[Hobbit House]

Does anybody else have serious problems with being alone?
My husband will be starting a new job tomorrow and I won't have a car and will be alone all day every day. I just picture myself curling up in bed all day and feel scared to death - no motivation. Anyone else have such severe dependency issues? Any suggestions? Glad I at least found this site. I think it will help.

[IrisBloom]

You might learn to entertain yourself, and come to tolerate it if not enjoy it in time. Make sure your husband knows how you feel, maybe he can call you on his breaks. Do you have any friends nearby who could call or visit?

[sideblinded]

Hey justusryans

You are not alone....meaning.....there are many people alone but the trick is to find ways of not feeling lonely.

I am alone. I do not live with anyone and I do not have any significant other. I do have some friends although not close ones. I try to bide my time with walks, reading, watching TV, having someone come over to visit. Researching on the PC. Even though I have a car, it doesn't fill any void.

It is inside you how you will overcome feeling lonely. You already have the skills to work through this!

Best wishes!!

[shabur]

Hi justusryans

I'm in the same boat as SideBlinded - I live alone and have friends, but no one I would say I am particularly close to. I do have my sister and her family a few blocks away, but they are moving in 6 days. On days I don't have anything planned I become anxious, panicked.

I do enjoy writing and did join a writing group for a few weeks, but I found it pretty mundane. I do write using pictures and objects to write short stories. I also volunteer at an animal rescue which is rewarding and helps lessen my anxiety. I can also crochet, but that is hit or miss.

I also plan what day I am going to clean my house, what day I am going to pay my bills and balance my checkbook, ...

But there are those days when I lose the energy to do anything - I try not to beat myself up about it.

Is there anything that interests you, a hobby, to fill your time? How about volunteering someplace that interests you? Think of things you want to get done around your place. Is there a room or closet that needs organizing? Do you enjoy cooking or baking? How about learning a new skill?

I hope you find things to fill your time.

[glok]

Hello, justusryans. Ask your husband if he might round up others to alternate driving. You would have the availability of the vehicle at times and may save money in the process.

I wish you well.

[Hobbit House]

There's a drop-in center about 20 minutes away that I like a lot, but haven't been able to find a ride to yet, but that would be ideal. I'm actually really scared to drive, because I'm just a plain terrible driver.

I enjoy writing too and I think I'm going to try my hand with a pad of paper and some pastels maybe. We don't get television, but I'm not sure I want it. Volunteering hasn't gone so well for me in the past - I get so anxiety-ridden that I quit before I begin. I do love animals though. Miss my dog terribly, but my cat is still alive and well and pretty funny too! Like the idea of making a schedule for myself as far as chores go.
thanks

[blueheelerlove]

I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Last summer I experienced extreme anxiety and panic attacks whenever I was left alone.
I was living with my boyfriend at the time and he was away at work everyday and very often worked the night shift, which for whatever reason was always harder. The way I coped was by reading, renting DVDs from the library ( I found a lot of great old movies at my local branch), journaling, painting and generally just trying to find new hobbies. Relaxation strategies like bubble baths, meditation, and yoga generally worked well for me if it was just a bad day. Someone else already mentioned this, but setting a schedule for yourself and/or goals is a great way to stay motivated. Even if it's just read x amount in my book today or clean x, y, z.
Remember most new things are frightening at first and you're going through some serious changes. I'm sure after a while when this is no longer "new" it won't feel quite so overwhelming. Good luck!

[MissingNumber]

When I actually had people I was close to, sometimes I would listen to the type of music they liked when I was alone. Often wasn't my thing, but it was the sense of having something of them around to remind me that I wasn't truly alone.

[birdpumpkin]

I'm going through this right now. It's actually called ASAD - Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder. Whenever my husband or son are gone for an unspecified amount of time, I panic or suffer extreme anxiety, and the longer they're gone, the worse my anxiety gets. I wasn't so bad with this until we had a fire in December and lost everything. I think that brought it on. My husband gets called out after hours and on weekends occasionally, and I have a really hard time with it when it happens. Or when my son is taken somewhere by my parents and they don't tell me when they'll be back. I've discovered I have some abandonment issues going on, too, which may figure in there somewhere. You may want to explore if you have any abandonment going on from your childhood and also about adult separation anxiety. Many of the suggestions here are good ways to deal with it as it's just another form of anxiety. I find, though, that if I'm just too anxious I can't read or relax at all.

[sideblinded]

btw....

I, too am from Richmond!! I grew up there. What a small world!

If it's any consolation for anyone here, I don't have any family at all. I don't mean this in a "feel sorry for me way" It is what it is and I have to make the best of it. I have found helping others, especially older people a way to not be alone so I do errands for them and keep track of them as some are in their 80's. They are like mothers to me!

[UpNOut]

I definitely Felt alone the last couple months, after foot surgery, and my depression got very bad. I had given up my dog - could not handle. So still don't get outside like before. I want another dog really bad - for companion and because being outside and walking helps depression.
One thing I did - don't know if it will work for you - started listening to Air One radio - it's all over the country. It has uplifting music, and nobody puts you down - one DJ is recovering addict, another has Asperger's -all have issues. When my mind is full of negative self-hating, self-defeating talk, I listen to it all day. Contemporary Christian music. If you are a believer, you won't feel so alone.
No motivation is another problem I have had - very bad lately. Never want to do much around house - did not until knew company coming (rare thing). I am getting better - see psychiatrist tomorrow about new meds? Do you think you may have some depression? Lack of motivation is part of it.
Do you have any interests? Did you ever? I never was good at crafts, but do them sometimes. Some people do scrapbooking, others beading. I love to sing during the day, and singing helps body and mind.
Is your home isolated? Or are there some neighbor ladies you could meet? Do you like little kids? Some of them would really like a babysitter at times.
If I watch TV or internet shows, I choose positive ones. Same with reading. I have exercise CD's, and use them when I'm able.
Think about things you have enjoyed, any time in your life. I always wanted to travel, but haven't much. I watch HGTV shows, and love the ones about moving overseas and finding homes. I can dream, cant I? I am a terrible home decorator. I'll bet you could do better.
Hope I have given you some hope, maybe some ideas. Interacting with people on this site is still interacting. If you visit chat rooms, you can find some people to relate to.
Apprehension is part of your fear. As you do small things that help, you will feel less fearful.
Good Luck, justusryans. Even your name gives a big hint - your whole identity may be tied up in being a wife. Try to find out more about your own strengths and unique things about yourself.
Appreciate yourself. We on this site appreciate that you are here (speaking as just another flawed human being, and child of the King.)

[Hobbit House]

Thanks, UpNOut -
It's funny - My husband did a couple of posts on this site last night, and I joked with him that it was identity theft.
Yes, we're pretty meshed together. I thought that moving to a place where I could walk to a bus stop and go anywhere I wanted- take an art class, tennis, etc., get me out of the house, would make me have my own sense of self, but we're broke! So, hopefully in the future I'll be able to do things. Having some place to go helps me get out of the house. I'm trying to make it to this day program that's open from 1-6:30 M. W. and F. just haven't found a ride yet.

Having company coming gets me going too.
Thank you for making me feel good!

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by SideBlinded

btw....

I, too am from Richmond!! I grew up there. What a small world!

If it's any consolation for anyone here, I don't have any family at all. I don't mean this in a "feel sorry for me way" It is what it is and I have to make the best of it. I have found helping others, especially older people a way to not be alone so I do errands for them and keep track of them as some are in their 80's. They are like mothers to me!

that's pretty wild you're from Richmond. We're near Carytown. I love the area. It seems like there's lots to do - just haven't been able to afford to do anything yet. I don't feel sorry for you, just happy that you have found a way to form other connections.

[Hobbit House]

[QUOTE=birdpumpkin;3904883]I'm going through this right now. It's actually called ASAD - Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder. Whenever my husband or son are gone for an unspecified amount of time, I panic or suffer extreme anxiety, and the longer they're gone, the worse my anxiety gets. I wasn't so bad with this until we had a fire in December and lost everything. I think that brought it on. My husband gets called out after hours and on weekends occasionally, and I have a really hard time with it when it happens. Or when my son is taken somewhere by my parents and they don't tell me when they'll be back. I've discovered I have some abandonment issues going on, too, which may figure in there somewhere. You may want to explore if you have any abandonment going on from your childhood and also about adult separation anxiety. Many of the suggestions here are good ways to deal with it as it's just another form of anxiety. I find, though, that if I'm just too anxious I can't read or relax at all.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I can't seem to read when I'm like this either, or even concentrate on a movie. I kind of feel paralyzed. I guess since I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 25 yrs. I just don't want to think about abandonment issues anymore. It hasn't gotten me anywhere. I think the best bet is just to develop myself, so that I can be a more confident and independent person.

[Auja11007]

Hi Justusryans,

I spend the vast majority of my time alone and am not married and live by myself. I also work a job that does not require me to interact or be in public everyday. Though it's hard most of the time to cope with all of my solitary time I've found that writing and art have helped me overcome the loneliness I feel.

I only have maybe 2 or 3 close friends and only one that will talk with me and allow me to talk about my struggles with bipolar. One thing I've found helpful is the use of a mood log and journal. Throughout my day while I'm alone I pick these up and write how I feel and when I feel them. When my friend does come over he's able to see this and it opens a way of deeper communication and we discuss the emotions and thoughts that I have and ways to work together to improve them. It's become quite an effective tool for him to understand my emotions and how he can help.

I've found myself many times reliant upon his visits but having these logs and journals has given me ways of relief and expression when I'm alone and unable to speak. This might be something that can help you.

Also, drawing and arts and crafts have helped the time pass by and have become something I enjoy that I enjoy and keeps me preoccupied and the feelings of accomplishment with my works brings gratification.

Hope this might help or give you some ideas of ways that can.

[Hobbit House]

Originally Posted by UpNOut

I definitely Felt alone the last couple months, after foot surgery, and my depression got very bad. I had given up my dog - could not handle. So still don't get outside like before. I want another dog really bad - for companion and because being outside and walking helps depression.
One thing I did - don't know if it will work for you - started listening to Air One radio - it's all over the country. It has uplifting music, and nobody puts you down - one DJ is recovering addict, another has Asperger's -all have issues. When my mind is full of negative self-hating, self-defeating talk, I listen to it all day. Contemporary Christian music. If you are a believer, you won't feel so alone.
No motivation is another problem I have had - very bad lately. Never want to do much around house - did not until knew company coming (rare thing). I am getting better - see psychiatrist tomorrow about new meds? Do you think you may have some depression? Lack of motivation is part of it.
Do you have any interests? Did you ever? I never was good at crafts, but do them sometimes. Some people do scrapbooking, others beading. I love to sing during the day, and singing helps body and mind.
Is your home isolated? Or are there some neighbor ladies you could meet? Do you like little kids? Some of them would really like a babysitter at times.
If I watch TV or internet shows, I choose positive ones. Same with reading. I have exercise CD's, and use them when I'm able.
Think about things you have enjoyed, any time in your life. I always wanted to travel, but haven't much. I watch HGTV shows, and love the ones about moving overseas and finding homes. I can dream, cant I? I am a terrible home decorator. I'll bet you could do better.
Hope I have given you some hope, maybe some ideas. Interacting with people on this site is still interacting. If you visit chat rooms, you can find some people to relate to.
Apprehension is part of your fear. As you do small things that help, you will feel less fearful.
Good Luck, justusryans. Even your name gives a big hint - your whole identity may be tied up in being a wife. Try to find out more about your own strengths and unique things about yourself.
Appreciate yourself. We on this site appreciate that you are here (speaking as just another flawed human being, and child of the King.)

....I hope you can get another dog soon

[Hellion]

With me it kind of depends how I am feeling, there are times when I want nothing more than to be left alone for a while and just get away from people...there are other times I am honestly concerned for my safety if I am alone, mostly when I am feeling suicidal/self destructive. Then at times I might feel really lonely its like being alone just starts closing in on me and I get really restless, which can then lead to suicidal/self destructive sort of mindset...So I can have trouble with that, but not quite how you describe.

What sort of area are you in? If its urban perhaps there are buses or other transportation options to get out of the house...if its more rural, that makes it more difficult as you likely either have to walk far or find someone who can give you a ride.

[~rider]

Another former RVA resident. I lived down in Shockoe Slip and some in the Fan. Miss that town a lot, I look for job openings all the time. Anyway, despite anxiety and depression, I cherish my alone time. I'm considering moving out on my own right now. Funny how different the mind can work in different people.

[glok]

I live alone. Have been alone most of my life. I expect to die alone.

[Hobbit House]

I bet you listen to happy music!

[Lady Courtesan]

Originally Posted by glok

I live alone. Have been alone most of my life. I expect to die alone.

But you don't have to. Your many, many posts in here speak of a longing to be in contact with other people. You are such a kind person. Won't you please open up your mail?

[Hobbit House]

I agree. You've been welcoming to me, and you make everyone else welcome, too.

[Steiner of Thule]

Yeah I have to depend on my parents a lot lately. I don't leave the house and I do have the problem of sleeping a ton. I lack motivation to do stuff and the only time I do stuff is when my parents order me to do something. I can't do anything alone though. I feel like a little kid still.

[SeekerOfLife]

I live alone too. No family. No face to face friends. After work I dred going home.

[Hobbit House]

It's a pretty difficult situation to be in. Also, when I'm ill I don't feel like I can communicate well with others, so that makes it even worse. Sometimes, I can be there for a person that needs me, or just wants to talk, and other times I'm too confused to even have a normal relatable conversation. Can you relate?
-L