[belle15]

Sorry for the long post but want to try to go into detail this is going to sound extremely bazaar but here goes .....I am a 32 year old female who at 29 became severely sick. Previous to that i was a functioning woman, had a full time job, relationship and was happy just suffered with some anxiety and sleep issues. My shifts changed at work to early mornings and was having trouble getting to sleep so was prescribed stilnox also know as ambien. I took it on and off for 6 months. Towards the end of the 6 months i started to feel really anxious so i went to the doctor and they prescribed an antidepressant lexapro. I bizarrely started to get this horrible burning sensation throughout my body it was so painful and distressing i went to the hospital numerous times they kept sending me home didnt know what was wrong with me. At this point i was not suicidal just distressed. I stopped taking the antidepressant and the burning remained. I became so distressed i did not know what to do but i found when i took the Ambien it dulled the burning sensation down so i took about 2 a day and stayed awake on it during this time. I did this for 2 days then had a hideous reaction it felt like my brain was sped up like i had been electrocuted. I became instantly suicidal, delusional, extremely violent and aggressive.

I was admitted to a psych ward where they did not know what was wrong with me. For the past 3 years i have been suicidal every second of every day. My brain feels like it doesn't function anymore like i have an acquired brain injury. I have no short term memory, suffer from horrible intrusive violent thoughts. I cannot function, i live with my mother, i cannot drive or work. My brain goes around in a loop as in i talk around in loops and cant remember what i have said. I am so frightened.

In the last 3 years i have spent all up 1 year in hospital. I have seen just about every psych in my state (I live in Australia) Tried every drug none has improved the situation in fact i think it has made me deteriorate. They cant give me a diagnosis or help. I am about to give up. Ive held on for so long but i cant live with how my brain is that i cant function my disturbed thoughts. I am frightened i am going to hurt someone and i cant deal with the suicidal idealization anymore. I am extremely aggressive. Where as before i was the most non violent kind person. The drugs have damaged my brain. I have no mental illness in my family. I am still on some medication but it doesn't help only maybe slightly helps to get through the day.

What on earth do i do? Is suicide the only way out if Ive tried everything and I have...I cant live like this anymore in torture...

Sorry for rambling but I am about to give up dont know where to turn.

My ex was on medicine that they altered and it affected her brain, stroke and seizure. She was rushed by ambulance and was okay but was to go for followup. The Dr. at the time would not look at the ER report or take responsibility for his causing the problem. as a result she went off of all meds and flipped out last year in crisis, never to return. I can only say this: Medicines have side affects. And some are temporary and others are permanent. See to it that you just never go back on that drug they stuck you on... and have another doctor other than that one to work with you. Dr.s are human and often make mistakes.... Blessings and tc dear... remember one day at a time,,, every day you feel good is a reason to celebrate...

[Skeezyks]

Hello belle15: I see this is your first post here on PsychCentral... so... welcome! I'm so sorry you have had this terrible experience. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions for you.

I do have some very small idea of what you're experiencing. I have had tinnitus (ringing in the ears) for quite a few years now. A few years ago one of my ears was feeling "stopped up". I went to see a general practice doctor. She put me on some antibiotics thinking I perhaps had an ear infection. When that didn't help she referred me to an ENT. That doctor put an ear tube in my ear to drain it. Well... there was nothing in the ear to drain. But the ear tube caused my tinnitus to explode! It was like I had a freight train running through my head 24/7. I couldn't stand it. At one point I even said goodbye to my wife. I was going to kill myself.

Fortunately, I went to see my psychiatrist. He put me on Klonopin & that reduced the noise in my head back down to a tolerable level. I then saw another ENT who specialized in tinnitus cases. He treated me & removed the ear tube. After that, I was able to get off of the Klonopin. I still have tinnitus. But it's manageable. However, there was a period of time there when I was certain there was no hope. It's not much when compared with what you have endured. But it gives me some small sense of how you're feeling.

I send warm wishes your way with the hope that, in some way, you will find healing.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello Dear,

This sounds so utterly overwhemling. I think you are right about this situation being been caused by the side effects of the drugs you were given/took. You said you have been in the hospital a lot these past couple of years. So I am wondering : By now I would think you should have been seen and examined by a neurologist, have you in fact been throughly evaluated by a neurologist? Have you had an MRI or brain scan?

Also, I dont beleive the physicians you ahev seen dont know what is wrong with you. what I think is that they dont want to deal with the fact that the drugs they prescribed caused such terrible side effects in you. It is really terrible to ahve to deal with such symptoms and on top of it be told ' we dont know what it is." In my own eprsonal expereince just knowing there was a name for what was going on with me seemed to make things more manageable. I dont think a lot of docs really get whats its like to be on the other end of the stick. Honesty here is your friend. Have you asked them outright about these drugs and their side effects?

Look these drugs up or have someone else do it for you and I think you will start to get some validation regarding the connection between the drugs you took and your symptoms--which are as much neurologic as psychiatric. THIS IS OF COURSE MY OPINION AND I AM NOT A DOC. I Have however, been through a lot myself and am familiar with the side effects of psychotropic drugs. No one ever tells you about these or id they do they always tell you the benefits of the drugs outweigh the side effects. This is lazy medical practice at its worst. In My Opinion. I am personally very much against the unnecessary prescribing and over presecribing of psychotropic drugs.

I wish I could say something to amke you feel better. I guess I can tell you I was given a drug once that made me curl up totally paranoid in a ball on the floor where I stayed until the drug wore off. The prescriber who was a good doc never expected this to happen to em when I took this drug but it did.

Like I said before, some honest communication and straight talk form our docs woud be truly helpful Drugs are so frequently handed out as short term fixes that end up being long term problems.

Do not give up. Research or ahve someone else research for you on what has happened what drugs you took etc etc. Ill bet money youre not alone in your delemna. Hoepfully there is help for you and you will find it. Also, If you ahvent already been seen, insist on being evaluated by a neurologist.

Take care, kiddo. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Hello again.
I just cut and pasted this for you. This comes from a publication from the Harvard Medical School.

*** The last item talks about "brain zaps" which, I believe, you described this in your post.

I quote here:
"Neurotransmitters act throughout the body, and you may experience physical as well as mental effects when you stop taking antidepressants or lower the dose too fast. Common complaints include the following:

Digestive. You may have nausea, vomiting, cramps, diarrhea, or loss of appetite.

Blood vessel control. You may sweat excessively, flush, or find hot weather difficult to tolerate.

Sleep changes. You may have trouble sleeping and unusual dreams or nightmares.

Balance. You may become dizzy or lightheaded or feel like you don’t quite have your “sea legs” when walking.

Control of movements. You may experience tremors, restless legs, uneven gait, and difficulty coordinating speech and chewing movements.

Unwanted feelings. You may have mood swings or feel agitated, anxious, manic, depressed, irritable, or confused — even paranoid or suicidal.

Strange sensations. You may have pain or numbness; you may become hypersensitive to sound or sense a ringing in your ears; you may experience “brain-zaps” — a feeling that resembles an electric shock to your head — or a sensation that some people describe as “brain shivers.” " end quote

[WhatDayIsItAgain]

Hello and welcome! I heard the part where you said the drugs made it worse. I was given benzos for my aniexty/insomnia... known to be addictive and dangerous. I am a crime victim and giving me random pills to force me to stop complaining about my criminal caused injuries is not helpful to my recovery.

I think your pills interacted with the previous meds. I think switching thru several meds quickly makes it impossible to determine what is helping and what is causing harm. Weaning off one drug completely before starting another med should be common knowledge but DRs can't bill overtime for that... "work". Do you understand they get paid money to keep you sick and they get nothing if you ever get better?

Trust yourself and be aware that YOU must direct your own health care services because "they" do not help "their patients" in America either. Beware of ampetamines and benzos... and the DRs who insist that addiction to chemicals is called a "cure".

I support nutrition and compassion over chemistry and cons. Of course that is not officially approved nor govt decreed taxpayer funded advice. I am not a Dr, just a victim of their "care" myself.

[belle15]

I have had a CT scan i think when i was in the psych ward but it was normal ( I knew it wouldn't show anything anyway). I did go see a couple of neurologists when i first became sick. One was not helpful or understanding at all he just said "You need to treat the depression first". What on earth! I am depressed and suicidal because of the reaction the drugs had on my brain! The other just did the basic tests on my reflexes etc said it looked normal he just told me to come off all the drugs. I wanted to do this but became so violent and suicidal I was sectioned against my will and pumped full of more crap.

I feel I am trapped in this system now because of my uncontrollable insane behavior. I know I am going to end up back in the ward soon if I am still alive. I'm trapped with taking these medications because i always end up admitting myself or getting sectioned. The only reason i am living is for my caring mother who is now 72 the only person who has been by my side this whole time even after all my horrible behavior. I have lost everyone else because I'm deemed crazy or i should just snap out of it. Only one doctor and 1 psych has admitted the burning sensation can be caused my SSRI's which I already knew 100% was the cause anyone with half a brain would know that but all the other numerous psychs would disagree with me which makes me so infuriated.

Thanks for everyone's replies and thanks for reading

[lilypup]

My sympathies to you.
I take a lot of meds but was having trouble sleeping. I was put on Ambien. Within two days I was seriously suicidal. The whole thing scared the hell out of me. Just so you know someone else had a bad reaction too. Hugs.

[Nammu]

I also had a terrible time after they put me on AD (antidepressants) I got much worse and very suicidal. Part of the problem is that I was an undiagnosed BP(bipolar) and back then they kept denying the side effects were real. It took me several years to realize the problem was ADs and then several years weaning off of ADs to get better. I'm not anti meds(I take a mood stabilizers and AP and it works very well) but I feel AD are very over prescribed and their side effects are down played.

The best thing I can recommend from personal experience is no more ADs, lots of low stress recreation, healthy food and good support systems...there is hope.

[sadp8r]

Originally Posted by belle15

Sorry for the long post but want to try to go into detail this is going to sound extremely bazaar but here goes .....I am a 32 year old female who at 29 became severely sick. Previous to that i was a functioning woman, had a full time job, relationship and was happy just suffered with some anxiety and sleep issues. My shifts changed at work to early mornings and was having trouble getting to sleep so was prescribed stilnox also know as ambien. I took it on and off for 6 months. Towards the end of the 6 months i started to feel really anxious so i went to the doctor and they prescribed an antidepressant lexapro. I bizarrely started to get this horrible burning sensation throughout my body it was so painful and distressing i went to the hospital numerous times they kept sending me home didnt know what was wrong with me. At this point i was not suicidal just distressed. I stopped taking the antidepressant and the burning remained. I became so distressed i did not know what to do but i found when i took the Ambien it dulled the burning sensation down so i took about 2 a day and stayed awake on it during this time. I did this for 2 days then had a hideous reaction it felt like my brain was sped up like i had been electrocuted. I became instantly suicidal, delusional, extremely violent and aggressive.

I was admitted to a psych ward where they did not know what was wrong with me. For the past 3 years i have been suicidal every second of every day. My brain feels like it doesn't function anymore like i have an acquired brain injury. I have no short term memory, suffer from horrible intrusive violent thoughts. I cannot function, i live with my mother, i cannot drive or work. My brain goes around in a loop as in i talk around in loops and cant remember what i have said. I am so frightened.

In the last 3 years i have spent all up 1 year in hospital. I have seen just about every psych in my state (I live in Australia) Tried every drug none has improved the situation in fact i think it has made me deteriorate. They cant give me a diagnosis or help. I am about to give up. Ive held on for so long but i cant live with how my brain is that i cant function my disturbed thoughts. I am frightened i am going to hurt someone and i cant deal with the suicidal idealization anymore. I am extremely aggressive. Where as before i was the most non violent kind person. The drugs have damaged my brain. I have no mental illness in my family. I am still on some medication but it doesn't help only maybe slightly helps to get through the day.

What on earth do i do? Is suicide the only way out if Ive tried everything and I have...I cant live like this anymore in torture...

Sorry for rambling but I am about to give up dont know where to turn.

I just read Your post....I just want to say suicide isnt the answer...please hang in there....ive been suicidal in the past with racing thoughts...tho i havent been through all your going i think reaching out On Pc is the best thing You could do right now.....please donr give up...if you need to vent Your frustrations perhaps writing to others on PC or keeping a journal writing down how You feel may help......just hang in there since I joined PC ive come a long way in my recovery with all the support I get and share with others.....there is Hope OK.....your friend...

[belle15]

Sorry for posting again but so frustrated and unwell. I went to my psychiatrist today and it just made me feel worse. He said I'm one of the most sickest patients he has ever seen because I cant be fixed by any of the medication or therapies and its gone on so long and I'm always going through torture. I am trying to tell them there is something wrong neurologically but even if there was they can't fix it. He thinks that i need to move away from my mother and try to be independent. He was getting very frustrated with me and basically said "what is wrong with you woman? You are 32 years old" He doesn't seem to understand i need support there for me 24/7 and I am scared being apart from my mother. I was nothing like this before I was sick.

Will give you example of what happened today...I dont sleep well even with the medications i take have very vivid dreams that wake me up. Got up at 4 am took 0.25mg diazepam fell back to sleep. Went to psych appointment. Went for coffee in town with mother, watched a movie. I do all this feeling literally brain damaged. I fell asleep for an hour so exhausted, wanted the pain in my brain to stop went i came home. When i do this i always wake up and it feels like my brain literally has this frying sensation and i wake up in complete panic rambling to my mother i want to die and am walking around the house like a jittering hunched over mess.

These are the medications i take if anyone knows about them:
Lamotrogine 200mg in morning
0.25 diazepam morning, noon and 5mg at night
100mg seroquel at night XR
1 tablet zolpiclone at night (7.5mg i think)

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by belle15

I have had a CT scan i think when i was in the psych ward but it was normal ( I knew it wouldn't show anything anyway). I did go see a couple of neurologists when i first became sick. One was not helpful or understanding at all he just said "You need to treat the depression first". What on earth! I am depressed and suicidal because of the reaction the drugs had on my brain! The other just did the basic tests on my reflexes etc said it looked normal he just told me to come off all the drugs. I wanted to do this but became so violent and suicidal I was sectioned against my will and pumped full of more crap.

I feel I am trapped in this system now because of my uncontrollable insane behavior. I know I am going to end up back in the ward soon if I am still alive. I'm trapped with taking these medications because i always end up admitting myself or getting sectioned. The only reason i am living is for my caring mother who is now 72 the only person who has been by my side this whole time even after all my horrible behavior. I have lost everyone else because I'm deemed crazy or i should just snap out of it. Only one doctor and 1 psych has admitted the burning sensation can be caused my SSRI's which I already knew 100% was the cause anyone with half a brain would know that but all the other numerous psychs would disagree with me which makes me so infuriated.

Thanks for everyone's replies and thanks for reading

Hello again. I truly hope you find the help you need. You are a brave and insightful person and your suffering hurts my own heart in hearing about it. Take care . my thoughts and prayers are with you