[okiedokie]

Most of you know I work in a hospital. Two of my close friends at work are pdoc and clinical manager of psych unit. I've been having an incredible amount of stress at work, major reorg, new boss, etc. Long story short, the last two days have been a huge meltdown for me. I don't trust very easily but opened up to these two friends about what a hard time I've been having. THEY TOLD MY NEW BOSS THAT THEY WERE CONCERNED ABOUT MY SAFETY SO I GOT REFERRED TO THE EAP!!!

I feel so betrayed. They way over-reacted. I feel as though I've lost two good friends now. I've suffered this unbearable humiliation in front of my new boss. I will NEVER trust another human being as long as I'm alive.

Now, what do I do? I feel as if my whole world just collapsed.

I have been crying for 24 hours straight. Do people do this?? It just won't stop.

I do not have the vocabulary to adequately describe the total devastation that is mine.
Okie

[Juliana]

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. You sound so devastated. I know how hard it is to trust people and open up to them. Your friends probably thought they were doing a good thing. They probably thought that they were being good friends and being helpful, but they should have talked to you if they were worried about you. If they thought you needed to go to EAP, they should have suggested it to you and talked to you about your feelings. They should NOT have done something behind your back and made you feel so betrayed. They really should have known better. They should have considered how this would make you feel.



I hope that once you calm down a bit you will find it in your heart to forgive them. They did something stupid and inconsiderate, but I think their hearts were in the right place... even though their brains obviously weren't!

[okiedokie]

Hi Juliana,
How in the world do I even look them in the eyes ever again?! I am so humiliated...

I really appreciate your response. I don't know how to recover from this.
Okie

[Maven]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I agree with Juliana, they should have spoken to you directly, if they were concerned. I think you should tell them that you feel betrayed, and that they should have told you they were worried, so you could reassure them that you could handle your work.

[okiedokie]

Thanks Maven.

I will never trust another soul, ever, ever again.

Okie

[Juliana]

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okiedokie said:
Thanks Maven.

I will never trust another soul, ever, ever again.

Okie

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Please don't let a couple of misguided people change who you are. Having a trusting nature can be a wonderful thing. It just sucks when you feel that your trust has been betrayed. YOU have nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about. I know it's upsetting when people know about your illness when you don't want them to know, but it's just an illness. The stigma shouldn't be there. Would you be embarrassed if people found out you had diabetes or gallbladder disease? Try to hold your head up high and remind yourself that you have done nothing wrong; there is nothing for you to be ashamed of.

Anyway, I'm a fine one to talk. My colleagues don't know about my history of mental illness. I'm still trying to practice what I preach.

((((okie)))) I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[SecretGarden]

I am sorry that this happened to you. I would have hoped for better from a pdoc but I think that you have a right to voice your concern and destruction of trust with these two. I do not know you yet Okey but I use the phrase okeydokey all the time and I think my kitty is on your avatar.

I hope that you are feeling better. Have you been to the IEP and how did that go? I am unsure if you are in care for your needs but...I am ... and I am familiar with meltdowns...unfortunately.

Hang in there. Say what is on your mind and see what you get back from them. I think that they could have guided you for assistance or talked to you about what you might need. On the other hand...now.. how much would you want THEM to know?

Hang in there.

[(JD)]

((((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry you feel betrayed.

There are many different ways to react to something like this, and you might experience many of them. The best thing is to respond instead of continuing to react. You are still in control.

There is nothing "wrong" with needing EAP...and they were proper in doing this... but I am sorry they didn't discuss it with you.

You could talk with them further... and ask just what signs they saw that caused them to refer you. Ask them about the conversation they had with mgmt... I would definitely talk with them, even if it's only to politely say you don't think you needed the referral.

There IS a chance that you would benefit from more assistance... I know it's a tough thing to face.

:heart_space:

Dear Okie.... I can surely understand why you feel as you do. You have received some very loving support and advice from your sisters here. You know that better than anyone else we all can relate to how your emotions are swinging all over the place right now.

I wanted to chime in to repeat something sky offered up to you...."The best thing is to respond instead of continuing to react. You are still in control." As hard as that might be to comprehend right now you know in your soul that it is exactly right.

I would add that before you consider how to respond... and again others have already given you some good support about that.... so you won't have to look very far for answers of how to respond... but first you know you need... and you know you want... to settle the emotions that are flying around right now.

What do you usually do when you get upset like this? Do you take a long hot bubble bath? Do you go for a run or watch a funny movie? Do you punch a pillow for a while and then roll over for some sleep? I do some of those things from time to time but always I pray. I go to my quiet place and give it all up to my Creator. I put my sorrows at the alter and I ask for peace to come to me. I wrap myself in a blanket and put on some soft music and I meditate on Creator's love for me until I drift into a place of calm. I remind myself that nothing is too difficult for me to overcome. That everything happens that I might be made stronger.

I suggest these things to you because often times in our outrage, in our sorrow.... we look for answers before we are in a place where we can hear. You must minister to your hurt and let the pain flow out of you. Then you will see the next step to take.

I pray for the peace to be restored in your spirit that you will feel the rest and know what will next be best. Don't rush the process. Give yourself time to come down from the horror.

Be good to yourself and everything else will fall into place. You have survived before.... you will survive again. We are standing with you. You can trust us for that. You can trust again.

[bebop]

I totally agree with sky on this. communication is so important.

[Zen888]

((((((((((((okiedokie))))))))))))))

[heyjoe]

YOu feel betrayed because you have been betrayed. They never should have referred you to EAP without talking to you about it first, never mind talking about it to your new boss first. I really think that it is never a good idea to trust people who can have a negative impact on our life , such as work, with our psychological problems. You are much better off discussing them with a friend, someone who has the same problems as you or a professional. Dont let these two people turn you off totally to trust. It is a lesson however in not leaving yourself vulnerable to repercussions because you trust the wrong people. Talk to people who can only help you not use the information against you to hurt you .
Do you have to go to EAP now that you have been referred? If you do go in with your head up and tell them you were just having a bad day and that you can do your job. That you confided in people and they exaggerated what you were saying. if you have to go for counseling for a period of time, find your own place to go for counseling not the employers counseling center. I dont trust them at all and know of violations in confidentiality. YOu are not in a great spot right now but it doesnt have to bring you down. I wouldnt even bother talking to the other two about it at all since no matter what you say they will view it as part of your problem. Just move on and talk to them as little as possible in the future.

[drunksunflower]

I agree entirely with joe ...

What unprofessional professionals. Showing that much disregard for your career by talking to the new BOSS. My god. It was kind of them to have concern for you but they certainly managed to approach the situation the wrong way.

If EAP is the same as here (Employee Assistance Programme?) I do not think that you can be forced to go legally.

Is it worth having a chat to your boss and explaining that you've had a couple of upsetting things happening privately / personally, you apologise for it affecting your work, and you will try in future to 'park' any issues during work time?

I don't know, I am probably a bad person to take advice from as I hide everything at work like Juliana.

[January]

(((((((((( Okie ))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that they betrayed your trust and hurt you so much. I think you should stand tall and look them in the eye and tell them you feel betrayed and that they have lost your trust.

Don't hide from them. They are the ones in the wrong. I know you don't want to trust anyone now, but I want you to know that I am only a pm away. You can talk to me anytime.

((((((((((( Okie ))))))))))))))))

Hugs,

Jan

[drunksunflower]

Yay Jan, always sensible advice

[Wants2Fly]

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January said:
(((((((((( Okie ))))))))))))))

I am so sorry that they betrayed your trust and hurt you so much. I think you should stand tall and look them in the eye and tell them you feel betrayed and that they have lost your trust.

Don't hide from them. They are the ones in the wrong.

((((((((((( Okie ))))))))))))))))



Jan

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[SecretGarden]

I do not know that the people were wrong or ill intending. I do think that being in the field particularly they could have done this differently. More class. More empathy. More thoughtful to you as an individual. Well... yes perhaps wrong.. In the long run it certainly could have been done better.

I think you need to confront them however you would feel safe to do so and I feel that you should hold your head high. We all have difficult times at work. It happens. It could have been done differently.

Perhaps open up a dialogue with them to determine why they felt they needed to go that way. How were things left from your talking of your concerns and stress? Did they persue assisting you or did they just withdraw at call EAP... Did you withdraw? It is hard to know without knowing the whole situation but I would think that if they wished you to be connected with EAP that they should have discussed it with you and, if you would have approved, one could have stayed with you to assist you with getting the help they thought you needed or getting you connected...with something acceptable to you. Doing it behind your back... yes wrong.