My bad mood started yesterday and someone said to me that I'm bad really, sick and that I should do humanity a favour and kill myself... I think he said that but he had poor english. Now I keep thinking I'm better off dead. Some people have spoken to me but still.. people are better without me. I'm a useless piece of human waste. I wish I wasn't born at all. I hate myself. I ****ing hate my life. Nothing going well for me. If I committed suicide people will party and be happy that I killed myself.

I keep cutting myself :'( :'( But I feel happy when I bleed.

I see you are viewing this post!!!...Just sit there and look at it a sec while I type a reply!!

Originally Posted by wolfsong

I see you are viewing this post!!!...Just sit there and look at it a sec while I type a reply!!

It shows I need to kill myself?

[Miss Laura]

Hey Happycheeks, call Samaritians NOW as your clearly distressed. If your feeling worse I would suggest going to A and E now!! I hope your ok!

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Happycheeks, call Samaritians NOW as your clearly distressed. If your feeling worse I would suggest going to A and E now!! I hope your ok!

No I won't.....

Listen...I have posted this fact elsewhere in these forums so I will say as little about me as possible....

Someone said the same thing to me.I od'd and went into convulsions and a coma...was almost unplugged.Was the equivalent of an 8 year old for 4 years...supposed to be left in a nursing home because I was unable to think or care for me properly.

I also have been a cutter...to the point of 72 stitches in arm.

Let me inform you that the emotional damage my behaviors had on anyone who discovered these facts are stains on each and every soul that learned of it.Stains I can't wash away.I was 33...you are 18.

The damage we do when we self harm is like an undertow.It draws everything further and further out to sea and traps you in its cycle unless you find how to swim out sideways then back to shore...sideways...meaning you learn how to move through this properly to make it out.(just read about undertows)

So you are 18 and someone said you should do humanity a favor and destroy you.Well at 18...you aren't even who you have the potential to become.And anyone who'd tell you that is doing humanity less a favor than you.Because they know nothing and said an evil thing and now look.

Chances are you'd survive whatever you attempt and be damaged for life just like me.Chances are that the effects your choice has on anyone who finds out will do any of the following...cause someone to do what you did....end in permanent damage...end a life which was destined to do more than you can know....permanently stain the lives of those who love you...rob people in your future from having the chance to know you.

You aren't who you will be.I wasn't who I ended up being.Not to pat me on the back,but I think my living assisted others on their journey in this world a bit...since that fateful day.I chose to do some good things since then.Something as little as helping an old person,petting a lonely dog,smiling at a person having a bad day,reaching out to someone who hurts can ripple an outward effect which ripples from there and so on.So everything you do is a precursor to other things.

You aren't useless...because you have two arms to hug with or open a door for someone...a mouth to say..."I'm sorry"...to say..."let's talk about this"...a mind to be educated to do anything you choose to do with your career/job opportunities...a new day every morning to choose to assess your thinking and attempt to "Do a little better today"....

Who do you love/care for in this world?Would you be happy if they or anyone at all killed them self? Would you be happy if some horrific thing happened to people you don't like?

Imagine anyone in the world you ever fancied killing their self
...how'd that sit with you?

Nothing goes well for absolute PILES and MILES of humans for loooonnnngggg spans of time...then it shifts...gets better ...or the small moments of little things that are good which occur sporadically within those long spans...are even enough to keep making you say whoa that was bit- chen...so cool I was here to know that,see that,feel that,be there,help him/her.

So you think on this.

Huggggsssss to you 18 year old.I have a 19 year old son...if I lost him...I would be destroyed!

Wolf

[turquoisesea]

((((((happycheeks)))))))

I too have done some of these things you have described. Don't give up, I can't express to you how much your feelings can change. You can FEEL WONDERFUL again! Whoever said that to you was WRONG.

Please take care of yourself - is there someone in your life you can call or go to, can you call a doctor or therapist, can you go to the ER?

I care about you and want you to feel better (((((Happycheeks)))))

Thanks for all the replies.

[turquoisesea]

(((((Happycheeks)))))) Let us know how you're doing, here to talk et al, on and off through the day. It's so hard when you're feeling like this, how are you doing now?

[Rohag]

Please, choose life, dear Happycheeks.

[Can't Stop Crying]

HappyCheeks - you can see by all the responses that you do matter. Hang on...brighter days may lie ahead

[bebop]

you said you "think" that is what he said? his english was not good? then why listen to that? if you are in real danger then please call 911 or go to the nearest ER for real life help.

Originally Posted by happycheeks

My bad mood started yesterday and someone said to me that I'm bad really, sick and that I should do humanity a favour and kill myself... I think he said that but he had poor english. Now I keep thinking I'm better off dead. Some people have spoken to me but still.. people are better without me. I'm a useless piece of human waste. I wish I wasn't born at all. I hate myself. I ****ing hate my life. Nothing going well for me. If I committed suicide people will party and be happy that I killed myself.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

... someone said to me that I'm bad really, sick and that I should do humanity a favour and kill myself...

That sounds like one heck of an outrageous thing to say to you, whatever their reasons for saying it.

My first guess is that they were talking to themselves -- even if they thought they were talking to you and managed to convince you they were. My next two guesses are the same as my first.

But... how on earth did you ever end up deciding to believe them?

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

My bad mood started yesterday and someone said to me that I'm bad really, sick and that I should do humanity a favour and kill myself... I think he said that but he had poor english. Now I keep thinking I'm better off dead. Some people have spoken to me but still.. people are better without me. I'm a useless piece of human waste. I wish I wasn't born at all. I hate myself. I ****ing hate my life. Nothing going well for me. If I committed suicide people will party and be happy that I killed myself.

I understand! I also wonder why you are willing to give this person the power of life and death over you? He is only one person, just a human, not too much of a human if he can say to another human being that they are "bad" "sick" "should do everyone a favor and die". Perhaps that is what he feels about himself to say such things. I wonder if I might ask that you just wait for a better day to decide. Just for today, tomorrow breath. You don't have to have a better day now, this moment, or feel better now. Just give yourself the power to be. Whatever that is, a bad day, a day of hate for yourself, its all ok. Just let you be the one to feel, to give your self the space to breath. Make life and death decisions later.

Originally Posted by Fool Zero

That sounds like one heck of an outrageous thing to say to you, whatever their reasons for saying it.

My first guess is that they were talking to themselves -- even if they thought they were talking to you and managed to convince you they were. My next two guesses are the same as my first.

But... how on earth did you ever end up deciding to believe them?

I take things to heart easily and I believe what people say easily as well.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I am feeling a lot better today. My moods are up and down. I was a little worried what I said may put me in a bad mood but it did not. I'm feeling fine But I do sometimes wonder I need to get help or see a doctor. I'm too scared and it's like it's a crime to have a mental illness.

[lynn P.]

Firstly I'm very sorry what this person said hurt you and that's an awful thing to say to anyone. I can't imagine ever saying this to another living thing, let alone a human being - so.....what do you think this says about him???? He must be a very mean person or maybe someone said this to him.

When I was your age, I was very shy, naive and easily hurt. I became more confident and wise as I got older. That's the great thing about getting older is your confidence gets better. I think you need to learn how to be assertive, take that frustration and shove it back in his face. Or you can think he's an idiot and you shouldn't believe people like this.

As you get more confident, this will give you an emotional armor - people will know they can't mess with you and even if they do say something hurtful ...it won't penetrate your shield of self confidence. When this affected you because of his comment, you're giving him this power to control you. Instead of thinking bad about yourself, think bad about him or better yet, he doesn't even deserve any thoughts.

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Firstly I'm very sorry what this person said hurt you and that's an awful thing to say to anyone. I can't imagine ever saying this to another living thing, let alone a human being - so.....what do you think this says about him???? He must be a very mean person or maybe someone said this to him.

When I was your age, I was very shy, naive and easily hurt. I became more confident and wise as I got older. That's the great thing about getting older is your confidence gets better. I think you need to learn how to be assertive, take that frustration and shove it back in his face. Or you can think he's an idiot and you shouldn't believe people like this.

As you get more confident, this will give you an emotional armor - people will know they can't mess with you and even if they do say something hurtful ...it won't penetrate your shield of self confidence. When this affected you because of his comment, you're giving him this power to control you. Instead of thinking bad about yourself, think bad about him or better yet, he doesn't even deserve any thoughts.

Thank you for your reply. I think he is nasty to say that as well. Oh well what matters is I'm feeling better

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Thank you everyone for the advice. I am feeling a lot better today. My moods are up and down. I was a little worried what I said may put me in a bad mood but it did not. I'm feeling fine But I do sometimes wonder I need to get help or see a doctor. I'm too scared and it's like it's a crime to have a mental illness.

oh it is wonderful to hear from you today

You say "its like a crime to have a mental illness". are you talking about peoples reaction to mental illness? It's true there are stigmas out there, but if you go in with a plan you can avoid this and also get some help through this. One thing I do is try to keep my friendships free of the issues, and go to a therapist specifically for these problems. It wouldn't hurt to see a therapist or doctor, I think. Have you gotten checked out for your thyroid/hormonal levels recently? it's always good to double check these. If you're afraid of how someone will treat you, maybe try a therapist first if you have access, because they can't share what you said with anyone else for the most part

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

oh it is wonderful to hear from you today

You say "its like a crime to have a mental illness". are you talking about peoples reaction to mental illness? It's true there are stigmas out there, but if you go in with a plan you can avoid this and also get some help through this. One thing I do is try to keep my friendships free of the issues, and go to a therapist specifically for these problems. It wouldn't hurt to see a therapist or doctor, I think. Have you gotten checked out for your thyroid/hormonal levels recently? it's always good to double check these. If you're afraid of how someone will treat you, maybe try a therapist first if you have access, because they can't share what you said with anyone else for the most part

I think. Maybe I should go to the doctor. I was talking about people are worried about me and one of my sister's friend dad might phone a therapist or someone and it's like I am a bad person for being like this. It's hard to describe.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Sometimes it's hard to understand, but when people are worried, it means they care. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you!

"for being like this"....this isn't a choice...you are not choosing to be a "bad" thing...it just is what it is.......

[Nammu]

You say others are worried for you and you are afraid they might call a doctor or something. I agree with the post that said those people are just worried about you. It does soetimes feel like a crime to have any mental health issues, but its not. One thing I can tell you from experience is that if you go look for a therapist yourself it feels less like punishment for haveing intense feelings. You have more control, and can pick someone you like. Start with a therapist, some one who will listen and if he/she recomend a doctor it's something the two of you can talk about and find one who will treat you like a person who has a problem, not like a problem. Please notice I said mental health issues, not a person who is mentaly ill. I don't beleive people are mentaly ill, they have meantal health issues mostly caused by chemical imbalances. There is nothing criminal about that.
Thank you so much for coming back today and letting us all know that you are feeling better. Wev'e been there and I think I cn say that we all care.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Fool Zero

... how on earth did you ever end up deciding to believe them?

Originally Posted by happycheeks

I take things to heart easily and I believe what people say easily as well.

So if we tell you you're a fine person, we enjoy talking with you like this, we're glad to have you around, and we'd like to see you get past being so darned hard on yourself -- can you accept that just as easily, or do you find the negative stuff more believable for some reason?