[Little Jay]

So I opened up to my partner tonight about most of what's going on in my head, and I've never opened up to anyone like that before - I haven't even been able to open up like that to any therapists or other professionals who have tried to help me.
Basically, he was horrified and freaked out and I could tell I'd made a big mistake in opening up to him. He started to say I had to go back to the hospital straight away, and that he only got me out of there because I was asking and because he was scared that I would hate him if he left me in there. That's not at all the reaction I wanted. I told him I just need him to be supportive and not negative, because I know that if he is that I'll convince myself that it's a mistake to open up to people and I know that I would never open up again.
I had to promise I was okay and that I wouldn't do anything "stupid", then I said I had to get back to work, but really I was just running away from the whole situation.
I now feel like opening up is a bad thing - all i've done is upset and worried him, it hasn't made me feel any better. Maybe I was right for keeping it all to myself all the time?

[CANDC]

Little Jay, sorry you had a bad situation. An unempathetic person or a person that is trying to be with someone that has no problems is not the best one to share it all.

Here is what you could do next time. Share with t or pdoc or psych central.

Your partner has a low threshold for problems. Using him as a therapist did not work and your conclusion not to share your "dirt" with him is right. Just remember all the people that can really hear you.

If you were referring to SI, it is hard to talk about that with anyone without triggering them unless you have a sharing relationship with them. If you are having thoughts of Self harm, then maybe the pdoc can prescribe meds that will help.

Feel free to PM me or any community liason or moderator to discuss what you are going through. I am not saying don't talk, but be careful who you talk to and how you express whether it is just thoughts going through your head or intentions.

[Ripose]

Little Jay, I know how you feel as I too have tried to open up before and have received the same response; "You should get some help!" Actually when I opened up to a friend or my wife that is exactly what I was trying to, get some help, from a friend.

If someone tried to share their deepest thoughts with me, I would listen carefully and offer my support and understanding BEFORE I asked if they thought they might benefit from a professional. Isn't that what a true friend should do?

[wolfgaze]

Opening up like that to someone is something you do for you. It's really not done for anyone else's benefit but you own. It's means to put your thoughts & feelings out there and get them off your chest. It's not healthy to constantly keep them locked inside.

There comes a time in life when you find that you need to stop worrying so much about what others may think and that you need to stand in your truth - which includes expressing what you are thinking and how you are feeling. It's only challenging and difficult at first - but it gets easier over time and with more practice. : )

Please don't allow his reaction to turn you off from doing this again in the future. His reaction is a product of his own mindset and state of consciousness and NOT a reflection of what others will think and how others will react - as they are unique and individualistic in their own right. As someone else appropriately noted - if you had shared with us what you shared with your boyfriend, our reactions would have been quite different. Look at his as the 'exception' and not the 'rule'.

It's good that you did this whether you recognize that or not right now. It's good for you in the long run - it's an important learning experience (NOT in the sense of having done anything wrong or making a mistake), but something that was necessary and something you grow from having gone through. It's only a headache for you in the short-term. Good job for having the courage and conviction to do this. It will be easier the next time you need to do this because now you have experience under your belt. : )

[SnakeCharmer]

Little Jay, I'm sorry you had this bad experience and hope you won't generalize it into thinking it's always wrong to open up. I would encourage you to think about what you wanted from him.

Support, understanding, compassion?

It sounds like he panicked and didn't know what to do except to blurt out you needed help and should go back to the hospital. Now, why would he do that? Probably because he was afraid, afraid something bad might happen to you. Maybe his first priority is that you stay alive, that you be safe and get into a frame of mind where you feel better about yourself.

Is that so bad? Is it really so terrible that he wants you to be safe? And the thought of you being unsafe in any way at all scares the living bejaysus out of him?

Maybe he's just an inexperienced guy who doesn't know what to do and in his panicked state, all he could think of was how important it was for you to be safe.

All of that is the long way around of saying that if we want compassion and understanding and support from other people we're far more likely to get it if we can give it to them in return. Can you understand why his first priority might be your safety? Can you show compassion for his fear and panic and his inability to know the "right" thing to say? Can you offer him support even though his reaction disappointed you and left you reeling yourself?

I've been reading posts by you in other forums, Jay, and I know you're going through a difficult time right now with lots of sui thoughts. It's a time when a person needs the love and support of their friends. Even though you're in pain, can you show your boyfriend some of the compassion in your heart so he can begin to feel safe supporting you? If all you show him is anger and hurt, he will feel pushed away and more panicked himself. It may be hard to believe, but giving compassion and understanding is really the best way to get it in return.

He blew it, he panicked, he said the wrong things.

Can you open your heart and forgive him for his blunder? If you can, then maybe the two of you can face this crisis together. If you reject him because, in his inexperience, he didn't know the right things to say and do, it almost guarantees things will only get worse. I wish you the best, Jay. I know this is very hard for you. I'll be thinking about you and hoping your T and Pdoc will be there to help as you struggle to find your way.

[Fuzzybear]

[Little Jay]

I think I knew he was right. I do need to go back to the hospital but I can't - I can't afford the time off at work, and I can't let people down. I pay half the bills, so if I don't have my half I just don't know what we would do, so I have no choice but to carry on going to work even though I can't deal with life at all right now. I feel like I'm going crazy in a way I never have before so it's freaking me out. I'm screwing my whole life up and I can't even help it. He's going to leave me isn't he? He spends all his time freaking out and worrying about me, it's so unfair. I can't breathe properly, I think I'm having a panic attack that's lasted over an hour. 7, 11 breathing isn't working and I don't know how else to calm myself down

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by Little Jay

I think I knew he was right. I do need to go back to the hospital but I can't - I can't afford the time off at work, and I can't let people down. I pay half the bills, so if I don't have my half I just don't know what we would do, so I have no choice but to carry on going to work even though I can't deal with life at all right now. I feel like I'm going crazy in a way I never have before so it's freaking me out. I'm screwing my whole life up and I can't even help it. He's going to leave me isn't he? He spends all his time freaking out and worrying about me, it's so unfair. I can't breathe properly, I think I'm having a panic attack that's lasted over an hour. 7, 11 breathing isn't working and I don't know how else to calm myself down

Little Jay, I am so sorry you feel you have to work even when you are stressed to the max. Do you have paid sick leave? Do you have vacation time accrued. Maybe you just need a day to sleep or see your pdoc.

Thinking about your man is going to leave you, adds another level of stress.

One thing to do when panic hits is to lay face down on the floor on a mat or rug and prop your head up on your hands flat on the floor under your forehead. Breathe natural.

What about getting other medicine from your pdoc like a dose of atavan or some anti anxiety med? These also help relax people enough so they go to sleep.

Sleeping is a great calming affect if you can go to bed when you get home after dinner.

Another thing that helps some people is to eat some protein like plain yogurt or milk or even chicken. The brain needs protein or it sends a message of panic to the body.

Listening to soft instrumental music can be a help.

We are all pulling for you Little Jay.

[SnakeCharmer]

Jay, I like what CANDC suggested.

I hope you'll think this through and really consider checking into the hospital. You've talked about this in the other forum, so I know it's serious. When we've reached our maximum limit of stress, it's really important that we be willing to give in to the idea that sometimes we just can't do it all on our own, we need help. Maybe talk to your doctor(s) and whoever else is available to help to at least find out your options. I'm not familiar enough with your medical system to know exactly how it works. Take care and please come back tomorrow (that's in just a few hours your time) and tell us how you're feeling

[Little Jay]

It's not really got much better. I even self harmed last night after going months and months without doing. Everyone around me seems to be going through so many problems of their own it feels unfair of me to burden them with myself, especially when I feel like I'm not really that important anyway.

[avlady]

I feel for you and ive done the same thing before too. Telling the wrong person about my thoughts, someone who i had at the moment, but not reliable to not think i was crazy. You just used your bad judjement because you needed someone at the moment. Don't let this get you down and don't decide to never tell anyone again but i think you should talk to a doc or t instead next time. Im sorry again that the person you opened up to wasn't the right person. you need someone with compassion, love, concern and skills to talk to.