PC Frustrations

To everyone in general and no one in particular and also from personal experience.

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We have to respect EVERYONE here as PC to the best of our capabilities.

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When I first came here, there were a couple of people that set me off and I set off pretty good. And yes, I'm one of the people that KD "had words with" and I with her after she became Admin. What I've learned through this is that I needed to look at myself to see if I was part of the problem and not part of the solution, as I had pictured myself to be. Guess what? I was part of the problem!

As much as I hated to admit it, I realized I had to have a hard look at WHAT I was saying and more so, HOW I was saying it. Surprisingly to me, I still had more to learn about boundaires; not just mine but other's as well. If I wanted to be spoken to with respect, then I had to speak to others with the same respect I expect. If someone finds a subject trigger-y, then don't speak to that person about it. Make sure you use your trigger icon as a warning and a show of respect. Mostly, though, I had to learn that if I didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say it. If you feel strongly enough about a subject, then there's ways of putting it so that it doesn't attack or hurt others. If we chose to be beligerent, then others will treat us the same way... or we'll get called in on the rug, suspended or banned. It's up to US to make the right choice. We can't make that choice for others. And there's certainly no harm at taking a good, long, hard look at ourselves and our ways of communicating with others. I've done it and it hasn't hurt me any. It's helped.

Shoot me at sunrise if you want, but to take someone else's serious thread and get silly about inconsequential things, shows disrespect for the owner of that thread. Humor is certainly great, but there's a time and a place for it.

too much here. I am going to stop reading as I am very confused. We all know that doesn't take much.

Nah.. wont shoot ya........ sometimes being silly for a bit takes the pressure or stress off of things.. lets things cool down.... then back to serious.. nothing wrong with a lil laughter and fun as long as it don't last a long time... then back to serious topic...

I do believe in the dateline thread... a few folks got playful... but they also got back on topic shortly thereafter....

as always... IMHO

Sky I do agree here but when one has their friends post TO the poster who annoyed them then it becomes a slugfest. Or say a friend just comes in and thinks they are helping you by adding their own fuel to the fire.
No we are not all friends. I do not know many people. If had 13 of my BEST IRL friends to come in to PC I would not expect them to weigh in on a thread or poster I was having difficulty with because it would LEAD to exactly what everyone is upset about in PC right now. I can only police myself and leave it to KD and the mods to do the rest..

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_Sky said:
....and Mods aren't everywhere all the time... that's why we have the "notify moderator of this post" at the bottom of each post.... if someone is ignoring another, yet they post something off colored, then who will notify the mod, if not another member of PC????

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I can see how that would be frustrating, if you are thinking that someone goes and gets "their friends" to respond to a post... another assumption that isn't quite correct, imo. PC Friends just do that... read and respond.

We are all pretty "protective" of the other members here...especially so when a member is known to have certain issues and cannot fend for themself, imo.

I think if someone were to try and bait you or single you out for a demeaning post, that whomever read it next, would also stick up for you, notify the mod of the offending post, and maybe even PM you with support.

For me, I don't look to see who is being attacked before notifying the MOD!!!

TC!

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PasDeDeux said:
Sky I do agree here but when one has their friend’s post TO the poster who annoyed them then it becomes a slugfest. Or say a friend just comes in and thinks they are helping you by adding their own fuel to the fire.

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I agree with this too..... ones friends should not step in to defend or protect another that has already offended some one else.
But in all fairness and IMO.... I think Sky was talking about the regular type of negativity and not the ones that have gotten out of hand..... am I right here or not Sky?

But in the end - it is all wrong and should be stopped.... no more attacks in threads, no nasty PMs, no talking about misunderstandings within groups, and no getting friends to be a bully.

WE can ALL get alone here on PC - if we just accept.... no matter what, to each his own.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Thanks Sky and you READ ME RIGHT..YOU GOT my message thank you. I HAVE seen this and have gotten some PM's on this telling me what group to watch out for. I looked them up and sure enough. If one doesn't like someone or what they stand for their friends seem to flock in and its a group attack. I do not like that at all. I would just ignore all of them then because it's silly , mean and childish to bash someone for what they have, believe in or do IMO I see a few things I do not go for so to speak but I just don't post in their subjects because its not HELPING them. If I cannot help or thank someone for their help IMO I ought not be posting. That is why I police ME

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_Sky said:
I can see how that would be frustrating, if you are thinking that someone goes and gets "their friends" to respond to a post... another assumption that isn't quite correct, imo. PC Friends just do that... read and respond.

We are all pretty "protective" of the other members here...especially so when a member is known to have certain issues and cannot fend for themself, imo.

I think if someone were to try and bait you or single you out for a demeaning post, that whomever read it next, would also stick up for you, notify the mod of the offending post, and maybe even PM you with support.

For me, I don't look to see who is being attacked before notifying the MOD!!!

TC!

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<font color="blue">We can't control what another person posts here... lol and that can be frustrating..and I think the theme of the thread???? Included in that are the ppl who know you... and go to bat for you. That isn't going to stop, I think.

Sometimes when another member does come back with a response, clarification is made and it becomes a non-issue, imo.... whereas if the person who felt attacked responded, it might become a heated issue. Having a mediator, or an interim member help out is what happens here. The more active a member is here, the more "friends" they can make, and the more likely someone will post a response on their behalf.

IMO What is implied are that there are "cliques" here... and imo, that belief in itself can cause frustrations.

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We are all pretty "protective" of the other members

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Aye! Guilty as charged! And I'm not going to change that, either! That's who I am!

{{{{{{{{{{{Sky}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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_Sky said:
IMO What is implied are that there are "cliques" here... and imo, that belief in itself can cause frustrations.

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AND - it is when that clique is used for negative (wrong) use that it becomes a problem..... for it always nice to have a friend looking out for you in a good way, but never when it is used to hurt or wound another.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Agreed 100% RHAP and anything less would be against what I believe we are suppose to be as a SUPPORT site. Its not a friend site ..Its for support to all and support ONLY

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Rhapsody said:
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PasDeDeux said:
Sky I do agree here but when one has their friend’s post TO the poster who annoyed them then it becomes a slugfest. Or say a friend just comes in and thinks they are helping you by adding their own fuel to the fire.

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I agree with this too..... ones friends should not step in to defend or protect another that has already offended some one else.
But in all fairness and IMO.... I think Sky was talking about the regular type of negativity and not the ones that have gotten out of hand..... am I right here or not Sky?

But in the end - it is all wrong and should be stopped.... no more attacks in threads, no nasty PMs, no talking about misunderstandings within groups, and no getting friends to be a bully.

WE can ALL get alone here on PC - if we just accept.... no matter what, to each his own.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

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and have gotten some PM's on this telling me what group to watch out for. I looked them up and sure enough.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Ok...but do you realize that by that very action, you could be considered in a "clique" by your own standards?

Do you really think you are in one? Well, I have many members here who do stand up for me, and for many others, just like whomever sent you that PM was trying to do the same with you... knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are...

these types of interactions are normal behavior for human beings... and as you can see...you can't control others... you would have to have everyone one ignore and block all PMs and..then ???? Did you solicit that PM? I doubt it.

It's isn't wrong behavior here, imo.... unless it is flaming or passing along untruths. I guess that could be frustrating too, if you didn't see things the same as they do...

I'm sorry you don't seem to be comfortable with regards to support in the realm of friendship... but sit tight, you can be.. here at PC.

Many ppl come in very defensive because of treatment on other sites (thus my earliest comment) but this really is a support site. Being a friend and giving/receiving support are not mutually exclusive.

No Sky it was just a warning to a newbie and I have not had a problem with ANYONE yet so they were not helping me just showing a new person what to watch out for. I then clicked on names and went back and saw for MYSELF that what and who they said did and do do this. Seems silly to me. I am far too old to run in a gang on a website. I then took MYSELF out of here for a week I did NOT ask others to change for ME

I think we agree and disagree on some of this and thats ok..on a site like this I think if its to be a support site in the true sense we should all treat one another like best friends and we SHOULD not attack another poster for 1 buddy because at the same time we would be attacking another friend. Thats the mind set I think is needed here that and IGNORE in order to achieve what is desired here

"Some of what is being discussed IMO is administration issues, and might be best to not discuss here, but let the admin/mod team deal with it should it arise with a member......................................."

my reply to this since it is directed at me and what I posted:

Since it is not a members job to discipline and suggest that I leave these issues to the moderators I am going to -- whats that word---

IGNORE that another member is trying to tell me I may have been wrong in posting what I did.

The fact that my post is still here and I have not recieved anything from the moderators and administrators says I can consider my post as being appropiate for this site and this thread.

now for the other problem directly relating to my post reference to other sites -

For me, knowing that someone is a member of many online sites does nothing. This site is different and problems arise, imo, when members are on more sites and especially if they come from a site that allows the bickering and backbiting; it takes an hour or so on this site to assimilate back to the supportive nature of PC, IMO............................................................

I felt and still do feel that it is ok to discuss my experiences on many on line support groups because there is nothing in the rules here that say I can't in fact Doc John himself has from time to time brought up discussions about other on line groups for example - myspace, others have shared thier experiences with other on line groups and even have shared their own happenings on their own websites that they have started and are up and running.

My point in meantioning my other online groups and in fact I have put it in my post is that the other sites I am on they DON'T have all this problem.

They use the IGNORE icon and don't subject themselves to what they cannot handle.

My point was that I felt if these people know how to get along and use the IGNORE icon and not subject themselves to posts and threads that upset them on other sites they CAN do so here too.

Thank you though for your opnions on what I posted for everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

Thanks Peanut
hang in there

((((((((Radio_flyier)))))))) thanks I am ok.

((((((( myself )))))))

((((((((((((((Radioflyer)))))))

(((((((( Pas )))))))))))))))

Myself posted:</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
(MY words. )"Some of what is being discussed IMO is administration issues, and might be best to not discuss here, but let the admin/mod team deal with it should it arise with a member......................................."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> then posted this bashing me </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
my reply to this since it is directed at me and what I posted:

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wow I am not being rude and I don't know you at all..... that does seem a bit harsh to me though, your comment on "banning". I would hate to see a friend of mine, or anyone here really, banned because they were perceived to have started a fight. Sometimes people make mistakes and have disagreements. Like someone else said we are all works in progress....... I know that I am more tolerant now than I used to be.

In my opinion only the two people who are "fighting" know the real truth sometimes Having been a mod here myself (I stepped down due to time constraints) I do know that mods and admin give people the benefit of the doubt when they can. I hope it is not out of line to say this. (if my post needs to be removed I am ok with that)

I am sorry you don't feel very welcome here. All internet boards go in cycles and at the moment this board is having "growing pains". I hope you hang in there with us..... things will get better

I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but your post struck me. Sorry if this is off topic by now, technically I should wait to read the rest of the thread. I am going out on a branch here though....

My 2 cents, life is like a box of candy, if ya don't like one choose another, meaning if you feel frustration You must choose to ignore the post that frustrates you also, since I became a member awhile back I had ppl pm me warning me against trolls ( I think thats the term) ppl posting indecent things to get a reaction, if ppl didn't warn me it would have triggered me . I too have a (sp) tendency to watch others backs it is because I care not to hurt, if someone flames we need to protect the person being attacked.
As most know my alters get involved with some of the posts this is not an excuse just an observation of mine that even they tend to protect ppl here.
Hope this doesn't offend anyone, but we need to be observent of the folks who aren't strong enough to voice themselves
Angie

I really am not in a "clique" nor am I even close to being in some "in crowd" I reply when I feel I can be helpful and sometimes can't, even when I think I may be beneficial. I have major time restraints to when and how long I can be on here due to work obligations. That does not mean that I don't "like" nor "dislike" anyone. That does not mean that my heart does not go out to them when their pain is showing so raw and sad. When I signed in last night I had 512 posts in this forum alone. I for one don't have the time to read that many. So I made a choice. It has nothing to do with whether I did or did not like who initiated any one post. I have a very sporadic system that drastically needs to improve which determines what posts are read. I don't think I am alone with this predicament.

I don't think I have ever initiated a post. I think I have been supportive to many. But I do get some of what I need f rom this site. I have always thought that you get out of something what you put into it. Maybe some day I will be able to put more of "myself" into it. Those that are brave enough to I commemorate. Please do not make this into a popularity contest or an ego subject. Everyone needs something from this site and that many of us who get no support from other sources appreciate how devastating that can be when they feel rejected here. Let's please find it within ourselves to reach out no matter who they are.

Hopefully, I have not missed the gist of this whole thread, as sometimes happens. This is a support site and please let it remain as such. I am sorry that so many people are so fragile (including myself) that sometimes posts can be misconstrued. I am one of those voices that sometimes is not strong enough to voice themself. Please be kind to each other. BTW, I would use the ignore button if it was beneficial to my overall mental wellness. I hope I never have to.

Good posts Angie and Bear

i'd like to emphasize that just because someone doesn't agree with you, that's not an attack. that is a person who is simply saying, "i don't agree with you".......

if a dialogue is initiated and you don't get the end result that you aimed for, it could be that it isn't because you're "disliked" it means that the person just doesn't share your views. nothing less and nothing more....

no one is going to agree with every one here. it just isn't possible.

and if we all agreed upon everything, it would, indeed, be a dull place and not very supportive.....we'd all be in the very same boat. and there would be no point in having PC.

we all come here with different life experiences......all of us........and allowing one another to live, with their foundations, is sensible. to expect to wrench them from their world into ours is irrational and exhausting.....is it not?

of course, if we're asking for help in dealing with something in our life, then someone may, just may, have an answer that the poster can use. maybe not.

no one here has an answer for everyone, for every problem or for every question...........to think so, is to be frustrated, angry, whiny and extremely unhappy. i KNOW that i can't help very many but that doesn't bother me. i'll help those who ask me to and go on..........

des, i'm sorry that this thread has taken a turn away from your original post.

however, maybe it has helped us understand more where we all are coming from.....thus, some feel ignored and now maybe we know why......does that make sense?

i don't want you to feel invisible here...you aren't invisible to me. i read every post that you write.

and i agree with KD wholeheartedly about posting "asides" that might cause one, just one, poster to feel that you may be alluding to them. if you're feeling supportive, is it worth it to cause one person to experience that paranoia that might come from the post? there are posters here who are so very fragile and vulnerable and could feel attacked.......and not know why.

but if one, just one, thinks i'm "talking" about them, i'm going to feel lousy about that for a very long time......so, i'll take it to PMs. and if you need to PM me, do so. i promise to always answer and tell the truth about how i feel about any given situation and/or question......and if we still disagree, then just agree to disagree......life is too short to keep trying to find the perfect apple in the barrel......(i'm grasping here now.... ..i had another nightmare and am feeling it right now)

i'm outta here......there is trim to be painted and work to be done......this is a good thread....xoxox pat