SI Now - Trigger warning

I am having SI after what I believed to be yet another "no-go" interview (and after many failed attempts at interviews for over a year).

I can so easily swing from my most optimistic, positive self, to a pit of despair and pessimism, depending on the nature of the situation.

Right now, I am in a deep pit of despair and want it all to just end.

I am done with this process. I am done with all the rejections.

I cannot keep going on like this.

ARGH.

Job hunting is not fun to go through, the rejections feel awful and I can completely empathize. I received help finding employment through the YMCA Employment Services...I am not sure if some similar service is offered where you are. But I joined a program called "Youth Job Connect" for people 29 and younger. You attended various workshops and were paid to attend them, plus completed a booklet that was worth 20 hours of work. Afterwards my file was sent to a group of workers who helped me to find a job that suited my interests and qualifications. I still work here, almost 6 months later. Have you considered seeking the help of an agency? They can be really awesome.

thank you. (((Hugs)))

I work with multiple recruiting agencies, and I apply on my own.

The problem is ME. I do not interview well enough, or something, because I keep getting rejected, despite all the successes outlined on my resume.

I am at a senior level in my field and am asked all sorts of super tough and random knowledge based questions that I can never predict, and strategy-related questions, and my field requires that I know SO MUCH, that it's hard to remember every single detail, especially if I don't deal with it everyday in my current job.

It's a losing situation. Someone out there needs to see my success so far, trust it, and make a leap of faith that I am actually AM good at what I do, but no one freaking will.

I am beyond frustrated.

And I have a memory problem, so I cannot remember every single detail, then get thrown off by the random challenge questions.

I'm afraid I will continue to fail over and over again. I cannot keep doing this.

To top it off, I am pressured to find a job ASAP and move out of my parents home ASAP because they are selling the house. But I keep failing at interviews and at getting a job..... I don't see how this is ever going to happen at this point. I would rather just be done and exit this world. I cannot take it any -freaking - more

I struggled with interviews as well and my assigned worker was very helpful and did a mock interview with me. We did the practice interview and then discussed how it went, writing down appropriate answers to tough questions that interviewers often ask. Would it be helpful for you to practice a job interview with a worker?

(((HUGS))) No, you do not want to exit this world. You want to find a job.

I believe that interviewing and job-seeking is an extremely stressful occupation. A job will come your way, though. Believe me, it will.

I'm so sorry your interview didn't go as well as you anticipated and that you're just fed up and done. I get that. I can go from highly positive to the depths of despair depending on situations too. Please let some of the emotional energy dissipate from the situation before you make major decisions.

You may be in a field of work that has limited opportunities so it would follow that it would take some time to find a job. Your job sounds highly specialized. Don't give up. Keep your eyes open to possibilities. I like someone's idea that you practice interviewing with someone. Take all of the questions that tripped you up and practice. There are also books on interview skills that are like gold for all the general questions. I always used them. You may impress them on the general questions so much that it blends over into the technical side.

I hope you feel better after you've slept on this. Are you safe tonight?

I believe in you and I think you have a wonderful future just around the corner out of view. Sending you big hugs and best wishes.

thank you all so much for your supportive words and replies. I really appreciate it. (((Hugs)))

A mock interview would help -- I just don't know with whom. The unemployment office is useless -- they could never pretend to know my specialization nor ask me the advanced questions I am asked. Forget that. It would have to be a friend, and I would have to coach them... there's just no point.

I am at a loss. I have applied lessons learned from past interviews, and thought I had it nailed for today's interview. Guess I just need to keep at it? I am in a highly specialized field, but jobs are abundant and are growing in my field. I just can't seem to land another job or get it right. :/

I am dreaming of ways, but I cannot do them. It's SI... I just wish I would die, because then it would end.

I will sleep this off.... I will be safe tonight. Thanks so much all of you and Jennifer.. ***Hugs***

Not to be rude, but I would stop suggesting this to people who don't live in Canada. The U.S's services for disabled people to get help finding jobs are rather pathetic compared to you guys up north so seeing this might make people who don't have access to such resources feel worthless. I know that's how it made me feel back when I was struggling to find employment earlier this year anyways.

With that being said, I wish I was in a position to help you Golden. It is often a struggle to find employment these days, especially if you have any type of illness. About the only thing I can suggest is maybe try some freelance work in the meantime at least? I read a post of yours earlier that said you had a background in digital marketing. Those skills can be marketed pretty well from home without working for a company if you know how.

I'm sorry that you are struggling in the job search process. Back when I got my current job over 12 years ago now, I sent out 2 to 3 resumes every day for 6 months and got 3 interviews. Luckily one for was the company I work for now.

I sometimes think of moving on to another company, but the thought of going through resume update, job search, cover letters, interviewing, rejection is just too much for me to handle right now. Besides, even though I know I am underpaid for what I do and my potential for advancement is limited, my job is very secure because I'm the only person on my team that can do the work I do.

Anyway, I'm glad that there were people here for you during this time.

I know quite a bit about what you do (I've dabbled with it but you've done it on a regular basis). A lot of people don't know a lot about it. Are you interviewing for jobs where you would be the key person? Or jobs where you are one of many?

How you handle the interview in each case could be different. For example; if you are interviewing to be the key SEO person on a team, you may be being interviewed someone who really doesn't understand it and you may be able to turn that to your advantage. Interviewing for a team of experts though would be totally different.

Keep trying. I'm routing for you!

Thank you very much

I wish I could freelance, but I just cannot do it anymore. I did it for five years and it put me deep in financial debt, plus getting work was unreliable and I had no paid vacation days and no health insurance. :/ So I need a full-time job with benefits, especially if I am to live on my own and get an apartment.

You're very lucky!!!

And thank you very much as well.

I am interviewing for jobs where they know little about SEO and for jobs where they are SEO experts.

And therein lies the problem.

What I want is to be surrounded by other experts in my field and have a Director of SEO above me so that I can truly learn the ins and outs by working and collaborating with others in my field and position.

I am the solo in-house expert right now in my job and that makes it very hard on me as I have to figure out every little issue on my own. Collaboration helps with the learning aspect and with finding solutions.

The interview yesterday was with a digital agency that specialized in my field (SEO), and I spoke with the company owner who is a thought leader in the field and who writes "how-to" SEO guides and expert-level articles.

He was concerned about my content strategy approach, but the problem is, I have not been able to implement today's content marketing best practices because my boss sucks (basically), and I gave up on trying to change her ways. She excludes me from the content creation process and has ignored my content development suggestions so far, so I gave up.

So I only can rely on the content marketing or content creation that I've done in the past (for blog posts, articles, and on-site resources).

I have read up on today's best practices for content marketing and thought that I had answered his questions around this accurately.

But the fact that he had concerns about my ability to succeed because of this, well, it just left me feeling suicidal.

I KNOW I can do this, and I KNOW with proper study and application of what I've learned along with my creativity that I can succeed in his company.

But now I fear I won't proceed forward because of this concern of his. And now I also fear he personally won't want to hire me, especially if he finds someone else who has more content development and content marketing experience than I do.

ARGH!!!! This is SO maddening for me. My current position has hindered my progress and success in this business.. or rather, my jerk of a boss has hindered my success.

I know it is silly to become suicidal over a not so great and challenging interview, but that is where my mind went after failing so many times.

I totally understand, golden_eve. I am senior in my field too, so our interviews are a lot more intense than the entry level process. I have to do a phone interview for vetting first with HR, then I meet with the hiring manager, then with the team, then with the execs. It's like 2 weeks of interviewing for one position, and then they may or may not choose you. They even check your references, but then don't select you.

It's hard on the people serving as your references too, because they get so many calls from potential employers asking about you.

And then they'll never tell you about all their skeletons in the closet and you find out once you are working there for three months that you made a terrible decision because they have terrible leadership.

Seesaw

Seesaw, YES! This is exactly what I face!!!

The interviews at a senior level ARE very intense! For me, there is just far too much that I have to know, so any random challenge question can ruin me in the interview process.

That last part of what you wrote I found to be true as well. And then you're stuck, miserable working for a toxic company. I've dealt with that scenario too many times myself.

Yup. Nuff said.

Update:

I am in the clear this morning as far as SI goes & thank you all for some much needed support around this. The SI will probably come and go I'm afraid, as long as I have to keep interviewing. :/

I know this sounds super ridiculous and silly, but from time to time I call a psychic line and speak with psychics about what is going to happen next.

Well, the one I called this morning gave me a sliver of hope. Granted, I don't take what they tell me as gospel, but often their predictions come true. Sometimes not, but often, yes. She said there will be more money at the end of October, which means a new job. I am choosing to believe this because it is the only ray of hope I have right now.

I understand. Back then when I was in job searching, it make me suicidal too, through I did not SI.

Is there any option for self employment or online business?

thank you! Yeah, for those of us with mental health issues, I think going through hard times can make it easier to think suicidal thoughts and to be suicidal. :/

No option for self-employment or an online business, unfortunately. I used to do consulting, and I am not ready to go down that path again. It's not reliable enough and stressful trying to always get clients.

I do have a blog that I run and I've thought about ways I can sell products on it, perhaps relevant books. I am not a web developer though, so the coding aspects of my blog are hard for me. I may still do it anyways. There's all sorts of Wordpress plugins to try.

I'm doing some consulting to make ends meet. The flexibility of the schedule works for me.

Seesaw

Yes, consulting works well for many. Just not for me. I am glad it's working well for you though!

So SEO work is what you mean by digital marketing? I assumed that SEO was in the realm of internet marketing and digital marketing was more of making graphics and digital images to promote companies and what not.

If you have such an extensive background in SEO, that gives you options.

You could perhaps do what these companies are hiring you to do for yourself. You could start a monetized blog or website of some sort and promote it with your knowledge and reap the rewards yourself.

If you're interested, here is a couple of sources for you to read further on this:

https://www.blackhatworld.com/

Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

Alternatively, you could look into something called CPA marketing. If you don't know what it is, CPA marketing is where you promote people's products or websites for a commission. If you are already solid with SEO, you could potentially turn a pretty penny off CPA marketing.

Here's a source for you:

20 Best CPA Affiliate Networks (Top CPA Network 2017)

You could do this kind of stuff alongside your job search in the mean time as a way to make extra money to help out. Alternatively, you could eventually transition into marketing your own stuff or CPA marketing (or whatever method works for you the best) full time and not deal with the drama and B.S that comes with working a regular job.

And no, these aren't my affiliate links so I'm not earning anything from posting these. I am just trying to help a member in need here

That is exciting actually. You actually had an interview with an agency specializing in SEO! That's really great!

Have you done a follow up letter or email to him yet? If not, I think in the same situation, I would address the areas that you feel he was concerned with and let him know that your goal is to work with a team that understands what is needed to successfully implement a SEO program with a gentle hint that it's not an opportunity you've had before.

You may have done better than you think you did.

I know you said that you have to move soon. Have you been looking outside of driving range?

Yes, SEO is part of Digital Marketing. Once I finish what I'm doing with ADA on our website, my next big project is going to be SEO in general and also how our responsive site displays on mobile and how it impacts SEO. Our digital advertising hits on our site tend to be mobile so we need to optimize our mobile view so that it is SEO friendly. I have experience with responsive design and already have some ideas. Looking forward to it.

I totally understand this. I have been dealing with this at work for years.

One of the managers on my team is a brilliant writer, but she writes for college level readers, long sentences, big words. I have been able to get her tone it down a little bit, but it is very challenging and she basically just doesn't understand. When I try to explain that heading tags are for headings and headings should include keywords, she doesn't understand. I've explained that writing for the web is different then writing for print. I've had her develop content and then get pissy when I say, "No one is going to use that term to search for that item, unless they know the name of the product to begin with." (She uses very company specific key words) So basically, over the last couple of years I've given up. But it's going to ramp up again soon and it's going to get interesting. Our current director is pushing digital very hard and I think I can get him to back me. Our old director was really a traditional marketing shop guru. Digital was just not her thing so I was unable to get her backing.

I've gotten on lot of push back from her on the ADA work I've done and the fixes I've had to make to make our site compliant. I've gotten to the point where I just say, "We have to do it. We can do it this way, or we can start over from scratch." She then backs down. I've also learned to use the term "Out of scope" a lot recently.

It's a battle. LOL