when you lose a friend .. not from death

i am hurting this morning because i woke and realized i lost a friend ..the one i cared about so much. She did not die or anything she just totally removed herself from me - for what reason i will never know. .omg it hurts so bad.
Wondering what happened - did i do something wrong .. or what? no answer.
Seems everytime i get a friend they turn their back on me .. everytime.
i guess i am just some horrible person .. that does not deserve friends. i feel so alone. i might as well be invisible in this world.
First it was my pastor - then my husband - then friends .. what next?
to be befriended is so painful and makes me feel shamed!!!!!
What the hell is with me that everyone leaves me?
Is my life that no so worthwhile?
I just dont get it.

No youre not horrible. It has happened to me. a woman who adopted me as her niece said she loved me sooo much. and when she asked me how I was, and i told her, she backed away from me. and she didnt like how I lived my life. She had heard that I drank. (had about a 6 beers that night) She had a dad who was an alcoholic and thought I was turning into one. She Then just dropped me that quickly. Funny thing is, as long as im not depressed, or needy, shes great.....but when im depressed and in need. she backs away. shes not family. or a friend. real friends dont do that to each other.

We would never turn our backs on you.

Colleen

Like Colleen said, other people have troubles that make them do what they do. It isn't necessarily anything you did. I had a friend like Colleen's adopted aunt who decided I was suicidal! She just dropped me and we'd been meeting regularly ever week for over a year. Other people can do odd things like that.

Hello (((FREE 1))). I am sorry for your loss, but the main thing to consider is you owe it to yourself and your mental health, to be as healthy as possible through medication and therapy. If you are struggling at this time, you should first take care of yourself and your mental health and try to get the help needed to move on with the issues you may be having at this time. People choose to go in differenet directions in life and worrying yourself sick about others choices will make you sick as well. The best reasoning at this time is to seek other forms of support, so you can have the support you desperately need during these type of situations. You can talk to your therapists about support groups in your area, join a club or gym, ot another form of continual emotional support which would be safe for your mental health and life in general, fo you can feel inspired and less hurt from the emotional losses that will occur in life. I hope things get better for you soon, Free, Try to stay positive that things can change with the right help in time. Take care. soidhonia

Free...get ahold of this friend and ask why ya'll no longer talk...sometimes life events separate people, I know it happens between my friends and I often. My best friend, after she was married recently we lost touched and deep down I think I was bitter. But then, the peacemaker I am, I called her and asked what was going on and why haven't we been in touch. She apologized and then began to make the equal effort. We talk everyday again. Sometimes you have to be the one to patch those ends and ask questions.

Good luck...don't be so hard on yourself...life does this to people.

thanks for all your replies ...
i hurt like hell..just point blank.
decided to not try to figure it out .
it just reinforces every negative emotion or feelings a person can have.

thinking i will go to the desert after my sons wedding in march ..
just sit in the mountains and watch the sky turn colors.
maybe then i can breathe.
maybe i can capture it in a painting and remember the world is still a beautiful place to be .. with ot without ppl.

not going to question anymore .. they all have their own set of reasons that i am not worth being a friend to or wife to or daughter to or anything to..

imagine all the ppl - living life in peace..
you may say i'm a dreamer
but i'm not the only one
i hope some day you'll join me
and the world will be as one..

peace out.

Going to the desert, sitting in the mountains and reminding the mind of the natural aesthetics of the world sounds so peaceful...I'd envy you if you went.

Losing a friend is painful...

So sorry you feel horribly...hopefully this "trip" will refresh your mind and prepare you for new friendships and relationships...after all, you're worth that.

I am sorry you lost your friend. When I was first diagnosised with seizure disorder I lost a lot of friends who decided they were afraid to be around me. The dumb part of that is I don't have grand mal seizures, only partial loss of awareness for a few minutes, and I had had them lots of times in their presence and they never knew it. But it hurt something terrible when they dropped our friendship. One thing you can count on is we will never drop you as a on-line friend. We are all holding hands here, keeping each one safe from loneliness and we will not let go. So hang on and know that we care and that we understand your heart ache and pain.

((((((((((((((((((((((Free1 )))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad... We are here for you

((((((((((Free1))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your pain I can so relate to everything you wrote... it hurts so much when the people that we trust most in our lives leave us. And it's SO hard because we do think that it's something that we did wrong... but you have to know that it's not. There is NOTHING wrong with you, and you are by no means horrible. Please try and remember that.

Going to the desert sounds awesome... and if you can actually do that, then I'd say go for it! You deserve to have some time to yourself and relax.

Just know that you are not alone in your feelings... we're all here for you.


Jacq

thanks for your replies..
still very sad but it wont hurt for very long.
feelings come and they go.
just going to live a silent life - dive into art and let it speak for me.
i dont have words to say anymore to ppl .. some ppl are worthwhile and are worth holding onto .. i am just not one of those.
its ok .. it has been that way all my life.
it is all i know.
ppl love you - say they never will leave you - i will be ther for you whenever you need me - and all those lines .. then poof they leave.