[Sallymary]

I am brand new to this board and you all seem so supportive.
My problem is my relationship with my family-which consist of my parents and a sister. My real problems started about 4 years ago when a businees I was in with my parents was sold. It was told to me that it was my business to do with what I wanted. They stayed on to help. They were paid . When I found a buyer they took over and sold the business that was still in their name...hey I trusted them. The amout i would recieved was agreed upon a long time before the sale..and when it came down to it they tried to set me up in front of their accountant, saying i was trying to steal from them. Thank goodness I was smart enough to include my husband in that meeting. He never would of believed how they turned. They just sat there as the acct accused me of "stealing" money. My sister who is in her 30's is still dependant on my parents, who now live out of state. She also accuses me of stealing saying she would of turned over all money from sale to my parents because they are up in years. But this is not the heart of the matter. Since this sale four years ago i have gone to my parents house out of state to work on their house help with repairs, even laiid tile. I have also taken them all expenses paid on two family vacations and have made sure that they saw my family at least twice a year. But my feeling is that they think of me as a self-centered jerk and they appease me just to see their grandkids. I say this because every so often I get" too bad you flunked out of college"(i quit because i wanted to quit) ...I finially had to get my grades from college to show them!!!! even then it was "well you did take 3 years to graduate community college." I make this an issue because when I ask my relatives abroad they say "yeah mom and dad said you flunked out of college. I always felt as if my parents were trying to cover their *****. I always felt it wasnt ever good enough for them. My sister has had numerous ailment the most recent of which has been stomach cancer. When my parents came down to check on her health she couldn't produce any doctors or prescriptions to support this. My feeling is she want attention, and this is the only way she can get it. But my parents feed into this even though my mother was a nurse. My parents admitted to me that my sister is mentally sick and needs help even though they are draining their depleting nest egg. My sister and dont speak--I have tried to reconcile several times only to get rebuffed....she just stops talking to me. We had her over for christmas last year and she was mad we didnt get her any presents....crazy I though getiing the whole family together for the holidays was a good present. I could go on but just need some advise and good thoughts

[angel04]

Oh boy Sal, pretty dysfunctional. I think we all have a bit of this kind of thing in all our families. I wish I could give you the perfect solution but it seems like these attitudes have been built up over time, yours and theirs. Your sister obviously has issues and needs to be #1 with your parents. You can't change that. They will treat her the way they want to and you'll have to give up trying to control that. Also, witht he business situation, sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. I know you've been basically screwed and had your rep tarnished but I think pressing the matter will get you nowhere and just open you up to more criticism.
The trips that you've taken your parents on is admirable, the good child and all that but you're being taken advantage of due to your need for their approval. If it was me, and I repeat, if it was ME, I'd not take my parents on any more trips and I'd tell them if they want to see their grandchildren, they will have to make the effort to be part of their lives. Sometimes creating distance for a little while helps you see more clearly and your parents badly need a little wake up call. Assert your boundaries and feelings and then leave it in their hands. If they want to be a part of your life, they have to put the effort in. Don't let yourself be abused or taken advantage of anymore.

Just my two cents. The decision is, of course, yours.
Good luck
tina

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[Sallymary]

Thanks for your words. I agree 100% that my parents focus should be my sisters health. But I guess that the lack of accountability to which they hold her is astounding to me. Being the child who I guess it seemed no matter what I did itt wasnt good enough-I have always been held in the highest accountability as far as my family is concerned. I even said that to them that I have always been upfront and straightfoward whether iwas wrong or right and took responsibility for my actions. I just dont get how everyone else has excuses for their action ...ie your dad is old and set in his ways.....your sister has mental problems etc..

[gloria]

Welcome to the forums and I am with Angel 100%.
Distance helps. Perhaps some will appreciate you a little better, perhaps you'll feel better just being with kids and h.

George Burns, that great american comediant that lived over 100 years said, that the best things than can happen to a person is to have a nice loving family more than 1000 miles away. I think he was jocking when he said that, but perhaps not.

gab