Controlling Our Thoughts - How?

(*(*(*(*Fuzzy*)*)*)*)

A gentle hug for you Fuzzy.

((((((((( lizardlady )))))))))

My therapist is giving me worksheets but I don't know if there from a specific book or not.

Amazon.com

I have a copy of this, but this one on amazon looks like a new version that came out this year.

Beth, I am struggling to practice what I've been preaching tonight. I have been dealing with a problem with Social Security since JANUARY. They keep mailing letters to my home address saying the checks mailed to me keep going back to them. Yes, you read that right. They are mailing letters to the SAME DAMNED ADDRESS they send the checks to. How am I getting the letters, but not the checks!?!? Not to mention I set up my account with them for the money to be direct deposited to my bank account!!!

I've tried to fix this online, I lost count of the number of times I've called the national 800 number. Last call was over an hour. The lady on the phone said she saw the record of my calls. She could not figure out how to solve the problem and told me to go to the local office to talk to someone face to face. Two days later I got a letter telling me I would receive my money Dec. Today I got yet another letter telling my I need to provide them with my correct address. My head almost exploded! I am so ×$_/×^*×+ angry tonight. I could rip someone's head off and shout down the hole! At this point I am living off my savings. I'm ready to offer them use of my tractor to get their heads out of their a$$es!

Ok, back to your topic. I guess I am using my skills. I told myself it's okay to be angry about raging incompetence. I believe the average person would be pissed at the circumstances. I have a plan for what to do in the morning. Meanwhile, I have money in savings that will hold me over until I get this fixed.

Maybe these letters are scam. Had you been getting the direct deposit? Have you talked to your bank?

Mother Theresa would be in hysterics @lizardlady - who wouldn't?!

Honestly, your social security situation is not even about thought management, unless we really stretch it and say you're practicing anger management. Or, well, yes...such a situation could push some people over the edge into certain violent acts one way or the other, so I suppose there is some thought management at work. But what you've described really is the United States government at it's most shameful.

In fact - I would go so far as to strongly suggest you contact the appropriate government person...we PAY them to work FOR us. I have actually done such a thing. Contacted an assembly person, a district whomever - and it can work. You are in a situation that absolutely should not be happening. No, no, no.

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv Amazon.com I have a copy of this, but this one on amazon looks like a new version that came out this year.

Thank you!

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I can't take the ****ing meds.... and I'm a ****ing ''mess''..... So would those be who judge me.

I most definitely do not judge you, precious Fuzzy. My heart hurts for you because you have to suffer, though, even more

This thread is certainly intriguing. Lots of color and texture. So much rich individual experience.

As for me, I don't have a problem with recognizing and identifying my thoughts. I'm honest with myself about what I'm thinking, why I'm thinking it, how I feel.

I began to feel periods of extreme depression and times of intense internal anger/intense elation (which I believe was a form of hypomania) when I was a tiny child. There was serious trauma in my childhood, but not until after my parents divorced (I was age 6). Prior to that my life was secure and really very nice, except that I believe I already had the beginning of a biological mental illness.

So by the time I was in grade school I was battling with my thoughts and, ironically, beginning to learn how to work with them because I had to. By the time I was in high school in the late '70's working with one's thoughts was very en vogue, at least here in California, so I jumped right in...rap groups, Transendental Meditation, therapy of various schools, a wide variety of spiritual paths, whatever came my way, I grabbed it, on into Zen Buddhism in the '90's.

Medication - without it I doubt I'd still be walking the earth. Unless magic mushrooms turn out to be a miracle cure for All That Ails Us, or a new type of LSD is discovered that treats and cures every breed of mental illness in one day, I expect to be a devotee of Big Pharma for the remainder of my days here on this planet. I am a pill-popper and likely will remain one.

But back to thoughts. Thoughts were my hobby, my thing, my eternal fascination. Then along about my late 40's, actually one specific week in November when I was 48, for some reason things came to a dead stop and thoughts stopped being interesting. They turned on me. They became a dark mystery, a mean, creepy puzzle with pieces that kept changing form so none of the pieces would fit right. Like a nightmare.

No more interesting, no more enjoyable intrigue, no more hope for a sparkling-fresh way to manage my thoughts - okay, maybe not all the time - but enough so I felt pleasantly floating on air, not quivering like a leaf in the wind. I didn't expect this: to be 23 days from my 60th birthday and feel so completely lost. I feel ashamed, quite frankly. I truly thought I'd done better than this. I just feel so scared.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes Maybe these letters are scam. Had you been getting the direct deposit? Have you talked to your bank?

The letters are not a scam. They are the real deal. I'm not getting direct deposit. I am able to check for deposits etc. to my account online. No need to talk to anyone at the bank.

I’m sorry, yes I am sure you have eliminated certain snags already. I think there is an error or glitch in the system that sends the checks which is probably separate then the system that sends notices. For example if I try to log in with open eyes instead of Open Eyes with my password I don’t get logged in there is an error. That’s the problem with automated information and having it accomplish tasks correctly.

There can always be human error as I have found out when moving funds and the person at the bank put in a wrong number putting funds in someone else’s account. Luckily I caught it

I think different forms of meditation can be helpful, but not if used to suppress emotions. Emotions being suppressed are similar to pushing a ball under water, eventually that ball will pop up to the surface.

Parents having problems and divorcing exposes a child to a lot of negative things and distress they have no life skills to understand and they do experience stress and they don’t even know what that means.

I saw what I know now we’re very dysfunctional behaviors in my family. Some of what I witnessed had more affect on me than I realized. That ball I unknowingly kept pushing down did pop up and I began having flashbacks that really scared and confused me. I learned in therapy from a therapist that specialized in helping trauma patients as well as those suffering from ptsd that if something traumatic enough happened I was prone to developing ptsd. I had survived a lot of trauma in my life from a young age yet managed to be resilient.

Actually, a very good example of this was shown in the movie “The Snake Pit”. Olivia Dehavliand did an excellent job acting in that movie of how childhood trauma can affect someone in ways they are not aware.

Beth, I believe the poop with SocSec is related to thought management. In the past I this sort of shyte would have sent me down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts about myself. Today I am laying this directly at the feet of the beauracratic (sp?) aholes at social security.

Gotta vent the latest chapter before my head explodes. When I called the local office yesterday their outgoing vm said I needed to call back during business hours. Okay. Called the local office this morning. Got a message saying all calls were being forwarded to the national 800 number. Waited through the very long recording to say I wanted to schedule an appointment. I waited on hold for 45 MINUTES only to have the call drop at their end!

Anything that leads to feeling helpless can trigger unwanted thoughts and feelings and send one down a rabbit hole.

Liz, why does that lead to your feeling bad about yourself? You are not a failure.

For Lizardlady: Having to jump through endless and fruitless bureaucratic hoops is understandably frustrating. It would anger and upset me, too. I hope you can get to the bottom of it. I like the Direct Deposit idea. Otherwise, I'd be heading to local P.O. Manager to have a talk.

For Open Eyes: I've heard excellent things from people about the DBT book you suggested. I was introduced, early on after my diagnosis, to the CBT workbook, put out by the same people, as understand it. DBT is the next step for a lot of folks, and can be wonderfully helpful.

Hugs for you, *Beth*. I didn't know what you've been struggling with, or how intense the situation has gotten. That would be upsetting, indeed.

Intrusive and negative thoughts are a part of my experience, too. The CBT helped me very well, in that it enabled me to feel so much better about myself, that it gave me permission to feel better overall. I could identify and separate the thoughts into their proper categories. I could give them the attention they deserved, or not. Depending on their severity, I could put them into categories, and also see from where they arose. If they were truly terrible, I banished them from my head with stern commands, as in, "You do not get to rent this space for free! Go away! Out!". I treat them as I would treat someone who was messing with me, physically, trying to harm me. I talk to them; and as in Liz's bit of advice, I tell them where to go.

It may not be a complete 100% fix for the occurance of these negative thoughts, but it's entertaining. And that alone can shift enough brain chemistry the right way for it to stop them in their tracks.

And if they do still recur, I use those as signposts for what I need to continue working on.

I have tried, with some success, to expose myself to something beautiful, every day. It's one reason the internet has become a big positive for me. I focus on it for a while, and maybe even do a bit of reading on the subject. Just a little bit, a little time for me, everyday. It could be anything: Art, Architecture, beautiful music (often Classical music, for me), amazing photography which captures amazing places --- all of the stuff that makes life bearable and wonderful, and is worthy of celebration. This practice helped lift me out of the abyss when things were at their worst; and it helps me still, to this day.

Massive huggggs, *Beth*! I like ALL of the advice people have offered! I hope you find a solution for yourself, sweetie.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes I think different forms of meditation can be helpful, but not if used to suppress emotions. Emotions being suppressed are similar to pushing a ball under water, eventually that ball will pop up to the surface. Meditation should never be used to suppress emotions. Anyone who uses meditation for that purpose is using it in a grossly incorrect way. Parents having problems and divorcing exposes a child to a lot of negative things and distress they have no life skills to understand and they do experience stress and they don’t even know what that means. So true. Fortunately, nowadays many parents are more enlightened and do seek family therapy during divorce to help the child(ren) learn to cope with their feelings. I saw what I know now we’re very dysfunctional behaviors in my family. Some of what I witnessed had more affect on me than I realized. That ball I unknowingly kept pushing down did pop up and I began having flashbacks that really scared and confused me. I learned in therapy from a therapist that specialized in helping trauma patients as well as those suffering from ptsd that if something traumatic enough happened I was prone to developing ptsd. I had survived a lot of trauma in my life from a young age yet managed to be resilient. You are truly a survivor, OE. Actually, a very good example of this was shown in the movie “The Snake Pit”. Olivia Dehavliand did an excellent job acting in that movie of how childhood trauma can affect someone in ways they are not aware. I agree. That was an excellent film.

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Thank you for your contribution to this interesting thread @MuseumGhost. I always enjoy your perspective on forum discussions. Always.

I am grateful for your encouragement and kindness. I am simply having autumns that are apparently getting nastier to me every year. Oddly, autumn was far and away my favorite season until my late 40's, when things went weird. Although, even as I say that, while I never did like the hot weather I've always basked in the bright, high sun. We do have a true Mediterranean climate here, so the sun is that vibrant, extremely stimulating kind of light. So who knows? Something to do with my pineal gland? It wouldn't surprise me, at all.

I have a sneaking suspicion, especially after studying this thread, that what I'm struggling so hard with is far more physiological than it is existential.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes Anything that leads to feeling helpless can trigger unwanted thoughts and feelings and send one down a rabbit hole. Liz, why does that lead to your feeling bad about yourself? You are not a failure.

OE, I no longer feel that way. I'm not sure I can explain my thought process from back in the bad old days. It was pretty f'ed up.

This has kind of highjacked Beth's thread. If I need to post anything else about it I'll start a new thread.

Did something happen to you, Beth, when you felt that change at 48, or do you think it was biological?

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv Did something happen to you, Beth, when you felt that change at 48, or do you think it was biological?

I came to ask the same question.

For my money, so to speak, if one is looking for down-to-earth, practical practices one can use day-in and day-out, one cannot do better than to read the books of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. (There are also videos on YouTube of talks she's given in the past.) A great place to start with her is her book: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living.

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Originally Posted by lizardlady OE, I no longer feel that way. I'm not sure I can explain my thought process from back in the bad old days. It was pretty f'ed up. This has kind of highjacked Beth's thread. If I need to post anything else about it I'll start a new thread.

No, not at all! Your experience has brought a real-life example to this thread.

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv Did something happen to you, Beth, when you felt that change at 48, or do you think it was biological?

Thank you TB, I have asked myself that question 10,000 times. I was experiencing a number of serious losses, close together, at the time (mother, aunts and uncles, serious marital problems, pets; especially one very special cat in particular who was my soul-mate...a cruel, cruel loss for me). Lou Reed died that week, but, goodness...??

I also wonder if I was entering into the early stages of menopause at age 48 (I finished meno when I was 54). My daughter was married that year; she was not thrilled about getting married and that weighed on me.

So yes, there were things. I do have bipolar disorder, but I was diagnosed decades ago and have always been in treatment. What confounds me is, that was that autumn. But why did the severe depression and vile anxiety continue - worsen - with each successive autumn for 12 years?

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks For my money, so to speak, if one is looking for down-to-earth, practical practices one can use day-in and day-out, one cannot do better than to read the books of the American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. (There are also videos on YouTube of talks she's given in the past.) A great place to start with her is her book: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living.

Thank you, Skeezyks. I appreciate your suggestion. My sister was working with Pema Chodron's practices for a few years before she (my sis) died, and found them helpful. Which had to say something for Chodron's work, because my sister only found smoking, drugs, and her rock and rock profession helpful prior to discovering Pema. She was skaeptical of all else. I'm not judging my sister. I adored her. I'm just, well, yes. I'll definitely check out Chodron, because as of yet, I haven't. So...thanks, buddy