Potential existential crisis

Gonna summarise this...

- Anxiety, everyday, nearly all day - sometimes struggling to breathe, sometimes resulting in ticks, sometimes making me nauseous

- Potential depression or something...burn out maybe - struggle to concentrate on tasks, can't cope with questions or people, struggling to go outside, being highly sensitive and irritable, can't cope with any strong smells or loud noises

- Ticks or stims or whatever they are - mild ones - tapping, humming, playing things on loop, eye twitching, hand clenching and unclenching, arms flaying, hitting myself, digging my nails into myself, biting myself

- Shutting down, not being able to talk

- Hiding this all, it's becoming harder.

- Struggling to even do the basics, showering, dressing.

- I don't know what's happening to me, who I am or what's going on. I feel like I just want the world to stop, stop and let me off. Friends who know what is going on with me have told me that they are worried about me and that they think I am too ill to work - but currently I am living with my mum and my family are constantly on at me to find work. But I can't tell my family. I feel trapped.

It’s so frightening to feel and suffer in this way. I can relate to many of the things you have said here, especially the section quoted above. I just wanted to let you know that there is always hope, things can get better.

Have you sought any professional help from your doctor or therapist?

I’m sure others will respond to you with some useful advice, but in the meantime I hope it helps a little bit to know that you are not alone.

Jeff.

I would go to a professional psyc MD. for a diagnosis. Several of the symptoms possibly sound similar to ASD issues which do show up more when under stress. If you get diagnosed as least you could find help teaching you skills to deal with what you are experiencing

I agree with eskie...you need to talk to a psych MD . What you're experiencing sounds terrifying.
Doesn't your family notice your suffering? Hiding it will only add to your distress.

I mostly stay in my bedroom or go out for walks and when I'm around they are watching tv or looking at their phones, they don't really pay attention to me. Although, I also must say I don't really welcome it either. I can cope better when I'm just occasionally being around them, staying in the background, sticking to safe subjects, occasionally watching tv with them.

I would add seeing a neurologist and not just a psychiatrist for all these tic-like symptoms. But since you are in the United Kingdom, you need to start with your GP. Print out your OP and read it out loud to the GP. And the sooner the better