does anyone compare themselves to others?

this is what i've been doing lately.

comparing myself to other people with mental illness, and thinking about how their lives are better than mine- and mostly famous people too.

i know i never want a life as some famouse rock star or actor or what ever, but it's my latest way of thinking about things and i know it's very unhealthy i know- but can't help myself.

anyone else do this?

I have always compared myself to others. Always coming off second best. So I tried to ease up on it, because you never really know what another person's life is like.
Last couple of weeks I have been comparing myself to my P'doc.
I even said to him that I wished I had half the life that he did and he said he was very lucky to have the life he did.

It's a very hard habit to get out of.

I do fall into that trap sometimes, but also compare myself to lots of people who are a whole lot worse off than I am. I have food and shelter, and I have access to decent health care. I figure there are millions of people with and without mental illness who wish they had my life.

I compare myself to my normal friends....how happily married and settled in life they are with jobs and children... I wonder whether I will have any of these in my life( but at the same time catrules has voiced my thoughts.....)

I used to compare myself to others frequently. In retrospect, it was a losing proposition.

It especially hurts a lot when seeing only the surface of others happy, shiny lives, imaging how fabulous things seem to be for them.

What is going on behind the scenes, though, is carefully hidden, so what we are seeing and coveting or pining for does not represent the entire picture. And many times, it is not pretty. And it certainly isnt all that wonderful.

I appreciate that celebs, working actors, artists and sports figures and some people irl are actually blessed with a gift of making their living (hopefully) doing what they love. Not a lot of people can say that.

But the reality is that they struggle and suffer with many of the same things every human does. They are not exempt from life's disappointments, illnesses, hurt and pain. Yes, perhaps they have the "resources" available to publicly "manage" these things....in fact, many have an entire entourage of people following them around to help, do damage control, paint a pretty picture to the public, but it is a grand illusion.

It is so liberating when I stopped looking at others and their lives and started focusing on mine...working on my good health and focusing on what I do have. Yes, it stilll hurts a lot sometimes (my family is a perfect example)

But by not focusing or thinking about them, I have been set free from the bonds of thinking what i dont have and should have to seeing life in a different way: putting that energy into myself and appreciating what I do have.

Everyone seems better functioning than me, and yea I compare, a lot. People seem to have such easy time with anything. And yea, I'm envious.

((((Jim))))

I have compared myself to others in the past - in fairness i know no one who hasn't. I think we're conditioned to feel we have to do so much, be so much - in reality though its a pretty futile exercise, none of us knows what goes on behind closed doors and we need to focus on whats excellent for us, measuring yourself by someone elses standards is pretty pointless. There will always be those more capable and those who are less so but the way i see it - i know most of my friends haven't been through what ive had to go through the last six years so if im not as successful as them its for a good reason and frankly im amazed im still here at all. Hope you find peace with this situation. All the best.

I think we all do this comparison. Everyone wants to be happy and "Normal"... What is "Normal" anyway? This is what my Psych said to me when I told him I wanted to not be so ADD and just feel "Normal".

The Normal we see from most examples out there are just the projections they want us to see anyway. I'm sure much of what we are comparing ourselves to is not Real in the first place.

I know this sounds kind of weird, but when Princess Diana died, I thought, would she - or I - rather have switched lives? Would she have wanted to live my crummy crap life, if it meant she would still be alive? I couldn't answer for her, but I decided I was glad I was still alive, even if it meant my past was still the same.

I feel the same. Even if the lives of those I know aren’t perfect and even if they have struggles behind closed doors, it doesn’t make me feel less envious of them, because they still are better and more than I will ever be. My best friend (whom I am not sure I am friends with anymore), to use an example, is smarter, prettier, richer, better in school, has more friends, all around better than I am regardless of what issues she has to deal with. Sure, she has issues “behind the scenes,” but that doesn’t make me less envious because I have so many freaking problems that it is impossible for them to be “behind the scenes,” as demonstrated by the fact that I am so scarred from self-harm people stare at me in public.

Here I am barely surviving financially, talking to a wall, and dealing with child abuse issues in therapy, while she is having “the best time of her life” attending university her wealthy parents are funding, traveling the world, and doing all the things I wish I can do and experience.

Issues or not she is better than I am.

As for more public figures, I can compared myself to them, because I wish I could be as successful and respected as them. I’ll never be as talented as Vishy Anand is at chess - he’s the world chess champion and he won the $2.5 million chess game in Moscow this year. Why wouldn’t I feel envious of that? What the hell have I accomplished in life? Certainly nothing like he has.

idk. i really make a conscious decision to try not to. but subconciously i do it all the time.

i think everyone does. but, when it starts to affect how u act, what u think, where u go, who u talk to, things can get dangerous.

I think many people find themselves comparing themselves to those they might perceive as in a better place than themselves. Most perhaps don't compare themselves to people less fortunate. Maybe doing that might help somehow. Trying to get out of ones own head and taking the better part of ones time to feel empathy for others who might be less fortunate.

Unsure if that made a whole lot of sense. I know myself I'd wish I used that technique more instead instead of ruminating on how 'I' feel all the time. I'm very conscious of my ability to be somewhat self centred. I loathe it's dominance over my thoughts and can let it get in the way of better social awareness sometimes. A more accurate social awareness should lead to confidence and better self esteem should it not?

Anyway what I've said is to do with WHY I compare myself to others. Far too much I tend to think lowly of myself for varied reasons. I have a habit of looking at others who might be in a better place emotionally, financially etc. and henceforth demeaning myself for being who I am. Nasty activity and not very progressive. At least with the 'reverse comparisons' I might better be able to get out of myself and learn/develop better accuracy in self assessment, acceptance and ultimately, reality. Ideally, pairing this with volunteer work of some kind would be great. I WILL do that someday. Its a difficult thing to start but it's the greatest single activity I think I could do to counter some of my tougher issues.

No offense to anyone...just a sudden few thoughts on a subject very pertinent to self.

"i'm the best looking person in this room"

or...

"i'm the biggest piece of **** on earth"

are both ways of trying to say that
u think ur better than others.

think about it

I tend to compare myself to other unhappy people.

When I compare with people who are straightout poor and live under dangerous and sad circumstances, I just feel bad. I feel like crap because we as humans allow this to happen to other humans.

So comparing like that just makes me feel crappy in a different way.

But variety is the spice of life they say...

I only ever compare myself really to people that I am infatutated with. And then it really hurts for some reason. I am always thinking about them and trying to imagine what their lives are like.

Just a thought...I do not compare myself to people that are / or seem to be less "fortunate" because i cannot assume / especially that they are more or less satisfied or happy in their lives.

My half-sisters grew up in poverty / Mex gangland style and they were 10x happier than me and my other half sister, because they never for one second doubted our mom's love for them.

My one sis and I were raised with means far above and beyond and were 10x more miserable and psych damaged because we did not experience that same type of unconditional love from our (adopt) mothers. In fact, looking at my one sis, you would never know in a million years that she was so eff'd up. She passed away though at 39 from od/drug addiction

I count my blessings, and am grateful for having shelter, food, clean clothes, and a small, but very much loved family. I know that I am lucky in having these things- and I try to remember that when things get rough, and I am broke and failing in a million different ways...

However, I do compare myself to others. Constantly. For everything. I am forever comparing my body... am I fatter or thinner than her? I miss being as thin as that one, before the med weight...Am I the fattest person in the room? OMG- that could happen to me!-- to one who is larger.

Wow... what I would not do to have one of those smart phones or ipads or kindle fires instead of this crappy trac phone that barely holds a charge (but then feel guilty- I should be grateful to have a phone) and no internet/book/app capability.

Then there is school... why can I not keep it together to finish- no concentration half the time and too many memory issues. I just need to be patient right?

My kids... poor things have a Mom who is so all over the place. Thank goodness the worst of my illness came when they older and that they are primarily with their Dad and his wife... I still try as hard as I can- but sometimes I am just not well. (They are 12 and 14)

And I compare myself to the friends and family that have homes and and good jobs, finished schools, and perfect hubbys and kids, along with the nice cars-- all things they were functional enough to work for...
Wow, did not mean to write a book (sorry)... I guess the shorter answer would have been that yes, I compare myself to everyone.

I have to admit, though, again...it really stings when my "family" is skiing in the French Alps, going on vacays, driving 100k cars, wearing 80k watches, living in 5k sq ft homes +... and supposedly living the dream. Me, not so much though in that regard. And they are total Ns and have other serious mi so they get great enjoyment and empowerment comparing their lives to mine.

That hurts a lot.

I compare myself to others all the time... I am barely above the poverty line, but I go to a school with rich kids. One of my better friends is the son of a 2 star general. I see everyone all the time with their new smart phones, iPods, computers, new fancy cars and whatnot. I look at myself, I still have a gen-4 iPod, I have never had a smartphone, my car is twenty years old(older than me my two years) with over 300,000 miles, and etc. etc. I am far poor, they are rich. I also get lower grades due to my problems and so they all know they are smarter than me. I am of a far lower social class and they know it. I am not anywhere as well off as them. blah... I just can never reach their standards and I keep judging myself for it...

((((Deathly)))) what are the standards that you have set for yourself, friend? What are your goals? Look how much you have accomplished thus far! Can you give yourself a few snaps for that...and build on it

Yes, i do think most of us do compare ourselves to others, often in unfavorable ways, but many of us also count our blessings, and this can help, though we feel badly for those less fortunate. The hardest thing for me is when some people have said and sometimes still say things to me, usually out of pity or compassion, which I hate. Things like "I wonder how you can keep going sometimes, with your bipolar and mental illness. I mean you've always been so smart and talented and have plenty of achievements but just haven't been able to manage your health well enough to achieve success." They refer to things like several lost careers, like not being able to retire from the military nor from teaching, and not being able to make it through nursing school, etc. And not being as well off financially. This basically seems to tap into my own negative feelings about myself and it's so tough! I am trying to come up with a better definition of success now, though, and one unlike the one I was taught. Actually, there are many folks who don't even have BP or diagnosed emotional issues who, post-recession, are also having to come up with new meaning in their lives, even as they struggle to survive. So, I know I'm not alone. But the pity can be very hard to take. However, I've committed to enjoying life and to making my own meaning, as best I can. I came to this point nearly a year ago after more than a half century of BP type issues (the old manic depressive!), and I'm doing a lot better. There's hope, but everyone's purpose is uniquely their own, and they must do the work to create it themselves. And boy, can it be a challenge. But I consider the alternative, so the effort is highly worth it. The very best to you, you unique individual, with whom there is no comparison!!!! (Said with a smile and said in a positive and sincere tone!)

I thought your commentary was extremely interesting. I, too, have known folks who seemed to be living in such difficult circumstances, yet they were happier than many who had much more and had it much easier. I know some of this depends on the individual, for sure. So well said, absolutely! I did notice when I was in the USAR many years ago, our unit went on a humanitarian mission to some central American countries. We visited both cities and rural regions. I was amazed at how happy and content some of these people seemed who lived in huts or shacks with dirt floors. I guess my takeaway here was that mostly those individuals that were reasonably content felt or had created a purpose for their existence, and one with which they were at peace. Amazing comment!!!! Enjoyed reading. Thanks! Had forgotten about this aspect of it all!!

It does hurt when you have family or friends who have or can do more, but it is best for us, I believe, when we can put this out of our minds, and focus on something else more positive. Easier said than done, for sure, but highly worth it. A constant struggle sometimes, it seems!