Still sad about being blocked

I would like to be mellow...goodness knows I would like that. The fact is that I am obsessed. I don't know what to do about it. I'm obsessed.

Can you guys help me with not e-mailing the administrator there? Can someone pretend to be the administrator there and then I can send my e-mails to him to you? I'm not sure I can stop.

I want to be mellow. I want to be mellow. Please help me be mellow.

How about if I don't post all 60 in one day? How about if I post like 5 a day?

Ok. I'm the adminstrator from now on. PM me instead.

Mellow - whenever you feel COMPELLED to post something that feels like it is stemming from an obsession:
- go for a walk around the block, or
- do 25 sit-ups, or
- close your eyes and take 50 slow, deep breaths; do not post until you've taken all 50

Hmmm...actually, it will be a lot more than 60 posts after my block. I have 60 now, and I still have 12 more days to go.

Greenleaves, there is some kind of payoff that YOU get by replying to that many posts. I disagree that you are replying and being supportive for the other members -- there is something that YOU get out of doing it. That's not a bad thing, but it is important to recognize WHY you follow your compulsions.

The other members are not going to suffer a catastrophe if you don't post replies. The only thing that is making it important is something that satisfies YOU.

Why don't you spend a few minutes thinking about what it is you are expecting to get out of making all of those posts?

Thanks LMo for offering to be a mailbox for my e-mails. You don't have to reply to any of them. The administrator there never replies to any of them, but I still keep e-mailing him.

He must think I'm nuts by now.

> Are you perhaps being a bit overly-dramatic? Actions have consequences. Accept it and move on.

Hey. I just wanted to say that I really don't see how this is a supportive thing to say.

I reminds me of the 'pull yourself up by the bootstraps' attitude that people often show towards people with depression.

If you don't get it...
You are always free to not respond, you know.

Thanks for listening.

hang in there (((((((((((Huggs)))))))))

I agree with you Wittgenstein, and I flinched a little, too. However, I do agree with the statement that "Actions have consequences". There is an important lesson to be learned when one is forced to face consequences of their own actions, and I think that Kismet was trying to encourage GL to be responsible.

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Greenleaves, there is some kind of payoff that YOU get by replying to that many posts. I disagree that you are replying and being supportive for the other members -- there is something that YOU get out of doing it. That's not a bad thing, but it is important to recognize WHY you follow your compulsions.

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I think you are right LMo...I think I'm satisfying a compulsion when I reply. I'm not sure why it is satisfying, but it is.

I think maybe I want to post them all because I want other people to see that I'm a good person who is very supportive. Then people will like me.

Hey. I'm better now. But... I had my head up my *ss for a while there... I think people do get a little self absorbed when they get distressed. Its true of depression, and I know it is true of my distress too.

Its okay...

But sometimes it can help to orient us back
To get our priorities in order to think about others
But that being said, sometimes you have to snap out of it a bit to be able to do that.

I think your posts are lovely.
And I think people will be happy to get your replies.
I don't think people will be freaked.
People often lurk when they are blocked.
Its more the lurkers who never post that people worry about.
And your posts are lovely.

I think its a nice way to catch up with people
And it gives you something to do...

But don't forget to compose posts to people here too...

(And I know you aren't)

Okay... So I dunno about the kinds of emails you are sending... If they are nice and respectful then... Well... I don't suppose he minds (so long as you aren't junking up his inbox too much) but aside from that...

I'll willingly take a look if you want someone to check them...

But...

Might take a couple days.
Have to say that because I never know whats going to happen with me and my moods and my work
But I should be able to look at them in a couple days
(If you can wait that long)
I know its hard
Because if you were able to wait a couple days between writing and sending them...
I figure you would know what is and is not appropriate fairly much the same as the next person.

Hope you have a better day :-)

Thanks Jennie for the cute smilies! I love them.

greenleaves,

is it not possible that people already feel that for you? It may well be that they really do feel this already and I have a feeling that they do. If you go back and tell them in a group message that you missed them and that you thought of them and kept up to date with what was happening with them this may have a better impact that posting all the saved up replies?

Just a thought

atg

Maybe I should ask people whether or not they want me to post replies to them. Maybe that is the best way. If someone doesn't want to see my replies, I won't post the ones directed towards that person.

Is this a good idea? To just ask people what they want?

i don't really see...
that there is such a problem.

if you want to post them then go ahead - where is the harm?

i should say that the majority are just brief notes to say you care. not big intense discussions or anything...

i don't see the harm...

but i do think it is a good point about IRL friendships and activities...

and i do think that lurking too much... is likely to have the consequence that you want to post and can't and thus you feel upset about your block again.

...

Writing the replies while blocked helps me cope a lot. It makes me feel like I'm still contributing while I lurk. It makes it bearable for me to lurk. I think I should continue with my replies. I'm also trying to learn to be more supportive with my replies.

I'm starting to think that all my future posts should be written and saved beforehand to avoid civility issues. It will be less impulsive if I have a day or two to think about my replies.

Yes...I think that is what I'll do from now on...save my replies and not post them immediately.

I honestly think the blanket approach of one message saying you're glad to be back and was thinking of everyone while you were gone is much better than flooding the boards with hundreds of posts as soon as the block is lifted.

greenleaves,

I hope you dont feel dejected by all this? It reads a bit like you do and that worries me. I dont want to think I have been part of something that has made you think about holding onto your replies until you have thought about them. In the end you should do what you feel is right.

But in the mean time, if you have somethng to say then you go right ahead and say it, as and when you feel it. Its your right.

ATG

I'll post them little by little then. I think it might be a good thing to post 5 or 10 a day.

Hi ATG,

No I don't feel bad right now. I like the idea of waiting a while before posting. I want to better myself. I know I am a bit impulsive when posting and I want to post civil things. I definately do not want to be blocked again and being extra cautious about my posts is a very good thing for me.

>>I never thought people might get uncomfortable when I post all my replies. I think people will be happy to know that I was still thinking of them while blocked.

That may be true. I don't know the people or the atmosphere there. I think it is something to think about, I don't want to imply that I know the answer. I'm just thinking from their point of view, I guess I'm thinking from their point of view knowing you were blocked for a period... Just a possibility that people (or some of them, including possibly the administrator) may think that the point of being blocked is to take a step back and get some perspective, and if you come back with 60 posts they may think you never took that step to get perspective and instead still sat in the front row participating as if you had never been blocked.

It may also be the case that they simply see you as a friend who they missed and they may appreciate that you were still there for them while you were unable to participate directly.

My guess is that you'll find a little bit of both. Just wanted to point that out for you to consider, not that it would necessarily be a problem, but it could be.

Hi Dexter,

Are you saying that if I post all my replies people will think that I haven't been punished enough? I've been punished, a lot. I was very hurt by being blocked. I would think that posting my replies would be a better way for me to deal with the situation than telling people how hurt I was. Are you saying that people want to hear how hurt I was because they need to know that I was punished?

Also, what exactly do you mean by "perspective"? What am I supposed to get while blocked?

Gl,
You wrote,[...I've been punished...very hurt...what am I supposed to get....?].
I would like to offer you support from my perspective if you would like.
I want you to know that I am deply hurt to see a young girl cry. But there is a remedy. You can exchange tears for laughter.
Lou

being blocked may not be all that terrible. maybe it was ment to be that you meet some here. I don't know. just know that not everything is within my understanding in life.
Larks

>>Are you saying that if I post all my replies people will think that I haven't been punished enough?

NO! I'm sorry if that's what it sounded like. Not only is that not what I am saying... but I think if they are making a judgement as to "how much you should be punished" then that is not a good thing for them to be doing. I would doubt that people would be looking at it that way.

And I don't think people should want or need to hear how hurt you were by the block. You are right about that.

All I meant was that some people may see the point of the block as being that you should take time away from there. That is all I meant by "perspective".

I guess I mean like being a member of a group, and for some reason they give you a "block" for a period of time, and the intention is for you to spend some time away from the group doing other things, and then when you come back they find out that the whole time you were blocked you weren't doing anything else but instead spent the whole time looking in the windows and following all the group activities.

And I'm also not saying that's what you were doing, but that's what it might appear to some people. It just might feel creepy to some people. Might not. And I was only thinking of that as a possibility, you will know better if that is not the case and if so my comment is irrelevant.

I only mentioned it to help make sure that your return there goes smoothly. I am really sorry I wasn't clear and that I upset you.

I know you were very hurt by this and I am hoping that the reason they implement the block is to help you become a better member there, not to "punish" you. I think the idea of keeping all of your future posts for a bit of time to review them shows that you are thinking of ways to be a better member.

I am hoping that when the block is over you are able to return there and continue to benefit from their support, but I am also hoping that you will continue to be a member of the community here to receive our support and to continue to offer yours.

Again, I am really sorry if my post upset you, that was not my intention, and it was not my intention to imply that this block period hasn't been painful for you, or that it shouldn't be, or that there is a certain way I think you should behave when you return. And I also don't think or expect that they should be judging you upon your return there, but that may be in the nature of some people, and I want you to protect yourself so that you don't get hurt again. And yet here I am upsetting you... I'm sorry Green.