PC Frustrations

Great link!!! ((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))

Good article, Petunia! I scanned through it but will go back and read in earnest!

Thanks!

I swiped the link to read through more thoroughly, Petunia = Thanks!

Tomi = teheheh

OK - I got a question.... I hope it is ok to ask - ? ? ?

What am I to do if I have a few ppl on block and they have me on block and we can no longer have a conversation together - for we cannot see each others post, therefore, we have no way of knowing if the other person has changed or wants to change (or not)?
For while I see many making post of what should be or has to be from this point on.... the reality of the matter is very different from my personal side of the fence.

............... any ideals or suggestions?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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Rhapsody said:
OK - I got a question.... I hope it is ok to ask - ? ? ?

What am I to do if I have a few ppl on block and they have me on block and we can no longer have a conversation together - for we cannot see each others post, therefore, we have no way of knowing if the other person has changed or wants to change (or not)?
For while I see many making post of what should be or has to be from this point on.... the reality of the matter is very different from my personal side of the fence.

............... any ideals or suggestions?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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again, it's about acceptance. plain old acceptance.

and hoping that someone has changed may just fall under the old "expectations trap". i can't change anyone but myself. i can change my responses and how i take things. i can change my address and my sheets. but i can't change people here.

i can try to point out ways to look at the differences here, but i am not writing anything into concrete. i don't see anyone here doing that. i don't see a need for it, frankly.

this is an online community. all i need to do is take what i can use and let the rest go. i can logout and listen to Joan Armatrading and chill.....that's why it works for me, most of the time.

I get bothered with people who continually preach the Ignore Button as a way to allow them to post what they want. That is- if you dont like my posts why dont you just ignore me?

Well the thing is, it seems that some people feel they can just post what they want and thier get out is that others can just ignore them. In my opinion it might be better placed to think about what you post and how it will affect others, not just jump in with two feet, all knowing and then say "well if you dont like it just ignore me" I think its a bit of a easy get out for some people.

I dont use ignore, its not what im about and I would hope that there was never anything about me and what I post that would drive someone to use it.

In my opinion we should be trying NOT to make people ignore each other

(((((((( girls )))))))))))

I so respect what you're saying.

I would like to share my thoughts on that from my experience...

When I joined, I accepted the guidelines here...knowing that I should post within them, but also knowing that everyone else here was only obligated to post within them no matter the upsetting topic (for me), opinion, etc.

In knowing that, I knew there might be that time that I have to put a member on ignore if their posting was triggering, upsetting, or otherwise, but within the guidelines for the community.

I think the ignore feature is a great feature. I also realize that it could be abused but I have RARELY seen that happen here. Some may have to ignore more than others for a short time because of the place that their in for the moment, as well as triggers, depression, etc.

When a person uses ignore, it's usually due to personal reaction and self-comfort, I think...not meant to upset.

KD

I wasn't bashing you sky. I care alot for you and your posts.

I posted what I did because others were getting riled up because they too took the fact that you clicked on my post when it wasn't the last one and then posted you thought what was being discussed was administrative issues.

Others including myself took that as being you were telling me I was wrong in posting what I did.

I did not put you down, name call or the likes which is what bashing is.

all I did was posted how I am handling the situation so that everyone would calm and the thread would not get locked because people were starting to go at each other.

Im sorry if you took that as bashing. I promise it was not and I got your pm and explained more in detail.

This explanation of the 'ignore' feature makes a lot of sense to me, whereas I didn't really 'get it' before:
[KimmyDawn wrote:]</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
When I joined, I accepted the guidelines here...knowing that I should post within them, but also knowing that everyone else here was only obligated to post within them no matter the upsetting topic (for me), opinion, etc.

In knowing that, I knew there might be that time that I have to put a member on ignore if their posting was triggering, upsetting, or otherwise, but within the guidelines for the community.

I think the ignore feature is a great feature. I also realize that it could be abused but I have RARELY seen that happen here. Some may have to ignore more than others for a short time because of the place that their in for the moment, as well as triggers, depression, etc.

When a person uses ignore, it's usually due to personal reaction and self-comfort, I think...not meant to upset.

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I, like a couple of the other posters above, had been really struggling with how using an ignore button could be a healthy thing, rather than learning to deal with the situation.

I've wondered about the trigger warnings/icon for the same reason, but in this community, I have come to more and more recognize that there may be folks who are especially vulnerable, (heck we're probably ALL vulnerable at certain times), for whom certain material can be very destructive and beyond their current, at-this-moment ability to cope with it.

Again, I think most of us have these times, (I certainly do), and some folks may have certain conditions or they may be at certain points in their therapy/recovery work, where these triggers (even if not really about the poster who is perceived to be triggering) would be more detrimental than others.

I think working on skills to simply pass-over certain threads or posts would be one to work on, but I can conceive of situations where that is much easier said than done.

I wish life came with ignore buttons and trigger warnings, but unfortunately...

Hi Rhapsody :

Please forgive me for wandering into my own verbosity and not addressing myself to your specific question.

What would happen if you unblocked the person, and just let them keep you blocked or not depending on what they want to do/their own stuff/issues?

Sometimes, if we feel we are ready to lower our defenses, others will do so in kind. You'd of course need to decide when you feel ready to lower yours - only you can know when or if that is appropriate/a 'good thing'/healthy for you, and then be willing to 'let go' of any anticipated outcome and see what happens, (not taking the ultimate outcome personally no matter what it may be).

Maybe try it with one person...

What do you think?

Warmest regards,

Peanut

I also like what Allthegirls said, a lot!!!

Here is where I see the Ignore function working best:

- if I were to find myself infuriated with what another member has said, but I still couldn't help but look for their posts, almost like trying to tear my eyes away from a train wreck

- if I felt that a member was really "out to get me", but as they never cross guidelines, they really can't be held responsible

- if I were to find myself wanting to complain about their PMs, yet I find myself continuing to reply with the result of getting more PMs that I didn't like

- if I tried just NOT responding to them, and a week or so later found that distancing myself produced way less internal agitation than continuing to be involved in their threads or replies.

The Ignore function is certainly not the ideal solution, but it's a lot better than letting a place like an online forum put you in a state of emotional distress. And sometimes, if I find myself feeling disproportionally upset at what a stranger says here, then it usually is a clue to me that I need to take a short break and put more emphasis on other more practical areas of my life.

Someone here (don't recall who, but it was good) emphasized the importance of "owning our own behavior". I like that one. I don't have to be 'right' all the time, but the last thing I want is to cause public turmoil by trying to prove that I am. I have enough stress in my real life that walking away from a nitpicker here is the most healthy thing I can do for myself.

Hi ((Sky )):

You might get a headache doing that, my friend. What's up?

I can be dense and exasperating, (but inevitably ingratiating after a fashion and given enough time ), so I'm open to deserving a wet-noodle lashing... ((hugs))..

Really, what's up?

With affection and respect,

Peanutty

Hello ((LMo )):

I can understand the temptation and perhaps even the temporary utility of using the ignore button for the reasons you've enumerated, (sort of like a self-imposed 'time-out' ).

I'm interested, though. Do you end up working through why you are triggered by a certain poster/subject and/or how to resolve the situation with the individual on ignore, (assuming they are not in violation of the site participation rules), so that they don't end up staying on 'ignore'?

I mean, sometime, when you may have more time or energy, etc.?

It would bug me if I let someone get to me long-term to the point that I just didn't want to deal with them at all.

I say this as a person practically imprisoned in my house, because of my 'fear' of certain triggers in real life, so I ask with much humility and true desire to know/learn.

Most fondly,

Peanut

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Peanut61 said:
Hi Rhapsody :

What would happen if you unblocked the person, and just let them keep you blocked or not depending on what they want to do/their own stuff/issues?

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Hmm -

What would happen if I unblocked.... I would possibly subject myself to further verbal abuse and possibly more unwanted PM.... that which made me block in the first place.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Actually, I can think of only one time when someone bugged me so much that I used the Ignore function on them. And in that case, although they bugged almost EVERYONE here, it was more that I just didn't have the patience to deal with the attention-seeking. If that person were to be here now, I think I'd internally handle it a little better than I did during that period of time.

" My problem is I feel as though I'm sometimes invisible here, like nobody seems to care to support me, when I make an effort to support others"

(((((((((((((((Desirae)))))))))))

Time0..... I find it easier to support YOU when you give a little more info (fill in the blanks), other wise I can just offer my unconditional love and hugs.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs ))) - I hear YOU!! and CARE!!

(((((((((((((((( Desirae )))))))))))))))))

You are so thoughtful and special (((((((((((((((( Time0 )))))))))))))))

{{{{ Desirae }}}}

You are not invisible. You are respected.

Sorry your thread went off in this direction...thank you time0 for reminding us why it was started.

"In my opinion we should be trying NOT to make people ignore each other"

I think this deserves repeating!!

((((Desirae)))):

I'm sorry that I distracted your thread. I think what you pointed out is very important, and, to me, you are not at all invisible!

Sincerely,
Peanut

I KNOW IT'S IMPOLITE TO YELL, BUT I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW I SUPPORT YOU ALL.
You are not invisable Des. you are awesome
Angie