Low point, holistically speaking

When people on medication notice a change in their mood they immediately question their medication. Not being on medication, I can't do that. I thought I was doing okay this week but I had a few not too positive interactions with friends. Maybe it is because of the holidays but everyone seems really intense. I have two friends, both are on several medications, and they both seem off. Maybe they are having breakthrough symptoms. Is that possible? The point is, however, that not being on medication I have only myself to blame. One thing I am learning about trying to manage anxiety and depression is that I have to be responsible for controlling my environment as best as I can. I notice that I don't pull back soon enough from situations that are tense. This is something one has to control if one is doing holistic healing. It's all about controlling the environment. That means not drinking too much coffee or eating junk food, getting enough sleep, not sticking my head in the sand instead of solving problems, and MOST OF ALL, cooling off and maybe even backing away from toxic interactions, if possible. I am really at a low point. I need to retreat.

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What are those little purple squares at the end? WIndows?

I need to breathe.

Ha-ha-ha... they're just three periods (...) "bolded", sized up & colored. That's the way they turned out... But I like the idea of them being windows. I'll probably try playing around with that some more & use it in future posts...

Yes, I liked how they turned out, too. Send me more windows, please!

Holistically speaking, self care is a responsibility, and now that I have chosen this path I also have to choose the responsibility that goes with it. One could say that the holistic path is about integrating many different threads of healing. Each alone does not pack a powerful punch. But together they can create momentum.

Another aspect of not being on medication is that there is no dulling of emotions. Since things naturally seem heightened during the holiday season my reaction to my friend was that she was very blunt in her criticisms. She is also on several kinds of medication for depression and anxiety; so I don't know if she doesn't feel the impact of her words as much as I do.

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Thanks for sharing! I have periods where I "retreat", and they even last for several months sometimes. I haven't logged into facebook in about 6 months. Socializing overwhelms me easily, and it sounds like it does you too. I ignore my phone/facebook when I need my retreat.

Although, I think I'm getting ready to jump back in the scene, probably will turn my facebook back on in after the new year.

Check back in soon, OK?

Hi DechanDawa: I don't have personal experience with this, but I would guess that if one has mental health concerns of one's own, having a friend who has mental health concerns must complicate things significantly.

I very much like your concept of integrating many different threads of healing into a whole which is greater than the sum of the individual parts. I guess this might include diet & exercise as well as, perhaps, meditation & also socialization & maybe other things as well. What are the various threads you see as making up your holistic plan?

Oh, nice, Skeezyks. You are turning this into a true art form. Love the color. I hereby instruct you to always add many embellishments to all your posts to me. Kind of like signature bling, and I am loving it! Hope you are doing well, today, Skeez. I am off to buy some incense because I am trying to begin a home retreat. I still have other stuff to do but am going to try to get in 5 sessions of meditation, and also do a lot of mindful cleaning. I just feel out of sorts as I have absorbed too much of other people's angst. Love your new signature. It always reminds me...breathe! - - - - --

I have everything I am doing holistically speaking - in the "about me" section on my profile page. It is a long list so I won't list it here. I am not doing well. I meditated several hours today and it brought up a lot of crazy thoughts that seemed random and unrelated, and I was able to let go. But I will be alone for the holiday, I have to move alone in the new year, and look for a new job. I have no friends or family nearby. Today I got into bed early because I felt paralyzed with anxiety. I took the herbs valerian and passion flower. In the past I have tried to work through anxiety by staying active but sometimes it makes it worse. I don't know. I don't have any of the Christmas lights turned on tonight, and all the holiday packages I was supposed to mail today are sitting by the door. I am not feeling like I will self-harm so there is no reason to go to the hospital Emergency Room. I think I am vulnerable to stress and the stress of looking for work and a new place to live is over-whelming. Since my divorce and since my adult child left I have lived alone and it causes me to be intensely anxious. The thought of moving again for the second alone and living alone in a new place makes me feel extremely anxious. Holidays alone now mean nothing but extra money spent, and a reason to feel lonelier. I resent that they impinge on my life. My town has overdone it insanely with the holiday lights and when I was shopping on the outdoor mall last night I was blinded by the Christmas lights. Every tree was covered, every building outlined, every city bench decorated. It was surreal and insane looking and I could not understand why no one else thought so and why it was done...to invite shopping? There were a few shoppers but mostly panhandlers on the mall which is covered in over a foot of snow. So much about modern life is depressing. I will continue doing meditation but also packing and looking for a job. I can see where feeding anxiety and depression is counter-intuitive. On the other hand, the holiday season, with forced bravado and joy, and all the glitter, and shopping, is depressing. I have volunteered on the holiday others years and don't care about doing that this year. This is always suggested but if someone feels too depressed than hanging out at a homeless shelter or a hospital or at a home for the aged is not going to improve one's mood and it is just a superficial and rather fake act of so-called kindness. I truly hate it when people suggest this as if the person spending the holiday alone is stupid and doesn't know the options to being alone such as volunteer, or go to the movies.

Keep us posted on the move and the new place.

Where moving is hard, think of how exciting it will be to settle into new digs. You'll pick a place, get it decorated, etc.

As for the holidays, it seems like most folks on the forum as ready for them to be over with, including me. I will be alone on Christmas too.

I love where I live now, it's just too expensive. Being forced to move is not exciting, and yet people always suggest this. People assume change is exciting, but for someone with anxiety issues change is stressful. People always comment that my places are homey and comfortable and nicely decorated. It's just something I do not some big exciting adventure, and especially not without much money. Moving is just about the most stressful activity in my life, even more so than starting a new job.

I think I didn't really identify the root of the problem about the holidays and something that has come up in other threads, and that is, the holidays force us to think about dysfunctional families, and being nice to people in our families who may have abused us in the past. I received a letter from such a person yesterday, and I think the last time I heard from them was a postcard last Christmas. My family's biggest dysfunction is that people are very abusive and then pretend nothing happened and years later even deny it. It would be so great to do Christmas without the memories. Maybe meditation is bringing up stuff...

My family os the same way. I wonder how they can think everything is hunkydore after all the abuse they've inflicted. You're not alone.

I am sorry for how I am sounding. I have not ever been diagnosed as bipolar but I sometimes feel I have mixed episodes where I get very anxious and at the same time feel depressed. I purposely had no caffeine today because I could feel the anxiety building up. I am normally not anti-social although I am a bit introverted and shy in new surroundings, and I don't like retreating for long periods (I was speaking here about doing a meditation retreat which is a set activity with a beginning and end, and used to progress in meditation) except circumstances seem to have put me here. I really want to get out of this. I am disappointed I have not changed my life for the better since my divorce, and I guess this is highlighted during the holidays. I am determined to get through this without medications and that is the main reason I am still posting on this thread. Others have said they felt envious of those doing healing holistically, but it is just as difficult as trying to find the right medication and therapist. Thank you for listening. You are very kind.

De nada, and I wish you the best of luck!

I was less apt to confide in friends when I was married. The one friend I am speaking of is a friend who I have had for decades. I will admit I have really slid downward in the last few years. My friend is still married and has a large extended family and so a lot of support. I think, in retrospect, she just got sick of me having problems in the last few years. Also, truth be told, I completely forgot she took medication for depression because I have never taken medication for this and don't really think about whether or not others do. It was just something she reminded me of recently. All I can say is that having mental health problems when single seems a lot harder than when married. I had periods of mental vulnerability when married but having someone else there who has your back can make all the difference in the world.

The friend I am speaking of here tried to commit suicide when she was a teenager. She then married (still in teens) and for decades has been mostly stable with no more suicide attempts. However, now she is very unhappy in her marriage but won't leave because she doesn't want to be alone. Maybe you are right about people with mental health problems not making the best friends to one another, but sometimes that is the person who understands.

I take antidepressant medication and have continually for years. I still look at the things you mentioned, too, though. If my mood gets consistently low and stays there, I may suspect that I need a medication change, but if it's and up-and-down kind of thing, I often find that it's caused by poor sleep, what I'm eating, anxiety about life events, seasonal changes (I had a tough month when the days started getting shorter back in the early fall) or something else identifiable.

I still seem to have a moderately bad case of depression even when I'm taking antidepressants. I have a couple of autoimmune conditions, which often come with depression, so I suppose I've accepted that "fairly stable" is about the best medication is going to do for me. The rest I have to achieve through controlling my environment, as you put it, plus working in psychotherapy on how I approach the difficulties in my life.

I think there's a "holiday funk" going on right now. I have been taken aback several times this week by the really foul moods of people that I've had minor encounters with (people working in stores, for example.)

I go to a therapy group and pretty much everyone in there is struggling right now, too.

I think the whole purpose of having a winter solstice holiday is that the short days and weather this time of year are a downer and a holiday is supposed to help to cheer us up.

It's unfortunate that the holiday has become so enmeshed in expectations and stress that it probably makes things worse instead of better. Personally, I'd go spend the month of December in the Caribbean if I could afford it.

Well, just hearing from others here helps...

dechan dawa, we can only control our environment so far. I find the biggest stressor to trigger anxiety and depression is society, the constant barraging from the media, the over focus on things overseas. Then you have the growing reality of terrorism in this country, creeping on this soil in the states but being ignored. It is as if we as a nation are over medicated deliberately to be asleep so that we are easy prey. everyone is affected as a whole nation, we all feel the world changing at an accelerating speed. we feel the exhaustion of trying to hold onto what we call normalcy while everything flip flops on us, and we feel things slip from our grip. we no longer have control over anything and i think that is what a lot of people are having a hard grip with. I find that having a spiritual belief is a great strength to place our hope and strength in at this historical point in time. I commend you on all your hard work and i hope you do find the equalibrium you are striving for. blessings.

Yes, I think you are right, and everything you wrote about (i.e. media exposure) triggers my anxiety and depression especially if I have allowed myself to become vulnerable. Perhaps it depresses me that the holiday season has become so much about materialism. I have cut my media exposure down by not having television, and I stopped listening to news radio such as BBC and NPR. But of course I have the Internet. I don't know if depression causes spirituality to weaken but I think sometimes yes, the spiritual light can grow dimmer during an episode of anxiety and depression. Meditation helps and I think I will add a spiritual reading daily. Even if I feel sad I will allow the words to wash over me and comfort me. Thank you for this suggestion.