I hope it's OK to post this here-- wasn't sure where it fit best.

Something just came to my mind after reading a post.

It was noted that for some, the more posts they make the more mental disruption they are experiencing.

I wonder if I'm alone in the fact that the less I'm posting the more mental anguish I'm in??? For me it's--- "No news is BAD news" !!

Having paranoid thoughts -- I fear exposing myself, which will lead to my demise, and battle that every time I'm on a forum. My dissociation keeps me numb so much that I struggle to realize just what I'm feeling and even struggle more so to put it into words.

So, for me-- I would feel like I'm getting much better if I could only post as much as some do!!

Funny how perspectives can be so very different. I do wonder if I'm alone in the way I am...........

mandy

[ozzie]

Mandy,
You're not alone in the way you feel about this. When I was posting a lot, I was feeling my best.....and wanting to help others.

[Taonuviel]

I go either way - posting less because I'm either really crummy and don't know what to say or because I'm doing good and not spending as much time online. And posting more because I'm either really crummy and desperately want help/understanding/something, or because I'm doing good and want to post helpful things.

Never know what to expect with me.

[CedarS]

You aren't alone at all. We all have diverse modes and pacing of expression.

Some folks when they aren't doing well tend to be very extroverted, active on forums, talkative, busy.

Some folks when they aren't doing well tend to withdraw, get quiet and more introverted, hide.

And there are all sorts of variations on these themes.

Being able to post on forums isn't a requirement for health. It's okay if sometimes we just don't wanna for whatever reason.

If writing things down helps me, but posting on forums right then isn't working for me, I turn to my journal, to keeping a blog, things along those lines.

If I want to practice being more social and even sorta extroverted, works ultimately best for me to go be around people.

Your mileage may vary. I agree, it is intriguing how perspectives can differ so much. I suppose it is part of the beauty of humanity, our diversity.

Susan,
Good to know I'm not alone.... I'm like you-- if my posting increases I'm doing better.
I hope your posting increases!!

Taonuviel,
That's interesting how you can go either way--- maybe that gives you a good balance??....
Wishing you well.

mandy

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

No Mandy you are certainly NOT alone..I too post less when in distress as MOST of my posts are support for others...I know a lotta folks who PM me do the same..or we keep it off site...I am not one to have 300 different threads going on to get attention for my issues.

[h0kie]

I do the same thing, Mandy.

Hi Sarah

I like your idea of journaling or blogging if posting on a forum isn't working at that time.-- thanks for that.

Yes, I suppose posting a lot or rarely posting at all doesn't necessarily indicate either way-- ones mental health. --- --hhmmm...... there does seem to be many possibilities to the amount someone is posting.

I guess I tend to worry about those we don't hear from, as I fear they must be struggling with the downward-spiral like I do when I don't post. And then the ones that post frequently I tend to feel they are doing better -- or else they wouldn't be able to post so much.

Maybe I'm a little dense... but I'm just realizing -- those that post a lot and those that don't post hardly at all--- they may both be feeling just as lost, frustrated and anguished as anyone else-- we each just go about it in our own way.

mandy

[Greenleaves]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SleepsWithButterFlies said:
No Mandy you are certainly NOT alone..I too post less when in distress as MOST of my posts are support for others...I know a lotta folks who PM me do the same..or we keep it off site...I am not one to have 300 different threads going on to get attention for my issues.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's really great Sleeps. I think I need a lot of attention when I get upset. I tend to post a lot more when I'm upset. When I'm happy and doing well I post occasionally and mostly in reply to other people's post. This is because I'm probably doing things like studying in real life.

I wish I didn't need so much attention, but I want people to care so I post a lot. I also just feel lonely and I want to do anything to make the feeling go away.

I find it interesting how different people have different posting styles regarding frequency and mood as well.

I think that extremes are what can be hard.

If people post a lot when they are in distress (and their distress is frequent) then that can be hard for other people to read. Especially if they don't really see what they can do to help the person.

If people go all quiet when they are in distress then that can be really hard for that person too. Especially... If nobody seems to notice. If nobody reaches out to them.

I imagine that if I posted a lot of really supportive posts and nobody seemed to notice or really post supportive posts to me when I was upset I might end up feeling... Used. Resentful. Like nobody really cares about me.

So extremes... Can be hard. Because sometimes if you don't tell people... They aren't going to know.

I think most people struggle with trying to find a balance.

Sleeps,

I really know what you mean about most of your posts are support for others....... that's me too. However, you are MUCH more supportive than I.

It's been a long time since I started my own thread.... and look-- this one still doesn't show my struggling......

Hard to get over -- as a child I was punished if I got upset-- only happy emotions were allowed. I guess that's why it seems the frequent posters are healthier in my view- to be able to express myself like that and not be eaten up by guilt or feeling wrong, would be a step towards health in my mind. Ones background sure makes a difference-- doesn't it.

Many seem to feel the way I do when they're down........ they don't post either. It is a bit of a comfort to know I'm not alone in doing this.

mandy

1day,

Looks like there's quite a few of us that don't post when we're really struggling.... I had no idea!!! Hey, if you want to lean on me, you can always PM anytime.

mandy

Alexandra,

I think you have it......

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I think that extremes are what can be hard.

If people post a lot when they are in distress (and their distress is frequent) then that can be hard for other people to read. Especially if they don't really see what they can do to help the person.

If people go all quiet when they are in distress then that can be really hard for that person too. Especially... If nobody seems to notice. If nobody reaches out to them.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It's the extremes that aren't so good --isn't it!

For example: If I don't post at all when my world is crumbling....... how can I get support??? And if I post too much..... it may be like the boy that cried wolf--- people could get desensitized to my posts.

I guess I need to get beyond the dysfunctional coping patterns--(but that's way easier said than done ) they aren't necessary here-- they don't apply here at all!

"Finding a balance"--- I think that's good advice.

mandy

Hey. I'll add a bit too...

If people post a lot when they are in distress (and their distress is frequent) then that can be hard not just for other people, but for that person as well. Because if other people start to feel frustrated because they don't know what to do to help then they tend to take their frustration out on the person. If you think someone is 'crying wolf' then you tend to feel frustrated with them. But the sad fact is there really was a wolf because they are only expressing how they feel and they are genuinely distressed.

But back to your extreme...

> If I don't post at all when my world is crumbling....... how can I get support???

Indeed. How will people know you need support? People don't post for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it is as Greenleaves said; people are having things go well IRL and / or are really busy IRL and so they aren't spending much time online in general.

> It's the extremes that aren't so good --isn't it!

I really do think so.

> I guess I need to get beyond the dysfunctional coping patterns--(but that's way easier said than done)

Yes indeed it is. And knowing 'rationally' what one *should* do and having ones feelings follow suit can be two quite seperate things.

But you know you have taken the first step already: You started this thread.

And...

You are hurting.
((((((Mandy))))))
That didn't come through so clearly...
But are you having a hard time of it now?
I think that is what you are getting at but I'm not so sure whether that is it or whether you are just wondering about this more abstractly...

Are you okay?

Alexandra,

I have much trouble with what qualifies as "distress". To me ---it's the loss of one's basic needs: physical/emotional safety, shelter, food, money to pay for basic needs and health of yourself or loved one.
This might be narrow minded..... but a bush getting aphids or losing a text book or momentarily misplacing ones keys-- those things aren't regarded as "distress" to me. To someone else it may be a legitimate reason to cry wolf-- but then, I- personally will learn not to listen as they are not basic needs.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
And knowing 'rationally' what one *should* do and having ones feelings follow suit can be two quite seperate things.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> AAhhh yes, the "knowing" and then the "feeling" can often be very seperate things for sure!!!! I believe that is my biggest struggle-- getting those two together!!

I am hurting... but not to the degree that I am most of the time. Gee, I think I've made about 8 posts today-- that is the most I've done in one day....... since about last April-- my posting so much is an indication that I'm doing better at the moment. Thanks for asking though-- that was kind of you.

I mostly was asking abstractly.....

I'm not to the point yet where I can reach out on the "general" forum for support!! (so many read this forum!!!) Sheesh...... that would send me into isolation for a long time!! ( would feel absolutely horrible for expressing negative emotions-- considering so many would be reading)

Thanks for your reply

mandy

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((mandy))))))))))))))))

I wax and wane. I tend to post more when I'm feeling better and it helps to keep me there. I slack off when feeling bad or vulerable, but I think it helps more than it hurts...maybe because it's never long-lasting?

I so appreciate your thoughts on this. We're always here to listen and support you, dear one.

KD

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

(( Mandy )) I went to the store..and am back..yes we do not scream over and over we need help...you and I seem a lot alike I too use to be kind of punished for not showing happy all the time. At the same time middle ground is saying hey I feel bad because.....fill in whatever the blanks are for whomever....and would like some support...sometimes these things can be overlooked too and then I just don't post and I agree the small things I will not post too...lost keys etc. I hope you can find your voice on whats bothering you and maybe someone..or many will be of help to you

[Lexicon78]

I think I am inbetween. Like if I'm having a good day, which is the norm, the more I post the better I feel because I am being useful and supportive to others. But if I'm really upset, I can barely put up a post, let alone to post to other people.

Kimmy,

Oh, feeling vulnerable is a huge worry for me!

It's good that slacking off helps you--- I hope though, that you have many many days of abundant posting!

Thanks for offering to listen and for the hugs-- that's very nice of you.

mandy

Sleeps,

Sorry you too weren't allowed to show your true feelings as a child.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hope you can find your voice on whats bothering you and maybe someone..or many will be of help to you

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thank you Sleeps, I think I am finding little pieces of it now and then--- *sigh* one step at a time.

mandy

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Its sorta like the blind leading the blind with us..I have had threads and am often overlooked..I am not nor would I want to be one to beg for attention with 6 posts in one day on the same subject... I have seen that on some sites I do not like that style but like I think maybe there is a middle ground I myself cannot seem to find. I hope you find it. Some day I may experiment and just post like a couple of people I have seen and see what happens

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
2b1better said:
Sleeps,

Sorry you too weren't allowed to show your true feelings as a child.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I hope you can find your voice on whats bothering you and maybe someone..or many will be of help to you

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thank you Sleeps, I think I am finding little pieces of it now and then--- *sigh* one step at a time.

mandy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

[jmo531]

I guess I can go either way. I suppose when I am feeling really bad I tend to back off from the boards and there are times when I want to support others so I tend to post more.

((((((((((((((((((((((((Mandy)))))))))))))))))))))))

I wish you would come out more often. I miss you.

Huggles,

Jen

Lexi,

They say --it helps one to feel better by helping others--- you are a good example of that!
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But if I'm really upset, I can barely put up a post, let alone to post to other people.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes, that's how I am....... then I feel guilty for not posting support to others...... which then only makes me want to isolate even more as I feel more worthless........ it's like I'm in a vicious circle......

mandy

Jen--

It's good to see you around-- you're one of the ones I was worried about. You've been very quiet lately.

Yes, I see you post a lot in support to others, be sure to give us a chance to support you!!

Thanks for the hugs and for missing me-- that's really sweet of you.

I'm struggling-- but forging on.... really putting myself out here..... starting to get nervous though..... think I'll quit for tonight..... don't want to give these bad thoughts the upper hand-- I'll quit (for tonight) while I'm ahead.

take care

mandy

sleeps,

Yea, the blind leading the blind with us!! LOL!! The middle ground would be nice!! Let me know if you find it!!

take care,
mandy