PC Frustrations

There has been some very good posting here; a sharing of thoughts, experiences, etc.

I think some really good points have come out of this...especially to take away that because someone doesn't agree, or see things as we do, doesn't mean we're *wrong* or they're *right*. It just IS.

Pat made an awesome point when she alluded to the fact that when reading and posting we should take what we can of it...what helps US in the moment of reading. With all the vast posting and information and need for support here, we should pass anything else until such time as we do read it and get *something good, necessary, or we find relation with*. It might be great to focus our energies on what helps, feels good, etc. and pass the rest up until next time when we'll probably be in a different "place" or "frame". That's what's so great about having a little bit of everything here in one place.

I've learned that I have to pick my battles when so much is going on in this world. It could be that we need to be specific in checking inside ourselves to assess what we want/need/can use when we come to read and respond for that specific "log on"? Ahh, I'm applying that to self as well as I'm typing this...

KD

This is getting very complicated. Is anyone else starting to feel overwhelmed by this thread?

Hi ((Sky)):

Your 'pink' post made a lot of really good points also!! It's back a few pages, but definately a good one to read!

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Jax2923 said:
This is getting very complicated. Is anyone else starting to feel overwhelmed by this thread?

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No - not confused or overwhelmed............... but rather enlightening.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Good post, ((Tomi)):
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To everyone in general and no one in particular and also from personal experience.

Quote:
We have to respect EVERYONE here as PC to the best of our capabilities.



When I first came here, there were a couple of people that set me off and I set off pretty good. And yes, I'm one of the people that KD "had words with" and I with her after she became Admin. What I've learned through this is that I needed to look at myself to see if I was part of the problem and not part of the solution, as I had pictured myself to be. Guess what? I was part of the problem!

As much as I hated to admit it, I realized I had to have a hard look at WHAT I was saying and more so, HOW I was saying it. Surprisingly to me, I still had more to learn about boundaires; not just mine but other's as well. If I wanted to be spoken to with respect, then I had to speak to others with the same respect I expect. If someone finds a subject trigger-y, then don't speak to that person about it. Make sure you use your trigger icon as a warning and a show of respect. Mostly, though, I had to learn that if I didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say it. If you feel strongly enough about a subject, then there's ways of putting it so that it doesn't attack or hurt others. If we chose to be beligerent, then others will treat us the same way... or we'll get called in on the rug, suspended or banned. It's up to US to make the right choice. We can't make that choice for others. And there's certainly no harm at taking a good, long, hard look at ourselves and our ways of communicating with others. I've done it and it hasn't hurt me any. It's helped.

Shoot me at sunrise if you want, but to take someone else's serious thread and get silly about inconsequential things, shows disrespect for the owner of that thread. Humor is certainly great, but there's a time and a place for it.

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tomi.

jax, i think that this thread may be a little complicated, but we are a complicated group at PC. and i feel that we're getting somewhere with it. p

Hi Pas and EVERYONE participating in this thread. I really think this has been a productive and respectful (of everyones' opinions) thread.

I also appreciate KD's comments, (even though I don't always agree with PC policies). I especially appreciate leadership conducting a civil discussion that does allow folks to express frustrations and, by listening, validating the same.

I have really, for the first time, started to 'appreciate' PC as I once did, (which was a lot). I think things might be turning a good corner .

Best regards and with respect to all,

Peanut

((((Sweet Fuzzy)))) wrote:
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In my opinion only the two people who are "fighting" know the real truth sometimes Having been a mod here myself (I stepped down due to time constraints) I do know that mods and admin give people the benefit

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I agree with this. I used to 'jump to the defense' of people, usually someone I perceived as an underdog, then I learned in my boundary work that I was really sort of putting down the person I was trying to 'defend', as if they could not speak up for themselves.

On the other hand, I'd wouldn't be being honest if I said that having folks lend their 'support' in some conflict situations wasn't comforting, because it was...

It's a boundary thing that I, personally, continue to struggle with.

Oh, (((Fuzz))), I've dropped a stitch, , 'cause I can't remember my point ...

Sorry about losing my train of thought...

XOXO,
Peanutty

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i'd like to emphasize that just because someone doesn't agree with you, that's not an attack. that is a person who is simply saying, "i don't agree with you".......

if a dialogue is initiated and you don't get the end result that you aimed for, it could be that it isn't because you're "disliked" it means that the person just doesn't share your views. nothing less and nothing more....

no one is going to agree with every one here. it just isn't possible.

and if we all agreed upon everything, it would, indeed, be a dull place and not very supportive.....we'd all be in the very same boat. and there would be no point in having PC.

we all come here with different life experiences......all of us........and allowing one another to live, with their foundations, is sensible. to expect to wrench them from their world into ours is irrational and exhausting.....is it not?

of course, if we're asking for help in dealing with something in our life, then someone may, just may, have an answer that the poster can use. maybe not.

no one here has an answer for everyone, for every problem or for every question...........to think so, is to be frustrated, angry, whiny and extremely unhappy. i KNOW that i can't help very many but that doesn't bother me. i'll help those who ask me to and go on..........

des, i'm sorry that this thread has taken a turn away from your original post.

however, maybe it has helped us understand more where we all are coming from.....thus, some feel ignored and now maybe we know why......does that make sense?

i don't want you to feel invisible here...you aren't invisible to me. i read every post that you write.

and i agree with KD wholeheartedly about posting "asides" that might cause one, just one, poster to feel that you may be alluding to them. if you're feeling supportive, is it worth it to cause one person to experience that paranoia that might come from the post? there are posters here who are so very fragile and vulnerable and could feel attacked.......and not know why.

but if one, just one, thinks i'm "talking" about them, i'm going to feel lousy about that for a very long time......so, i'll take it to PMs. and if you need to PM me, do so. i promise to always answer and tell the truth about how i feel about any given situation and/or question......and if we still disagree, then just agree to disagree......life is too short to keep trying to find the perfect apple in the barrel......(i'm grasping here now.... ..i had another nightmare and am feeling it right now)

i'm outta here......there is trim to be painted and work to be done......this is a good thread....xoxox pat

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Really good post, Pat!

What if you don't even realize you're not being supportive in a post and everyone clicks you on ignore?
I have trouble expressing myself so therefore I make a lot of mistakes in trying to communicate my feelings. When I'm sad-I may come off as being angry, when I'm angry I may come off as being funny (sarcasm) etc...AND I really don't even realize that I'm NOT being supportive.

Everyone keeps saying to put everyone on ignore and for you to know when you're not being supportive. For me that's easier said then done. I'm here because I have trouble communicating. Okay, so now what? I'm just going to have to accept being ignored?

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Jax2923 said:
What if you don't even realize you're not being supportive in a post and everyone clicks you on ignore?

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IMHO - I think most people do not just place someone on ignore because that person stated something once or twice that did not set well with them.... rather they use the ignore button on people that are constantly attacking or insulting the poster over a period of time.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I'm imagining something different. Thnx.

Jax, what I have done is write out what I want to say, then go back and re-read what I have written, once for typ-os and another time as if someone else was saying those things to me. I catch a lot of inappropriate statements and attitudes that way.

Making "I statements" such as "I feel... I think... It's been MY experience... In MY opinion..." also keeps others from feeling attacked. Making "YOU statements" always puts the other person on the defensive.

It's a good place to start.

Well, I think those are the times where we might want to look at the situation and work with it to the best of our ability, then remember...the only thing we can control is self, actions and reactions. If someone else makes a decision and stands firm on it, we sometimes have no choice but to accept that and continue looking for what we need and want.

KD

Hi Jax:

I don't even know where my ignore button is, (apparently a new thing since I was a regular), but, anyway, my suggestion would be to do the best you can, (that's all any of us can do, eh?!), and to not assume that you are, in fact, on someone's ignore, and even if you factually are, it's still their 'stuff' ultimately, and, though really difficult I know, try not to take the action 'personally'.

I can certainly appreciate the frustration of not having an opportunity to try to work something out with another, (or even know why you are on ignore), but, again, it is, 'their' decision for whatever reason and not something you can really change.

My suggestion would be to examine whether you have said/done anything that you believe was inappropriate and, if not, consider it pretty much the other persons' loss of your input.

Hopefully, the person WILL give you feedback which you can look at and, if you want to, you can begin a dialogue to try to resolve the matter.

It's so important NOT to take it personally, 'cause there could be so many reasons for what folks' do that have nothing to do with us, ya know.

I'm not keen on the ignore feature, even if I knew how it worked , so you won't end up on mine!

Hang in their, Jax - from what I've seen so far, you seem to be doing just fine (imo anyway ).

Best regards,

Peanut

Okay. I'm learning to control my way of expression, little by little. At least I'm catching myself now. It may be after I post it but I'm getting better at recognizing what may be "off". I'm really good at being off. I hope I'll soon get to be where you are Sept. Thank you.

I know we can only control our own actions but I think the lure of trying to make somebody understand me is there because I'm insecure and I need validation. I've learned to really appreciate the people who take the time to want to understand though. Thanks KD.

Thanks Peanut-I've never used the ignore button myself, either.

Hi again, Jax:

September mentioned some good practical ideas for improving any one of our communication skills. There are also 'netiquette' (I think it's called) articles that outline, for example, how to avoid some of the pitfalls of internet posting and there are other articles you could locate by putting in something like 'ways to better written communication' (or some such) in your browser.

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Peanut61 said:
I don't even know where my ignore button is, (apparently a new thing since I was a regular),

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IGNORE BUTTON:

Click on the person name when reading a thread, then it will take you to their profile page, then click on the "ignore this user" link found on the bottom right side of the page.... now you will no longer be able to read this person post or receive PM from them.

IF you wish to stop ignoring this person then you can go thru the same steps listed above, but this time you will lick on "stop ignoring this user" -


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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My problem is I feel as though I'm sometimes invisible here, like nobody seems to care to support me, when I make an effort to support others.

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I'm with you on that one! There are many times that I feel as if what I have to say doesn't matter. There also have been times when I needed input and support on something. Got quite a few reads, but no comments.

I think it depends on our need of the moment. If I'm needing just simple attention or I think I can't solve a problem immediately on my own, it feels that way. This may be one of the times that we need to watch that we're NOT generalizing in our perspective.

Sky came up with a good idea the other day. She said that when someone complains of feeling invisible or unliked, she does a name search and sees if it is indeed true. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she said that most of the time she didn't find it to be true. It would be a good idea for us to that for ourselves when we're feeling like no one cares. I'm going to do it!

Des, I know that I feel supportive towards you and your problems. I also feel that you are to be applauded for having chosen a different lifestyle than the rest of your family. It shows great courage and determination! It's not easy, heaven knows, but you're doing it! Don't be afraid to poke me with a stick or knock me on the head with a 2X4 if you need to, ok? And I promise to be more attentive.

Thanks for the info, Rhapsody, (what a pretty nickname!).

You're good, ((Tomi))!

Des - I think it's also quite OK to ask for the support you need. I know for many that is really difficult, (from their childhood teachings, etc.), but this seems like a terrific place to practice reaching out, by posting or privately in pm.

Also, Desirae - thanks for starting this discussion; I hope it has been helpful to you. I think it has been, and is, really important!

With warmest regard,

Peanut

Hi everyone.

I found this article to be quite informative and helpful if you're interested.

The Paradox of Online Communication

{{{{{{{{{{{Jillers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

LOL Like the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead??