[eskielover]

This has been on my mind lately since so many decisions are continually being made in my life right now.

Let's see, do we try to run through all the possible outcomes in our mind & try to make the decision that will hopefully cause the best possible outcome for us?

Do we get so overwhelmed by all the possible outcomes that we throw our arms up into the air & say...."I give up"?

Do we listen to gut feelings & let our internal voice help us make the best possible decision?

Do we know that we have decisions to make & just procrastinate about making them, hoping they will go away & we will never have to deal with those decisions?

Do we just let things go & by not making any decisions, end up making a decision anyway by just letting what ever happens be the outcome & say that we had nothing to do with?

Do we listen to all the justifications of the other party & let that make our decision or do we also make sure that we listen to our own input & not just the justification to base out decisions on.

I'm sure there are hundreds & thousands of more senarios that take place in every ones lives. Making decisions is stressful. When we make decisions, we have to take responsibility for the outcome of those decisions & we have to live with the outcome of our decisions, whether we have made them consciously or unconsciously, they become our future.

When I was looking for bar stools for the kitchen island in my new home, I got onto the internet & found one site that had thousands of choices. So many choices that I became so confused I just left the site & left the decision of getting the bar stools for later. It was a decision that wasn't time critical so it didn't matter that I didn't make the decision right then....it will need to be made in the future & will hopefully not get so overwhelmed the next time.

I was in a situation at my new home where I was being told that everyone in that horse cummunity does that. They were justifying the action that I didn't feel comfortable with & didn't want to be a part of. I could have felt pressured by the justification into accepting the action into my life, but I had to make a decision as to what was right for me & not what was right in that community. That took me back to my school days when others would tell me that don't worry, everyone else is smoking ***. It's ok because everyone does it. I know that above all else, I have to do what is right for me, but then I have to know what I think is right for me before I can do it. That takes thinking & deciding what I think is right for me in order to do that.

It is important to look internally into ourselves to make desicions & sometimes it is hard to look inside of oursleves & sometimes it is impossible.

Sometimes we get involved in a situation where our gut feeling tells us that isn't the way it should be & we can't exactly put the words to it, but we know something isn't right. This is what happened with the home care person for my Mother when she was dying. I have to admit, I was lucky in that my gut feeling was reinforced rather quickly, but I could have listened to the justification that I was being given for that also.

Along the same note, the person who is painting my house in KY, was taking so long to do the painting I started questioning the length of time. Then came the justifications. It's not a new house & you don't know what you come across in an older house (& the dining room wallpaper that tore off the drywall when I removed it was an example of that). I knew that he talked a lot while he was painting, but then again, I was the one he was talking to & I was the one asking the questions, so I couldn't hold that against him. He's a perfectionist in his painting & the walls have to be perfect even to the 5th or 6th painting of the wall????. He brags about how much less than other painters he charges, but the pay is hourly.....so it adds up to more because he takes longer.

Gut feelings were telling me that he is taking way too long to paint the inside of the house & after the 2nd week, I started pushing a bit more. Then came the time when I should have been going back to Ca & it still wasn't close to being finished. The first time, I ended up extending my stay which cost me more money. The next time, I couldn't extend my stay & had to make a decision as to how to protect myself against the hourly situation I had gotten involved in. I decided that he had to give me a set amount to finish up & that was going to be it. He gave me that amount & then decided that he wanted to be part of the crew that was installing my windows while I was in California. While in Ca, looking back & running through all my finances, I realized that no way was I going to let him get involved in the window installation. I called & left voice messages for him to call me & discuss working on the windows & never got a call back.

It is funny however how the right things just happen however because I called the person who was bidding the building of my barn & he told me how this person takes forever & will eat up all your money doing a simple job that should take 1/2 as long.

If only I had listened to my gut feelings to start with......but how do we know when to listen to those voices. Why do we only listen to those voices when we get reinforcement from outside? Why can't we learn to listen to ourselves sooner?

I have made a major decision to not bring my husband to KY with me. There is a lot of decision processes that take to end a 32 year marriage that go from financial to emotional. I didn't take my decision making lightly but in talking with him, I found out that he didn't believe that I would ever enforce the line that I had drawn years ago. Time would go by & I wouldn't follow through until the right time came. Then came the decision making process on the other side. If I do nothing it will not happen. Nothing like that could happen to me. I decide not to make any changes & it won't matter.

Then comes the question....who makes your decisions. When we don't take action or make decisions, we actually are making our decisions. We have to live with whatever happens, but then we say that we didn't make the decision for what is happening to us because it wasn't our decision.....but it was our decision to not make a decision & by doing that, me make our choice as to our paths throughout our lives.

Decision making is very complex & there is so much thinking involved when we take it seriously rather than deciding not to make decisions. Sorry about the long post....these are just some thoughts that have been going around & around in my head lately, & just had to get them out....hoping maybe to get others input on desicion making that I might not have thought about.
Debbie

[biiv]

i procrastinate a lot and can fall back on the not making a decision at all path even though i know as you said that is actually a decision in itself. when i do have a hard decision to make i will often make it based entirely on objective criteria i.e. the pros and cons and logically what is the best alternative to take but then when ive made the decision i look at the emotional reaction i have about it. does making that decision give me that gut feeling of ugh or do i feel a little bit of relief or excitment? does it bring up a feeling of panic etc etc. based on the feeling im getting i can often tell if ive made an appropriate decision for the moment. whether its 'right' or 'wrong' doesnt really matter once ive made the best decision i can at the time. then i choose to accept my decision and deal with whatever consequences are going to follow in the best way i can.
thats on good days! and i really wish i could have more of those! lol.
thanks for getting me thinking about this.
biiv

[bebop]

take one at a time so as not to overwhelm you. as far as the community? do what YOU want. not what everyone else wants you to do

[eskielover]

Thanks Biiv for the input.

Just to note, when people start trying to justify why something should be & I should decide to go along with it....that is a huge red flag that tells me they are full of #$!) & I definitely decide against going with what they want me to do.

That just reinforces my gut feelings that say no way is that what I want for me.

I also read a blog about choices which also ties with decidion making. It just reinforced the feelings I spoke about when I went to the web site with all the bar stools. Being overwhelmed with our choices makes our decision process even harder at times.

Debbie

[biiv]

for me when someone starts trying to justify something and persuade me how i react depends on the circumstances i guess. for example if its a friend, my mother, my T etc then trust me i listen good before sticking to my guns! lol. but if its someone doing a job or someone i dont know very well/trust then yep i tend to be seriously skeptical to say the least. with that painter you were talking about i think id be kicking his behind out of there after a reasonable time limit is exceeded alright!
about the bar stools, when i find myself trying to make a decision where there are so many things i cant get my head around them i sometimes remember to try to keep things in perspective. to remind myself that getting the worst bar stools (for example) on the site wouldnt be the end of the world so that leaves me free to just look at a few samples and ignore the rest. maybe i ll miss the best ones and regret it later but its not life threatening! lol. your idea of leaving the site to come back later is essential too though. some days we re just not in the head space to be able to deal as well as other days.
btw i love the idea of having bar stools in the house. ive decided i want to buy about six different properties so i can design each one differently. one of them ive decided isnt for living in. its just going to be nothing but plain walls that i can cover in bookshelves. another one im thinking is going to have a different vibrant colour in each room. i also want one to be in the mountains, one in the city and one by the beach. im going to start buying next month when i win the euromillions lottery. rofl!! anyway i do envy you the chance to do up a whole house yourself and im living vicariously through you with all your updates so thanks!

[seeker1950]

I've never been good at making decisions, and for most of my life, have let other people make them for me. On my own, I have to ponder and reflect, fret, and eventually come to a decision. On simple things, like my home improvements, I look at it as a problem-solving venture and will give myself time to think about it for sometimes weeks, even coming to resolutions in dreams! As for big things, like in relationships, I've waited till the s--t hits the fan and had to make a decision or accept the outcome that way.
On a personal note, after fretting for weeks about over extending myself this fall, I just dropped one of my grad classes, though it means I'll not get finished now till spring semester. I feel good about this decision, since I've learned my limitations.
I even have trouble deciding to go to the grocery store!
Patty

[eskielover]

Biiv,

I,ll be glad to help interior decorate those 6 houses with you....I have so many ideas, I can't fit them into just one either. Think that was why I enjoyed those interior design courses I took at the community college.....you could just come up with all kinds of ideas.

Patty,

I can truely relate to the grocery store....I don't go until I am all out of food & then I keep trying to nibble on little things until I get totally desparate. Same way with laundry....don't do that until I have no clean undercloths & absolutely have to do the laundry. That's my lack of motivation however.

Decisions are the worst, & I am realizing I have to make some very hard decisions right now & just need to take the time to analyze the possibile choices I have so I can make the right decisions. Things come up daily that need to be dealt with & they are some of the toughest type of decisions I have had to handle.

Thanks for the imput....interesting learning about others decision processes.
Debbie

<font color="#000088">I don't think making decisions is really that difficult, depending on what the decision is for. But if your just buying bar stools for a house, I wouldn't care about what anybody else thought. Just get what is best for you, I mean they are for you anyway, not them!
Many decisions we make in life aren't all easy, but for the most part, it just comes down to doing what's in your best interest, and to those of your loved ones! </font>

as my oldest sister says, "i can make a decision, it may be the wrong one but i can make it".....she really makes me laugh with her observations about herself now. and i agree with her on that observation. same for me.

i can usually make a decision and if it turns out to be wrong, i try to not beat myself up too much about that.

on the home improvements, follow your gut instincts. years ago a carpenter was hired "because he's the best in town"...well, i started noticing things....he and his crew arrived too early in the morning and then justified leaving early...they weren't doing that much.....he argued with me, and the head carpenter, about things that didn't concern him......i went over this in my head one day and said to myself, "you didn't like him from day one, listen to that".....he finally blew up about something (that day) that the head carpenter told his crew to do and i fired him. best decision that we could have made.....always pay attention to your first impression of someone, especially a worker that you're depending upon to do the right thing by you.

i put off going to the doctor and taking care of myself. and going to the grocery store.....will do laundry every day, but not eat.....how much good does that do me?

i applaud your decision concerning your husband. i've sensed for a long time that you were headed that way. i hope it makes your life much less stressful, and, more for you.....nothing should be just about one person........
xoxoxo pat