[shakes]

Hey everyone,
I just wanted to apologize for not being around lately. Between starting my new job soon, working at my old job, and trying to cope with my relationship I have been so exhausted and just had enough energy to survive on.
Stuff with my boyfriend has been hard lately. I have been feeling like he just does not listen to me or respond to my feelings. Everything is always done according to his schedule regardless of how I feel. For example we were discussing how I now have to be on call three days a month for the shelter and how I cannot leave town lately. So I offhandedly said "We will have to find something to do around." He responded with "Us? I am not hanging around if I have stuff to do ... so have fun."
He always feels what he has to do is so important .... I do not have to do what he does..but he will not change his schedule for me..I have to change mine for him.
I am so sorry that I am ranting..this should probably be in relationships and communication..I just needed to talk.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[angel04]

I wish I could give you great advice here but I'm stumped. It's the same thing I had to go through with my ex. He never understood that I couldn't just pick up and go somewhere and that things had to be planned and that my time was as valuable as his. It's hard when that happens. We all want to have our feelings understood and validated and when the ones who mean the most to us make us feel unworthy or judged, it's not fair and very difficult to deal with the guilt they make us feel. I'm sorry you're having to cope with that on top of your other worries. I wish I could send more than hugs but I hope it's sufficient for now.
((((((((Jess)))))))))))

Per ardua ad astra
Motto of the Royal Canadian Air Force
"through adversity to the stars"
www.jeffgordon.com

[(JD)]

well, shakes, with BFs like that, who needs strangers who don't care about you anyway?

<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

[shakes]

I can understand where everyone is coming from in their replies. This is just so hard for me because my boyfriend really is one of the most sweet and caring people I have ever met. He would do almost anything for me if I needed it. He is just really **** about his time sometimes....
I guess the way I view it is that no relationship is perfect, but if I weigh the pros and cons I realize that I really am blessed with a guy who can be a little inconsiderate...but when push comes to shove would go above and beyond.
Often I wonder if it is my depression that makes me feel this way and not really him? I tend to be a pushover sometimes...perhaps it is time that I became a little more aggressive in what I want.

Thanks,
Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[gloria]

OK Jessica, now read your post as if it was written by one of the woman at the shelter... what would you tell them?

We're here for you lady, and listen to Septembermorn... she knows.

gab

[shakes]

Well here is an update. I let my boyfriend have it this morning. I told him that I did not want to see him for a few days and that I could not continue in this unless some things changed. He got pretty upset and told me that he really wanted to sit down and talk to me about this after I got out of work tonight.
I do not know if signals got crossed but I wanted to clarify that my boyfriend is not abusive...physically or emotionally. He has never called me a name and I can count on one hand the amount of times he has raised his voice at me since we have been together.
I just feel that he has some relationship issues that need to be worked out. Counseling is always an option and I am sure that he would be willing to go to a relationship counselor to discuss our problems. I know that he wants to make this work..he just needs to learn how to manage his time better to make it work the best way possible.
I don't want to leave him..and I know it is not because I am afraid of being alone. I really do love him and treasure what we have more then I have with any other person. Does that make me wrong?

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[gloria]

Jessica, I don't think he's abusive, I just suggested you read your post as if it was written by one of the woman at the shelter, mostly because sometimes putting things outside of us open our eyes.
I know you love him, and he probably loves you. But there are some signals of "unhealthy areas"in your relationship, and is best to nip them on the butt right on, or they can turn into big issues latter on.

gab

[angel04]

Wel Jess, in all relationships you have to weigh the benefits against the sacrifices. If they are worth it, then you try to work around the difficulties. It sounds like you're willing to do that. Just make sure he is and I think you'll both be fine.
all the best
tina

www.jeffgordon.com
www.nascar.com
www.tonystewart.com

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Jess}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It all boils down to what YOU can handle and what you can't. It's how YOU feel that matters. It could possibly be your illness that makes things seem worse than they are, but my gut tells me he needs to be more considerate of your feelings.

When having a deep conversation with my favorite cousin who happens to be a minister and has a degree in psychology (whatever it is. I'm not sure) he was telling me that my husband's "easy going" nature was if not abuse, it was neglect of me and my feelings for exactly the same reasons your BF made you feel bad.

It doesn't have to be premeditated or on purpose. They simply don't know how their thoughtlessness is affecting you. When you have that "sit-down" to talk about things, you need to be very clear and very specific about your feelings. You don't need to make excuses for yourself even if it's the illness affecting your perception. You're feelings are what they are and he needs to consider them as they are at the moment. They certainly don't seem irrational to me! As your illness gets more under control, things will be easier for the two of you. It doesn't mean that he'll forever have to make concessions for you.

Uh... when I read your post where you said you need to be more agressive, I thought, "Can we change that to assertive?"

It's all a learning process, Hun. Every event in life is a lesson. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jess}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} An extra hug for ya!




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

Thank you, Sweety. You're too kind.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Gloria}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[shakes]

Gloria: Awesome I thought that is what you meant but I just wanted to clarify in general. I think that it is so important to nip stuff in the butt. So I completely agree with you.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[shakes]

Angel: Thank you for your supportive words.

Sis Tomi: You are right in everything that you have said! I am such a pushover and need to be assertive. There are times when he asks me my opinion or something and I just pass it off and do not give him the truthful answer because I think it would be easier.
Thank you for the hug. I think I needed that.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee