[whenwillitend]

I don't know how many times I've been told "it will get better", "just hang in there", "you gotta look to the future", "trust me, it WILL get better".

But when? WHEN? How long do I have to wait? It's been a year now! And that's just the current issues, before that was depression and abuse and confusion and fear.

I'm tired.

[Iamnutty]

I totally understand. Ive been hearing the same thing for YEARS and I am still waiting for the better to come...

Its the ignorance of those uneducated people who know no different that say this kind of thing.

Please PM me if you want to talk privately. I just dumped my two sisters on facebook yesterday because they didnt like my opinion on weapons. And they called that abuse. They can kiss my *****

[Leed]

I wish I could tell you when it gets better -- but it just does! I was in therapy off and on for many years. It would get better, and then I'd relapse, and then it would get a little better and then worse, yadayadayada. My therapist sent me to my doctor who put me on an antidepressant - and it's been FINE EVER SINCE!!1 Once we got the right dosage figured out, I've been great. Oh, I get a tiny bit sad every now and then, but nothing to write home about.

I don't know if you're on meds or not, but if you are your dosage needs adjusting. If you're not, get ON them. Believe me,you won't regret it. If there are any side effects they are NOT bad and they go away. If you can't tolerate the side effects, have the doc switch you to something else. But there's always an answer with medication. It's WORTH it to not have to suffer anymore!!! I'm clinically depressed, so I'll have to be on meds until I die. I don't care. I won't live like I used to anymore!

Best of luck and God bless! Hugs, Lee

[Honest Fellow]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

I don't know how many times I've been told "it will get better", "just hang in there", "you gotta look to the future", "trust me, it WILL get better".

But when? WHEN? How long do I have to wait? It's been a year now! And that's just the current issues, before that was depression and abuse and confusion and fear.

I'm tired.

Friend, I am not a doctor, but I can say that you shouldn't wait for something to happen. If the problem exist - it won't vanish by itself. You should take action! And advices like "it will get better" etc. are completely useless unless you take some action to make things to get better.

What you can do? At first you should never give up like Winston Churchill said.

As for actions - You can start with practice and reading buddhism philosophy, it talks a lot about stressful situations and our attitude. I do not trying to convince you to become a buddhist, but their philosophy is good for mental health.

Also try spending some time near nature ( maybe it is a forest, lake,river or park near you).

Start doing something you passionate about. There are probably some thing you are passionate about ( i am not talking about watching movies, listening music) like photography, writing, playing football - you name it.

[venusss]

Or alternativelly... get out the place you are. If the situation you are in is OBJECTIVELLY bad, please don't numb yourself so you won't care it sucks.

Are you stuck in life? Work on getting out of the place. Figure out what you want, as opposed to what you are expected to do. Find the right people. LOok for good omens. Try different things. Find yourself. Don't passively wait for "it" to get better, because it won't get better on its own.

doesn't mean though it won't get better with bit of work

[Hellion]

I understand what you mean...though I almost find it worse when people say things like 'you'll eventually recover and be happy like you were before.' well when the hell was I ever happy in the first place I've been miserable since I was a child I just tried keeping it to myself but now I am paying the price with my sanity it seems.

I understand people want to be re-assuring but sometimes its as though none of them understand for some of us the pain is not going to end and its not going to get better. It's done, gone and dead I just feel strange sometimes like I am here but people are trying to bring back some corpse deep inside me instead because maybe that was a happier person than the current one I am.........well its dead quit poking it with a stick. Hopefully that kinda makes sense.

[whenwillitend]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I understand what you mean...though I almost find it worse when people say things like 'you'll eventually recover and be happy like you were before.' well when the hell was I ever happy in the first place I've been miserable since I was a child I just tried keeping it to myself but now I am paying the price with my sanity it seems.

I understand people want to be re-assuring but sometimes its as though none of them understand for some of us the pain is not going to end and its not going to get better. It's done, gone and dead I just feel strange sometimes like I am here but people are trying to bring back some corpse deep inside me instead because maybe that was a happier person than the current one I am.........well its dead quit poking it with a stick. Hopefully that kinda makes sense.

Thank you!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say! You worded it much better though.

I'm not sitting here waiting for things to magically get better. I'm not passive. But so far, all my attempts to change things (and my husbands) have failed. I'm tired of kicking, I just want to sink and drown.

whenwillitend - im so sorry you're hurting this much the fact of the matter is people don't always get better/recover. Things can occasionally improve and even if it isn't long lasting all we can do is be thankful for those times i suppose. You are doing the very best you can so pat yourself on the back for that at least. When all is said and done at least you can say you've tried your best and as long as you keep fighting for a better life kudos to you. Im sorry if ive not been helpful i don't really have any advice but i just wanted to congratulate you on carrying on even when you feel so tired (trust me i KNOW the feeling). It takes courage to cope when life is this tough - i wish i had as much fortitude (if ok).

[InfiniteSadness]

I'M WAVING IT buddy!

[whenwillitend]

I feel I wasted my life. Depression wasted my life. My childhood was wasted by abuse.
I feel I have never really lived. Although I have achieved most of my life goals, and the rest simply isn't going to happen.

But I have never achieved the (for me) most important thing in life: happiness.
Every time I feel happy for a bit, something happens and I get kicked back down.

[Lauru]

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

Thank you!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say! You worded it much better though.

I'm not sitting here waiting for things to magically get better. I'm not passive. But so far, all my attempts to change things (and my husbands) have failed. I'm tired of kicking, I just want to sink and drown.

I understand. Things have been better and things have been worse. The roller coaster never ends for me. I have been on meds since I was 17 and I am now 40. There has NEVER been the "right" meds for me. I have ones that work for a little while and then suddenly stop. I have depression and mania even on the meds I am on. Yes it will get better, but it could also get worse. It does for me. I go to therapy and do everything I am supposed to do to get better and I do, for a while and then it all starts over again. For me it will never end and I get pissed about that and feel hopeless many times. You have to find at least one thing for you that makes it worth it. Could be a person, place, thing, faith, spirituality, goals, dreams. There is something. Everyone has something. I choose not to believe that anyone is born without a reason to live. Find yours. Best of luck to you
Lauru

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Hellion

I understand people want to be re-assuring but sometimes its as though none of them understand for some of us the pain is not going to end and its not going to get better. It's done, gone and dead I just feel strange sometimes like I am here but people are trying to bring back some corpse deep inside me instead because maybe that was a happier person than the current one I am.........well its dead quit poking it with a stick. Hopefully that kinda makes sense.

I love how you likened your happier self to a corpse everyone's trying to get resurrected. I often feel the same, and I appreciate the imagery.

Originally Posted by whenwillitend

Thank you!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say! You worded it much better though.

I'm not sitting here waiting for things to magically get better. I'm not passive. But so far, all my attempts to change things (and my husbands) have failed. I'm tired of kicking, I just want to sink and drown.

I'm so with you. One of the things that can be bothersome about forums--or any online social avenue--is what "we" are trying to convey doesn't always come thru. I knew immediately what you meant, and ppl often assume we're not trying hard enough. Well, I say **** them. They don't live in my head, inside my body. I'm tired of explaining/defending myself. But more than that I'm like you, and Hellion and many others; I am SICK of all the action, all the tools I use, and inevitably fall. And it's not me being DebbieDowner. It's literally, something else comes up physical that's wrong, etc. etc. Sometimes I wish I could die from depression---that if I laid in bed long enough I'd finally cease to be. Sorry if that was morbid, but it feels often like I'm merely taking up space. I feel as if I'm kind of floating around in the atmosphere with no hope or goals or whatever to grab onto.

[whenwillitend]

things keep getting worse and worse and worse. where is the limit??? is there a "rock bottom"? is there a time when things really can't get any worse? i feel like i'm crashing through every single one of those "rock bottoms".

life is a black hole.

i just want out.