Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

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Originally Posted by willowtigger Can you divorce him (husband)?

Thanks for the hug wt. and thank you for asking.

3 years into our relationship I left because of the bad way he treated me. I got a terrific job and I was so happy. After some months, he came around and was so nice and made promises and pleaded with me to marry him. I didn't want him in my life. He kept pressuring me. I did not, not want to be with him. Then the news came that the funding for my position had been cut (it was a social services agency). I was crushed by that news, and all I could think of was that I wanted a baby and a family. So I agreed to get married. That was about 40 years ago. We don't live together anymore, but to get divorced would just cause me to lose financial benefits , so

Just wanted to add my two cents......

I am thankful that I will be spending Christmas with my son, daughter, and sister.......Unfortunately, both of my parents have passed away--I sure do miss them.

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Originally Posted by steelmagnolia65 Just wanted to add my two cents...... I am thankful that I will be spending Christmas with my son, daughter, and sister.......Unfortunately, both of my parents have passed away--I sure do miss them.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents, magnolia. I always say that no matter how old we are when we lose our parents we feel like an orphan when they are gone. My mother was no saint while I was growing up...maybe that's unfair; she had a mental illness. But she could also be perhaps the most stunningly fabulous woman I've ever known, too. I've been crying at some point every day this season because I miss her at this time of year so much.

I hope your Christmas with your loved ones will be filled with joy

I'm sorry steel

the forum loves a steel

Thank you @Beth....I appreciate that

Thanks @*Beth* for starting this thread. I only just discovered it. I was looking to interact on threads because I'm pretty alone right now. I haven't read all the posts above. I'll try to read more and understand how others are doing and coping.

This is my third Christmas alone, since my boyfriend died of cancer in 2020. I did very well the last two Christmases. So I'm kind of puzzled as to why I am in the dumps this year.

I live very far from my family of origin. I've always been kind of socially phobic. So I've not built up a network of friends here where I live. COVID kept me from venturing out also.

Last 2 years I was happy decorating my tree, even though it was just for me. This year I barely made myself put up tree and decorations. I kept thinking it was kind of pointless, since I won't be entertaining anyone.

I'm glad my tree is up, even if I'm the only one seeing it. It stands in front of a big living room window. I do believe my neighbors notice it.

I haven't even shopped for what I'll cook on Xmas eve and Xmas day. Back in 2020, I invited a girlfriend over for holiday meals. Then last year she decided she was not going to get anymore COVID vaccine shots. Now I won't visit her or invite her over because she's not current on vaccines. That's her right, but I'm very afraid of getting sick. I was admitted to the hospital 3 times in 2022. I'm recovered and don't want any more sickness.

I've been thinking about getting a dog. But with no family or close friends nearby, I worry what I would do about a dog, if I had to go back in the hospital. (There's a possibility I might need surgery.)

Tonight I'm starting to feel better, but mornings I keep sinking down. I should have volunteered to help out somewhere.

Hi @Rose76, thank you for joining in. I remember well when your boyfriend died.

I've found that sometimes when I've lost loved ones the grief was immediate and intense. With other losses I did surprisingly well for a while, even years, following their death. Then for some reason the grief would hit and I was blindsided. My mom died when I was 42 and although I've had times when I very much missed her, they were fairly brief; I moved right along. This holiday season, seventeen years later, I miss my mother so badly I've been crying every day. It feels unbearable.

I think you're courageous and downright amazing for going ahead with your decorations, even though you weren't really feeling it. I promise you that your neighbors notice it.

One night I was sitting in my living room, maybe 3 1/2 weeks ago, battling one of the deepest and most frightening depressions I have ever experienced. The beginning of one of these long, long nights had just started and I was wondering how I was going to make it through another one. I turned to my right to look out of my window and wow!- there, across the street, were the first holiday lights I'd seen this year. So bright and so colorful! I studied those life-saving lights and said, Person, if only you knew how much you have helped me tonight!

So, you know, holiday decorations are like smiles we give.

It's unfortunate about your girlfriend. Could that be a part of why you're feeling more down this holiday season?

I'll be alone on Christmas, too, but I'll be around here, and some others will be, too. Plus, I'm sure those who are with friends and family will drop in, too. So I hope to see you

Thank you, @willowtigger.......Steel Magnolias is one of my favorite movies of all time.

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Originally Posted by *Beth* There is a song in Yiddish, @eskielover, and a line of it sang through my mind as I finished reading your post. In English it translates to a blessing on your head, mazel tov, mazel tov... (mazel tov meaning "congratulations"). It's difficult to explain exactly but, essentially, the idea is that you have had a blessing fall upon you and are to be congratulated.

I grew up with Jewish neighbors in So. Calif. Lol.....I learned some Yiddish growing up & still use the words. I laugh when I stop I think about where the word I said camw from & where I learned it.

Yes, my life has been blessed. From where I was when I lived in Calif 15 years ago, it is a miracle that I survived to be where I am today.....but truly blessed & recovered which is probably the biggest miracle

@*Beth* - Thank you for your kind and encouraging post. Yes, I'm noticing here and on other threads that there are others in the same boat of being alone during the holidays. We think back to holidays when we were with others - family, friends, significant others - and we wish we could have that again.

I'm sorry that missing your mom has brought you tears. My mother passed away unexpectantly when I was 47. She hosted us all at Christmas and always wanted it to be a happy get together. That was so important to her. I'm glad I had such a mother. When a mother is gone, the heart of the family is missing. Sometimes those who remain don't treat each other as well as in former times.

I'm here for anyone who wants to be listened to. We'll all get through the next two weeks together, each in our own way.

Yes, @Rose76, we will

Well, the snow has started and the temp has dropped. Talk about depressing. A tree would make it bearable, but I don't have one.

My plan to eat my way through the hols has started with Pop-Tarts, brown sugar cinnamon.

Rose thinks a mother is the heart of the family. Not at my house. My father was the sane one. Mother was an abuser from way back. I used to lie in bed dreading her coming home from work at night to punish us for some minor ****up.

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Originally Posted by Silent Void Well, the snow has started and the temp has dropped. Talk about depressing. A tree would make it bearable, but I don't have one. My plan to eat my way through the hols has started with Pop-Tarts, brown sugar cinnamon. Rose thinks a mother is the heart of the family. Not at my house. My father was the sane one. Mother was an abuser from way back. I used to lie in bed dreading her coming home from work at night to punish us for some minor ****up.

I'm sorry you don't have a tree, SV. I live in a tiny apartment, but what saves me is the 3 large windows with large, old trees outside - including a great, big redwood. Is it possible for you to grow an indoor plant, or 2, if you're up for it?

Funny, I understand both Rose and your perspective on mothers. Mine was mentally ill, so I grew up with 2 mothers. One was lovely, profoundly intelligent, generous, affectionate. The other was hideous - emotionally and physically abusive, viciously cruel. As my mom aged, however, she mellowed. It is that older mother I now grieve for. You're so fortunate to have had your father, that's great. Did he ever intervene when your mom was abusive?

Your cinnamon Pop Tart sounds nice. That reminds me of cinnamon toast my sister-friend used to make for me when we were little girls. She and I met when we were 5 years old and had the blessing of remaining close sister-friends for 53 years until she died, very suddenly, of a heart attack last year. Too many people gone and the holiday season seems to throw that in my face. Nevertheless, I will make myself some cinnamon toast today

I'm sorry your mother was like that. You really got cheated of what every child should have.

The vacuum cleaner has been on the living room floor since I put up the tree. I still have a few ornaments and tinsel to put up. When all done, I'll vacuum the LR floor and put the vacuum cleaner away. I keep putting off finishing my apartment.

My tree and Nativity set look pretty. I'm glad I got them set up. I'm not so bad in the evening. Mornings is when I'm more depressed.

Never one short on the "blonde gene" I apologize @Silent Void. I just realized you meant Christmas tree.
Anyway, how're you doing?

This winter storm & frigid temps have changed plans for a lot of people in not traveling to be with friends or family for Christmas. I got gifts delivered & did my grocery shopping today so I can stay home & bake & relax. It was awesome because lots of people doing grocery shopping before the storm but everyone was so plesant & chatty & wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. Gave me that warm fuzzy feeling.

Have a dairy as my next door farm & the owner said to make sure if I need any help during the storm to make sure & call. My across the street neighbor said the same thing. We all look out for each other around here & it is such a good feeling cause that makes one feel not alone too even when not in the same home

My favorite thing about Christmas @Fuzzybear!

Tatty Teddy decorating his tree

Absolutely. In my experience, having good neighbors makes all the difference in the world, regardless of what time of the year or where one lives @eskielover.

I've never lived in a rural area, but I used to live in a ghetto in the middle of a city that would scare most people just driving through. And yeah, it was scary and I hope I never have to live in a situation like that again. Frequent shootings, major drug trafficking, so many very sad events; a ghetto. That said, folks took care of folks. Nobody ever went hungry, no one ever spent a holiday alone. Once, on my birthday, I didn't have a running car. I so wanted to go to dinner. A neighbor asked what I was doing for my birthday, I mentioned that I wanted to go to dinner, but, oh, well. He went into his house, came back with his car keys, and handed them to me. I was all, Oh, my gosh, no! It's okay! He insisted. So I went to dinner that night.

No worries. I'm not the sharpest tool in the box. All my life I've made the world's dumbest decisions. So I don't judge.

I'm still here, still eating my way through the hols.

My maternal unit repeatedly told me things like I ''kept making mistakes''..

SHE repeatedly made the most awful mistakes, ongoing neglect being one of the worst

Love to all who had abusive mothers (including those whose mothers were sometimes non abusive and even wonderful)

I have not yet started my major holiday eating/feeding ....

For Eskie: Yes, I agree, I think the raging, massive storm that's affecting so many people has opened people's eyes to the fact that we're all in the same boat, figuratively speaking. These kinds of situations (hopefully) make one focus on what's really important!

Last night, we stopped by our local grocers to pick up a few last-minute things, and people were very kind to one another (even more so than usual), and wishing one another a Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays, even our obviously Muslim cashier. It was eye-opening, and a dazzling reminder of how much more often, and how easily, we should be like this: seeing one another, and thinking kindly of other people.

I love the story of your neighbor lending you a car, *Beth*. It's been said that often, the most generous people are those who have known poverty, deprivation, and hunger. I hope you had a great dinner!

Right now, the wind is howling. It's making the rafters creak and groan. We can't see out of any of our windows; blizzards tend to clog up screens, and cover glass in sticky veils of snow. This has shifted our priorities a bit...we're discussing contingency plans. Christmas is kind of taking a back seat, right now.

Hoping everyone is safe and warm....

One of my TOP priorities today is checking in with you @MuseumGhost. You have been on my mind constantly since these dangerous weather conditions have begun. I'm so glad you've stopped by this thread. Your description of the kindness people extended to each other while you shopped last night warms my heart.

What do you mean by "contingency plans"? That sounds a bit ominous. Can't the snow/wind break your window glass? David's family owned a cabin in the mountains on Lake Tahoe; they had heavy wooden covers they pulled down over the windows in the winter.

In answer: yes, thanks to that generous old man, who I'm very sure lived on nothing more than he and his wife's social security checks, I had a perfectly lovely birthday dinner in a warm Italian restaurant on a cold night near the end of that year.

We are among the lucky folks who still have our power on. Our house is a one story brick residence, and we don't have any windows on the windward side, thankfully. So, nothing to break.

Of more concern is how deep the snow might get. It's drifted around the back of our house, blocking the back door pretty effectively. It will probably be sometime tomorrow before we'll be able to clear a path out.

The snow and wind is supposed to let up sometime tomorrow evening, so we've got a way to go before this storm is done with us.

Contingency plans are what we could do if the power does go out. We have a few options. I am trying not to think about it because of the extreme cold.

Thanks for the kind thoughts!