[StargazerLily]

Honestly, I don't care either way. So that's my opinion.

My next comment, if there were to be a male/female only forum, and you're opposed to it, you know what, you don't even have to go into the bloody thing. You don't have to read any of the posts, as a matter of fact, it doesn't even have to come up on your list of forums. You could just live in complete oblivion to the fact that there is such a forum. It's what I've done with the Spirituality forum, as everyone knows theres been as much controversy about that forum too.

So, good luck, hope you do get your forum cause I can see where you're coming from. But if you don't oh well cause there are legitimate arguments on the other side as well.

lil

[sparkling]

I know you won't like what I'm going to say but you asked so here you go. It's been already said anyway.

I voted no. I agree it wouldn't be fair to discriminate someone because of their gender or anything else for that matter. It would be like people who don't cut can't go to the Self Injury forum and read/post there. You can put 'males only' into the topic of the thread like Candybear suggested. Women here do just that and nobody sees the problem with it. Yes, men are outnumbered here but no one stops them from signing up and posting, it's their own choice.

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drunksunflower said:
How about a female only forum to balance it?

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mellors said:
this site is predomanantly female with a approximate ratio of only 1 in 10 being a male, every month there are on average 40 new male members join and of them 2/3 rds leave without posting, as opposed to 200+ females joining the site per month so you could say you already have your female only forums

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No, we can't say such thing because if we had our 'female only' forums you wouldn't be allowed to post here. I agree that PC is predominantly female but it is not exclusively female. You want a male only forum but you don't like the idea about a female equivalent.

The only fair thing would be to create both 'male only' and 'female only' forum but personally I don't see the point in either. If they both are created that's fine with me but unnecessary nonetheless.

k, simple question sparkling, what would you suggest we do to attract and keep more male members to this site as obviously what we are doing now to try and keep them is not working?

[nothemama8]

First off this is not pointing fingers at any one just an opinion
IMHO, a male forum is a good idea cuz after 31 yrs of marriage I have seen times when my hubby needs to talk to another male and NOT a female (we do not know what they really feel), also and ladies PLEASE don't get a hitch in your girdle, but in the last 2 yrs I've seen a few men come and go cuz they either got hit on or bashed . As I said IMHO women are called the weaker sex but come on ladies you know we can be pretty head strong, let the men have a little privacy.
This is not pointing fingers at any one person
Angie

To attract more guys, I'd go to a male oriented site, like...oh Maxim, and see if they have forums. There you could post about this site? I dunno. Maybe sports site that males like?

What I have noticed in my unscientific pole...while seated in my old T's waiting room, is that maybe 1 in 10 visitors is male. In this office there are both male and female T's. I'm sure you could find stats on this topic. Another area to research is support groups and male vs female participation. For instance, grief support groups....they are almost entirely female. So, maybe this lack of male participation is the "norm"? If so, that's a greater challenge. (No, I'm not calling you abnormal...perhap more highly evolved!)

Em

I agree with you that much more research and advertising is required to attract more males to the site, that will happen naturally when word gets around that there is a male only forum out there for them

ps thanks for the compliment lol, i still class myself as a neanderthal in many aspects, im sure many others will agree

[sparkling]

I don't think we can do anything about it. They have to decide they want help themselves. And I know what you want to ask now - don't I think the presence of a 'male only' forum would keep them from leaving? I may be wrong here but I don't think so. I've been to several places like this one before but I either left without posting or left after posting an introduction although those places were female dominated too. No 'ladies only' place could keep me there because I didn't need ladies but someone to hear me out and talk to me. And it could be male, female or alien from another planet, I didn't care. Their gender, age, appearance or location was irrelevant. Just time and attention they gave me. Luckily I met such person on my first day here and decided to stick around.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to the idea if there will be a 'female only' forum as well. I just didn't like your comment about women not needing a female forum because PC is already 'female only'. You know it's not. Everyone is welcome here, males as well as females.

You have proved one point for me,
That is that men and women both think differently on the same subject and have different ways of approaching the same problems

Ok another quick question, of these several other sites you visited, were there any male only sites incorporated into them, or female only sites for that matter?

And yes I admit I was wrong to say that this site is a female only site, and doesn’t need a female only forum, for that I apologise

okiedokie said: "It seems to me you are more interested in promoting your own agenda than in hearing other people's opinions. Back off!

I think if a men's only forum is established, the men you are concerned about serving may only wish to read/post in that forum only and they will be missing out on a good opportunity to LEARN how to interact with both sexes and in general, on a lot of good information to be had in the other forums.

That being said, I personally don't have any objection. But, do you plan to suggest a gays only forum too?"

______________________________________________________________________

boy, i sure am glad i turned my computer off last night and spent time with my pets.

i have a hard time believing that women are reacting as they are, (not responding) to Mellor's feelings that he would like a male only forum. this isn't just "our" play house. (women)

angie, in her wisdom, pointed out that her husband (a man) would benefit from having a spot where he could talk to men. what is so threatening about putting a new forum in? we just put the Spirituality forum in and it's working.

for those who spoke so harshly to Mellors last night, please go back and read your post and see how it translates out to being "supportive".....Mellors has lent support here to everyone as long as i can remember and now people are blowing up on him because he wants something for males?????

and for the women who got into it with each other, how is that looking to you today?

as for hurling into the discussion that Mellors may want a "gay" forum next........that is, indeed, beyond the pale. and an insult to those here who are gay.

i knew it was a good idea last night to turn this thing off but i had no idea how much of a headache it saved me.

Mellors, i still support you and will til the cows come home.......love, pat

thanks for your words of support fayerody

you're most welcome. "that's what friends are for"......swaying gently to the music and holding hands..........

[sparkling]

There was one, not depression-oriented but for alcoholics and their families. There were Women In Recovery (female only) and Men's Room (male only) forums. The other three - nope, all mixed.

Just one more thing to tell you. I voted like I did because your comment pissed me off. Now when you admitted you were wrong you can substract that one vote from the "no's" so it would be like I've never voted at all. If your question was "male only and female only forums? yes or no" I'd vote yes although in my opinion it's unnecessary. But now I think you guys should decide among yourselves if you really need it or not - I'm a female so it's not my bussiness. As I said - I'm not opposed. Good luck.

[tessa]

Dear mellors,
Phew!! For the record, I voted 'Yes" in favour...

and for the community, and these postings, I am new here, just arrived last night,
whoa....
kindness and respect for each other, vs.
blame, shame, (admittingly I do not have the background that many of you may already have)...it is jmy first impression....

perhaps we are a little hyper sensitive and in need of validation this time of year???

well anyway, mellors, in my experience, it is more difficult for guys to feel comfortable communicating and owning their feelings. What ever it takes to help this process I am in favour-- as we are all in need of empathy, validation and encouragement.

to grow as a peaceful world community.

as an aside, a sense of humour is strongly encouraged, it can be edgy,
perhaps your signature is setting you up for flailing, random hostitlity.... we are all a bit testy this time of year...
I care if you give a damn. thank you.
tessa

[Danialla]

I voted a couple of days ago, but thought I would explain the reasoning behind my "yes" vote.

I do think a male support forum would be a nice addition to this site. My only concern would be the word "only" in the title, it does sound rather excultionary. Maybe the title "Male Forum", with a brief description of its' purpose (like all the other forum titles have), would be better.

I believe that males do present a set of issues that are specific to their sex. Be it the conditioning when they are young to be tough, unemotional and not to ask for help, or just that it is uncomfortable to share some problems in an overwhelmingly female environment, I think they deserve a private place to talk among themselves.

Maybe a forum of their own will only be needed in the beginning of their visits to this site. I would think that after building up their confidence among themselves, they would be more likely to stay and share on the other forums as well..........I hope.

Well again, this is just my own humble opinion .

Take care everyone.

[__zh]

mellors,

hold your head high, keep on course and let the peanut gallery wear themselves out with their less then supportive comments.

fully support a males only forum. like a few others.....how can we help with this project here for you? what can WE do?

kindly,

edited to add: how about a formal PM sent to new members that indicate they are male during the registration process to invite them to the males forum? and why not make this males forum behind scenes or invite only? there are private forums here now that are not available to every member of this site so this new males forum would not be very different than that. personally it would be helpful to be able to read the perspective of such vastly different creatures but it also makes sense to secure a sense of privacy perhaps to allow communication to take place.

this isn't to say men need space away from womens eyes in order to freely communicate.....but would it hurt?

just another idea tossed out there. continued luck mellors!

[LMo]

Here's my opinion:

We don't have a whole lot of men who post here in the first place, but I attribute that to what Em mentioned about men being less likely to seek any kind of support; my T has stated that many, many times.

However, as the recipient of complaints by men who come here and feel 'bashed', I do know that it's a bigger problem than some may realize, ESPECIALLY in the Relationships forum. Many, many men have felt run off by women who have suffered in relationships from mistakes that men commonly make, and we just can't stand to see other women get hurt in the same way, so we're often loaded for bear.

I definitely support the idea of a men's forum, although I wouldn't want it to be private and I don't want to make it a moderator's duty to enforce that. Mind you, it's not typical that we allow members to create a poll for forums they'd like to see -- it adds a big load onto the (all-volunteer) moderation team and adding new forums is always a very carefully-considered decision. I do, however, see where the men would benefit from some solidarity and that is why I support the idea of a new men's forum.

[SeptemberMorn]

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My only concern would be the word "only" in the title, it does sound rather excultionary.

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IMO, I feel that if the word "only" isn't attached, the women that feel threatened by the forum would invade it anyway and continue their "men bashing." The men that would stay because of the special forum would feel more secure/safe if it was a hidden forum. It wouldn't be the only one!

I see absolutely NO PROBLEM with it.

[Danialla]

I really don't want to get caught up in semantics...

I think a majority so far agree that Mellors request for a Male Forum is a good one and should merit some real consideration by the admins of this site.

Maybe a male volunteer will come forward and offer to moderate the forum............hint, hint...Mellors.

Take care everyone!

hmmmmm. good point, tomi..........the men could use more privacy than i had first thought about.........i have no desire to post in it and certainly can't see why any of us should feel that way.........we've added several different forums and certainly there's more work, but more mods can be added and there is certainly a pay off for more involvement for the posters.........

[SeptemberMorn]

UNfortunately, it's not up to us women. LOL It's up to Admin, and they seem to be favorable. Don't know to what extent, but I just want Mellors to know that I'm behind him all the way.

Hi Tessa welcome to the forums and thank you for your response, in regards to my siggy box, all I can say is you will get used to my sense of humour, in time lol,

Zh, you are all helping by showing your feelings surrounding this issue, of course there are pros and cons to this, and by discussing them in the open forum it is, in a way, helping the doc and the admin decide whether it would be good or bad thing for this site, I don’t expect miracles, baby steps will do, has long has they are baby steps forward progress will be made, call this the first step if you will.

The forum doesn’t have to be called men only, the name can be decided at a later date

Again thank you all for your continued support and understanding, sorry I havent answered you all I am a bit tired tonight

[wanting]

Anything that might be more helpful to people is well worth a try.

[sparkling]

Oh and something I forgot about earlier. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, I didn't mean to. Now I can see my first post wasn't exactly polite. Sorry!

dont worry about it sparkling, it is forgotten.

[sparkling]

Glad to hear that
Take care