[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I obsess/worry about the fact that I just am so mentally abnormal. My family tells me that since I went off klonopin after 23 plus years that I am much clearer and "act" normal. Well I sure feel totally abnormal, more than ever. I don't know if I have just learned to be dysfunctional or what. I am told that I probably could function much more normally than I think I can. That is confusing to me.

Recently I learned about primarily obsessional disorder, and it fits me to a tee!
Primarily Obsessional OCD - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Of all the disorders that I have been wrongly or rightly diagnosed with, I am surprised this one has never come up. It seems to be one of my major problems. I certainly have NO peace of mind and it makes my depression way worse.

I really want help badly but cannot get it, maybe I just feel defeated. My past mental health experiences were very bad and the one good therapist I had is unavailable to me due to financial and other reasons. I see people getting help daily from Dr. Phil and it makes me wonder why I cannot be one of the lucky ones that gets REAL help. I have written to him many times but get no reply! I really, really do want help. I don't think I could take going to another therapist that would let me down, it's happened a lot. That is a serious let down that is fairly devastating to me.

I have been slammed before for saying that I do not feel at all supported here, but I just don't. I try to be accepting and reply to people but I know that I am not good at helping anyone else here. All the miserable suffering people here is just overwhelming to me.

[zegami]

hey lonely girl, i know what its like to feel cast out like that. interestingly enough I lived in Charleston for a while too, and I have always found the mental health system very condescending (all over the world) in my experience and have been doing much better after i got off meds and out of the system and focused on DBT(which is mostly taken from buddhism) techniques of how thoughts affect mood and behavior and its best to just not think about anything and foucus on the NOW and slow down and clear your mind. there is only this moment.

thats what helps me more than anything else, I hope you can find a way...btw are you cute?? jk lol...?

Hiya! I was just wondering if you were having the obsessional thoughts while you were taking klonopin or before that.

My sympathies are with you, both for the obsessional thoughts you're dealing with and the klonopin withdrawal symptoms.

I went through benzo withdrawal about ten years ago and it was probably 18 months after I stopped taking them that I stopped having severe anxiety (panic attacks, agoraphobia.) I know it's been longer than that for you.

I agree that it can be difficult and frustrating to find any reasonably-priced psychiatric help and it seems to only keep getting worse.

I am in the process of switching mental health care providers due to a change in insurance status. It's causing me lots of anxiety.

I hope you'll try to find a therapist who can help you. Even as I say that, I know how hard it can be to look and how discouraging it is when you put in the time and then the therapist isn't helpful.

<q>All the miserable suffering people here is just overwhelming to me./<q>

I feel that way sometimes, too.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I don't have severe anxiety most of the time. That got better after about 6 months but happened occasionally. Now it doesn't really happen unless I were to put myself into a situation like driving on an interstate...that feels totally out of control to me.

I think during withdrawal is when the obsessive thoughts started. I am obsessing about 'something', 24/7. It can be about what to cook, anxiety over how whatever I am cooking turns out, if I am wasting food if I mess it up...it goes on and on. Tonight it's about the bad weather, concern over my family driving on the icy roads...will the power go off, how will I deal with any problems? I don't think it is 'normal' concerns that people have. It's like I am wringing my hands constantly...but in my mind.

Another new twist is that I feel myself having tremors constantly, my hands and upper body feel like I am sitting on something that is vibrating. It is very strange and disconcerting, I think it has increased my anxiety. It will be 2 years on the 25th that I have been off klonopin. I cannot begin to understand what that stuff does to your brain and nervous system!

It sounds really unpleasant. Have you tried or considered any supplements? I'm playing amateur nutritionist here, but I've read that Klonopin affects GABA levels in the body. l-theanine is one supplement that I've taken that affects GABA that is very calming and feels natural (it's an amino acid.)

Here's an article on Livestrong.com about supplements for GABA and I'm sure you can find plenty of others online. These mostly aren't extremely expensive supplements, either. Supplements That Boost GABA | LIVESTRONG.COM

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I have heard about the supplements but found that there were so many that I did not know where to start. I have heard a lot about L-Theanine.

I tried valerian root, magnesium and a few others. Vitamin B really jacked me up and even B12 does strange things. My brain is really screwed up it seems.

I do take melatonin nightly, cannot sleep without it. My sleep is very strange, I never feel like I am falling asleep, one minute I am awake and the next thing I know I am waking up. A lot of nights I go to bed, sleep about 15-20 minutes and wake up for several hours. I sleep about 6 hours on a good night.

Like I said, I would just like to feel normal again.

[zegami]

The problem with meds like konopin and xanax is that they cripple your ability to control your own anxiety. Then it gets to a point where every time you feel even a little anxiety your first instinct is to pop a klonopin. (Been there, done that) Like I said many times, the mental health system didn't become a 88 billion industry by helping people. Its sad and it's scary, but its true you gotta be your own best friend in this world, look out for yourself, work on yourself. And controlling anxiety will get easier as you build that cognitive skill of coping. Takes times though so don't give up and know that you are always moving forward. Luckily ya can chat with some people here who can understand.

[Agarwaen]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

I obsess/worry about the fact that I just am so mentally abnormal. My family tells me that since I went off klonopin after 23 plus years that I am much clearer and "act" normal. Well I sure feel totally abnormal, more than ever. I don't know if I have just learned to be dysfunctional or what. I am told that I probably could function much more normally than I think I can. That is confusing to me.

Recently I learned about primarily obsessional disorder, and it fits me to a tee!
Primarily Obsessional OCD - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Of all the disorders that I have been wrongly or rightly diagnosed with, I am surprised this one has never come up. It seems to be one of my major problems. I certainly have NO peace of mind and it makes my depression way worse.

I really want help badly but cannot get it, maybe I just feel defeated. My past mental health experiences were very bad and the one good therapist I had is unavailable to me due to financial and other reasons. I see people getting help daily from Dr. Phil and it makes me wonder why I cannot be one of the lucky ones that gets REAL help. I have written to him many times but get no reply! I really, really do want help. I don't think I could take going to another therapist that would let me down, it's happened a lot. That is a serious let down that is fairly devastating to me.

I have been slammed before for saying that I do not feel at all supported here, but I just don't. I try to be accepting and reply to people but I know that I am not good at helping anyone else here. All the miserable suffering people here is just overwhelming to me.

Well, number one, I don't expect any replies.

I had a psychiatrist tell me some pretty wicked stuff, and meanwhile, my therapist was totally cool.

I am pretty used to disappointment as it concerns doctors and therapists and health in general. They throw pills at you and dismiss. Or listen politely and dismiss. They have jobs. That make money. That's how I choose to see it. It's much better than taking it personally.

Still, I feel your frustration and anxiety over the situation. I just have no solution. For me, it's find another doctor.

Think of it this way. (I do because I have been a carpenter.)

If you want your house built and you have plenty of money, well then, you can take your pick of the best builders. If you are on a budget, you might have to take a risk on a lower bid.

Sadly, usually, you get what you pay for.

I am paying nothing. And getting nothing.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry your still not feeling supported here. Can you think of what would be helpful for you when your posting here? Advice? Hugs? knowing your not alone?

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I'm sorry your still not feeling supported here. Can you think of what would be helpful for you when your posting here? Advice? Hugs? knowing your not alone?

Christina, I think that my need is just so great that it is overwhelming. I'm not sure what would be enough to help. I have stayed away for a while. You cannot point the finger at people and expect them not to be defensive. However my feeling not supported cannot be blamed on any one person, it is just the nature of how it works. If I went to a therapist that was great every day of my life, I am not sure that would be enough.

The whole obsessive thinking and worrying over every minute detail of life would be enough to drive anyone mad! They say you make your own "luck" and fortune in life. I cannot help but to feel very unlucky and at times cursed. Some folks do seem to have it all...

Thanks Christina...Love ya!

[avlady]

i hope you can feel better. it took me 15 years to find a great therapist so i wouldn't give up if i were you. there are good docs and t out there, and where i go isn't all that expensive although i do have medicaid.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by avlady

i hope you can feel better. it took me 15 years to find a great therapist so i wouldn't give up if i were you. there are good docs and t out there, and where i go isn't all that expensive although i do have medicaid.

I have been to some therapists that were unbelievably bad. I've had 2 great ones. I've poured my heart out, told my whole life story and then just got a strange stare back. Those kind of experiences make me skiddish to try it again. I do keep hoping that I will luck up on a good one. I do think it might be partly luck.

I tried l-theanine first in a sleep remedy along with melatonin and 5-HTP and was very impressed with how well the combination worked for sleep. I'm glad melatonin helps you sleep. I have taken it in the past and it would work great for about two weeks then stop working until I had a vacation from it.

I completely understand what you mean about there being so many supplements that it's confusing. I have tried concentrating on the ones that are recommended for depression. I don't take many - can't afford them.