Lost my nephew today....please help me!!!!

desirae,

I feel for you honey! I really do! i wish that I could help you some how. I think you should stand up for what is right. fight for that little man and dont give up hope! ok?

i am here for you!

mel

Just found out even more news. My mother and sister have figured out a way to beat the system. My sister is going to get married to her boyfriend in Washington D.C, he is a lives on a military base and is in the air force, my sister is going to be a military wife.

She's only 17, and really not ready for marriage, but if this is the only way for my sister to keep her baby, and for Elijah to have a father.....then I'm happy for her.

He's a good boy, I've known him for a couple years. He's 6 credits away from having his RN.....and he's leaving the air force in 4 months on honorable leave. I really like Ricki, I'm just afraid Dana will hurt him.

I hope this work, I really hope this works!

Thanks all so much for your support and helping me get through such a rough spot.

how is that going to stop them from getting custody? I guess I am not understanding? can you help me?

Des hon I think you are grasping at straws! That is not a good idea if she is still going wild. You could ask her to sign him over to you til she is more ready to take care of him. That way all you would have to do is go to an attorney or courthouse to do that.

What they will do is sign custody over to Ricki (sis's boyfriend), and then Dana will marry him and that will immediately give them both custody. Then she will live with him in Washington till he gets leave, then they will move to Oklahoma. I'm still a little shocked myself and not understanding this myself, I think what the entire marriage thing is doing is postponing the state of West Virginia to not establish fraternity. If their unable to establish fraternity then they will have an even more difficult time getting custody......it will be prolonged, very expensive, and Missy will have to travel in order to try to get custody.....it will become almost impossible.

I don't want to take my sisters baby unless she was jailed, fatally ill, or dead. It's time for her to grow up, become a woman and mother, and care for her own baby. The baby has never been neglected or harmed in anyway, he's just been left with my mom, me, and Missy to much while Dana tried to gain her youth back. Hopefully this will be reality smacking her in the face and telling her it's time to drop the bs.

My sister and the baby are going to come here till Sunday because we fear somebody will stop by and attempt to take the baby agian. This will be my last days with them for awhile, it's sad but I know this will be for the best.

(((((((((((((((((desirae & family))))))))))))))))))))))

Your entire family, but especially that precious little, will be in my thoughts and prayers.

KD

Des, the worst thing in the world your sister can do is get married for the wrong reasons. It's just not going to work that way, hon. Is the boyfriend fully aware of what all is happening?

I wish you and your family only the best.

Hugs,

Jan

I agree that it's dumb, but my sister and her boyfriend are willing to do this to keep the baby. I told my mom there are many other alternatives like signing over custody to me. But they say this will be for best.

My husband and I already made a bet, he bets the will be divorced in a year, I say 1 1/2. My sister has never been with the same guy for more then a couple weeks and she really likes attention from all sorts of different guys if you know what I mean. I can't imagine that she will devote herself to Ricki. Then again, I could be wrong, this experience may change her and make her more aware of what's most important, and that's the baby.

I hope something changes and works out, for the better. All I care is about that baby, and I think with Ricki and my sister together, he will be very valued.

Desirae,

I know that you love this baby, and also that you don't have most of the control in the situation either. That would have to be so frustrating. Understanding that I'm a total outsider here, may I ask if anyone is thinking about what would be the best for the baby?

It has to be very confusing for him to be shuffled around and fought over. It's like he's a trophy that everyone wants to win, but what is in his best interest? Is there some way that he could have a stable home with two parents who both love him *and* are ready and prepared to be good parents?

If you and your husband were able to adopt him, that could be a good option since you do love him and it sounds like you would be prepared to be a mom. But you said that your husband won't let you take him home, so that unfortunately removes that possibility.

I don't know anything about the other girl who is trying to get custody. Is she married and in a position to be a parent?

Your sister just doesn't sound ready, and you don't seem to have confidence that she will be able to settle down in a committed relationship either.

There are plenty of couples who are prepared to have a family and want that more than anything in life. I hope you don't hate me for saying this, but what would really be best for the little boy? I hope, no matter what, that he will be able to have a stable, secure relationship with somebody he can always count on. Maybe that somebody will be you.

Best Wishes,
Rap

(((((((((((((((( desirae and family ))))))))))))))))

I don't hate you.....honesty is exactly what I need to hear. I agree that my sister is not ready, never was since the day she discovered she was pregnant. When she discovered she was pregnant there was 5 possibilities of who the father could be, and she told many other boys they could be possibilities, for attention I guess.

During her pregnancy she did become very motherly and settled down big time. She stayed home all during her pregnancy and quit smoking, partying, and drinking. But a few weeks after the baby was born she was already becoming promiscuous (without birth control), and was already leaving the baby with mom and I so she could go out with her friends and party all night. I was really fooled, I really though she would do well and for the most part I was right, she does care for him and he's never neglected, but she acts as though he's a burden to her and gets frustrated easy.....so that's her excuse to go out at least. She claims "I do it alone", but she has much more help with Elijah then I do with my kids...much much more.

I don't know what's best anymore, I know here is not a possibility. I wish I could. It's not only my husband who's made it that way, but my own illnesses, my lows, that seem to show it's ugly face 2/3 times a month. It's hard enough to care for my babies when I'm in them....actually to be honest I hardly take care of them....they just lay on me while I lay on the couch.

I've given this so much though that I exhausted myself. I burned myself out on it and now I am letting Mom and Dana figure out for themselves, I love my nephew, believe me. I know ultimately he will be safe and cared for.....unfortunately not every single child has the luxury of a happy go lucky, skippidy do da life. I wouldn't be able to provide him that either.

I'm sorry, I probably should have waited to reply to this post because right now I'm an emotional mess just waiting to happen....so sorry.

((((Desirae))))

This situation would have to be very hard. It's hard to keep struggling through without having the resources and energy, and it's hard to think about letting go too. Your sister could be torn between wanting to act her age and have another chance and be free from responsibility that she isn't ready, and her perceived expectations about being a mother to her son. If she weren't ambivalent she would either give him up or stay and take care of him. If the possibility of adoption were offerred to her, she might even find it freeing. Entering into a marriage in order to keep the baby when she isn't ready to settle down and nobody expects the marriage to last is only going to mess up three people's lives, I'm afraid.

I really do wish you well.

Rapunzel

I fear that too, I really do. When we first discovered she was pregnant, I did suggest adoption or abortion. My sister is very pro life and was set on doing what was "right", or at least what she thought was right. I have also always suspected that she deliberately got pregnant. She's always come over and see how loving I am to my babies, and how loving they are in return.....I think she craved for that herself and that is why she began sleeping around unprotected. I don't think she cared if the guy would be willing to be a father or not. I know two of them was meth junkies.

I sometimes wish I had more power to change something that is beyond me. If I could, Elijah wouldn't be here today....he would have came at a better time, when Dana was ready. I do love the heck out of him though and wish I could pack him up, bring him home, and claim him as mine.