[SarahSweden]

It´s now summer and I spend part of my summer at my mum's. I´m 35 years old and stuck in life. I have a university degree but have been unemployed for several years, much due to that I feel my personality doesn´t fit into the field I choosed to study.

I´m in some kind of life crisis, I´ve spent most of my earlier years studying, getting good grades and I´ve lived a quite isolated life. I never had any best friends and when older I had a few friends when studying but at the moment I have only one acquaintance, no real friends.

As I have no money to go on my own holiday I spend part of the summer on my own in my apartment and in the city I live, I live quite far from my relatives and family. Although I don´t really like it I spend the other part at my mum´s. It feels like being 5 or 10 years old again, I feel I have no real life.

I´ve never had a relationship, I don´t look "ugly", I´m not disabled but I´ve never sought out for a relationship. I´m now really lost, I don't fully know how I am and I don´t have the strength to pull myself out of this on my own.It´s not just like "decide searching for a date" or such, my problems run deeper.

I went to a therapist but she terminated me and I´ve then searched for many months for a new T but haven´t found one. I´m completely stuck, I don´t know where I fit in, I feel a lot of pain and anxiety when thinking about the future.

I also feel I´ve lost a lot of years, just focusing on my studies and now I have almost "nothing".

Does anyone recognise this or felt like this? What did you do?

[avlady]

I am disabled by schitzophrenia, had a few jobs before disability,i'm 54 years old now, if i could do it over again i would have got a job for disabled people but they are hard to find. i think it is not an option anymore, as i am too old to start a good job. I do have an associates degree in arts. i wish i could find a job, i did volunteer for a few years too. i just wish i could make some money too, but i can't handle a job now. i have sleep apnea, which makes i hard for me to wake up too. good luck

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

It´s now summer and I spend part of my summer at my mum's. I´m 35 years old and stuck in life. I have a university degree but have been unemployed for several years, much due to that I feel my personality doesn´t fit into the field I choosed to study.

I´m in some kind of life crisis, I´ve spent most of my earlier years studying, getting good grades and I´ve lived a quite isolated life. I never had any best friends and when older I had a few friends when studying but at the moment I have only one acquaintance, no real friends.

As I have no money to go on my own holiday I spend part of the summer on my own in my apartment and in the city I live, I live quite far from my relatives and family. Although I don´t really like it I spend the other part at my mum´s. It feels like being 5 or 10 years old again, I feel I have no real life.

I´ve never had a relationship, I don´t look "ugly", I´m not disabled but I´ve never sought out for a relationship. I´m now really lost, I don't fully know how I am and I don´t have the strength to pull myself out of this on my own.It´s not just like "decide searching for a date" or such, my problems run deeper.

I went to a therapist but she terminated me and I´ve then searched for many months for a new T but haven´t found one. I´m completely stuck, I don´t know where I fit in, I feel a lot of pain and anxiety when thinking about the future.

I also feel I´ve lost a lot of years, just focusing on my studies and now I have almost "nothing".

Does anyone recognise this or felt like this? What did you do?

i really wish i had the answers for you, i really do
my life seems a series of fails and losses, and every day i can't help thinking why am i heare anyway.. what have i got to show for my life so far.

i also believe that i've missed out on a lot of things that people half my age have done- and you're right, you can't get that lost time back, no matter how hard you try.. time waits for nobody

[*Laurie*]

My situation is not exactly like yours, but I can relate in a very specific way. Since my children grew up and moved away I am having a very hard time finding meaning in my life.

It's good that you were in therapy. Was there a specific reason as to why your therapist terminated?

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

I can't tell you what I did as I'm in a very similar situation and also looking for answers.

I am spending part of my time at my mothers house for the summer. I was working but lost my job. I go back to university in September. I have lived a quiet isolated life with no real best friends, just acquaintances here and there. I did however have one true loving relationship in my life. One true passionate love. But now she is gone. Like you I'm not unattractive or anything like that, in fact just the opposite. But for some reason I never sought out a relationship. Anxiety issues mostly. Fortunately I did find love anyway. Or perhaps it found me. I guess my only advice to you is that sometimes we find what we're looking for when we least expect it. You never know what or who is around the corner so you can never give up.

I too was terminated by my therapist. I highly doubt for the same reasons as you but it ended nevertheless.

I too worry that my personality doesn't fit with the field I chose to study. I'm working towards a degree in psychology. But I do not know if I will be able to find employment due to my own psychological issues.

You are not alone.

[SilverNeurotic]

What is your degree in and what sort of work have you tried or want to try?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

Hi SarahSweden
I can relate. I'm 33 and have never had a relationship. I want one really bad but I'm made up of several traits that make it hard to get to know people. I do work but not at a job that is emotionally good for me. (I'm extremely sensitive & introverted and I work with the public) Work is about all I do and when I get home I have no energy for anything else. I do worry that if I did meet someone I was interested in that he would be turned off by my lack of experience and my uninteresting life. I've never been able to maintain a lasting friendship. I also feel like I don't fit in. I've been able to content myself through books and movies when I'm alienated by real life.

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. I understand what you mean even if I don´t have any kids. It´s easy to suddenly feel one´s life has lost it´s meaning and that it´s hard to find new goals in life. I also think it´s easy to live through someone else to get affirmation and perhaps also love. When people leave in some way or another, it´s sometimes hard to find a replacement.

The reason why my T ended therapy is quite a long story but because I left her a couple of negative opinions on things that happened in therapy she no longer thought she was the right T for me. She meant she in a way stopped me from talking and feeling freely in therapy but I never felt that way. Now I think about contatcting this T again, see my post in the subforum "Psychotherapy" if you like or feel free to ask me more questions here.

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

My situation is not exactly like yours, but I can relate in a very specific way. Since my children grew up and moved away I am having a very hard time finding meaning in my life.

It's good that you were in therapy. Was there a specific reason as to why your therapist terminated?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks for sharing. How do you feel about spending time at your mother´s? Do you get along well with her?

I think it´s ok to go on a vacation together, for example a city weekend but to live under the same roof several weeks isn´t healthy and I personally feel it´s not that normal either.

You are lucky who can get back to studies in September, I can´t study anymore as I won´t get any more study loans.

Perhaps it´s easier to find love when you once experienced it. I don´t know what loving a partner feels like, I´ve never felt it.

Was it a complicated termination, have you found a new T since then?

Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone

I can't tell you what I did as I'm in a very similar situation and also looking for answers.

I am spending part of my time at my mothers house for the summer. I was working but lost my job. I go back to university in September. I have lived a quiet isolated life with no real best friends, just acquaintances here and there. I did however have one true loving relationship in my life. One true passionate love. But now she is gone. Like you I'm not unattractive or anything like that, in fact just the opposite. But for some reason I never sought out a relationship. Anxiety issues mostly. Fortunately I did find love anyway. Or perhaps it found me. I guess my only advice to you is that sometimes we find what we're looking for when we least expect it. You never know what or who is around the corner so you can never give up.

I too was terminated by my therapist. I highly doubt for the same reasons as you but it ended nevertheless.

I too worry that my personality doesn't fit with the field I chose to study. I'm working towards a degree in psychology. But I do not know if I will be able to find employment due to my own psychological issues.

You are not alone.

[SarahSweden]

I have a bachelor in human geography and tourism and I´ve tried several jobs and have had several trainee periods within this and similar businesses. I would want to work within very different fields, perhaps within psychology and mental care but I won´t get any more study loans and I don´t have a job so I can´t finance any more studies.

Originally Posted by SilverNeurotic

What is your degree in and what sort of work have you tried or want to try?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

[SarahSweden]

Hi GreenMoss. Thanks for sharing.

I feel for you, it´s hard feeling stuck and not knowing how to proceed in life. Is it hard finding jobs where you live? I think there are a lot of jobs that don´t require that you work with people all day long if that doesn´t suit your personality. But it could be hard finding such a job depending on where you live of course.

I think you create a more rewarding life together with someone who really likes you, I would probalbly feel the same as you if I were to meet someone and go on a date. Because I´m unemployed I feel a bit like a loser and that´s partly why I don´t take the step and go out seeing someone.

Is there any specific reason you´ve found it difficult to keep friends? For me the reason is much about me feeling friends don´t care enough and that they often have other things they prioritize and I therefore often feel I don´t matter that much to them.

I´m also comforted by books and movies but sometimes my loneliness consumes me and I just cry and feel even more stuck in life.

Originally Posted by GreenMoss

Hi SarahSweden
I can relate. I'm 33 and have never had a relationship. I want one really bad but I'm made up of several traits that make it hard to get to know people. I do work but not at a job that is emotionally good for me. (I'm extremely sensitive & introverted and I work with the public) Work is about all I do and when I get home I have no energy for anything else. I do worry that if I did meet someone I was interested in that he would be turned off by my lack of experience and my uninteresting life. I've never been able to maintain a lasting friendship. I also feel like I don't fit in. I've been able to content myself through books and movies when I'm alienated by real life.

[jiiimmmyyy123]

Hello,
Don't get disappointed,In life many times a person come under this situation where there is no hope for future.but dont lose your patient,i can only suggest to to try harder to achieve your goal.
god bless you.

[Tauren]

What do you love?

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Hi GreenMoss. Thanks for sharing.

I feel for you, it´s hard feeling stuck and not knowing how to proceed in life. Is it hard finding jobs where you live? I think there are a lot of jobs that don´t require that you work with people all day long if that doesn´t suit your personality. But it could be hard finding such a job depending on where you live of course.

I think you create a more rewarding life together with someone who really likes you, I would probalbly feel the same as you if I were to meet someone and go on a date. Because I´m unemployed I feel a bit like a loser and that´s partly why I don´t take the step and go out seeing someone.

Is there any specific reason you´ve found it difficult to keep friends? For me the reason is much about me feeling friends don´t care enough and that they often have other things they prioritize and I therefore often feel I don´t matter that much to them.

I´m also comforted by books and movies but sometimes my loneliness consumes me and I just cry and feel even more stuck in life.

My job.... I like the basic labor part of it and I'm good at that part. It was an entry level position and I rose to management after several years. So at this point it would be hard to find work somewhere else and earn the same financially. I'm not courageous enough or motivated enough to seek work elsewhere at the moment. Maybe someday I will look into higher education. But school was hard for me because of social phobia so the idea of college frightens and depresses me.

I think that is why I don't date too.... I feel a bit like a loser. But at the same time I don't want to date just to date. I want to date someone I like.... someone different like me.

I can relate to how you feel about friendships. I try to be empathetic and 'there' for them but when I begin to feel like I'm not getting those things back I drop the friendship. Surely there are healthier ways to deal with this, like maybe communication (which I avoid), but the minute I feel I can't count on them I decide I rather be alone.

One thing that has helped me a little is realizing the people that seem to have it all together rarely don't. That most people are struggling and maybe even feeling stuck in their own way in their own lives even though you would never know it. Somehow that is a little comforting. A little humbling. But yeah, definitely I have times where I feel like I am the only lonely one. And I just sit and cry.

[SillyKitty]

Don't feel bad for not dating, guys. I dated too much, and have so many regrets, that I truly wish I could wipe the past slate clean.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Thanks for sharing. How do you feel about spending time at your mother´s? Do you get along well with her?

I think it´s ok to go on a vacation together, for example a city weekend but to live under the same roof several weeks isn´t healthy and I personally feel it´s not that normal either.

You are lucky who can get back to studies in September, I can´t study anymore as I won´t get any more study loans.

Perhaps it´s easier to find love when you once experienced it. I don´t know what loving a partner feels like, I´ve never felt it.

Was it a complicated termination, have you found a new T since then?

Sorry for late reply. I wasn't notified.

I didn't know what a loving partner felt like either until I felt it. Until I held her. That was last May. Last saw her earlier this year. Haven't found new love yet. But I'm looking. Which is more than I did before I experienced what it was like being with her. I don't know if I would say it's easier to find love after once experiencing it or not. Most days I just feel like I traded one pain for another. I hope you find someone. And I hope I can move on from her. Right now I'm still spending more time crying and missing her than I am looking for someone else.

It was a complicated termination. Complicated may not be the right word. Difficult to say goodbye. Neither of us wanted termination, but we had to separate. It's a long story. I miss her.

I did find a new therapist. Been seeing her since September. Although now I'm being transferred to someone new since I'm moving to university.

[SarahSweden]

Yes, I´ve also noticed that the notifications don´t reach me sometimes. May I ask you how old you were when you met this girl?

It´s not odd if you´re say 15 or 20 and you´ve never felt love but now as I´m 35 I really feel abnormal when I´ve never dated and never been in love.

I think it´s sound to be mourning for some time when you´ve ended a relationship. I don´t believe in getting into a new relationship immediately.

As for the contact with therapists it´s still very hard for me, I wrote another thread about in the psychotherapy section. I have to pay for therapy out of my own pocket and that makes it a much more difficult situation.

Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone

Sorry for late reply. I wasn't notified.

I didn't know what a loving partner felt like either until I felt it. Until I held her. That was last May. Last saw her earlier this year. Haven't found new love yet. But I'm looking. Which is more than I did before I experienced what it was like being with her. I don't know if I would say it's easier to find love after once experiencing it or not. Most days I just feel like I traded one pain for another. I hope you find someone. And I hope I can move on from her. Right now I'm still spending more time crying and missing her than I am looking for someone else.

It was a complicated termination. Complicated may not be the right word. Difficult to say goodbye. Neither of us wanted termination, but we had to separate. It's a long story. I miss her.

I did find a new therapist. Been seeing her since September. Although now I'm being transferred to someone new since I'm moving to university.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

Yes, I´ve also noticed that the notifications don´t reach me sometimes. May I ask you how old you were when you met this girl?

It´s not odd if you´re say 15 or 20 and you´ve never felt love but now as I´m 35 I really feel abnormal when I´ve never dated and never been in love.

I think it´s sound to be mourning for some time when you´ve ended a relationship. I don´t believe in getting into a new relationship immediately.

As for the contact with therapists it´s still very hard for me, I wrote another thread about in the psychotherapy section. I have to pay for therapy out of my own pocket and that makes it a much more difficult situation.

I was 30. I had her in my life up until the spring of this year. Little over a year and a half. Best time of my life. Though it was filled with a lot of heartache. But it was worth every tear. Now all there is is heartache. My whole life has been darkness. She's the only light I ever knew.

I could write a book on my experiences with my therapist. My former one. Not my most recent one. I've never had to pay for therapy. Never gone to private practice, just clinics.