I've left an online mental health forum, I will not mention which one, because it was far too toxic for me and I am left with uneasy and bad feelings now.

The site owner is beyond abusive to members, the members themselves often are abusive, mean and way out of line and even though the site is moderated, the restrictions applied are often unfair and do not match the offending party's wrongdoing (depending on which moderator responds). I find that one moderator is particularly strict, while others are loosey goosey and allow poor behaviors to go unchecked.

The reason why I make this post is I have negative residual feelings and resentment for the unfairness and toxicity of the site. I didn't know where to post this exactly...

I ran into many members who had treated me poorly, even though I provided kindness, compassion and support to many on there. I was always nice to everyone and didn't deserve the poor treatment I received. This is often the case for me IRL, too.

One member, a supposed friend of mine, made a very mean comment and judgement towards me, which seemed passive aggressive in nature and seemed to come out of nowhere. This was the final straw that caused me to leave, and now I can see that she is stalking my profile on there, checking it nearly every day. All I ever did was support her in every way, yet when I really needed her support during my breakup, I feel she kind of resented it. The friendship was one-sided, with me providing most of the support. I was really offended and hurt by her comment.

This is perhaps the last incident that occurred that has left me feeling negative, sad and just well.... tarnished in a way. The toxicity won't leave me.

I know this will pass in time, but has anyone else had a negative experience on a mental health forum and feel practically traumatized by it? Would love to hear people's thoughts and/or experiences.

Thank you so much for reading, and in advance, for your kind support.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. You didn't deserve it - you're so kind and sweet, it makes me wonder how could anyone be mean towards you.

Hope you like this place better

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. You didn't deserve it - you're so kind and sweet, it makes me wonder how could anyone be mean towards you.

Hope you like this place better

Awwww, I wish I could hit a thousand hugs on here and send them to you!! TY so very much for your kind, sweet words.... I really don't understand how people behave and why they have behaved this way towards me. Not all people of course, but many.

Often I would provide a lot of encouraging positivity and positive words on the site, which I thought would help inspire people. But it seemed to enrage some ppl instead, making them lash out at me. I don't know. I just don't get it. :/

I like this site FAR better. It feels healthy to me. Ppl like you make it a good spot to land!

[Maven]

I've had bad experiences with some forums, including mental health forums, and I didn't deserve it, either. It still makes me mad when I think about it, but you will get through it. I'm sorry this happened to you, especially the stealing. Despite how you were treated, you might contact one of the moderators about the stalker.

Originally Posted by Maven

I've had bad experiences with some forums, including mental health forums, and I didn't deserve it, either. It still makes me mad when I think about it, but you will get through it. I'm sorry this happened to you, especially the stealing. Despite how you were treated, you might contact one of the moderators about the stalker.

Thank you so much, and very sorry to hear you had bad experiences on other forums. :/ Hugs! I understand your anger...

You know, in thinking about it, mental health admin attracts even abusive people. The owner of this particular site has no business running a mental health website given how abusive she is to members. I almost want to write a bad online review about the experience, to warn other potential members of the toxicity.

I will monitor the stalking and may report it if it becomes too much. TY for the advice! Hugs again!

[Shazerac]

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience on that forum.

How did she follow you here? Did you use the same name?

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you've had that experience.

I've had some very negative experiences on different forums (not PC) over the years. It felt very upsetting at the time, especially the first time.

I've found it best to entirely disentangle myself from such sites, deleting my account if possible and just move on.

If the site is abusive, why keep checking it to even know someone there is checking your profile? You have made it clear in your posts you feel that site is "toxic" and "toxic" enough you wish to warn others; yet, you continue to check in there?

Self-care might entail just moving on, getting out of a known toxic zone once and for all.

Please take good care of you!


WC

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience on that forum.

How did she follow you here? Did you use the same name?

Thank you so much. She didn't follow me here. She's checking my profile on the other site often..

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you've had that experience.

I've had some very negative experiences on different forums (not PC) over the years. It felt very upsetting at the time, especially the first time.

I've found it best to entirely disentangle myself from such sites, deleting my account if possible and just move on.

If the site is abusive, why keep checking it to even know someone there is checking your profile? You have made it clear in your posts you feel that site is "toxic" and "toxic" enough you wish to warn others; yet, you continue to check in there?

Self-care might entail just moving on, getting out of a known toxic zone once and for all.

Please take good care of you!


WC

Thank you so much, WC.

I am sorry you've had toxic experiences too. They indeed are very upsetting.

You make a good point -- why do I keep checking it? My bf is still on the site, and there are a couple other good friends I am still in touch with from that site, so I check it periodically.

But perhaps you're right. Maybe I should just disentangle myself entirely from it and not check it, even though I am no longer active or posting there. That would be exercising full self-care. Thank you for pointing this out to me.

Golden Eve, I'm sorry you had to experience that. At a place that *should be supportive and safe* it sounds like you were not supported and did not feel safe there. That is awful. I myself have experienced some things like that in the past on other mental health forums. One was a forum for social anxiety, the other was a general mental health forum, and I found some of the people there had issues they were not getting help for, nor cared to get help for (such as cruelty towards other people). I'm really sorry you had that experience there, and I hope you don't go back. I think PC is a good site, I feel safe here, and the moderators are great.

Originally Posted by starrysky

Golden Eve, I'm sorry you had to experience that. At a place that *should be supportive and safe* it sounds like you were not supported and did not feel safe there. That is awful. I myself have experienced some things like that in the past on other mental health forums. One was a forum for social anxiety, the other was a general mental health forum, and I found some of the people there had issues they were not getting help for, nor cared to get help for (such as cruelty towards other people). I'm really sorry you had that experience there, and I hope you don't go back. I think PC is a good site, I feel safe here, and the moderators are great.

Thank you so much. No, I did not feel very supported or safe. I am sorry you had a similar experience on other forums. Some ppl don't want help, even if they're on a forum that provides the help they need. PC feels very safe to me, and very comforting. Much better than this other icky place.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you so much, and very sorry to hear you had bad experiences on other forums. :/ Hugs! I understand your anger...

You know, in thinking about it, mental health admin attracts even abusive people. The owner of this particular site has no business running a mental health website given how abusive she is to members. I almost want to write a bad online review about the experience, to warn other potential members of the toxicity.

I will monitor the stalking and may report it if it becomes too much. TY for the advice! Hugs again!

Aaahhh I understand. I thought you were saying the owner of THIS site was a woman and was abusive to members and I was confused because I thought it was run by a guy called Doc John.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Aaahhh I understand. I thought you were saying the owner of THIS site was a woman and was abusive to members and I was confused because I thought it was run by a guy called Doc John.

Oh God no. I was talking about the other MH forum where I was a member.

It's kind of alarming how many people seem to have had very bad experiences with MH forums in the past. I know the internet is generally a fairly toxic place these days, so I guess it's naive to think that most sites offering support communities wouldn't be.

Makes me all the more glad these forums are as welcoming as they are.

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

It's kind of alarming how many people seem to have had very bad experiences with MH forums in the past. I know the internet is generally a fairly toxic place these days, so I guess it's naive to think that most sites offering support communities wouldn't be.

Makes me all the more glad these forums are as welcoming as they are.

I agree. I think what's alarming to me is that even a mental health forum, where it's supposed to be safe and nurturing, can be completely toxic, apart from the rest of the internet where it's expected nowadays. I am thrown off by this.

I am very glad I found this site instead.

[Azureseas]

Hi there,
I am so sorry you were treated so poorly! As a former moderator of five years on a message board for folks suffering from suicidal thoughts etc., this is something I would not have tolerated among my board members--and IF I had, I would HOPE someone would have reported me to the administration immediately! I wonder if you have considered reporting these people --or maybe there IS no one higher up to report to?
When I held the position on the message board, I read and monitored posts several times a day--both to offer support and to monitor for any violation of rules that the administration had set. We were a welcoming and helpful place and even my bosses said that they were impressed. I say that NOT to brag but just to give you assurance that you are right to be upset and I do hope you will consider not going there for support.
I viewed my unpaid position there and ESPECIALLY the members trust in me as a privilege and an honor. To have someone open up and share things on a board (as they do here) is incredibly courageous and no small thing so I did all I could to let folks know I acknowledged that.
YOU deserve no less!

Is it possible to maintain contact with the people you enjoy having contact with without using the site? I made a very good friend a long time ago (might have been as much as 8-10 years ago, not sure, I'm not counting) through an online game. At some point we both stopped playing the game and only logged in to use the internal message service to talk to each other. At some point we exchanged email adresses and stopped using the website. Now we mostly have contact through What's App.
To be honest, in the beginning our contact did falter and we barely had any contact for a year or two. First because, after a few initial emails neither of us wrote the other (whereas when still using the game's message service we exchanged usually at least 20 messages a day), then because when I emailed her, it ended up in her spam box. But now we have a healthy online friendship.

Originally Posted by Azureseas

Hi there,
I am so sorry you were treated so poorly! As a former moderator of five years on a message board for folks suffering from suicidal thoughts etc., this is something I would not have tolerated among my board members--and IF I had, I would HOPE someone would have reported me to the administration immediately! I wonder if you have considered reporting these people --or maybe there IS no one higher up to report to?
When I held the position on the message board, I read and monitored posts several times a day--both to offer support and to monitor for any violation of rules that the administration had set. We were a welcoming and helpful place and even my bosses said that they were impressed. I say that NOT to brag but just to give you assurance that you are right to be upset and I do hope you will consider not going there for support.
I viewed my unpaid position there and ESPECIALLY the members trust in me as a privilege and an honor. To have someone open up and share things on a board (as they do here) is incredibly courageous and no small thing so I did all I could to let folks know I acknowledged that.
YOU deserve no less!

Thanks so much, and I am glad you have had a positive experience on another MH message board - that is encouraging to hear.

I won't report anyone since the top administrator is highly reactive, unreasonable, unfair and explodes in rage and anger at members. She is very defensive about her site and thinks it is top notch. She is extremely toxic herself, so I wouldn't dare approaching her about this issue. If there were a board member to report to, I am sure I would still get a lashing from her. She simply just bans people who disagree with her, even.

It's probably best if I leave it as it is and don't do anything, though I wish the site would be shut down because I think it's more harmful than positive. I am not the only one who feels this way, too.

Originally Posted by Breadfish

Is it possible to maintain contact with the people you enjoy having contact with without using the site? I made a very good friend a long time ago (might have been as much as 8-10 years ago, not sure, I'm not counting) through an online game. At some point we both stopped playing the game and only logged in to use the internal message service to talk to each other. At some point we exchanged email adresses and stopped using the website. Now we mostly have contact through What's App.
To be honest, in the beginning our contact did falter and we barely had any contact for a year or two. First because, after a few initial emails neither of us wrote the other (whereas when still using the game's message service we exchanged usually at least 20 messages a day), then because when I emailed her, it ended up in her spam box. But now we have a healthy online friendship.

Thanks so much for your story, and that's a great suggestion! I will do just that. I am glad you are in touch with your gaming friend.

I guess one of the issues I face here is the injustice I faced and am left with... I am a Libra and we abhor injustices and fight against them. Perhaps I will write an honest review online about the site, talk about the abuse, and let prospective members decide for themselves, but with full warning.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I guess one of the issues I face here is the injustice I faced and am left with... I am a Libra and we abhor injustices and fight against them. Perhaps I will write an honest review online about the site, talk about the abuse, and let prospective members decide for themselves, but with full warning.

While that sounds like possibly a good idea, and might give you some closure, Be careful. Will it be anonymous? Would there be a way for the administrator to respond to the review lashing out at you?

Originally Posted by starrysky

While that sounds like possibly a good idea, and might give you some closure, Be careful. Will it be anonymous? Would there be a way for the administrator to respond to the review lashing out at you?

Thanks! I could do it completely anonymously - that way they'll have no idea who wrote it. I just feel I need to warn others and also get it off my chest. It's the only way I see any true justice happening, in some form. It wouldn't be to retaliate necessarily, but mainly for the benefit of others -- like a proceed with caution warning.

[Wunderland]

Hey I'm sorry you went through that crap on another MH site. So far, my experiences here have been positive. I don't post often or use the Chat room regularly, so maybe I'm blind to things that might go on here too. However, from scanning a lot of posts recently, I'm finding this place to be very safe for myself. You can rest assured.

It seems like you need closure, hence the reason why you want to post an anonymous review. I don't think that's wrong. I think if it helps you to finally get closure and release the residual stress about it, then go for it. You seem well-spoken and diplomatic, so I trust that you'll be excellent with your review.

In hindsight, I just wanted to add that being mentally ill can go in stages, personally speaking anyway. Sometimes people post things when they are in that state of mind where all reason is out the window. Like you said, these sites can also attract abusive people. One thing that I try to do nowadays (very very important) is to not post when I'm in a low low mood and I''m angry and resentful. It's HARD because this is probably when I need help the most. But when I'm in that state, I can't make sense of my thoughts and I fear it will come across as cocky, arrogant, abusive, patronizing, etc. I have to walk away from the computer, or write it down in a journal or type out my feelings first. This is extremely hard. Believe me. Because I know that I have the potential to be swayed by harsh emotions. And the last thing I want to do is lash out at somebody in the Chat rooms or on the forums. I almost did at one time, and I think it's better to keep practicing self-restraint rather than jumping into a discussion that could turn into an argument. I am not perfect, and I struggle, but heck.....this website means so much to me, why should I sabotage it? it's like shooting myself in the foot. People here have been kind and generous to me, and I haven't thank everyone yet. So..... here's some food for thought.

[Wunderland]

P.S.

Keep your awareness high about yourself too. Ruminating about traumatic incidents in recent pasts are so common with mental illness. It's like the past won't let us go somehow. I'm sorting out with my counselor about how to tackle this too, so I apologize if I can't offer sound advice right now. Just a reminder, that's all. Take good care of yourself.

Originally Posted by Wunderland

Hey I'm sorry you went through that crap on another MH site. So far, my experiences here have been positive. I don't post often or use the Chat room regularly, so maybe I'm blind to things that might go on here too. However, from scanning a lot of posts recently, I'm finding this place to be very safe for myself. You can rest assured.

It seems like you need closure, hence the reason why you want to post an anonymous review. I don't think that's wrong. I think if it helps you to finally get closure and release the residual stress about it, then go for it. You seem well-spoken and diplomatic, so I trust that you'll be excellent with your review.

In hindsight, I just wanted to add that being mentally ill can go in stages, personally speaking anyway. Sometimes people post things when they are in that state of mind where all reason is out the window. Like you said, these sites can also attract abusive people. One thing that I try to do nowadays (very very important) is to not post when I'm in a low low mood and I''m angry and resentful. It's HARD because this is probably when I need help the most. But when I'm in that state, I can't make sense of my thoughts and I fear it will come across as cocky, arrogant, abusive, patronizing, etc. I have to walk away from the computer, or write it down in a journal or type out my feelings first. This is extremely hard. Believe me. Because I know that I have the potential to be swayed by harsh emotions. And the last thing I want to do is lash out at somebody in the Chat rooms or on the forums. I almost did at one time, and I think it's better to keep practicing self-restraint rather than jumping into a discussion that could turn into an argument. I am not perfect, and I struggle, but heck.....this website means so much to me, why should I sabotage it? it's like shooting myself in the foot. People here have been kind and generous to me, and I haven't thank everyone yet. So..... here's some food for thought.

Thank you very much for your thoughts and your reply! I, too, have to exercise self restraint when I am upset or else my words may come out all wrong. I do need closure and wrote my review. I was very candid, but not emotional. I feel a sense of peace about this. Interestingly enough, several other reviewers had said the same exact things, ie, that the people are abusive and that it's rampant.