Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Thank you so much, *Beth*, for opening up the conversation. You have a gift for making people feel they're really being heard, and understood.

You're welcome, MG. I believe it is absolutely essential that no one ever, for any reason, about anything, thinks "I am the only one." Because no one ever is.

I feel for you and for your friend, Mark. He has endured an awfully lonely existence, and battled against it for a long time. He must feel exhausted, and is despairing. He is very lucky to have you in his corner!

Yes. Mark was lonely in a crowd when we were kids. I was touched that he turned to me, yes - but more than that, I was relieved that he turned to me. He sounded frightening that night, as close to stepping off as I've ever heard anyone sound. He wasn't making much sense. I've lost a scary number of high school friends that way.

Sometimes, just a smile can make all the difference to someone's day.

That is so true. And sometimes, just a smile or a kind word can turn a day around and save a life. Yes, we are that powerful.

(((Huggggs)))

(*(*(MG)*)*)

~~~~~~~~~

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

@*Beth* thank you for starting this thread, you have been an amazing host and are gifted at making others feel welcome and safe to share.

I really needed to talk about how I am struggling without being told not to feel.

I believe that the Universe has blessed each one of us with feelings. It is a sickness when we are told by someone that we cannot communicate our feelings.

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I tend to work every christmas

That way, if bosses allowed, anyone with young kids could spend more of christmas day with their little ones

Christmas day itself is a depressing time for me when i not at work, gives my brain the opening he needs, to start trying to make more traumas cause he loves accusing me of killing sweetpea Ebony cause i held her as she was dying, march 2018

My heart and soul hurt for you sooo much, wt. I can't talk about it, but can only say, "I know." And mostly You are not, not, not alone. Never alone.

My favorite Christmases ever were the ones when I worked in the cafe. I worked very hard, everyone was merry, laughing, singing. It truly was like a pretty greeting card that sparkled with glitter. I made lots of tips Outside was cold and grey, but inside, the cafe was steamy and warm and filled with happy people. I know, wt...when we work on Christmas it takes our minds off of things we'd rather not dwell upon

Dec 13, 2022, 04:36 AM

I wish something good could of come out of Ebonys death, i not sure if giving Willow a home cause she was long term in rescue, was enough to cancel out the bad

Something that crops up every winter

Sighs

Open Eyes · Dec 13, 2022, 04:37 AM

@lizardlady thanks for the article. I think it’s an important message saying it’s ok to create ones own way of celebrating the holiday without some kind of guilt if one doesn’t have a traditional romanticized ideal that the holiday was expected to be.

The truth is the holiday has been taken over and used for marketing and consumption rather than creating a way of celebrating in what ever way someone chooses.

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I wish something good could of come out of Ebonys death, i not sure if giving Willow a home cause she was long term in rescue, was enough to cancel out the bad

Something that crops up every winter

Sighs

I wish I had answers for you. I ask the same questions about mine. All I can say is that deep in my very soul I have the strongest feeling that it's all the way it should be

Dec 13, 2022, 05:44 PM

I'm also not sure if it's "normal" to feel bad when christmas lights are on, as a kid I found the whole Christmas thing exciting but as a adult the christmas lights etc have caused me to feel bad and i don't know why

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

..
The truth is the holiday has been taken over and used for marketing and consumption rather than creating a way of celebrating in what ever way someone chooses.

How true. And who turned it into marketing and consumption? Greedy people selling the Hallmark greeting card 'perfect holiday family' image, pushing it, advertising it, until it had permeated society to the point at which anyone who believed they didn't fit "the image" felt like a loser. Alone, ashamed, withdrawn, depressed. It's become a sickness. I'm struggling with it myself.

FooZe · Dec 13, 2022, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I'm also not sure if it's "normal" to feel bad when christmas lights are on, as a kid I found the whole Christmas thing exciting but as a adult the christmas lights etc have caused me to feel bad and i don't know why

It seems that (for whatever reason) not everyone cares for the usual holiday displays, music, etc. I will neither confirm nor deny that I had anything to do with creating the attached image.

.

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I'm also not sure if it's "normal" to feel bad when christmas lights are on, as a kid I found the whole Christmas thing exciting but as a adult the christmas lights etc have caused me to feel bad and i don't know why

As a kid I loved the whole season, now the depression is so severe I'm maxed out on several medications. I do like the lights, but every single bit of the rest of it is torture. All I can think of is spring. Maybe you're having seasonal depression wt?

Dec 13, 2022, 08:15 PM

What is it with that mariah carey (spelling) song this year anyways? Everyone round here seems obsessed with playing it "all i want for Christmas is youuuuuu" all i want for christmas is earplugs .....

Call me Scrooge

Dec 13, 2022, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

As a kid I loved the whole season, now the depression is so severe I'm maxed out on several medications. I do like the lights, but every single bit of the rest of it is torture. All I can think of is spring. Maybe you're having seasonal depression wt?

Possibly seasonal depression, the song i said doesnt help .....

Dec 13, 2022, 08:19 PM

According to someone on the radio, only bats can make a higher pitched noise than mariah carey

*Beth* · Dec 13, 2022, 08:38 PM

This thread has me right now.....

Nammu · Dec 13, 2022, 09:15 PM

I was always on the look out for unique Christmas decorations and one year I found this absolutely gorgeous banister evergreen with different birds on it. The birds tweeted three Christmas songs. Not having a banister I hung it over my large picture window. BUT, I couldn’t play the birds because it drove Sir absolutely wild. The birds looked real and when they tweeted he kept trying to jump up and attack them. That was one wild 5 minutes until I turned off the sound!

never mix cat and birds at Christmas!

MuseumGhost · Dec 13, 2022, 10:59 PM

Dear Willowtigger,

It's awesome that you take-on extra work hours, so that people can be with family. That's really wonderful.

I find I am having some surprisingly mixed feelings about doing the decorating, this year (and I have never done that). It appears I'm having some new, perhaps mildly resentful, relationship with all the fuss and all the trimmings. Husband rarely helps unless I prod him into it. And yet he knows full well what kind of physical problems I've been having. (There, I think I've nailed it, right there!) I am tired of being the only elf in the house.

And, yes, the Mariah Carey screechy song must finally go. I refuse to listen to the radio, this year---I'm only streaming music that I want to hear! (Yes, and earplugs have been a sanity saver for me, several times in the past.)

Sending (((hugggggs))).

MuseumGhost · Dec 13, 2022, 11:07 PM

Dear *Beth*,

I do that, too----jump ahead in my thoughts, and focus on the next big GOOD thing that's going to happen. It can get us through an awful lot, looking forward to something else.

Your description of working in a cafe at this time of year sounds really fun and satisfying. I had a job like that, long ago, that I adored. It was a very simple little gourmet shop close to where we lived, in a genteel old neighborhood not far from the College. It, too, became a sparkly, friendly, warm little place to be at Christmas. We carried lines of beautiful imported items, like biscuits from England and sauces from France. It always smelled of great coffee, spices, and whatever was being prepared for the small deli, in the back. It was tiny, but it was festive.

Great memories. Thanks for the reminder!

nonightowl · Dec 14, 2022, 01:26 PM

To those of you I’ve already talked to about this know my sentiments and situation. I see a few familiar members.

I will say that the stupid senior center is having this holiday movie showing and they had the GALL to say we can bring UP to 3 guests to ENJOY this event. Gosh I don’t even have one person to bring, yet can’t imagine having to pick out of my hypothetical 35 friends and family to choose 3 people. Why do they expect us to have all these people in our lives?? Or assume we do?! That was the final nail in the coffin.

The holidays start around Halloween here. The Christmas stuff is out next to the Halloween stuff and I’ve gotten Christmas catalogs as early as June or July!

I’ve posted in a similar thread, titled something like Most and least favorite holiday. Mostly it’s just myself and another member talking. If I figure out how to post a link I’ll do it later. I forgot and it’s harder on a phone.

———
Posted directly on site using iphone

Dec 14, 2022, 02:29 PM

Can the staff from here ban that mariah carey screechy song?

it was on the radio (again) earlier and i still have a headache from it

nonightowl · Dec 14, 2022, 02:54 PM

I haven’t heard that screechy song but I don’t listen to stations that play holiday music or anything from her era or newer. In general I like her but don’t like screaming or screechy of any kind, whether from a singer or tires on the road!

And as soon as I do hear a holiday song I can’t change the station fast enough. Everybody throws in a holiday song sooner or later.

———
Posted directly on site using iphone

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2022, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost

Dear *Beth*,

I do that, too----jump ahead in my thoughts, and focus on the next big GOOD thing that's going to happen. It can get us through an awful lot, looking forward to something else.

Your description of working in a cafe at this time of year sounds really fun and satisfying. I had a job like that, long ago, that I adored. It was a very simple little gourmet shop close to where we lived, in a genteel old neighborhood not far from the College. It, too, became a sparkly, friendly, warm little place to be at Christmas. We carried lines of beautiful imported items, like biscuits from England and sauces from France. It always smelled of great coffee, spices, and whatever was being prepared for the small deli, in the back. It was tiny, but it was festive.

Great memories. Thanks for the reminder!

Yes! Your shop job sounds so similar. Genteel old neighborhood, one block from a college that is nearly 100 years old. That cafe was a gathering place for artists, musicians, poets, literaries...in fact, the cafe has found its way into a number of published novels.

The owner finally decided to retire after 40 years in business. An enormous loss to the infamous NorCal world of indie coffeehouses. Bit by bit, they have closed, then covid smashed them to bits - the very few that were left.

To my knowledge, which I believe is correct, only one original remains, the Cafe Trieste, located in San Francisco's fabulous North Beach district. Many a book of Beat literature was penned there, and a few successful screenplays, as well. I've had afternoons at the Trieste, sitting alone for hours at a tiny table, my back against a warm wall, squished on both sides by other cafe patrons, listening to the music of several languages being spoken, sneaking a few hungry gazes at the (quite!) gorgeous (they always are, somehow) Italian man working the espresso machine, basking in the steamy warmth of the place inside from the chill of the SF fog cupping my hands around my warm cappuccino mug...oh, I could live there. And a funny thing: in the center of the cafe stands a phone booth. With a quite-functioning telephone inside. The Madonna, herself.

nonightowl · Dec 14, 2022, 04:31 PM

There’s a lot of holiday talk in this thread too, in case anyone is interested. It’s mostly just myself and Rdgrad:

Most and least favorite holiday

———
Posted directly on site using iphone

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2022, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

To those of you I’ve already talked to about this know my sentiments and situation. I see a few familiar members.

I will say that the stupid senior center is having this holiday movie showing and they had the GALL to say we can bring UP to 3 guests to ENJOY this event. Gosh I don’t even have one person to bring, yet can’t imagine having to pick out of my hypothetical 35 friends and family to choose 3 people. Why do they expect us to have all these people in our lives?? Or assume we do?! That was the final nail in the coffin.

The holidays start around Halloween here. The Christmas stuff is out next to the Halloween stuff and I’ve gotten Christmas catalogs as early as June or July!

I’ve posted in a similar thread, titled something like Most and least favorite holiday. Mostly it’s just myself and another member talking. If I figure out how to post a link I’ll do it later. I forgot and it’s harder on a phone.

I understand, owl. I do. The hurt and the absurdity. The bitterness that seeps in. I'm struggling with those feelings a lot this season. Frankly, it's scaring me. I do not want my life to spiral down into being a withdrawn, bitter old woman, filled with regrets, rotten at the core.

I don't want my last thoughts and my last breath to be that way.

Comparison. When we compare "me" to "you" we have immediately bought trouble. Example: The second you mentioned "phone" given the crap state I've been in this season, my thought was, "What's she complaining about?! I don't even own a decent cell phone! The only thing I can use my old pos phone for is a roadside emergency! Not only can't I afford one, I wouldn't know how to use it if I could afford one! Boy, how I'd love to be able to take pictures like everyone else does with a phone. But no! I can't, because I don't have a phone! And it's so embarrassing, too. Sheesh, that owl sure doesn't count her blessings!"

See how fast comparisons can get really, really ugly? Envy just bursts forth and bang! I'm all bitter and nasty and my night is ruined and just forget it all because who cares, I might as well die, it all stinks.

And I sit here feeling awful. This is most definitely not how I want to feel.

Am I making sense at all?

*Beth* · Dec 14, 2022, 08:05 PM

I used to enjoy holiday music very much, but only pre...I don't know exactly which year. Older holiday music. I guess around WWII and back to classical. As much as I absolutely love, love my magnificent rock I can't tolerate contemporary holiday music. The Eagles music sends me over the moon with joy, but their Christmas stuff...rubbish. Fabricated. Even they likely hate it, poor dears.

Thankfully Led Zeppelin never cut a Christmas album.

rdgrad15 · Dec 15, 2022, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rechu

I was thinking of starting a thread for people having at tough time around the holidays, but since I saw your thread, it makes more sense to post here.

I am dreading the holiday season this year. Definitely feeling very "Bah Humbug". Relations with my family of origin are tense to non-existent, to put it nicely. I reached a breaking point earlier this year with them where I just could not deal with all their crap any more.

Similarly, my husband does not have a close relationship with his biological family. He was raised by his godmother, who passed away when he was 18 or 19.

I from the U.S. but live in South America. Christmas and New Year's Eve are always oppressively hot because it is summer, which I never seem to get fully used to.

Here Christmas, in particular, is very much a family holiday. So, in my case it is just me and my husband. The big meal is the evening of Christmas Eve. We usually cook something special and buy some good wine.

Where we used to live, we would get together with our neighbor friends for New Year's Eve. Unfortunately we are kind of far to go into the city now because we had to move to be able to purchase a home. Driving on New Year's Eve is never the greatest idea and the security situation in this country is such that driving late at night is not particularly safe. Staying somewhere in the city isn't a great option either, because the dogs would be alone for a long time. So, I guess it will just be us at home too.

All the imagery of these happy families celebrating this time of year definitely grates on my nerves.

At least we gave ourselves a little treat and bought a new grill as our Christmas present. I am sure we will grill something tasty on it for Christmas Eve.

Hugs to everyone that is having a rough time during the holidays!

I agree with you, I'm not a big fan of the holidays and I've talked about that in some threads I created as well. The feelings of loneliness some people may feel due to not having family or friends may be too much to bear and feels like a slap in the face, others may just not like feeling obligated. No one likes forced family interactions, it doesn't even come off as genuine and I've frequently heard adults outright admit they can't wait for the holidays to be over. In fact when January comes, I've always noticed people's moods seem increase and there seems to be a silent collective sigh of relief and like I said many adults will come right out and say they are so glad it's over and things are back to normal which is how I feel too.

Menu

Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

My Support Forums