal while we are at it. lolol Have to joke in times like these, because if I dont I would spend most of my day crying. Getting my mind off of myself right now and on to helping others is the best medicine for me.

Leslie

((((((((((Ozzie))))))))))))) back atcha.
Thanks.

My son and I never got to say good bye We were told by his therapist at the time he would come home when he got out of residential 10 visitations later visitation was pulled on a bogus charge that took 2 and a half years to clear me, after the caseworker who trumped it up was removed from the case and fired. Now because of state law any child in care more than a year is not returned theres no hope of him coming home. Visitation has been reinstated and is at his therapist discression. She says he's not ready - suicidal, running away, threatening to kill others, his file also says words like hallusinations and psychotic. I understand they want his stable and the waiting game is NOT my better game of cards dealt.

I dont think of him as lost. In my family when a person is lost they have dead. (Ex in conversations yea we lost so and so the other night to cancer..) so I haven't lost him. He will come home and I WILL be here when he does. I plan on being at my boys high school graduation with his copy of the key to this appartment. Like my friend emailed me - I am just going to keep finding hope in hell, people who know us don't call us survivors for nothing.

You hang in there too. ((((((((Ozzie)))))))))))))

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{{{{{{{{{{{{Susan}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Isn't it great to know you have "a family" other than the one in 3D?


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Yes, it sure is great to know that. It seems that family has the power to hurt us the most.

I'm glad you've stopped crying and gotten interested in making your new house into the place YOU want.

((((((((((((((Leslie))))))))))))))))) That sounds like way to much for you to be dealing with all at once. Be sure to take time for yourself if at all possible.

I agree that helping others can help us by getting our minds off our own troubles. You guys are certainly helping me.

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people who know us don't call us survivors for nothing.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> You sure are right about that. I hope it will be a really happy day when you present him with a key to the apartment.

yes and this is cauging both of us more stress than I can even beging to talk about on here..

I wont on here cause it is not a safe place to chat nor a safe place to vent anymore

Post deleted by _Sky

((((((((((((LadyDragus))))))))))))) Please feel free to email me if you want to talk or vent about something ok?

Where does that quote come from? I know it but can't place it right now. Anyway, I really like it. thanks.

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All the world is crazy except for thee and me...and sometimes I wonder about thee...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Is what I said... but I didn't want my (((dragon))) to think I was saying it at her.. so I deleted it. I wasn't in a position to repost right then. I wish to add my comments to this thread, but again, am unable to right now.. Will shortly, ok?

Ozzie, I don't know how gets credit for this line!

ok, Sky, take your time. I'm looking forward to hearing something brilliant.

I like the quote regardless of where it came from. Now if I could just remember it. lol

OK I think I best do some of my babbling over here on this thread (rather than more on the hurricane thread?)<font color="blue">
So many things come to mind when I think about this: determining just what IS a breaking point, are there different breaking points within each person, what might be the "signs" of warning before reaching those points? Are your breaking points just an exacerbation of feelings that you don't wish to feel, or are they serious deviations from the normal thus constituting a brief psychotic break from reality? <font color="green">

What do you consider a breaking point? Maybe we each have a different definition of this, and each one is allowable, imo. For someone who is very shy and usually quiet, they might think that an outburst of verbage shows that they went too far... while for another, who is already outgoing and expressive, that wouldn't mean anything much to them. So I think you need to decide, first, what do YOU consider the point -or points- that you DON'T wish to find.

<font color="brown"> I do also think that each one of us having different "breaking points." We control ourselves around certain people and not others. We hold our thoughts in some situations and not others. Are you thinking that a breaking point is when you CAN'T control your thoughts, or actions, feelings or any of it???

<font color="purple"> Maybe to think about what things, for the time being, that you really don't think you can control right now.. and to put effort into countering that is not "worth it" right now. I'm thinking personally for myself about the actions of certain people I know... I use the technique of avoidance, instead. (Not a good long term compensation, but fine for now.)

<font color="darkblue"> Now that we have some sort of definition for our breaking point...where we don't wish to end up... it's necessary to try and discern the warning signs... Someone close to you may have given you indications already! <font color="blue"> Do you begin to clam up, or perhaps you talk to yourself more? Do you begin to drop things, slam doors, forget things more? Do you find you cut people off when they are talking, or driving??? Do you find you can't read as well, or are too restless to sit and watch tv? Do you slow down and find it difficult to do anything, like walking through mud? There are many things that could be different for you.. the main point is to find what YOUR indicators are.

And remember, for the different people/situations, you may have different responses leading up to a "break."

Once the point you don't wish to get to is determined, and the warning signs... now you need to find things -or one thing- to do, for you, to counter the downward force towards a break. What will you do when you realize (whether by yourself or with the help of a SO) you are on that slippery slope?

<font color="green"> IMO the basics are necessary here: eat well, get rest (take naps if necessary), get alone time (NO phones etc).... then add what you can find that works for you: monitor your "self-talk" are you using words and phrases like, I can't take this anymore... I'm not going to make it..... if he does that one more time I'm gonna bust a gut!.... and S T O P those thoughts (cleverly called "thought stopping.") Utilize relaxation techniques, centering and grounding techniques, etc. Meditation, music, activity, rest .... what do YOU respond to best?

<font color=" darkgrey"> For myself, no, I don't always "see it coming" and thus another reason I need my psychologist. He and I are still working through HOW he can tell me when he needs to "make the call" for me to stop certain thinking or activity. I DO have marbles that I use. He and I worked with good calming emphasis while I centered with a marble...rolling it around in my hands... NOW just to begin to think about getting a marble to feel,and focus upon, begins my calming process. My brain has associated my T's remarks for centering myself with the marble, and I really don't have to think much about it at all. Of course, the more I do think and focus, the stronger the counteraction is and the quicker it helps me. I also have a CD that is for delta brain waves..... sounds....that put the brain in delta wave status. Either of these or both (if at home) and good deliberate slow, full belly breathing works for me... clearing my thoughts to NOTHING...

Once you are able to stand back away from a situation or ongoing situations, then it's time to evaluate just what is happening. Is this something you have control over, or something you will never control? Is this about YOU or is it about THEM? Do you HAVE to own it???? Are you taking responsibility for something that ISN"T your responsibility? If so, why? If you have asked for help, because you have discerned that you NEED help, and you don't get that help... can you do your best and let it go??? { How can you do more?} If the task requires more than you and it's only you... then obviously the level of accomplishment isn't going to be what someone else might want.... that's about THEM that's THEIR problem... be content with your own efforts and move on.

<font color="black"> Ok. I've rambled plenty now! I hope each person that reads this can get something from it... if not from what I said, then something that you noticed I didn't say that might reflect good ideas for yourself! TC

Thank you Sky. I knew it was going to be good! I especially like the last purple paragraph but am going to reread and rethink all of it and then get back to ya again.

My breaking point. Been there. there are differing levels for me. I know that I am ill at ease right now with a lot of personal happenings. I dream about them every single night.

I agree, family. I dream about my daughter who left and won't speak with me. I called her a few days ago and spoke for maybe 5 minutes and she told me when I asked her if it was okay for me to call her, no, not really. I raised this kid since she was three and it seems now like she is her birth mother or birth siblings. Where are we in there? I am going to continue to reach out. Every two weeks I put $100 bill in a card for her at work as she is working and schooling. SENIOR. She just turned 18.

My son and his girl friend moved in with us labor day week. We were clear that they would need to chip in to keep a tidy home and with some expenses. My food bill has tripled. Last week the girlfriend was in the shower for 45 minutes! I calmly told my son that I would like $50.00 a week from each of them for fuel and food. He about layed an egg. We talked and I said okay then, $20.00 each and you chip in with groceries. I came home today and they went shopping and labeled their food!!!!!!! Still it's okay to eat me out of house and home but let's label theirs. This morning I asked him to please move some furniture in before the rain and he was so put out. Yet it is okay for him to ask me to make special trips, for his girlfriend to take our cars without asking and SMOKE in them leaving butts on the floor.

She even went to her mother's home and brought back this very old cat that she gre up with and mom was moving and going to but the cat down. Did she ask us? We would have said yes but the whole thing is I like to be asked. They brought his dog and her kitten as it is.

I have my own animals and I hear her cussing at them or feel my son is playing too rough. It's hard to know what to do and the best I have found is to walk away. If I stay and engage I might become a raving lunatic and that anger is over the hill, too much to handle. I would like respect. I have to be careful not to get to that point or the point where I don't want to get out of bed.

Our door knob was sticking as a screw was lose so he had a tantrum and took the entire door knob off! It was gone for three days, hubby just fixed it. My youngest has something going on with her where she feels that she can't warm up. She turned on the heat(bad girl, never till Nov 1,) and I go upstairs and there is my son's windown wide open.

I signed a new job description at work the other day and in it it said that one of the things needed for my position was the ability to stay physically and mentally healthy under stress. I signed it but I was pissed. It feels discriminatory to me. I challenge any one of them to climb into my life for a week and see what stress feels like.

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ozzie said:
I’m wondering if you always feel it coming and take action before you reach your breaking point.

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((((((Ozzie)))))))))

Most of the time I realize my breaking point is around the corner. But, once I had a psychotic episode (from stupid psych docs prescribing me too many meds) and everything changed. I'll say now . . . I don't have a clue what will set me off. Something horrible can happen and I'll manage fine. Something unimportant may cause me to flip out. Who understands my psyche?

_Sky

_Sky . . . very well thought out post

WOW! I wanted to read but the type goes twice if not more the width of the page! What makes it do that??

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I signed a new job description at work the other day and in it it said that one of the things needed for my position was the ability to stay physically and mentally healthy under stress. I signed it but I was pissed. It feels discriminatory to me. I challenge any one of them to climb into my life for a week and see what stress feels like.

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((((((((((wisewoman)))))))))) I don't blame you! That sounds like signing something which would allow them to put you under any kind of stress imaginable and expecting you to stay healthy. I think a lot of employers think that way though even if they don't make you sign something to that effect.

I don't know but it's doing that on my machine too. Very maddening. It wasn't that way earlier. Where is the tech guy?