[Fuzzybear]

.... someone "warns" you about another online person..... warns you about some aspect/aspects of thier personality, as perceived by the person who warns you.

This has happened a few times to me..... people warning me. I take it as well meaning, that the person is trying to save me from distress, but at the same time, I always make up my OWN mind about people.

I don't reject either the person who has warned me, or the person who I have been warned about....

Any thoughts?

Post deleted by Always

[Perna]

For me it depends on what the warning is, whether I've dealt with that kind of "problem" before or not and how serious and/or truthful/unkind I deem the warning. I've tried to warn people in real life to "be careful" around a person and they weren't then were horribly shocked and in lots of pain when that person suicided. I mostly just do a "heads up" when I get a warning about a person. I don't necessarily treat them differently but do pay more attention both to the person doing the warning and the one they warned about. The more I "trust" the person doing the warning or less I know of one or the other person, that influences my reactions too.

[nothemama8]

Ppl tend to be overly protecrive if they don't get along / or like another person. I have had this happen also, I try to stay open minded, also the person warning could be jealous of your relationship and be trying to break it up

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Perna and nothemama. Perhaps I should clarify, this is not re. a recent occurance. It wasn't on this board either

I still think your replies are helpful, thanks!

[alisandria]

I don't really pay too much attention warnings like that. I don't think I have really come across an incident like this since I was a kid maybe???? Just take it for what it is, and form your own judgement I suppose.

hugs, Lisa

[biplol]

I think that your own perception is the best.
Maybe somebody that I like is not going to be liked by my sister and the same happens with all kind of people.
It is hard though, because I understand the warner is just trying to be helpful, but since most of us are already adults, i think we need to have our own views and perceptions.

[JustAPixie]

Now I'm curious....

I instead take that as a warning against the person doing the warning because they are attempting to make up my mind for me as to who my friends are. No one has the right to tell me who I should like and not like and be scared of. Those are my decisions to make.

Isolation is the very first sign of an abuser. Abusers warn people to be weary and scared of others basically isolating the person so that they can at a future time abuse them in some way.

So when ever I recieve a pm or email from someone on line telling me to be careful of so and so sometimes elaborating telling that person they are warning against disclosed to the warner that they are only pretending to be DID and so on I take taht as someone who is attempting to stir up trouble for the person they are warning about and practicing the abusive trait of isolation by trying to limit my friends and or that other persons friends and abilities to make friends. if they can chase off the other persons friends they have that person all to themselves.

in my opinion People who practice isolation tactics are very imature equivelent of a preschool - kindergarten because children of that age want their friends to only like them and no one else and they are very insecure for they may think that person they are warning about may like like the other person more than them and extremely abusive.

Domestic violence agencies and rape crisis centers teach that it is the person that is practicing the isolation tactics that a person should be warned about not those people that the abuser is warning the person about.

So to all that recieve such notices from fools no matter where they are on line warning to stay away from others - you have every right to decide for yourselves who you want to be friends with and so on.and the person warning may possibly be practicing the art of abusive isolation. Clues to this type of person - Look at all the comments our own abusers used in isolating us and scaring us away from others - "I'm only tellling you this because I care about you" "I don't want you to get hurt" "you know I really care about you..." you don't want this to happen... " Any comments that are geared to suck up to you while telling you about that other person is a loud bell ringer that the person doing the warning is out of line and knows they are out of line.

a non abusive person does not engage in discussing other on line persons. Instead they let the on line people decide for themselves.. Especially if you did not bring up that person you are being warned about to begin with.

Personally I don't warn about others, for that is not my place to do that. But I do warn others about MY own posts and so on by writing right on my blog that I don't expect people to agree with me and that feel free to take my information in to their own therapy professionals so that they can use what works for them and pass on what doesn't.

Hang in there.

[seeker1950]

I see this thread as being potentially contentious. Have your opinions, but if somone is truly vulnerable and huring, and is encountering another poster who seems to have ulterior motives/.an agenda which could be potentially harmful, why not warn them?
Patty

because what one person percieves as a danger may not be what another person on line percieves as a danger. We all have our own tollorance levels and likes and dislikes and what we need to help our selves heal. a person doing the warning is going on their own triggered reactions not the other persons experiences and so on.

Everyone has a right to make up their own minds without being biased by other peoples problems and triggers around the person that they are warning against.

Most if not all websites have a rule clearly defined in that websites guidlelines for using message boards, pms and so on and that is that when encountering someone you yourself percieve as being a danger report it to the moderators and administrators and they will take it from there and investigate, and the person placing th e complaint against someone else within that community can ignore the person by using an ignore icon when available, shutting off the pm access to that person so that that person cannot pm them or just not read what they are saying. no one is forcing anyone to open any pms or threads. the pms and threads are clearly marked with who is sending it or who is posting it.

Everyone has their own likes dislikes and triggers. if I saw someone carrying a snake I would definatly cross the street but a friend of mine would walk right up to it and drape it around her.

on line life is the same way what triggers and upsets one person may not trigger and upset another.

Take my situation I recieve many emails to my katherinemanne email saying the person just checked out my blog and threads even though they have been here a while. someone (and yes it was disclosed as to who)had warned them against me so they stayed away and now that they see for themselves my information, it could have helped them through months of pain and confusion if they had only not gotten scared by someone who did not like my information or did not need my information or could not use my information.

Warning people instead of letting them take their time and relax and experience things for themselves in these cases of at least 15 emails has actually caused the person MORE pain and confusion and upset then letting the person read and take from my posts and blogs what they need and pass on the rest.

I have also recieved here and at my email address many people trying to tell me -"don't help so and so they really are not DID"

is that person warning me against another member a professional qualified to give on line diagnosing?

no that person had no right to subject me to that imature behavior. Their doing so was an attempt to pull me away from that other person. They were either trying to isolate me or they were trying to isolate the other person. In my opinion that kind of behavior was wrong and I told them so. and then told them I would no longer accept communication from them.

on line no one has a right to decide who someone else should be scared of or stay away from. Only the person who is experiencing that person can say whether or not that person is going to be a friend or foe. others wanring otheris is abusive and harmful because they have no idea what the likes, dislikes, needs, wants and tollorance levels are of the person they are warning. They in my opinion are being selfish - they don't like someone so they don't want others to like or make up their own minds. instead they decide FOR them who they should like, dislike and be afraid of on line. in the end doing this imature behavior harms the person being warned because they may not get the help and support that they need and want because they are now isolated and afraid.

[seeker1950]

Well, sorry, I just disagree with you. I am not a busybody or one who would warn someone without cause. Your post sounds like a lot of self-serving gobblety gook.

That is your opinion and I accept that as YOUR opinion. take care.

[jennie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
myself said:

So to all that recieve such notices from fools no matter where they are on line warning to stay away from others - you have every right to decide for yourselves who you want to be friends with and so on.and the person warning may possibly be practicing the art of abusive isolation. Clues to this type of person - Look at all the comments our own abusers used in isolating us and scaring us away from others - "I'm only tellling you this because I care about you" "I don't want you to get hurt" "you know I really care about you..." you don't want this to happen... " Any comments that are geared to suck up to you while telling you about that other person is a loud bell ringer that the person doing the warning is out of line and knows they are out of line.


a non abusive person does not engage in discussing other on line persons. Instead they let the on line people decide for themselves.. Especially if you did not bring up that person you are being warned about to begin with.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

(((myself)))

love your choice of smilies

and

[SeptemberMorn]

I should probably stay out of it because this thread is already getting "contentious." But sorry... I'm one to speak my mind.

IMO If someone holds another person dear, whether in 3D or in cyber space, and knows that person can be easily hurt, I see absolutley NO HARM in warning that person... AS LONG AS you aren't trying to control them. Of course, the person warned has the freedom to make up their own mind!

If one of my closest friends starts dating a man I KNOW is a player and a jerk, I would be bound to warn my close friend if she didn't already know him for what he is. It would be completely up to her if she continued seeing this man.

As as aside; I don't see why this has to turn into an argument. State your opinion and move on! GEEEEZ!! Allow Fuzzy to make up her own mind!

[radio_flyer]

Hang in there septembermorn. There is no arguement here. just two people stating their OPINIONS of fuzzys question. the other person has a different oppinion and I accept that persons opnion for what it is - that persons opinion, just like my post is MY opinions.

Two people CAN have different opinions and having different oppinions doesn't make it a fight. What makes different opinions a fight is when the people don't accept that everyone has a right to their own opinions. I have stated that I accept that persons opinion as their opinion. I didn't say anywhere that the person was wrong in what they posted just that I accept that they are stating their opinion and have right to it. thats not fighting.

hang in there. I know sometimes its upsetting to see people disagreeing and agreeing to disagree, maybe because disagreements in our real lives tend to have lead to abuse. But it really is ok and not a fight when two people are stating their different opinions of the same topic.

[(JD)]

I read the warning, and like you, consider the source and the reason why they felt the warning is necessary. I keep it in mind, but do form my own opinion. One thing I do though, if I find the "warning" to really not apply, I try to converse with the person who sent it, to see if it's something they need to think or work through. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bear!

Fuzzy I think your thoughts on this show how kind and open you are to the idea that people are, for the most part-- good inside and mean well--- you said here: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I take it as well meaning, that the person is trying to save me from distress,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> To jump to the conclusion that the only intention of such a person is to cause hurt and harm is-- to me-- no better than the old time witch hunts. "They are bad --period!" ....... I don't think it's "black and white" only.

There could be any number of reasons the person is warning you of someone. Like one example: what if they thought that third person's life was in danger and they knew if they warned you --then you could then be careful how you express yourself around that person---- to me it's being compassionate-- not mean or wrong. Also-- if you know the person that is doing the warning and that person has always shown kindness-- then labeling that person as "bad" is looking through a very narrow dark view-- IMO.

Unless the person said horrible hurtful things about the third party...... I don't think it's that clear cut to say anyone that does so, is wrong. There are just too many different reasons for someone to do that. I don't jump quickly to judging-- and it sounds like you don't either.

Though, to keep from any misundstandings to occur it's best, I've found, to take any concerns to moderators or admin.

Whatever is going on concerning this with you, I hope things have a good outcome for all involved.

My heart is with you, kind bear.


mandy

[Sarah116]

Be very careful, on several online sites you can report them do it ASAP! If needed email the webmaster! sad this type of stuff happens. Just if it was not for them the WWW would be a lot nicer and people do get lots of help and information from it! Especially the MH sites i think some of them even help more then medicine and all that. Best of luck!

[SeptemberMorn]

Just expessing my opinion!

since there have been only two people in this post talking about their difference of opinions and right after that you posted -

"As as aside; I don't see why this has to turn into an argument. State your opinion and move on! GEEEEZ!! Allow Fuzzy to make up her own mind!"

I felt that you may be seeing this disagreement between seeker and I as a potential for a fight and you were telling us BOTH to move on. So I wrote my opinion of the situation to let you know on my end everything is ok. I am not going to turn this into a fight.

If I was wrong in in posting to you about my opinion about something you posted I am sorry . but that is what message boards are for - posting opinions about your own and each others questions and problems.

Again I am sorry if you got triggered by my my answering the topic you brought up -of this thread possibly being turned into a fight (which in my opinion is a result of two of us posting here had a difference of opinions.)

Take care.

Now how about we get back onto Fuzzys question of what do people here do when they recieve warnings on line about other online members? This thread is really interesting. thanks Fuzzy for asking this question.

I'm new to this on-line support & communication stuff. Plus I'm PARANOID after being stalked twice IRL. I had to get the police involved, etc. so I would listen to a warning & try to decide for myself whether it is valid or not. Since I tend to be kind of an "innocent" person, I've found warnings from other people have been helpful IRL so I would listen to one in cyberspace, too.

P.S. It doesn't seem like any "fight" is going on here. We're just expressing ourselves from our own perspectives & since we are all unique & have had unique experiences there are bound to be differences.--Suzy

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Again I am sorry if you got triggered

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

You're assuming.

Don't expect another response from me because I won't take up your "contentiousness." Sorry.