Building a Whole New Life

I avoided my boss yesterday as much as I could. I had to meet with her 1:1. Today I meet with her boss. I hope to discuss my boss's most recent act of aggression towards me.

Her boss asked me for examples of her bullying behavior towards me via email. I sent two examples, yet, after the fact, I am now wondering if that's what they truly look like to someone else. It's obvious to me and felt like bullying in the moment. But in writing, it's subtle, and now I am questioning myself and whether the higher ups will see what I mean or whether they will think I have misinterpreted her completely.

Well, I decided to write her boss a follow up email today. I wrote that the two examples have context around them, and when combined with all other micro aggressions, are creating a hostile work environment for me. I then asked, since he had extended an offer to do so, to meet next with his boss directly 1:1. So that’s my next step.

Right now I’m sitting on a plane with my mom, about to fly to California. I’m excited! A second mini vacation in Sonoma Valley for three days! We’re staying in the square at a very nice hotel. Mom’s treat! How nice of her. I’m grateful. I get to see a close girlfriend and old college friend. Can’t wait! We’re meeting for breakfast.

I hope this work issue with my boss doesn’t interfere. I have to force it out of my head for 3 days. I think I can do that. I’ll be so happy to be back in northern Cali again. I lived there for a total of one year in 2013-2014 and absolutely loved it, especially wine country, the coastline, and redwoods. Wow!!!! Sooo beautiful. I think I can put work aside… I’m getting happy just thinking about my trip ahead!

I need your help. Am I going down the wrong path by bringing up these incidents to my boss's boss and reporting them to him and to his boss? Is this a bad idea? I am nervous about it backfiring. What do you think? it's not HR. So this is different than going to HR - I am trying to follow what may be a better route. But I am nervous.

I meet with our Director on Thursday about my boss's bullying behaviors towards me. I am asking for a change in reporting structure.

I hope it all goes well for you. It sounds like a positive step.

Jeff.

Thanks so much Jeff!!! 😊

So, I met a new man a week ago through friends at a dinner and we've been texting a lot. He's a twice over widower. He was married and divorced once, then practically married again and widowed both times. His first wife died after they had separated and divorced. His second near wife had five kids that he is still close to now.

Last night we talked on the phone for almost 2 hours non-stop. It was a good conversation. It turns out we have a lot in common - a TON actually. I am not sure of his age, but I think we're around a similar age.

He was very gentlemanly the night we met since my ex husband was at the music venue and this man was protective of me and watching out for me. I feel a sense of safety so far around him, but he hasn't earned my trust yet and we're not dating.

He did ask me out the night we met, and I declined saying I am not dating right now. He also smokes cigs, which is now a dealbreaker for me, but he says he is quitting for good on April 20th.

We shall see - the jury is still out and probably for a while until I decide I can trust him. There's so much more that is necessary for me in order to be pulled into dating someone again. And he's got to be a non-smoker or else I may slip back into smoking again.

I've read that you shouldn't give it all out in the beginning with a new person, but I told him a lot about myself on the phone last night. How else is he going to get to know me, unless I tell him about myself and vice versa? It was interesting conversation too.

So, back to the office today and I am dreading it, like usual. Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh, and mr fun guy never followed up about a date! It's been nearly 3 weeks since we last texted, and no follow-up from him since I asked him on a date. Oh well. There goes another one.

That’s really good that you have connected with someone - have fun.

Jeff.

Thanks, Jeff! It's always great to connect with someone new.

I have an interview on Monday! A role that is more money and which would be a leg up from my current! I am so excited!!!

Good luck in. your interview! 🍀 👍 🙂

This is so positive - best of luck!

Jeff.

Thanks so much @Bill3 and @NovaBlaze!

My Director canceled our meeting about my boss yesterday due to being out ill. He did not reschedule it,. so I rescheduled for Tuesday. My boss has avoided me for 2 days. And, I have my interview on Monday.

This guy I am speaking with over the last 2 weeks may not be datable. He may still be harboring sadness over the loss of his partner. I can't tell if he is being needy or interested, but he's texting me a LOT. It feels like too much too soon right now, and my gut is telling me to back off a little bit and distance a little bit. I invited him to meet me at a show, so he invited me to dinner beforehand. At first I said yes, then I declined and made up an excuse. Dinner and a show feels like a date, so I canceled dinner.

I may run into mr fun guy at the show tomorrow night while I'm on my semi no-date evening with this guy. I warned mr fun guy that I will be there with a date. My gf told me I did not owe him that, but I felt like I should forewarn mr fun guy that I will be there, where he works part-time, with a date on Sat night. I don't know why I felt obligated to tell mr fun guy this, especially after he blew me off once I asked him on a date. I guess I felt it was the right thing to do, regardless, rather than arrive with a date and take him by surprise. I don't know.... maybe my gf was right. Maybe I don't owe him that. I probably do not. It felt like the decent thing to do.

Anyways, it's Friday - YAY! Almost the weekend - YAY! I am excited for Monday's interview.

I had my no-date last night with new guy. I dont' think I am attracted to him romantically, but he's very sweet and kind. He seems like a soft hearted person. I wish I was more attracted to him physically... he's kind of cute in his own way, but I don't feel that magnetic attraction that I like to feel when I want to date someone.

And we did run into. mr fun guy briefly. Mr fun guy gave me a friendly wave when we caught eyes, and I waved back. I've been secretly hoping that he would feel something when seeing me out on what he thinks was a date. Not that I was aiming to make him jealous... I just want him to want me. I still kind of want mr fun guy.

No ex husband sighting last night - YAY!

All in all, I had a good time, but we left the show early. I was ready to get home by 11:30 and wasn't feeling the second band much.

The recruiter never sent the video link for today's interview, so I don't even know if I am having it today. It is a national holiday after all. I wrote to the recruiter on Friday AM, with no reply. I'm assuming he took the day off for the holiday weekend.

That’s a bit poor of the recruiter, if that’s the case. How bizarre, not to mention frustrating.

Jeff.

Right?!? I'm definitely frustrated. I prepped this weekend, not knowing whether I am having the interview today or not. I would have done other things, had I known it wasn't today. I am annoyed for certain and it doesn't leave a good impression.

They gave the job to another candidate, which is why they didn't reply. I am super annoyed and glad that wasn't me! That is not a fair way to conduct business, by leaving one candidate hanging like that while offering the job to another.

So they offered you an interview, then they didn’t give you that interview opportunity, and then they told you the job had been given to someone else?

Jeff.

Yep, precisely! And when I emailed the recruiter last Friday, asking for the interview video link, he did not even reply. I prepped last weekend for no good reason. I am super annoyed. Poor way to conduct business!

Yes, that’s really, really poor. No way to treat people. I recall running into some really bad recruiters, who were clearly very mercenary in their approach to their job. It can be a cut-throat business.

Rise above it.

Jeff.

Thanks, Jeff. The recruiter is a part of the company, so it doesn't bode well for the company at all. I didn't say anything about it. I just let it go.

Today I meet with my Director about my boss and I am nervous - very nervous about all of this backfiring. I cannot just lie down and accept her bullying and excluding me though - I cannot. I feel I have no choice BUT to report it. I told her boss yesterday that my request is to change managers and reporting structure before I feel I have to go to Human Resources to file a complaint. I told her boss that if for some reason, we cannot change my supervisor and if the behaviors continue, that I will have to go to HR in that case for a more formal complaint process. UGH. I cannot believe I am having to deal with this. It isn't my first time dealing with a bully boss at work or dealing with HR over an issue with a colleague.