Will see if I made a mistake or not

I decided to put an email together to my in-laws to tell them some of what is going on with their son (my husband). Explained to them that he needs their support.....he has messed things up so bad that I can't be there to be any support with all the anger triggers he pushes in me.....there is nothing I can do at this point except to leave....but that they should care about their son & be there so support & guide him & let them know that it's suggested that a trustee be set up to handle his affairs after the divorce goes through.

Told them that I had intended on trying a separation & see if he might come around if not now....maybe in the future....but after the IRS situation.....NO way can I be there for him....I cannot take the take the risk of having him destroy me financially in the future.

I let them know that I still care but he needs to hear from others because he won't hear or listen to what I have to say.

Hope they understand...I expressed it the best way I could......sat there for a few minutes wondering if I should push the send or not.....then I did.

Will see....of course, if they don't communicate any better than their son...I won't hear a thing from them either.

Debbie

you did what you think is best for him hon. he needs to grow up.

I would put it on the shelf now. Don't expect any reply, good reply, or bad reply. You have done what you thought was best, and in a great effort to try and find care for this man after your leaving. ((((Hugs)))) You've done more than you had to.

He's kinda old to have his parents take care of him, isn't he? You've certainly done more than you needed to! It's time for him to sink or swim, I would think!

Don't expect anything from his parents, Deb. He's the way he is for a reason.

(((((Debbie))))) You've gone over and above, its up to him now.

I can't believe him.....he actually sent me an email asking me all these scared questions about where his disability check is & that it should have been deposited....it doesn't get deposited until the 25th. I told him to read my emails (which have given him direction about bills to pay & how I'm going to handle certain things). It's like he reads things into what I write & then doesn't pay any attention to them. It's just proving all the more how incapable he is of understanding anything & is showing me that he is even worse off than I thought.

The sad thing is that we got birthday & Christmas money from his parents....he assured me that the money would be used to pay for the appraiser.....then he sent his parents an email (yes....I bad....I snooped all over his email account to see what he was saying) telling them he had things he wanted to buy with the money (DVD's, Software packages) nothing about what he honestly has to spend the money on....trying to make it sound like he has money to burn.

I told him that I have emailed his parents with all the information about what has been going on with him & that he needs to accept their support (& I don't mean financial) & guidance. I am so sick of him living this lie....it just amazes me how much he is caught up in this fantacy he's living in.....I know when I was so depressed to the point of attempting suicide more times than I can even count....I was still in touch with the reality around me & wasn't living in an imaginary world like he is....maybe that was because I wasn't trying to hide my feelings like he is.....he is definitely sick & I am so happy that I am no longer living around him.....it allows me to step back & see what is actually going on.

Little would my Mother have ever imagined that her death would have saved me from the one thing she didn't want me to get out of. Thank heavens, I have my home here in KY....I would be going crazy if I were living around that anymore....I see even more why I kicked him out of here when I did....of course, if he were here when I got that IRS letter, he might not be alive today....(just kidding....but those are my feelings if nothing more).

At least with forcing everything through email....I have written words, information & a date timeline of everything that is going on.....so that everything isn't lost through the phone waves. This might be what is needed to show just how much he needs someone to handle his affairs in the future. I just don't want what I worked so hard to get & that is his 1/2 of the marriage to be thrown away & him end up homeless....I do care...but not enough to destroy myself by sticking around.

Debbie

Debbie, you've done all you can, now as others have already said , it's up to him and his parents, you must stay safe and concentrate on your sanity and Kentucky home
Angie

It's hard not to think about what a crazy situation he is in....then I was thinking back to how my Mothers cognative abilities were so bad after I was sure she had a mild stroke......then I started thinking about the fact that he really can't think normally & he used to not be this horrible....I mean he was bad but not this bad.

I got an email from him yesterday telling me that I was making way too much out of his mistake on the taxes....I didn't make anything out of the mistake....I made everything out of the fact that he didn't communicate to me......his mind is so far gone, it's scarry.

Then I thought back to when I was in California & he was always dropping things & couldn't handle things.....he's gotten real clutzy......along with the mind really going & the fact that his blood pressure was so high because he had refused to go to a Dr & pay for the meds when he didn't have insurance....he still doesn't have the medicare yet, but I forced him to go to the county clinic when I was in California before Christmas.

Wondering if he might have had a mild stroke that he didn't really know about.....that could have also been why he didn't feel like doing anything & it could have been more than just depression.

Mind you....this doesn't mean that I feel sorry for him & want to go back to living around him.....but if there is a reason....maybe he will be a better person, knowing there is a cause for the horrible way he's acting.

He said that he knows something is wrong (when I was in California), but not willing to cope with anything. In some ways I hope there is a reason he is being such a horrible human being.

I am enjoying my life here....I met a friend who works at a craft store....she is the one that got me started going to the womens bible study.....we went to lunch & a movie on Friday & went back to her house & chatted until midnight.......I have found a true kindred spirit which is awsome (plus we have marriage issues in common.....her's is an ex now).

I decided to get a new look & have an appointment to get my hair cut on Monday morning. Looking forward to the new me......it's a good time for that too, since I need to get my KY drivers license & didn't like the horrible way my hair looks.

Got a burst of energy & got a my kitchen cupboards cleaned & lined......but stayed up all night doing it, so exhausted now after sending one more email to my in laws with my latest thoughts about their son & that they really need to care about him.

I am overloaded with my doggies however.....I keep trying to make the clean-up easier, but it's such a mess with them peeing all over their crates. I put plastic on the floor so the pee wouldn't mess up the epoxy that has started coming off.....I thought that was going to work real well, but when I moved the crates into place, it scraped the plastic & made small holes where the pee goes through. I just purchased some vinyl runners now to I can put the crates on them. I will keep trying something until I find the answer....but I'm exhausted cleaning up after my babies this much. It's too cold to let them very long.....& I get involved in working on the house & forget to let them out for potty walks. The puppy crates are huge & they run around in them, but then I have to clean up the mess.

Everytime I turn around, my other 4 are making a mess too. let them out every few hours, but when I miss, & want them to use the puppy pads, they ALWAYS MISS & hit the floor or the carpet.

I'm exhausted emotionally & physically...& this week is dedicated to workig with the IRS, so emotionally, I am stressed on top of exhaustion. I don't so much care what happens to my husband, but would hate to be holding onto some important information or idea that might be the key to him getting the help he really needs. I may truely hate his actions, but I would like to see him get help he needs.

Debbie

Isn't that really a basic premise of a divorce: one wants to grow and the other doesn't???

One foot in front of the other. Things won't always be in this upheaval.

the question about a mistake or not was telling his parents about everything that is going on....not whether my choice for divorce is wrong. My choice of divorce is based on his behavior....whether it's caused by a stroke or not....if he chooses to act like a jerk even if he finds out the cause of it is something physical....then my choice to leave is definitely valid based on my need for sanity....it is always his choice of how he behaves....so I have to look out for myself.

Debbie

Debbie, you are the only person that will benefit from this because you have chosen to stay healthy, never second guess yourself
Angie