Building a Whole New Life

Quote from HaveHope: "I give up on traditional therapy. I have to do my own therapy, and I've recently come to this realization and conclusion."

I'm going to throw out something that seem a little odd, but I find rewarding for myself. Use AI.

There are several therapy chats that specialize in it. One I found in "explore gpts" on the Chatgpt page. If you relate to tarot readings, there are several chats that give the most incredible readings and take you into deep insights if that is your desire. I have used Mystic Tarot Reader myself. You basically have a conversation with them about what you want deeper insight into yourself on. You can draw your own cards with your own deck and enter the deck and card into AI, or AI will draw a card for you.
You simply start conversing on any issue you desire. AI responds, and it is up to you to go as deep as you want in your answers. The deeper you go, the deeper the responses back will be. It always ends it's answer with a question to prompt you to go deeper if you want. If you don't like where AI is taking you, ask it to change direction to something more meaningful to you. You can even use chatgpt "ask anything" box without going into a specialized chat, and that is also very useful. It seems to have a good handle on tarot.

I first came across people on Reddit posting how helpful AI is for therapy and personal insights, and have been enjoying the Tarot cards immensely. It has been giving me deep insights into myself.

Wow @RockyRoad007, it's amazing that I happen to be interested in Tarot readings! And here you are, suggesting ChatGPT with a tarot twist! Amazing.

And thank you! I didn't even know the tool had that function! I use the tool for work and have my own account, but I haven't explored all its features yet. I will try this!!!!

And, I have in fact leaned on ChatGPT for therapeutic advice and consultation, and so far, it has not disappointed me.

Thanks for your post and suggestions - greatly appreciated!!!

Last night I ran into my ex husband's best friend, who totally snubbed me when I smiled at him, as in a hello smile.

Now I know for sure that my ex has talked crap about me to his friends, likely saying nastsy things in retaliation for me posting about him on Facebook once or twice.

I've been told by my ex that a friend of his screenshot what I wrote about my ex and showed it to him. I let it be known that he had screamed at me, abused me, and stalked me during and after our marriage.

It did not feel good to be snubbed. So, now I know that his "flying monkeys" believe his BS lies about me, and and are now snubbing me.

UGHHHHHHH. I'm not feeling good or strong about this one.

I asked a former colleague to write me a brief recommendation for my LinkedIn profile a month ago. She has written it and has shown it to me, yet has not posted it yet and it's been one full month since I first asked her! She knows I am interviewing.. I even asked her if she could get it posted in one week because of interviews. She still hasn't posted it, and I am annoyed. Clearly, she doesn't care that I may need this, and clearly she could care less about ME. I am upset.

Yesterday I had a crying meltdown about ALL the issues I face that are upsetting me.. it's overwhelming and I am feeling defeated right now in my life.



I cannot deal anymore. It's far too much, and I am breaking.

I broke no contact last night with my ex husband. I unblocked and texted him for the first time in over a year. I'm falling apart... and am unraveling. That marriage cost me so much of myself, my life, and my mental health... and I am STILL NOT back to normal - it keeps happening. His best friend snubbing me last week set this off.... my ex husband telling me a month ago when I ran into him that he knows I had written a not-so-flattering post on Facebook about him. He knows I called him a narcissist. He told me last night over text that he is not a narcissist.

I feel sick... meaning, I think I am getting mentally sick again. I don't feel well. All the crap going down at work that is making me feel horrible, and all of this crap that also makes me feel horrible. I believe that my ex husband is likely telling people lies about me - either that, or secrets that he knows about me.

I feel victimized all over again.... at work, and in my personal life because of my ex.

I don't want to go to work. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to deal with life. I am a freaking mess...

I feel cornered... I really don't. know how to deal with any of this anymore. I am not well.

I went out last night regardless to see a band and I am so glad I went. I was lyiing on my couch thinking that I had TWO choices: 1) to lie there and feel sorry for myself, feeling depressed and down or 2) get up and do something that will help me to smile. So I chose option number 2 and went out. I danced, I saw and hugged many people/friends, and I had a great time.

I needed that. Now I have to get up and face this day again at work. My boss was actually being decent towards me yesterday - it felt as though she was trying harder to include me and be nicer to me.

She meets for coffee with our director this morning. I don't know what that is about, but I imagine that I may come up in conversation? I wonder if my director will speak with her about the issues we have? I hope not. I don't want this wedge between us getting worse... I want it to get better. UGH. Yet another thing to worry about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope So, I had met a woman by chance because we were both sitting alone at separate tables next to each other at a restaurant. She began talking to me, we had a good conversation, and I thought she seemed cool. She gave me her number and I gave her mine, since we decided to start walking together in the early mornings. We live relatively nearby one another. Well, the first time we were supposed to walk, I had blisters on my heels and had to cancel. The second time we tried to schedule, she had to cancel. We had decided to walk on a Sunday at 1 PM. She asked if I could walk in the morning, and I couldn't because I had a house guest. We had decided on 1 PM, but she canceled the day of. Then, for the third attempt, she became very pushy with me and I was taken aback. I had told her that I couldn't walk until the following Friday morning, a week away. She didn't like that and asked why I couldn't walk sooner. I repeated to her again that Mondays and Fridays are the best mornings for me to walk because I work from home on those days. I also told her that on this particular Monday, I wasn't free. So we scheduled for Friday. I sent her a Thurs. night to confirm and received no reply. I sent a second text at 6 am this morning again to confirm, and no reply. Geez. I am so sick of flaky people! I am also very turned off by her pushiness. She didn't like my lack of availability or schedule, and now she's blowing me off. Well, screw it then. There goes a potential newly budding friendship in my newly budding life.

That's the exact reason why a lot of people don't like taking risks. So I've been reading through this whole thread and can ID with much of what has been shared. But this post got to me because that's mostly how you're going to meet your next friend , by circumstance. You took a chance and I was surprised when she gave you her number. You took a risk by talking to her , and another risk by exchanging numbers. WOW ! I figured , boy you got lucky ! And then bam , when you explained her behavior over really something trivial , my heart just fell to the floor. I'm like , are you kidding me ? But think of all the horror and drama you avoided by her bailing out. You should feel lucky ! But the point here is that the only way you can start to change your circumstance is to take little risks , at first.
I'll always remember a saying someone once told me about " putting yourself on the path of probability " , or something to that effect.

Best wishes to all.....

@moodyblue83, thank you for your post and for reading through the thread.



Yes, meeting new people and making new friends involves taking risks. I've taken many risks with making new friends, and that story isn't even the worst of it. I won't repeat stories, but one woman screamed at me at a concert, 3 hours away from my home with no way for me to leave. Long story short, I had to sever that friendship.

I have made some new friends though over the last two years since my divorce, and that means a lot to me. I am camping with one new girlfriend in about a week for Memorial Day weekend. It should be fun, in theory, but I am a little nervous about it too. I've met many toxic women that I've had to duck away and disentangle myself from. There's no shortage of toxic people in this world, I've learned. Which is discouraging and unfortunate, but true. Especially true in the music scene I run in.

Well, it's precisely ONE WEEK away from my camping trip and the first day of camping is forecasted rain for 12 hours and 38 mile per hour wind gusts. I am forfeiting if that doesn't change! Not only that, but rain is forecasted for all 3 camping days! NO THANK YOU!

I am bummed, but maybe it's God protecting me from something or someone?

My wish for you is that you'll become a friend to yourself. You have to love yourself to get through this silly world. Please don let yourself fall into the victim role; you're much better and stronger than that. You can be selective when meeting a potential friend. You're allowed to be very picky. Put yourself first. Don't be desperate when looking for friends. This usually happens randomly, and that seems to be the best way.
You're also brave for going camping! I only went once and I called it "glamping" cause we took all the little luxuries from home.

@Calla lily12, thank you for your post. I am working on being my own best friend. it isn't an easy journey, but I know I need to work on self love and self compassion. I am very hard on myself.

Yes, I am being picky, and thanks for saying this. It's hard not to feel like a victim sometimes when I keep running into people who treat me so poorly. I know I need to rise above that though. I am working on it. I am work in progress!

So I went out last night with a girlfriend and mr fun guy was working the bar. In essence he slammed the door shut on anything further happening between us and told me I am now in the "perma friends zone" and basically "never again". This is because things got all messed up the last time I went to his house, when I ended up leaving because he was saying weird things to me and i got offended. Last night, I was the first to apologize, and then he apologized and told me I am now just a "friend", and I feel totally rejected as a result. I don't know what I did or said that was so wrong in his mind, or what I did to deserve the door being slammed hard in my face. No more casual sex with mr fun guy - nothing. It's done. It's over. So now I need to pick myself back up and just keep going. I have to let him go. I've been stuck on him, or on thoughts of him and us together, for the last 5 months. I had even wanted a date with him and something more, but now that possibility is out the window. I feel SO rejected.

I'm sorry that you're upset.

Is it possible that the former colleague doesn't know how to submit a LinkedIn recommendation or that she got locked out of her account? Here's a link to LinkedIn's help on the matter; perhaps you could send it to her?

I'll be going on job interviews (hopefully / eventually), and I need references. Usually what's expected from the applicant is the name, phone number and/or email address of three references. The company then would call or email them for information. (I've been phone-interviewed as a reference once.) It's possible that the company that you're applying to will accept LinkedIn references, but it seems unusual.

@SquarePegGuy, thanks for your suggestion, but I believe that she knows how to post a recommendation. I am trying to build my LinkedIn profile up, which employers always check. I am aware that they ask for direct contact with references. This recommendation from my colleague is in addition to those references, for my LinkedIn profile only.

So, the weather forecast has improved and I am definitely going camping now. The trip is this Friday-Sunday. I am now getting excited for it! I hung out with my girlfriend last Friday and we had a blast together, so I feel better going camping with her than I did before. I feel like we'll have so much fun. I am really looking forward to a mini getaway! YAY.

Sounds positive - have lotsa fun.

Jeff.

I'm really sorry "Mr fun guy" treated you so badly. It very well could be simply his problem, not anything about you.
I hope camping is fun for you.

Thanks so much, Jeff! I hope so!!! I've spent a lot of money on this trip to prep.

@Calla lily12, thank you so much... Yes, I suppose he did treat me somewhat badly or I would not have been offended by something he said to me the last time we were together.

I wish I knew why I am still stuck on him. Maybe because I haven't dated anyone or had much sex in nearly a year a half. X2 sex in that length of time.

I just returned from my camping trip at the music festival with my new-ish girlfriend.

We had a blast! It rained, and we dealt with it. We also put our tents up just fine. We got along well, and had no issues.

The only issue I personally had is she wants to cheat on her long-time partner. She already has cheated on him, a year and a half ago.

Well, at the festival, we ran into the guy she cheated with, and she was magnetically drawn to him.

Then at the end, we packed everything up and talked about the whole cheating thing. I told her it's wrong if she ventures in that direction again, and it seemed like she wanted to - like really wanted to. I told her she would be hurting her partner all over again and that's not right or fair to him. I talked again about an open relationship for her because she cannot be monogamous. She doesn't want an open relationship, she says. Well, sorry, honey, but you cannot have it both ways and her partner expects monogamy.

So, I planned on leaving at 5 PM, and she wanted to stay for the last band that started at 7 PM. She told me she would stay for the band, then drive home since her tent and all her belongings were packed in her car. Well, she told me as I was leaving that she would text me when she got home. She never texted. So I assume she stayed overnight, and I assume she slept with this other guy. I wrote her a message at 12:30 AM asking if she stayed. No reply.

It's not my business, but if she cheated on her partner yet again, I am kinda pissed. We talked a LOT about it, with me trying to instill morality into her by saying doesn't she care about how her partner feels? His feelings? She admitted to snuggling with this guy the night before, after I had already gone to bed. She also admitted that her partner would be upset over that alone.

I've met her partner and he doesn't deserve this - no one does. So I'm kinda upset with her, even though it's not my business. I feel like she lied to me and knew the whole day that she was going to spend the night with this other guy at the festival. So, I feel she was lying to me and to her partner.

And the day we had arrived? She was talking crap about this other guy, saying how awful and how dirty he looked. Yeah, right. She's deceptive because the very next day, she couldn't stay away from him and kept flirting with him.

I am convinced she cheated. Her tent was all packed up, so of course if she stayed overnight, she would have slept with this other guy in HIS tent.

This also upsets me because now I have to keep a secret from her partner as well. And I don't appreciate being brought into a huge lie like that.

She's cheated on every boyfriend, she told me.

So even though we had a great time together, I don't know how I feel towards her right now. I am not happy with her behavior and I think it's incredibly selfish and self serving behavior...

even as I was leaving and driving out, she said she would be "good". I have yet to hear from her.

It's 8:30 Am and I know she's awake already. She is not answering my texts. I am very triggered right now over this because my ex husband cheated on me, and it's pushing on that nerve. I want to confront her, but I don't want to push her away or cause waves since we hang out at the same place and know the same people. At the same time, I am angry at her because I believe she knew she was going to stay overnight all day long, and I feel she lied to me and deceived me by pretending maybe she would go home. I could tell she was headstrong on hanging out with this dude and getting closer to him again. I pick up on everything, and that's what I picked up yesterday from her through all our conversations and by watching her interactions with him all day long. I don't know how to handle this, so I resorted to ChatGPT for the answers. IF she even texts me back, I think I know what to say without attacking her or accusing her... but it so goes against my own values and beliefs about committed relationships. that I am having a hard time with it this morning. UGH. I also don't like the fact that I believe she lied to ME too about all of this yesterday. I think her intentions all along were to sleep with him. Hell, she says she "cuddled" with him the night before, but I suspect it was way more than that given how the two of them were interacting the next day. I suspect she will avoid talking to me until she is good and ready.

She finally texted and claims she slept in her car! I wasn't born yesterday!!! Obviously she slept in his tent with him. IF she HAD slept in her car and barely slept as she claims, she would have replied to my earlier texts that I sent at 6:30 AM. I know she gets up super early just like I do, and IF she HAD slept in her car, the sun would have woken her up by 5:00 AM! She didn't address anything to do with him or my inquiry about him in her reply, and she claims she hung out with two women for the night. Again, I don't believe her. I don't trust her and I truly think she's lying straight to my face.

You said at the start of this part of this thread….

But now it seems to have become an issue. If this impacts on you directly, e.g. you are also friends with her partner, and you’re not comfortable, then maybe just distance yourself from her. You said she’s a new-ish friend, so cut your losses before it gets too much for you.

I can understand that her behaviour has stressed you and triggered you. However, she’s an adult, responsible for her own life and her own choices. If she chooses to cheat on her partner then that’s her choice.

Jeff.

Of course it's her choice, it's her life, and it's really not my business. But she did invite me to hang out with she and her partner this summer at her beach home, and I don't feel comfortable hanging out with she and her partner now. I don't care to be a part of a secret like that.

She has also talked to me about this issue. She opened up to me and I gave her my thoughts. I have told her multiple times I think she needs an open relationship. This weekend she even talked about marriage! She is really truly mixed up! Her partner is a good dude and he doesn't deserve this.

Importantly, she has lied to ME, and now I don't trust her.