[AnonUser]

Alright this is sort of embarrasing, well no it's REALLy embarrasing.
I was reading through the Abuse thing and I wanted to ask a question. Alright, I'm a male mid-late teens and I consider myself a pedophile. I'm not proud of that and I don't mean to offend any of the people who were abused. It started when I was around 14, I know too young to be a pedophile but that's when it did. I was looking for adul-straight porn and came upon some child porn of people about my age and a little younger. And of course this intruiged me and I looked for more. It was VERY easy to find, and I've been hooked ever since. I knew it was wrong then but I think my own excuse to myself was that they were about my age the girls I was looking at. But then I was 15, 16, and now 17 and I'm ashamed to say that I still feel like I'm addicted to child pornography. I know this must sound sick to you, and it is to me. I would never defend it. I always thought I would just grow out of it that it was a phase. I never plan on touching a child, trust me. BTW please don't report me to the FBI, =) I don't store anything on my harddrive since I'm paranoid and ashamed. I think it's sick, I know I only get sexual pleasure from it I'm not going to act like I love young kids and would want to have a relation with them etc. like I would with an adult. Also I consider myself bi-sexual and am interested in people my age mainly female. Like I never look at a kid in the real world and find them sexually attractive. I don't know it's like fantasy. I feel stupid for posting this hope the FBI doesn't show up or something at my front door. So yeah my questions are do you believe i'll grow out of this or would I need a psychologist? Please no comments like "Your sick" "get out of here" if you don't like what I wrote don't respond.

[darkeyes]

You should not only seek a psychologist, but a pdoc, you appear to REALLY need professional help with this.
So I am advising you to make your next step to a mental health professional's doorstep.

BTW I do not think the FBI is going to come after you just for posting here, so I wouldn't work myself up over that, just contact a therapist or pdoc about this before it gets really out of hand. Lots of luck.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Rapunzel]

Your problem can be treated, and needs to be treated. I think that beating it on your own would be very difficult, especially since it doesn't sound like you are entirely convinced that you want to give it up, but please see a professional about it. Addictions of any kind seem to be easier to overcome the sooner you get treatment. And, yes, I do see this as an addiction, similar to substance addictions or any number of others. It's a dangerous one though. Unchecked, who knows where it could lead. The good new is that there are some very high success rates for treating young people for sexual addictions.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[SeptemberMorn]

Uh... DE? Don't you think a post like this would be better posted under some other category other than General? It's a terrible trigger for me!

I just realized that I should direct that to myself as well. I forgot that I had responded to a post on sexual abuse here, under General. These things should be kept in their proper categories, I think. It didn't bother me so much responding to a fellow "victim," but...?

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[AnonUser]

Several sides to everything, I consider myself a victim to this thing called the internet. Can be good and evil. Yeah it seems sorta like I don't take it that seriously because I have sort of become emotionally detatched from it. Nothing I can do by worrying so why do so?

Anything you suggest in psychology literature that I could read which would help me help myself. Hell, I might even consider being a psychologist myself if I have to. I have to pick a career anyways so why ot that.

[(JD)]

Hello AnonUser.

Of course you are encouraged to seek professional help. It is considered a "perversion" and needs attention. Most pedophiles do realize that it isn't the norm, and sometimes embarassment is an emotion they sense...and guilt... but then you could explain this more adequately than I!

If it wasn't a big deal and pedophiles could "fix" themselves, you would! But it does require expert help. Try to avoid the rationalization you must run into when telling yourself it isn't such a bad thing. It is. Try and think of the ppl you hurt... the children....

Again may I encourage you to get help immediately? You are worth it. That you have posted here (assuming you aren't just trying to get a reaction to members) shows you really do want to change.

Come back and post often... You might consider using the Trigger Icon for those who might not realize what you are writing about. There are many members here, as you suspected, who were victimized by those who could not, and would not, control themselves.

Good wishes. Let us know when you find help. Sending you energy to do the right thing.....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

I really wouldn't recommend self-help for your problem. Therapy is your best bet. If you are interested in psychology and in helping other people, then you certainly could take some psych classes, but it doesn't replace therapy, and if your motivation for going into it is to cure yourself, that's not really the best reason for becoming a psychologist.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[AnonUser]

Like if I were to get help for this would it be confidential or because of my age and my situation would I end up getting screwed and have my parents find out? How much $ does a session cost and about how often would I need to go?

[Rapunzel]

All that you have actually done is look at some pictures, is that right? I'm not sure how the confidentiality issue would be handled, so I'm not confident giving you an answer on that, but you certainly should discuss it with whoever you go to to talk about this. What I think I would suggest you try is go to your local DCFS office, and ask if they have any resources to help you. That must sound scary, but you technically can't be considered a pedophile since you are only 17 yourself and your interest is in people fairly close to your own age. But don't wait until you are 18 - that makes a huge difference. DCFS has the resources to treat this kind of problem, and would hopefully be glad to deal with it before anyone has been hurt. It wouldn't surprise me if they provide treatment to you at no charge. Even if I'm not correct about that, they would certainly be able to point you in the right direction and answer your questions. For your situation, I would expect a weekly session or possibly every other week, and maybe a support group.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[SeptemberMorn]

Anon, there is a big difference with you being a victim of the internet and a child who has been harmed at the hand of someone who knows better. If you're telling the truth, you haven't harmed anyone other than yourself so far. Once you touch a child in a perverted way you have harmed an innocent life! You will rob a child of their childhood and cause them harm that they will have to deal with the rest of their lives! You can leave the internet anytime you want and never look back. Not so when a child has been hurt at the hand of another!

You need to get professional help for yourself ASAP!

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Dude]

Post deleted by Dude

[Thelema]

I wasn't going to weigh in on this one, but after your silly post about the Internet making you a victim, I can't resist. I'm going to do you a huge favour and provide some words of wisdom...ready?
1. You are not a victim of the Internet...you're just not savvy enough to understand it..I made a fortune off high-tech...saying that your problem is the Internet is like a drunk driver blaming Chrystler for his accident.
2. You should get help so that children will be protected from you
3. If you do not feel compelled to see a dr for the childrens' sake, you might consider that, if you do harm someoe, some parent could really loose it and kill you...then where would you be?

Something to think about......good luck.

<font color=blue> "Is it any wonder that my mind's on fire, in prisioned by the thought of what to do? Is it any wonder that my joke's a laugh, and the joke's on you." Blue Oyster Cult </font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

Dude, you know nothing of Sept.'s reasons or anything else. All this person had to do was read thru some of the posts and the categories and figure out the best place for it.

People who do harm children are disgusting, vile creatures. No one is saying that seeking help is wrong, if it is sincere.

Sept. is entitled to her opinion and the right to express it. She was not rude nor "yelling", simply saying it was a trigger and that behavior is not acceptable.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thanks, Hun, for coming up along side me. I wasn't "lucky" enough to see Ian's response to me, but I just consider the source.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[DocJohn]

AnonUser,

I think you've got your answer -- everyone here would like to see you go get some professional help for this issue, the sooner the better.

A psychologist or other therapist who has some experience in treating folks with a disorder similar to yours would be your best bet. I would not wait for it to just "fade away" with time, because of the nature of the disorder.

Also, it's not clear exactly what your diagnosis would be, so while you think you may be a pedophile, only a professional who's conducted a psychological interview with you could say for certain. I say this not to excuse your conduct, but for you to understand that there may be more going on that you realize... and that, given your age and your insight into this problem now, you'd make an excellent candidate for psychotherapy to help treat this concern.

Good luck!
DocJohn