Building a Whole New Life

The interview went well, but now I am in a pickle about the salary! The salary is far too low for me, but the recruiter said they are looking into raising it by a pay grade. She knows the amount I seek. which is about 50K higher than the salary they are offering.

I didn't say anything like, oh I would only be interested if you do raise the salary. So now what do I do... ?

ps. I resorted to ChatGPT which gave me a good answer about following up with a separate letter about salary, once they off me a second interview.

Recruiters are really just interested in getting the post filled with one of their applicants, so you need to do what’s right for you.

Presumably, you’ve got the option now of being put forward for an interview. You could go to the interview, and use it as interview practice. If they offer you the job you have the choices; take it, refuse it, try and negotiate a higher salary. Are there any other benefits? Working from home, training for new skills, better working environment?

You’ll work out what’s right for you. Try not to stress over it.

Jeff.

Thanks, Jeff! This is actually the company's internal recruiter, not an external recruiter from an agency. I don't want to waste my time or theirs interviewing if the salary is far too low. It's about 50K lower than what I am asking for, so there's no point in moving forward if they are not increasing the salary. And, I figured out through ChatGPT how to approach it! I will send a second follow up letter if they want to schedule a second interview.

Ahh, I’m with you now, yes, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to waste their time. There’ll be other opportunities. Hopefully it all helps to get you in the right mindset for dealing with future opportunities.

Jeff.

Oh wow there’s a lot going on since I last checked in on you, well done on that interview, you’ve obviously impressed them - if this isn’t right for you then this obviously good interview performance bodes well for getting another job.

On your boss, she certainly sounds like she’s got narcissistic traits and seems quite easily irked. What you did (the arm touch) doesn’t seem like a biggie to me although it was in retrospect not a wise move. She sounds like she’s got you on eggshells.

Honestly. I do not even know at this stage. I am at a loss.

Hi @Discombobulated and thanks so much for dropping in on my thread! Nice to see you again!

And thanks for the words of encouragement. I do feel discouraged that the job is 50K less than what I am seeking in salary.

And yes, there is something wrong with my boss. She is actively out to destroy my morale and it's working. I am constantly on egg shells with her. It's horrific. Ugh ugh ugh, I am just trying to survive at this point, but my mood is very low.

I should rename my thread, "my crappy life".

All of you who have been commenting and supporting me through my trials and tribulations are wonderful though. So thank you.

So, I've been on 4 medications, and yesterday at work I made a big mistake. At the end of the day, my boss told me to reschedule all my meetings for today because I am sick.

Then when she wrote a confusing message and I tried to reply, she said you seem confused. She was the one who wrote the confusing message!!!! I didn't fight her on it or call her out. I simply told her I am on several medications.

What a piece of work she is. She blamed me for her failure to communicate properly.

I went to bed asking God to not wake me up. I don't want to live anymore.

I've been making a couple of big mistakes at work, involving emailing a whole team of people with the wrong information.

I cannot take this anymore.. my ongoing sickness, my horrible witch of a boss, my job, my life... I am DYING.

Two weeks until vacation. I see another doctor (or nurse practitioner) today. I need to get better before my vacation!

These things happen. We’re human. We make mistakes. The question is, can you evaluate, learn from them, and move on. All we can do is hope that there are no life-threatening repercussions, and that no one is going to be severely impacted as a result of what we did or didn’t do.

I read a chapter in a book once, by a chap who I know could be very divisive with his views, and he surprised me with his compassion on the subject of making mistakes. The chapter was called “How big a mistake are you going to make?”, and it touched on people who were just going about doing their daily job when the results of their actions caused a significant loss of life. He talked about how these people became vilified, but in reality they were just you, or me, or the next person in line, who happened to have a bad day, but in a job where there could be catastrophic implications. It made me stop and think about how lucky I am never to have been in that position. It also reminded me that we need to be more understanding and compassionate when people do make mistakes, and also a bit less harsh on ourselves when we make them, especially when everyone walks away relatively unscathed.

I believe it is all too easy to get into a cycle of negativity around making mistakes. They will happen. If you start to fixate on them, then you will lose focus and make even more.

I don’t know if this response helps. You do seem to be very harsh on yourself. You don’t have to answer these questions, but, out of interest, do you set yourself incredibly high expectations? Also, do you find you set equally high expectations of other people too?

Your vacation is definitely a good thing to focus on. It’s so important to have something to look first to.

Jeff.

Thanks so much, Jeff. Here's the thing. Yes, I can be very hard on myself and have high expectations of myself. I have high expectations of other people too. My boss came down hard on me the other day for one of my mistakes, which she has done frequently enough to make me walk on egg shells around her.

I have made 3 mistakes with data in the last week or so. It's been obvious. BUT I have been sick too. I will need to let it go.

But my boss has me walking on eggshells, which is the main point. I am afraid of doing anything wrong in fear of receiving more of her wrath. I know she is already telling my teammates that I am a "square peg in a round hole" and that I belong on another team. Those words came out of my colleague's mouth straight to my face, and I know that those words came from my boss, not my colleague.

Vacation is soon, yes, but I am still sick and taking medications. I pray I get better in the next week or two.

You are very brave, I am thinking of you and hoping you make a life for yourself that is everything you want and more. I just saw something on LinkedIn about how transformation can be painful, but that aspect of purging what doesn't serve us, no matter how painful, is essential for change and evolution. I'm really proud of you, and again, all the best!

@indigo1015, thanks so much. I greatly appreciate your kind words!

Change is painful for certain. I am very much in a transitional place in my life, letting go of old habits that are unhealthy for me. Old habits die hard though. .. I have yet to begin an exercise routine, but that's coming next. One issue at a time, one day at a time! Baby steps even.

I am wary of a new girlfriend. She spent the night at my home last weekend because we went to a concert together in the city, much closer to where I live. Twice now when I’ve been out with her at a club, she talks to anyone and everyone on the dance floor, ignoring me when I’ve been speaking to her and in mid sentence. She has even inserted herself into circles of perfect strangers, interjecting in their conversations. I found it to be rude to me and off putting. She also told me she has cheated on every boyfriend, including her current one. He knows and they had broken up for two years. So I don’t feel I can relate deeply to this woman. Our morals, personalities, and values greatly differ. She keeps messaging me and I reply in a friendly way but I want to distance myself from her a bit. I don’t trust her much as a friend.

And it's back to work today and back to the office this week. DREADFUL. My boss told me twice within the last month not to worry about an issue I was pointing out as being a problem - she said don't worry about it. Then next, her boss wants our two agencies and myself to investigate it, and it turns out it is a problem, just as I had pointed out to my boss. I will let her boss know on Wed when I meet with him that she told me TWICE not to worry about this problem that I kept pointing out as being a problem.

Ok I’m in hell. Data analysis is not my forte and my boss’s boss continues to ask me very specific data focused questions… he’s a data guy. I’m dying. Ugh. I knew this week would suck and it’s killing me already. It’s only Monday.

Double hell now. My boss's boss chewed me out yesterday, unloading his frustrations with me. Site traffic has been going down since August and continues to go down, and yesterday he blamed me for not catching the problem early on, when I have been pointing out that it's a problem since Dec. We thought the downturn Oct-Dec was due to paid search activity ramping up - that's what we thought, but more info was discovered and we saw a sharp drop in Jan, that I have been trying to point out to everyone.

I don't understand why I was getting blamed, when I've been talking about the traffic being an issue since early in Dec, and even before then.

Now I have 3 superiors who don't like me. And I got rejected for that job yesterday too. I'm in sheer hell.

I’m sorry to hear you didn’t get the job you’d sought. There will be others, try not to be downhearted. You have to pick yourself up and find the next opportunity.

In your situation, all you can do is to continue to defend yourself. Are you in a particularly specialist role in your company, where you’re the only one who can carry out your role? If that’s the case, and you have no support or equivalent colleague to bounce ideas off and seek support, then that’s tricky position to find yourself in.

Jeff.

Thanks for the encouragement, Jeff.

I am the only internal company expert who knows my area of specialization, yes. I have external support from a digital agency whose team I work with weekly and nearly daily. But internally, no one fully understands or knows my job.

That’s an unenviable position to be in. External support isn’t quite the same as having internal colleagues on your side. I can see why it causes you such grief.

The flip side of it is it makes me valuable. It also means I’m the go-to expert internally, and that no one can truly dictate my workload except for me. So there’s advantages but it’s a challenge for sure.

Absolutely! Hopefully this helps you put your “armour” on when you do get the flak, and put it into perspective. You’re the one with the responsibility and the difficult role - it’s all too easy for others to criticise, but they’re not the one’s stepping up doing your job. Maybe this a good way of thinking, and desensitising when you do feel continually pressured by people who may not understand what you do. Also, the pressure you get from your bosses may not be personal to you. Perhaps whoever was in your role might be getting the same treatment.

I can’t help but think you’d benefit from finding a role where you have colleagues to work with who worked in the same area of specialisms and expertise as you. How do you think you would feel in that scenario? Or do you prefer being the key specialist in an organisation?

Hope you’re having a good weekend. We have glorious sunshine here today in the UK, and I’m looking forward to getting out in the fresh air and “shaking my feathers out”.

Jeff

It’s getting warmer here too in the northeast of USA. Thank goodness! It’s been a tough and very cold couple of winter months!!

Yes, I would benefit from that for sure - having other colleagues who work in the same specialization. I get imposter syndrome though whenever I do work in teams like that. It’s hard not to - it’s a vast and deep skill set my industry demands. You can’t be an expert in every area of the industry - there’s even specializations within my specialty field! I am very good with website content vs technical enhancements. I’m more creative than an engineer or web developer. I’m good at getting pages to rank #1-3 on Google, at the top. That’s with a focus on the content. I know a bit about everything - a jack of all trades yet not an expert in any niche within my field. So I’m a generalist, which can help but also is challenging coz I lack deep expertise, except for with content. Anyways, I’m rambling! Lol. I think I’d try working on a team again but as a manager of others. I’m about ready in my career to manage juniors. But not quite ready.

I'm going to be in trouble yet again Monday morning. I allowed software that I use to expire and that means we have to renew the subscription, which is a pain in the butt process for my boss. She is going to be angry at me for allowing it to lapse. I am now afraid of any kind of negative reaction from my boss at this stage.

Help… I’m drowning in work stress, anxiety over all the different work issues, and overwhelm over the dreadful week I face at work ahead. I have to sit through my annual review with my boss Wed. I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow, yet again, over the software subscription lapsing. And I have so much on my plate right now. I’m dying under all the angst and stress of it all.